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Yayoi watched her little brother and the redhead boy she now knew to be his boyfriend. They were piled up on the opposite couch together, and Mafuyu was as close to sitting in Ritsuka’s lap as he could be without actually doing it. He was wedged in between her brother and the couch arm, legs bent up over his, feet draped lazily on the other side of his thighs. The movie they were supposedly watching was long forgotten. Instead, they were fiddling with each other’s fingers, deep in hushed conversation, trading little huffs of laughter and secretive grins.
Her own boyfriend, meanwhile, had fallen asleep with his mouth open on the armchair. Take did work a double shift last night, so she could forgive him, somewhat. It did mean she was free to observe Ritsuka interacting with Mafuyu without him telling her off for staring. She couldn’t really help it. It was still new to her; Ritsuka being in love with someone. That it was another boy. Him finally being okay with her seeing that up close.
It had taken them a long time to get here. After her conversation with Haruki in the car last year, she’d come home and wrapped Ritsuka in a hug and apologised. He, of course, had told her to get the fuck off and stormed into his room. He’d emerged, hours later, and slumped onto her carpet. He’d leaned against her bed as she lay in it, her tears already dried. Finally, finally they had talked.
“Akihiko said… It’s not weird.”
“Well… it’s more than 5% of the population. Apparently. I looked it up.”
He had shot her a look of deepest scathing for that.
“Rikka. I don’t know if I understand it yet. But I want to. Can you tell me about him?”
He’d hesitated, then spoke into his knees. “Mafuyu... he’s crazy talented. I mean, you’ve heard him sing. And he picked up guitar so rapidly. He has a way to go, sure, but he’s so dedicated and his musical ear is just so good. He’s quiet, but once he talks, he’s actually pretty funny. And… he’s really sad, a lot. Because… his ex-boyfriend killed himself.”
“Oh.” She hadn’t known what to say to that at all.
The two of them had had some sort of fight, not long after that. Something about Ritsuka playing guitar for that other band of his. She didn’t know the details. She watched her brother nearly fall apart, finishing the song of the dead ex-boyfriend. Watched his skin turn sallow as he forgot to eat properly, barely slept. Then he’d played that concert. The song was beautiful, she’d had to admit. And he and Mafuyu were inseparable ever since.
From then, it seemed her brother’s life had been a whirlwind of band activities, final exams, and then he’d graduated and disappeared to Mafuyu’s house for three days straight. She’d covered for him with their parents, making up some nonsense about band rehearsals. When he’d finally returned home, there was something in his person that had shifted. A quiet confidence that she’d never realised he’d been lacking. Then he’d started university, got caught up in touring, and now, almost a whole year after that conversation in her bedroom (and a few weeks after an even more awkward one about the merits of condoms), they were here.
It was remarkable, the difference in their demeanour, compared to a few hours ago, when her parents were home. Ritsuka had been stiff, awkward, and jumpy. Mafuyu had been poker-faced, giving brief polite answers to all their questions. They’d stood almost comically far apart from each other, avoiding eye contact. Then it had happened. Her father, in an effort to be friendly, probably, had made a joke to Mafuyu about Ritsuka never bringing a girl over. “I’m starting to worry he might be gay” he’d said, jovially. Ritsuka had choked on the chips he was eating. Which was probably a good excuse for his eyes to suddenly be so watery, threatening to spill over, but not quite getting there.
Their father had patted him on the back, laughing, totally oblivious to the sudden tension in the room. “Don’t worry son, I don’t really think that. You’re just busy with all this music stuff. You’ll find a girlfriend soon enough.” If Yayoi hadn’t been watching so closely, she would have missed Mafuyu’s reaction. His face barely shifted, just a slight widening of the eyes, and the tiniest twitch of his hand in Ritsuka’s direction. Ritsuka had just stood there, staring at the ground, looking mortified. It had made her heart ache for him.
He’d apologised to Mafuyu, once their parents had left, out to dinner with their friends. Mafuyu had merely shrugged in a resigned, sad kind of way. Take had given them both commiserating pats on the back and suggested a movie before dinner. They’d sat next to each other, still a little stiffly at first, gradually creeping closer, until they got to the position they were in now. Now, they looked like a pair of love-sick teenagers. Which, she supposed, they were.
