Work Text:
Dreamer bursts into the hall in pajamas covered with snowflakes.
Dreamer
Merry Christmas everyone!!
Luna appears, half-asleep, with a mug labeled “charlie's #1 hater.”
Luna
Why are you screaming before noon?
Pearl enters riding a sleigh with wheels. Indoors.
Pearl
BEHOLD! I bring the CHRISTMAS SPIRIT!!
He crashes immediately into the wall.
Luna
Ah yes. The spirit of poor decisions.
---
THE GIFT EXCHANGE
The three sit around the golden table.
Dreamer
Okay! Everyone gets one gift! Something meaningful!
Pearl
(smiling suspiciously)
Mine is VERY meaningful.
He hands Dreamer a box. Dreamer opens it.
It’s empty.
Dreamer
…Pearl?
Pearl
It represents the void that is your decision-making skills.
Luna
That’s actually the most accurate gift you’ve ever given.
Dreamer looks emotional.
(Not in the good way.)
Dreamer
I’m returning your gift next year.
Pearl
Good luck! It’s conceptual!
---
Luna’s turn.
She hands Pearl a very neat box.
Pearl opens it.
Inside:
A handwritten card that says:
“Stop doing stupid sh*t — Love, Luna.”
Pearl wipes a fake tear.
Pearl
It’s even better than I imagined.
Dreamer gives Luna her gift.
Luna
If this explodes, I’m kicking you down the stairs.
She opens it.
Inside is a tiny badly knitted scarf for her
Luna
A—... Aww, dad
Dreamer
I couldn't help you you Always look cold on winter
Luna
I take back everything mean I’ve said to you for the past 100 years
---
THE TREE RE-DECORATING
Dreamer attempts to fix the (recently extinguished) tree.
Pearl suggests they use “faster methods.”
Pearl
We attach the ornaments using pure velocity.
Luna
That sounds dangerous.
Pearl
Yes.
Pearl proceeds anyway.
He loads ornaments into a slingshot.
Dreamer
Pearl please don’t —
BOINK!!!
An ornament bounces off Luna’s forehead.
She freezes.
Pearl freezes.
Dreamer is already praying.
Luna
…Pearl.
Pearl
Yes?
Dreamer
Run.
What follows is a chase scene where Luna tries to burn him with her power while Pearl screams like a cartoon character.
---
THE HOLIDAY FEAST
Pearl tries cooking.
This was his first mistake.
Pearl
I made a Christmas turkey! :D
She opens the oven.
Something hisses.
The turkey crawls out on its own legs.
Dreamer
Uhh...Why is it moving?
Pearl
It’s…
energetic?
Luna
It’s ALIVE!!
WE FEAST TONIGHT, BROTHERS!!
Luna jumps onto the turkey like a rodeo bull.
The turkey sprints across the castle with luna screaming on top of it.
Dreamer
*Sigh*... That's why all the chores is on me apparently...
---
THE “CHRISTMAS SPIRIT”
After hours of chaos, mess, burns, and therapy-eligible events, the trio ends up on the floor, exhausted.
Pearl is covered in feathers.
Dreamer is covered in flour.
Luna is covered in regrets.
Dreamer
At least we spent the day together…
Pearl
Yeah! It was fun… in a traumatizing way!
Luna
This is the worst Christmas I’ve ever had.
She sips from her mug.
Smirks.
Luna
…Let’s do it again next year.
Dreamer
Please don't...
Pearl
YAY!!
The tree behind them collapses a SECOND time.
Luna
…Not fixing that.