Work Text:
“There are plenty of good things here besides the turtle. You’re really not going to eat any of it?” She urged the leftovers on them; it was far too much food for her to finish all by herself.
“You’re sure it’s all right?” Jinshi ventured after a moment.
“Be my guest.” It would be such a waste to leave leftovers, Maomao thought.
“You’re absolutely sure?” he said, staring intently at her. She was puzzled as to why he was so insistent. But then Gaoshun intervened with a series of small shakes of his head. Jinshi nodded reluctantly. “I don’t need it. Basen, you’re free to eat it. In fact, I’m ordering you to.”
“If that is your wish, Master Kousen.”
-LN3
~o~o~o~
Maomao watched, eyes wide, as blood dripped from Basen’s nose. His face was bright red and he appeared to be waging an internal struggle with himself. He glanced at Jinshi, then suddenly hunched forward, shuddering. Abruptly he staggered to his feet and tried to wobble his way to the next room before falling to the floor.
Wow. So much drama. Maomao calmly finished her own glass of the sweetened aperitif before rising to help Gaoshun settle his errant son into Jinshi’s bed, Basen’s own room having been deemed (by Jinshi) too far to carry the troublesome lad.
Huh, wonder if this is where the boy wanted to end up?
Maomao grinned at the lascivious thoughts running through her head, even as she loosened Basen’s belt, releasing what must have been a painful constriction of blood flow to certain parts of his anatomy.
Well, he certainly was no eunuch. Hopefully Jinshi would know what to expect if he joined the boy in bed later in this room.
Eh, it was no concern of hers.
Maomao settled back at the table to finish her dinner, and pretended not to notice the irritated glare Jinshi leveled at her.
“See what you’ve done?”
“Huh?”
“What do you do have to say for yourself? That didn’t look like it was perfectly safe.”
“Yet, it is.” Maomao stuck to her position and drained another glass of wine. “Sir, I said it was perfectly safe for you. Are you not a eunuch? Master Basen passed out from a lack of blood flow to his head. To put it another way, there was too much blood flow to his other head.”
Maomao shot a meaningful glance at Jinshi’s presumably rootless crotch. In so doing, she completely missed Gaoshun’s exasperated sigh and the weary shake of his head.
“Apothecary.” Jinshi looked like he wanted to say something more, but his jaw clenched tightly, and silence fell in the room.
“Also,” Maomao said after polishing off her dessert fruits, “The wine did not contain any aphrodisiacs.”
“What do you mean?”
“Just what I said. Any effect it had on master Basen was all in his head.” Maomao chuckled a little at her own pun.
Jinshi and even Gaoshun looked at her blankly.
“The placebo effect?” Maomao suggested, head cocked, one eyebrow raised.
“Explain.”
Maomao sighed. Really?
“Apothecary. Consider it an order.”
“Sir.” Maomao straightened up, and looked first Jinshi then Gaoshun in the eye.
“There are several ways to encourage sexual activity. Firstly, physical attraction. You should know all about that sir.” Maomao couldn’t help but shoot Jinshi a glare as if he were a centipede with half its legs pulled off. “Some people are easily led by their eyes. I presume that if you did not have guards at your door and Sir Basen in your bed, you’d wake to find one or more lovely nubile women, or possibly even men in with you.”
At first, Jinshi smiled beatifically at her dirty look, but as he nodded thoughtfully at her assertion, his lips turned deeply down at the corners. Gaoshun had disposed of more than a few would be rapists from his bed over the years.
“Secondly, the seduction of the senses. My sisters,” Maomao continued proudly, “excel in this area. The arts: music, dancing, rhetoric, poetry, games of skill, witty repartee. Some men can be ensorcelled by the senses more than by a pretty but talentless face.” Again, she scowled at Jinshi, remembering her first impression of him in the Rear Palace as a disgusting man who used his face more than any talent to get his way. She’d since learned that he was also a hard worker, and diligent with it, but first impressions lingered. Particularly when he tried to use that honeyed voice on her.
“If a person cannot get by on their gods-given gifts, then that is where additional measures may come into play.” Maomao poured a final glass of the excellent wine, sad that the bottle was now empty.
“Alcohol can be quite strong, as is this drink. But it is not in and of itself an aphrodisiac. It may lower inhibitions, make a man stupid, or induce a stupor in the unwary. But it cannot cause lust on its own. Indeed, too much drink can make it difficult for a man to sustain an erection.”