Plucking up some courage, she grabbed the nearest cushion and hurled it across the coffee table. It smacked Ritsuka directly in the side of the head, and he whirled around to stare daggers at her. “What the hell, Yayoi!?”
She laughed. “I get it. The movie is boring. But you guys can at least include me in the conversation. That’s kind of the whole point of tonight.”
Ritsuka rolled his eyes. Mafuyu looked at her with what she thought was curiosity. It was hard to tell. “Ue… ah… Uenoyama…chan?” he started. Ritsuka’s nostrils flared.
“Just call me Yayoi, kid. You absolutely cannot be going around calling your boyfriend’s sister the same name as him.” That earnt her a shy smile from Mafuyu.
Ritsuka’s neck flushed. “He’s not a kid!”
“Maybe once you learn to cook something other than a microwave pizza without burning the shit out of it, I’ll stop thinking of you as a kid, Rikka. But until then, you’re my kid brother. That makes him your kid boyfriend.”
Ritsuka looked away, grumbling into Mafuyu’s hair.
Mafuyu giggled, then tried again. “Yayoi-chan. What do you do at university?”
“Fine arts major. Mostly oil paints.”
“What do you paint?”
“Portraits, mainly. Sometimes landscapes.”
Mafuyu’s eyes shone at her. “Can I see?”
She smiled back at him. “Sure. Actually… I’m in my final year, so there’s a big exhibition coming up at uni. You two should come along. I’ll email Rikka the details.”
Mafuyu’s smile increased.
“What are you studying, again?”
“Music. Like Akihiko.”
“So… the same as Rikka?”
“Geez. How many times can I say it’s music production and audio engineering?” Ritsuka chimed in, his arm now wrapped around Mafuyu’s waist.
“I’m a pure music major” Mafuyu said. “It’s okay, I didn’t understand the difference at first, either.”
“Right. And how is it that a sweet polite kid like you ended up with my grump of a brother?”
Mafuyu giggled again. “He’s not always grumpy.”
Yayoi raised her eyebrows.
“Just like… ninety percent of the time.”
“Oi!”
“The other ten percent must be when he’s asleep” she said, grinning.
Mafuyu shook his head. “No, he frowns in his sleep too.”
Ritsuka pinched the bridge of his nose with his free hand. “I knew you two would gang up on me.”
A ringing sound from the kitchen made them all jerk their heads – the oven timer. Yayoi shook Take awake, then moved back into the kitchen. She found Ritsuka there already, prodding the cake tentatively with a finger. He’d asked her a few weeks ago for some cooking lessons, saying something about wanting to move out soon. Which she took to mean he wanted to move in with Mafuyu and didn’t want to look absolutely useless. So, they’d been cooking together, occasionally. This cake was his latest attempt, under her watchful eye. It looked pretty decent, actually. He’d picked the recipe out last week – a strawberry shortcake – mumbling something about Mafuyu liking sweets at her.
It was one of the things she’d noticed had changed about him. He was always considerate, in a bratty little brother kind of way, but now he was making extra effort to do things for other people. And he was finally inspired to learn some new life skills. Put some work into something other than music. Mafuyu might just have motivated him to want to become an actual functional adult.
Dinner preparations finished and the cake cooling on the counter, they sat down to eat. Take amused the boys with stories about Haruki from their high school days, and the conversation became easier. Ritsuka was right – Mafuyu was proving to be pretty funny, if still a bit shy around her.
“So, how’d you two get together, anyway?” Take asked, a few drinks down.
Mafuyu pointed at Ritsuka. “He kissed me. Backstage, after our first performance.”
Ritsuka turned bright red.
“Rikka! God, did you even ask if he liked you first?” Yayoi was outraged (and secretly a little impressed) at his forwardness.
Mafuyu giggled. “No.”
“Well, I knew you had no manners, but honestly, Rikka!”
“I didn’t plan for it to happen! It just kind of… happened” he grumbled, pushing food around his plate.
Take laughed. “There’s worse ways that could have gone, I guess. Man, no wonder you guys were such a mess at the rehearsal. So much sexual tension.” He grinned cheekily.
Ritsuka gave him a horrified look. Mafuyu simply stared. “I wasn’t thinking about having sex with him, then” he said, eventually.
Take dissolved into sniggers, face in his hand. Ritsuka groaned, fingers back on his nose. Yayoi raised her eyebrows. “You’re kind of weird, aren’t you?” she said, before she could stop herself.
