Chapter Text
The last few weeks had been absolute Hell to Dean, despite the fact that he knew it was nothing compared. Every single night, he'd been having nightmares. Nightmares that make him sweat and groan and writhe in his sleep and have him screaming and/or crying himself awake. Sam worried endlessly about him, but "Ezekiel" would make him sleep at night, regardless of Dean.
Dean had been able to handle all his memories of hell before, but now with the angels falling, Cas having lost his grace, and an angel being inside of Sam, his mental barrier had fallen. Worrying about Castiel's wellbeing and about Sam finding out the truth about the angel inside of him had really taken a toll on Dean. The fact that Crowley wouldn't quit stalling and trying to bargain instead of giving them anything to work off of didn't help. Kevin wouldn't stop riling Crowley up either, so that was definitely fun.
The worst part of all of it, was that it was all making his mood and will steadily go down. He would've thought that all the responsibility would bring the man out of him, but unfortunately, it was making him it's bitch. He didn't want to admit it, but it was true. He couldn't handle it. Sam and Cas constantly told him that none of it was his fault and that none of it was on him, but he always ignored them, knowing they were just saying that. He knew it was all on him. He knew everything was mostly his fault.
---
His day had been complete shit. He had stayed in the main room practically all day, drinking and looking for another case. Kevin was busy trying to explain and show different things to Castiel all day, which Dean respected well enough, and Sam was actually nowhere to be seen. Honestly, he was bored, alone, and ... sad. He was lonely; considered going out and getting drunk, eating food, and hooking up... But if he was honest with himself, he didn't particularly want to.
He poured himself another glass of whiskey, pouring far more than the usual amount. As Kevin walked around the bunker, he tried not to notice how much he was drinking, but Castiel did exactly the opposite. He pointed it out. Looking at Kevin and biting his lip, he looked back to Dean and walked over, hesitantly placing a comforting hand on Dean's shoulder.
"Dean. How much you're drinking has led me to believe, because of the fact that I've seen this situation in films, that you are upset. Would you like to talk about it?"
He had bent over a bit to get a clear look at Dean's facial expression. It didn't seem to pleased. Dean looked at Castiel, his eyebrows furrowed and whole face frowning.
"No, now get lost, Cas."
Castiel took his hand off of Dean's shoulder and Dean visibly relaxed a bit. He sighed and looked to Kevin, Kevin shrugging. Cas looked back at Dean again and hesitantly followed Kevin again, leaving Dean to sulk. Instead of staying there and doing just that, he decided to move this pity party to his bedroom. At least there, he wouldn't have to deal with Cas's sickeningly empathetic personality and Kevin's passive glances. He stood up and closed his laptop, picked up his whiskey bottle, and stormed off to his room. Kevin and Cas watched him go, watching how Dean mumbled angrily. A few seconds later, a door slammed, and there was silence. Kevin and Cas looked to one another and Kevin sighed.
"Cas, I don't suppose you have ANY idea why Dean's bein' a dick?"
Castiel considered this and nodded.
"Dean's been suffering for quite a while. First his mother gone, then his father, then Ellen, then Jo, then-"
"I got it, man, he's lost a lotta people. I get that. But he hasn't acted this way before about it, so why now?"
Castiel sighed and shrugged a bit, honestly wishing he could still see into that head of Dean's.
"That, I cannot tell you."
---
After quite a few hours of endless drinking and listening to the same song over and over again, Dean finally gave up. He was drunk, he was tired, he was lonely, he was depressed, and despite himself, he wanted his angel right now. He was hesitant about the last thing in his own mind, considering that Castiel wasn't necessarily the star friend of the year. All in all, though, he really didn't care. He liked Cas's company, and despite the way he acted towards it, Cas's literal taking on things and confusion amused him. At this point, he decided he might as well get up and get Cas. He tried to think beyond his mind fog where he had set up Cas and Kevin's shared bedroom as he stumbled down the halls, and eventually it came to him. He finally reached their room and he slowly opened the door without knocking. He used all of his power to go in quietly and steadily, making his way slowly to Cas's bed. Looking down at his angels sleeping form, gave him an odd type of comfort. His angel was a bit sprawled out, yet somehow had the blankets all bundled around him up to his neck. His face had an odd youth to it that wasn't there when Cas was awake. When Cas was awake, he looked like a real man who'd seen and done things and could get any woman he wanted. When he was asleep, he looked oddly enough like a child. He looked at peace and innocent in all form of the word. In an unironically ironic sense, he looked like an angel. His face looked gentle and smooth, and his lips were parted, and he looked in complete bliss. Dean couldn't help but just stand beside the bed and stare at him. He looked beautiful this way, but innocently. Not the kind of beautiful like he felt about the chicks he had stands with, but a true form of innocent beauty that didn't give you a hard on, but it made your heart, brain, and stomach swirl.
He hadn't realized he'd spaced out until his shoulder was being shaken and his name was being whispered repeatedly. He grunted and blinked a few times before being forced back into reality, locking eyes with Cas. Cas had woken up to see someone staring at him. It scared the shit out of him at first, but then he smelled the powerful whiskey and knew it was Dean. Dean didn't respond to a couple of things Cas said, so he had no choice but to stand up and shake him out of it. Dean groaned.
"Quit shakin' me, Cassy, or 'll 'ave to kick yer ass."
Cas just sighed and stopped, keeping his hands on his shoulders.
"Dean, what are you doing in our room? Why were you staring at me while I rested?... And why are you so drunk that you sway?"
Dean hmmed in an attempt to seem intelligent and thoughtful.
"Cassy-cas, I'm verrry lonely n' I figured who else to bother than m' favorite lil winged boy?"
Castiel couldn't help but smile at the thought.
"Dean, it's the middle of the night and you need your rest. As do I."
Dean just nodded slowly.
"Mhm, there's my smart perfect lil angel, alllllways got tha good ideas."
Dean fell forward abruptly and Castiel caught him with a grunt, displeased by the fact that Dean had passed out and that Castiel was nowhere near strong enough to bring him back to his room. He wondered how Dean was still holding on to his whiskey bottle and he took it from Dean's hand and set it down beside the bed, having difficulty keeping Dean up.
"Damn it, Dean, why do you have to be so heavy?"
He didn't expect a response, but regardless, he got Dean into his bed. He put his hands on his hips and looked down at the half naked, drunk Dean on his bed and he sighed. He thought about going to sleep in Dean's room in turn, but quickly decided it would be a bad idea. Dean didn't like anyone going to his room under any circumstances, and Dean had already kicked him out twice and didn't want to risk being kicked out again. His last resort, was the couch or to crawl in with Dean. Deciding that he was far too lazy to go out there and that he was far too scared of being alone in the dark to, he picked up the blanket and crawled in bed, back facing Dean. He covered Dean and himself with the blankets and sighed. At least Dean was warm. After staring at the far closet for a generous amount of time, he started to drift off to sleep, subconsciously pulling the blanket around his neck.