Gaoshun nodded. Alcohol could slow reflexes, blur vision, render one unfit to stand. He himself rarely partook, and then only ever allowed himself a few sips. His position didn’t allow for the dangers of drunkenness.
“But then what happened to Basen?”
“Master Jinshi, what was the last thing Basen looked at before he became . . . stricken?”
“What? The last thing?”
Jinshi looked puzzled. Perhaps he was in denial? Maomao decided she would have to be blunt.
“Sir. Master Basen looked at you.”
“Huh?” Jinshi’s mouth fell open.
“Even then,” Maomao continued relentlessly, “Alcohol takes some time to take an effect. Master Basen, on the other hand, nearly instantly suffered a nosebleed.”
Jinshi’s mouth gaped further, his eyes wide, before he abruptly snapped back to himself and smoothed his face into an unreadable mask. Behind him, Gaoshun winced, and fought the urge to rub his aching, tense forehead. He had suspected his son of certain – proclivities – for some time, given the lad’s seeming distaste for the opposite sex. But to have it confirmed in this way? Humiliating.
“I see.” Jinshi responded at length, his dulcet voice struggling to disguise his shock. How had he never noticed before? And what could he do moving forward? Basen was assigned to him for life. Jinshi had no interest in men. Or women, really. Only Maomao.
“What of the other foods?” Gaoshun spoke up, a gambit to distract himself from any further revelations about the relationship between his son and the man he’d raised almost as a son. “Which of these are true aphrodisiacs, and what then, are the others?”
Maomao’s whole face lit up, and she raised her eyes to smile at the reticent older man. She failed to notice the shift in the atmosphere as both men took in the sight of her shining eyes, pink cheeks, and moist, upturned lips. Finally, someone was expressing interest in her area of expertise! Not all medicines were food, and not all foods were medicine, but these were, and as such, it was fascinating to think about how their different effects were intended to play out in the consumer.
“Well, you know about the softshell turtle of course. That is both delicious and an aphrodisiac. Over there is ginsing chicken; the ginsing can both boost stamina and increase libido. The pork dish contains no aphrodisiacs. It’s just easy to digest and is good for stamina. Saffron rice with pistachios– aphrodisiac. Roasted pumpkin seeds – good for your prostate to improve the quality and quantity of one’s ejaculate, but not an aphrodisiac. Jujubes and grapes – energy boosting, won’t affect your libido.” One by one, Maomao went through the items on the table explaining to her rapt audience what the banquet they’d passed up on would do.
Finally, Jinshi groaned. “So, then, it was safe to eat some of these items?”
“Sir. As I said,” Maomao frowned yet again. It wasn’t her fault that Basen was a suggestible idiot.
“Hmm.” Jinshi reached out, snagged a cluster of grapes, and idly began to eat. Behind him, Gaoshun shook his head, his eyes darting between Maomao and Jinshi with some trepidation.
“If that will be all, sirs?” Maomao decided to make her escape; her room with its luxurious bath was calling for her. She was sure the cool water would help her relax after the monumental meal she’d just consumed. She completely put Jinshi, Basen and Gaoshun out of her mind as she left the room. Unless she was needed for whatever lady-in-waiting tasks they had in mind, the doings of the lords were of no concern of hers.
~o~o~o~
“Apothecary? May I come in?” A soft knock on her door startled Maomao in her bath.
“Just a moment!” She groped for her towel laying some ways from the freestanding, very expensive and luxurious metal tub, but it was too late, the door was already opening. She’d not been used to locking her doors – her chamber in lady Gyokuyou’s pavilion didn’t even have a lock. Maomao cursed her oversight now.
“Apothecary, I have something to discuss. . . with. . . you?” Jinshi’s voice trailed off as he realized just what he’d walking into. A flaming blush lit up his cheeks in hues of vivid scarlet, his mouth slightly open in shock and embarrassment. Truly, the sight of his abashed visage could incite men to war. The image was totally lost on Maomao who froze in shock at the trespass.
“Master Jinshi! Please leave!” This was no time for deference. Contrary as ever, the man did not depart. Instead, as if drawn by some invisible thread, he moved closer, coming around in front of Maomao, leaving her unable to hide from his suddenly intent gaze.
“Master Jinshi, er Master Kousen, I must ask you to leave.” Maomao gave up on trying to grab her towel and instead chose to sink as far into her bath as she could. What an embarrassing situation to be caught in. Surely the eunuch could have no interest in her scrawny flesh? Even so, the harm to her reputation, the risk to his, should word of this encounter get out? What if the Strategist should hear of it? It did not bear thinking about.