Mafuyu looked down at his hands. “I’ve been told that” he said, quietly.
Ritsuka glared at her so hard she thought his eyes might pop out of his head. “He’s not weird” he hissed, putting a protective hand on top of Mafuyu’s. “He’s just a bit… literal, sometimes.”
Yayoi raised her eyebrows. Ritsuka was looking at Mafuyu with a softness she didn’t know he was capable of. “Look, I didn’t say it was bad. Sorry kid. Anyway, Rikka is super weird too.”
Ritsuka made a face at her, clicking his tongue. Mafuyu looked up at her, making eye contact again. “He’s cool!” He said it so earnestly.
Next to her, Take was shaking with silent laughter. She couldn’t really blame him, the two of them were being unbelievably dorky. She smacked him on the arm anyway. “Hey, what did I do?” he asked, lips twitching. “Anyone for some sake?” he asked, turning back to the boys.
They both shook their heads. Ritsuka mumbled something about being underage.
“Some rockstars you two are” she said, rolling her eyes.
“Yeah, not like me, I’m the real deal” said Take, leaning back in his chair, hands up behind his head. Ritsuka snorted, and Mafuyu cracked a small smile. She grinned at Take, grateful for his ability to bring the mood up so naturally. He winked at her, pouring two small glasses of sake out.
They fell into easier conversation then, about Given’s upcoming album. If there was one thing her brother could talk about for hours, it was music. The stiffness left Mafuyu’s shoulders once more, and he spoke more easily. A lot of the terms they were using went over her head, but Take seemed excited by it.
Eventually, there was a lull in the conversation. She didn’t really want to spoil the mood, but she also couldn’t stop thinking about the start of the evening. Sighing, she looked at her brother. “Hey. Are we going to talk about what happened earlier?”
“What?”
“You know. With Dad.”
Ritsuka looked down again, shoulders slumping slightly. “I know, I know. I will tell them. I want them to know. Just… not yet.” He looked up at her. “We’re looking for a place.”
“A place?” she feigned confusion.
“To live together” said Mafuyu.
“Oh, there’s plenty of cheap rentals around my end of town” said Take.
“We’re kind of wanting to buy… we have a bit of money from the band… and I want to be able to soundproof it, so we can work on our songs there.” Ritsuka looked equal parts nervous and excited, sharing this information.
“Look at my fancy kid brother. Barely out of school and already buying a house.” Yayoi laughed.
“Geez, Yayoi, I’m nearly twenty.”
“Ohhh, forgive me Mr Adult-sama.”
Ritsuka rolled his eyes. Take glanced at her. She nodded.
“Actually, we’re thinking of moving in together too. Once Yayoi’s done with her exams.”
“Oh. That’s… that’s great. I’m happy for you.” Ritsuka looked at her, unexpectedly genuine. Another sign he’s growing up.
She ruffled his hair. “Thanks, little brother. So, once you tell our parents, gonna come out to the world?”
Ritsuka sighed. “No. Still not allowed. Band rules.”
Mafuyu frowned slightly at him. “Do you want to?”
“Well… it would be nice to stop seeing articles theorising that you and Hiiragi are together.”
Mafuyu laughed into his hand.
“It’s just so… complicated…” Yayoi said, with a sigh, watching them.
Ritsuka ran his hand through his hair. “Yeah. Try booking hotel rooms as two men around here. Fuck that last time was awkward.”
Mafuyu’s face twitched.
“What?” asked Take, catching it.
“Well… they were going to turn down the booking, when we got there. So… Ritsuka lied to them and told them we were cousins.”
Yayoi snorted into her cup.
“Which made it even worse. Because he booked a room with one bed.”
Take started sniggering again.
Ritsuka bared his teeth, looking like the memory was causing him physical pain.
“So, what happened?” Take asked, recovering himself.
“They made us pay for two separate rooms, in the end.”
Yayoi could tell Mafuyu was playing this off as a funny story, but there was no mistaking the hurt flashing across her little brother’s eyes. Mafuyu seemed to notice too, squeezing his hand. She tipped her chin forward. “Honestly, Rikka, fuck those people. You guys are clearly so good for each other.” She had to say it out loud before she’d even realised that’s really what she thought. She smiled at him. “And, whenever you do tell mum and dad, I’ll be there for you.”
