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Life had fallen into a routine. Not a routine Steve was particularly happy with, but a routine just the same. It had taken seven weeks but he was almost back to his regular level of fitness. The casts had come off his arms last week, but even before that happened he was in physio working hard to rebuild the strength in his legs. He had always been a consummate professional, but he still hadn’t been able to either drive or even spend a full day at work yet, so he was feeling frustrated and annoyed with himself.
It had been a long hard road back from the accident. Parts of his body still wouldn’t work the way he was accustomed. His arm casts had only come off last week so he still had a good deal of therapy waiting there before he was back to mission status. For a long time he’d not even been able to speak properly, as soon as he was tired he slipped into talking like he was either tipsy or childlike. He’d had several speech therapy sessions trying to work through slight problems he had encountered with his jaw. He had even agreed to see a counselor just so they would get off his back, but after two sessions both he and the counselor had agreed to part company.
This, however, was always the best part of his day. This was twilight, the sun had just fallen behind the horizon, and he could tell from the way that the soft orange light spilling into the room was rapidly darkening. But even as it got darker he couldn’t take his eyes from the small figure in the bed.
This was his penance of sorts. Even though it wasn’t really penance, he wanted to be here, he needed to be here. He needed Grace to know that he hadn’t given up on her. His brow furrowed as he considered his partner. Danny was worrying him, Danny who lived for his little girl. He who moved halfway around the country to be closer to his little girl, hadn’t been to visit her for three weeks. When Steve tried to instigate conversations about her, Danny succinctly shut him down, his voice more frigid than an arctic blizzard.
So after Steve’s therapy sessions he would climb the two flights of stairs to Grace’s room, and sit beside her bed, his hand dwarfing Grace’s as he slid his palm under her hand.
“Hey, Grace Face.” He leaned over to brush a bang back into place. “Mommy has been here today hasn’t she? You’ve had your hair done.” He let his fingers trail down the braid that lay across her shoulder. “You know this is a silly way to be getting out of going to school. You should be surfing with Kono and me. Danno is really busy at work because I can’t go back to work yet. Aunt Cath sends her love and she said that she’s going to be back on the weekend to finish reading that Twilight book you’ve both been enjoying so much.”
Steve watched her sadly. “Gracie, baby, this is killing your Danno. I can’t even get through to him anymore. He needs his monkey, if you can hear me baby, please come back to him. I’m sorry I got you hurt Grace. If I could take that day back I would but I can’t. It’s been eight weeks, Grace; it’s time that you came back to us, to Danno.”
He wiped a thumb under his eye. He wasn’t going to cry, every night he’d been here, he hadn’t made it home before he stumbled out of the taxi and past the side of the house. He’d sat on his chair on the beach through each night; the only witness to his tears the ocean he loved so much. He’d broken his Ohana and he had no idea how to put it back together again.
Steve took a long shuddering breath struggling to keep his emotions under control. Lifting a book off the bedside table, he sat for a long moment, his fingers fanning the pages quietly as he watched Grace.
“Ready for tonight’s chapter, Grace Face?” Steve spoke with a small smile. “Since we finished Harry Potter last night, I thought we’d try something different. Remember how we were going to go and see the Hobbit with Danno and we never got a chance to, because we had that big case and then we just got distracted. I thought you might like it if we read it together. What do you say?”
Steve paused for a moment, his head tilted as if he was listening to her answer him. “Yeah, I thought so too Gracie.” Steve nodded. “Danno and I are saving the DVD for a movie night once you’re awake. But I’ll start at the beginning of the book, shall I.” He smiled at her before looking down to open the book and started to read.
~*~*~*~*~
An hour and a half later, Steve stepped out of a cab and walked around the side of his house towards the beach. He stopped dead in his tracks, watching the shadowy figure on his beach. He wasn’t worried; Steve would know that silhouette anywhere. Danny was short, yes, but in the past no one could ever call him small. Now you could, this whole situation had taken the spark out of him. He was folding in on himself like one of those stupid concertina chains that kids made with paper. He had one inside that Grace had used to decorate his fridge with.