“No.” Jinshi spoke firmly, despite the lingering color in his cheeks. He met Maomao’s eyes, kept his gaze fixed firmly on her face, despite the temptation to memorize every soft curve and bony angle of her body visible beneath the clear water. “Stay put. I have something I want to tell you.” He’d had a hard enough time getting up the courage to talk to her, and he would not allow himself to back out now, regardless of his or her own mortification.
Maomao saw the look on his face. Whatever Jinshi had to say would not be something she wanted to hear. It would be one of the many things that caused trouble for her. She just knew it. She wanted to tell him to bite his tongue. She wanted to run and hide. But he had commanded her to stay. Maomao did the only thing she could do; she removed her hands from her body where they’d been attempting at least some modicum of modesty and slammed them stubbornly against her ears.
“Apothecary.” Jinshi growled, and leaned forward, looming over the small woman in her bath, to seize her hands and trap them under his, palms spread wide against the rim of the metal tub, opening her up to his feverish gaze. “You will listen to me.” His voice was low and commanding now, nothing like his usual slimy purr, and Maomao could not help but stare at him, her mask of indifference wavering, as he continued stonily. “There are things you need to know. It is no longer safe for you, much less for me that we continue as we are.”
Maomao opened her mouth to protest. She needn’t know anything. Ignorance was safer for one of her station.
“No.” Jinshi barked again before she could speak. “If I had eaten the food you offered me tonight, it would have brought much harm. For you. Make no mistake, I am no eunuch, nor am I a saint, Maomao.” And now his eyes did rake down her body hungrily, despite that lingering blush that now spread from his cheeks down his chest. His next words tumbled out quickly in a forced rush, before he lost his courage again, “You serve not the eunuch Jinshi, but the crown prince Ka Zuigetsu, younger brother to the son of heaven. Do you understand?”
Maomao’s eyes went wide, a panicked reaction she could not hide. With an effort, she wrenched her hands out from under his, and bowed as best she could given her position. Eyes cast down, not daring to look at him. Suddenly all the little clues that she’d been deliberately ignoring snapped into place, filling in the bigger picture she’d tried so desperately not to see.
“Look at me, Apothecary – Maomao—Please.” All the strength seemed to seep from Jinshi following his confession. He’d put off telling her as long as he could, not wanting to see the distance grow between them. But she needed to know, as Gaoshun never stopped reminding him. For all of their sakes.
Jinshi stood so close to her, his hands so near to her dewy skin, naught between them but bathwater, and yet the gulf never seemed so great. Still, even as Maomao reflexively scowled at him like he was a decomposed mouse whose empty skin squirmed with maggots, he could not help but feel a stirring in his loins. The way she dared look at him with disdain for intruding on her peaceful night. Dared despite his hated status that he’d just revealed. It was something no other person would risk, and to him it was more erotic even than the sight of her dusky pink nipples, or the shadowed cleft she hid between her legs. (Though, to be sure, the sights of those were now etched indelibly into his mind). Who needed an aphrodisiac meal when he had a Maomao right here to feast his eyes on?
He could not help himself. Jinshi wanted to be sure he could still touch, that the chasm between them could be bridged. He reached out his hand toward her pale cheek, tempted by a hunger burning deep within.
~o~o~o~
“Master Kousen.” Gaoshun’s voice cracked like whip from the open door. The tall eunuch stood there, his presence seeming to fill the entire doorway like a thundercloud. His brow was deeply furrowed with something like consternation and his lips flattened into a thin, censorious line.
Jinshi looked up guiltily from where he leaned over the tub, his hands still stretched out to touch that which was not his (but also, at the same time, technically was).
“Do you not remember whose daughter the lady Maomao is?” Gaoshun continued relentlessly, the formality of his words emphasizing the rebuke. “You cannot afford to make an enemy of that man. Not at this time.” How many times had he warned Zui of his behavior, so inappropriate to both his and her own stations?
Jinshi frowned, his outstretched hand yanked back convulsively to his side, as he straightened and turned away, his blush draining away to a white sickly pallor.
Eyes cold to hide her shock and fear, Maomao stood from the cool water, refusing to acknowledge either pair of eyes that involuntarily drifted to her pale, naked body, and traced the droplets of water that glistened in the lanternlight and cascaded down her smooth skin. Without a word, she grabbed her towel and wrapped it around herself. The motion seemed to break whatever spell Jinshi had been under, and he staggered backwards as if burned by her proximity. Blushing, embarrassed, the wind knocked from his sails, he fled the room. Behind him, Gaoshun gravely met Maomao’s eyes. In turn, she bowed and mouthed a thank you for his timely interference.