He looked at her, defiant, then softened into something more vulnerable. “Thank you” he said, voice soft, slightly wobbly.
“Let’s decorate this cake” she said, not sure she could handle him crying at the dinner table.
~~~
The next time she saw her brother that close to tears, he was sitting at the dining table across from his parents. She stood behind him, hands on his shoulders. He was so nervous about the conversation he’d already packed most of his things into his car, ready to escape. He and Mafuyu were getting the keys to their new place next week.
Their parents were gaping at him. Yayoi fought the urge to roll her eyes at them. Ritsuka and Mafuyu were anything but subtle, and nothing other than wilful ignorance could have left them in shock at his announcement.
“I think you’re confused, honey” his mother started.
Ritsuka balled his hands into fists. “I’m not confused. We’re together.” He was speaking through gritted teeth.
Their father considered him in silence, his expression stony.
“What are you going to do, marry this boy? You can’t have children with another man, Ritsuka” their mother pressed on, insistent.
“I know that, mum. And I don’t know, maybe one day I will marry him!”
Yayoi gave his shoulders a squeeze. She recalled Mafuyu’s face, when they had invited them over to announce her and Take’s engagement. It was White Day, and Mafuyu was clinging on to the rose that her brother had given him. The way he looked at Ritsuka as they celebrated – she knew, then. Mafuyu wanted that, too.
“What am I supposed to tell your grandmother?” their mother asked.
Ritsuka swiped a tear off his cheek. “Tell her whatever you want. It doesn’t change it. Mafuyu and I are together. We bought an apartment, and I’m moving in next week.”
“You bought? How did you get a loan approved?” their father finally spoke.
Ritsuka clicked his tongue, looking away. “Had to tell the bank we were friends. It’s two bedroom.”
“Ritsuka. Are you sure?” their mother asked, almost pleadingly.
He stood. “Let me make this clear. I am moving in with Mafuyu. Who is my boyfriend. I am in love with him.” He glared at them for a moment. “Well, you have my phone number.” He stalked off down the hall. Yayoi would have thought it was an impressive exit, but for the crack in his voice.
She followed him down the hall. “You did great, Rikka. I’m going to stay a bit longer, try and talk some sense into them.” He nodded, avoiding looking at her. She kissed him on the cheek. “Love you, little brother.” His chin wobbled as he opened the door and strode out.
She was assaulted with questions from their mother the moment she walked back into the living room.
“Yayoi, did you know about this?”
“Of course I knew about it, what the hell do you think has been going on? They’ve been attached at the hip for years!”
“They’re in the same band, I thought they were just good friends. I didn’t think Ritsuka was… That kid, Mafuyu. He’s always been a bit strange. He’s… he’s got into Ritsuka’s head. Made him go funny. He needs to snap out of it.”
“There’s nothing wrong with Rikka’s head. Can’t you see? He’s brilliant! He’s working so hard. He just bought a house, and he’s barely twenty-one! And Mafuyu… he’s amazing too. He’s so sweet to Rikka. I didn’t get it at first either, but if you just give them a chance, just watch them together. You can tell. They’re made for each other, mum.”
“Which one is Ritsuka, then?” their father spoke again.
“Huh?”
“Which one? The girl or the boy.”
“What the hell? They’re both boys.”
“But in the relationship…”
“Wow.” She massaged her temples, desperately relieved that he hadn’t asked that question while Ritsuka was still there. “They’re both men. They don’t need a girl part and a boy part. Geez.”
“Yayoi, can’t you find a nice friend for Ritsuka?” her mother asked, imploringly. “Once he realises what real love is like…”
“Christ mum, he knows! He knows what real love is like, that’s what I’m saying! He’s happy being with Mafuyu. Isn’t that what’s actually important?”
She argued back and forth with them for another twenty minutes before leaving herself, threatening to disinvite them from her wedding if they didn’t give Ritsuka and Mafuyu a chance. She flopped onto her own couch, pulling out her phone.
Satou Mafuyu 17:29
Thanks for supporting Uenoyama-kun, Yayoi-chan
He’s okay now
Mafuyu sent a photo of Ritsuka, face contorted into a laughing grimace, a little white puffball of a dog in his arms, licking his cheek.
Uenoyama Yayoi 18:12
Look after him for me, kid
And you can call me Onee-chan