Grace.
The longer she stayed in her current state, the more Danny faded from him. Steve watched him standing his cutoff jeans, a ragged tee shirt, barefooted and his hair disheveled. His Danny was already skating on the edge. Steve closed his eyes, mentally castigating himself again for causing this.
Walking closer, Steve hovered behind Danny, his hands lifted to touch his lover, but he hesitated, they hadn’t spent the night together since before the ‘accident’. Steve knew that Danny blamed him. Danny had barely been near the house unless he had to be, and since Steve had been able to fend for himself, Danny had barely touched him.
“Did you read to her again?” Danny spoke, his voice tear hoarse.
“How do you know?” Steve frowned, dropping his arms and jamming his hands into his pockets.
“I may not visit her, that doesn’t mean I don’t know what goes on with my baby.” Danny murmured.
“Yes. I did.”
“I want you to stop it.” Danny turned to look at Steve. “Don’t make me stop access.”
“Why would you do that?” Steve looked at Danny incredulously.
“Just stop it.” Danny sighed and turned away.
“Fine. I’ll stop it when you visit her.”
“I can’t.”
“D, you moved halfway around the world to be near her, but now you won’t visit her in hospital I don’t understand.”
“You just don’t get it do you.” Danny hissed.
“No. I really don’t.” Steve stepped closer and wrapped his arms around Danny, pulling him back against his chest, tightening his hold as Danny struggled briefly then relaxed against him.
“She’s my baby girl, Steven. My vibrant, beautiful, alive baby girl. I can’t go there and see her wasting away. See her fading away from me with every day she stays like that. I just can’t do that.”
Steve held him silently, his stance wide enough that he could nuzzle his head against Danny’s neck, his tears wetting Danny’s shirt.
“I’m so sorry, D. I don’t know how to fix what I did.” Steve sighed.
Danny turned in Steve’s arms. “I know the despicable things I said to you that first night. I know you still remember them too. Not one of those words was true. You had nothing to do with what happened, Steve. Stop blaming yourself.”
“I was the one that told her to hide Danny.” Steve responded, his self-guilt evident in every word.
“And you had no idea she would hide in a truck. Let alone the truck belonging to her ‘bad man’.” Danny pulled back to look up into Steve’s face. “I know you read yourself hoarse every night because you feel guilty.”
“That’s not the reason at all.” Steve shook his head. “I love Grace. If my voice can let her know that I am there, that there is someone waiting for her, then I will talk until I have no voice. If she has any idea what is going on around her, I want her to know that I’m there for her. That I love her.”
“You think she can hear you?” Danny frowned.
“I have no idea but if she can I want her to know that we want her to come back to us.”
Danny pushed his face against Steve’s chest. “It should be me apologizing to you.”
“You have nothing to apologize for.” Steve tightened his hold.
“I’ve treated you like shit, I’ve pushed you away. I have a lot to apologize for believe me.”
Steve held him silently, unsure what to say or do, just content for these few moments to have his Danny back again.
“Don’t stop reading to her.” Danny spoke as he pulled away, “She needs her Uncle Steve.”
“I wasn’t going to.” Steve smiled slowly. “She’s my Gracie too.” He shrugged.
“I can’t guarantee I won’t be an asshole in the future, but I’m going to make a better effort.” Danny stated.
“That’s all I can ask for.” Steve nodded. “Can I talk you into staying the night?”
“I miss that.” Danny nodded, looking up into Steve’s face. “Not the sex you animal, though I do miss that too. Just the closeness, the not being alone.”
“I’ve felt more alone in the last month than I have in my whole life.” Steve confessed.
“Welcome to my world.” Danny nodded in understanding. “C’mon it’s bedtime you look like shit.”
Danny walked up onto the grass and extended a hand to Steve, who slipped his hand into Danny’s and followed him into the house. Things may not be perfect, but at least they were finally back on the right track.