The eunuch’s only response was a slight tilt of his head as he shut the door, leaving Maomao once more alone.
Well, that went well.
~o~o~o~
Maomao had changed into her sleepwear and was lounging about on her bed, trying to focus on an herbal treatise she’d brought along for some light reading (and failing utterly to push the earlier events from her mind) when she heard a quiet knock on her (now locked) door.
Not again? No wait, she recognized this knock. Quiet. Deliberate. Steady. It would be Gaoshun.
Hesitantly, just in case she was wrong, Maomao slid back the bar and opened the door just a crack. It was indeed the middle-aged man standing there, a conflicted frown on his lips, a deep crease between his brows.
“Xiaomao, may I come in?”
Maomao stepped back, ushered the tall man into her room. After all, what choice did she have really, knowing who his master was? Hoping her face showed none of her dismay after that earlier uncomfortable scene, she knelt on the kang and bowed her head while she waited for the reprimand she was sure would come for allowing herself to have been caught in such a scandalous way.
She kept her eyes down in awkward silence; as a result she did not see Gaoshun cross the room, until the whisper of his robes drew her attention. He settled on the kang, mirroring her posture, just a handsbreadth away. When Maomao hazarded a look out of the corner of her eye, through lowered lashes, she could just make out the stiff tension in his rigid spine.
“Xiaomao, that is, Lady Maomao,” Gaoshun cleared his throat, stumbling on his words, “You must be more careful. The threat of Sir Lakan will only hold the young master for so long.”
Now Maomao was confused. Was she only imagining all the times that Gaoshun had encouraged Jinshi in his unsubtle pursuit?
“No.” Gaoshun responded to her mumbled, unintended query. He let out a long exhalation, forced his spine to remain upright and show no sign of the tired slouch he felt after the long day. “The young master is long past the age when he should have taken a consort. His brother is worried. I am worried. He has shown an interest in none but you, my lady. I’d hoped, well, that his interest in you might be a catalyst for change. Though, the revelation of your parentage complicates the situation.”
Unsaid – a common servant may easily be used and discarded; a daughter of the Grand Commandant is more difficult to cast aside when the deed is done. More difficult, certainly, and thus all the better with which to trap a wayward prince into his adult responsibilities. Gaoshun had not stopped encouraging Jinshi’s interest after Lakan had revealed himself, though he had urged the lad act with more outward propriety.
“What changed?” Maomao couldn’t help but look at Gaoshun more fully now. His stark profile in the dim room, deepset eyes hidden in shadow. That unruly forelock slipping back to the center of his forehead no matter how often he tucked it back. He did so again now, a nervous habit. Strangely, he seemed unable to look at her, his whole body closed off, his eyes gazing at a point somewhere on the far wall.
The silence stretched on.
Maomao feared if this went on too much longer, the candle would burn down. But she was not eager to speak, and a quiet companion was an undemanding companion, so she turned her own eyes to the far wall as well, and tried to remember the ingredients and preparation for a complicated gastritis medication she thought might benefit Gaoshun.
At last, Gaoshun spoke, the words slow and almost unwilling.
“I find that perhaps I am not a wholly disinterested party.”
When Maomao hazarded a scandalized glance at her companion it was to see that his normally composed features were stained with a light pink flush of embarrassment.
“How can there be two with such a strange inclination?” Again, her mouth was running commentary her brain was too stunned to censor, “Surely, it’s just a placebo?” An imagined effect, their minds superimposing what they truly want onto the blank canvas of her relatively emotionless face, and deriving satisfaction from this delusion.
Gaoshun closed his eyes. Did she truly not know? How could she not, when she went to such lengths to disguise her face with freckles and conceal her lithe, taut, little body in unflattering clothes? The way she’d looked today in her new sea blue robes, specially selected by Suiren to bring out the deep color of her eyes, her delicate cheeks fresh and pink once she’d scoured the heavy powder from her face after the long carriage ride. She was a vision without even trying. And as for her mind, well that was equally attractive. For all he'd heard her mutter that Luomen was a better doctor, better apothecary, better at solving mysteries, for all her jealousy over the strategist’s intuition, there was just something about her that defied expectations and stimulated the parts of him that knew what it was to want.
Gaoshun was not fool enough to think that he could touch. No, his interests were far more modest. A shared pot of tea, an afternoon spent watching the flex and pull of the tendons in her strong forearms as she ground herbs into powder. To breathe the same air and admire the way her clever calculating mind sifted through facts and observations to arrive at truth. Enough that she could make him feel something other than duty; that at times her presence could make him forget, even for an instant, his responsibilities and constant worries. If his hunger for that moment of peace was lust, then so be it.
Regardless, Maomao could not understand the interest of Gaoshun, any more than she understood the clearly more physical desires of Jinshi. She wasn’t even sure she wanted to understand. She’d grown up surrounded by the sights, sounds, and smells of seduction, of humans longing for some form of connection. And yet, she’d never felt the slightest curiosity to try to reach out. Never felt drawn to another person in that way. She barely ever even felt the urge to touch herself. Aphrodisiacs had no effect on her. And the concept of emotional intimacy? It was foreign to the each and every one of the La by their very natures.
She’d long thought that Jinshi was only teasing her cruelly with his pretend interest. So how could it be that both he and apparently Master Gaoshun found anything at all about her appealing? She was fond of the man, even could go so far as to say she enjoyed his company. But that was the end of it. Could she allow herself to reach out for something more? Was she even capable of wanting it?
Gaoshun risked a glance, only to witness Maomao’s fierce frown. He winced, deepening the stress lines on his forehead, and proffered a different confession.
“The largest part of me was given to the Son of Heaven when he was barely old enough to talk. I was given to understand that from thenceforth he was my responsibility. Mine to protect, mine to serve, and everything I strove for was to be dedicated to his care. Whatsoever he should require of me.
“At sixteen, another part of me was given to my wife. Her fiancée was dispensable to the clan; she was not. I was the closest in age who was not yet promised in a way that could not be undone. She claimed the part of me that knows the love of a man for a woman.
“My children each possess parts of me, Zui – the young master – as well. To them I have given all the love a man can have for his children.
“There is very little left of me to give, to offer to anyone.”
Even as he uttered the words, Gaoshun was not quite sure what he was trying to tell Maomao. But the words felt right. Felt true. Like something he wanted her to understand.
Maomao pondered a moment, considering what she owed to the usually reticent man, who had been nothing but kind to her these last few months, and what he might wish of her. She puffed her cheeks out in a silent sigh, glanced down at the hands that rested on her thighs, tightly curled into small fists, and made a decision. With an effort, she relaxed her fingers, and placed one hand flat on the kang between herself and Gaoshun.
“Then perhaps, Master Gaoshun, instead of giving of yourself, you should simply take that which you desire.”
“Only inasmuch as it is freely offered.” Gaoshun replied with a wry twist of his lips, suspecting some of the thoughts behind her wary eyes. Carefully, as if her hand were a wounded bird apt to flit away, he lifted his own callused one and placed it on top of hers.
Maomao looked away from their point of contact, embarrassed more by this display than she had been to have been witnessed naked in her bath. She chose her words with delicate care.
“I cannot offer much. Master Jin – Master Kousen – would claim all that I have left of me after what I owe to my big sisters and my dad.” She was certain that is why he had declared himself, while intruding on her private bathtime. Certain that all the talk of aphrodisiacs had made Jinshi thirsty in a way that only a woman could slake. She wished desperately that woman could be someone else, but she was realistic enough to know what the fates had in store.
Gaoshun nodded, his eyes somewhere far away. His fingers laced themselves with Maomao’s.
“There is not much that I require.”
“Then what is it you ask?”
“The respite of a cool bath on a hot summer’s night. The tranquillity of a mossy glen under the shaded oaks.”
The sentiments felt strangely familiar to Maomao. When in the Rear Palace last year, she’d often felt that Gaoshun’s quiet presence was a balm after the uncomfortable heat of Jinshi’s attention. It had sometimes felt like,
“The quiet after venom has burnt itself out in the blood, the calm after the numbness and nausea and paralysis of the finest poison have worn off.” Maomao let herself relax just enough for one shoulder to lightly rest along Gaoshun’s side. “Perhaps I too am susceptible to the placebo effect. There can be no rational explanation for these sensations.”
She wished she had a viper to bite her right here and now.
Wisely, Gaoshun chose to say nothing. He knew when a moment was best suited to silence.
The room was still, the sound of their quiet breathing drowned out by the rain outside. After a while, the candle sputtered out.
Sometime later, Gaoshun left, stooping to press a kiss to the top of Maomao’s head.
It was enough.