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"I ain't kind. I find myself sometimes an' I can't think of why I robbed some man or why he ain't breathin' on the ground anymore." A long span of silence stretched. "I ain't thinkin'. Don't know how much I do lately."
Arthur cleared his throat, eyes mostly trained on the ground like they always do when he's admitting awful things to the girls. A feeling akin to shame and confusion ran rampant through his veins, and the beautiful curly blonde beside him struggled a bit to reach for words.
"That ain't good, Arthur. You know better," Mary-Beth reminded him, one of her hands cupping the other. "It's important to focus on why we do what we do. Ain't for the sake of killin'. We do what we need to survive."
"I know…" he partly groans, pressing his fingertips to his eyes.
Mary-Beth's lips tighten, but her reflection doesn't stop her verdict. "I think you should take some time. Step back. Instead of stayin' gone and workin' for days, spend a few more with us. The jobs'll be there when you go out for 'em again."
Straightening his posture, Arthur settles his large palm on his knee. "I been thinkin' about that. I'm stuck here for the next day or two anyway. Someone… needs me."
Mary-Beth nodded. "That'll be good for you."
In a calm motion, she settled her hand over the one he supported himself with. "You can be more present in the moment. Just… think more next time."
Arthur sighed, slipping his eyes up to hers with a sidelong glance. He nodded too, re-stabilizing himself after the vulnerability of their conversation with a deep breath in and out. "Thank you, Mary-Beth."
"Anytime," she smiled, and pulled her hand away.
"One more thing, though."
She hummed inquisitively.
"Could you, uh, buy somethin' for me?"
Nose wrinkled with a small itch, Mary-Beth looked down at the item in her hands. Freshly bought from the store, the newest and tubeless design, was a baby bottle. The clerk hadn't thought anything of it. He had rambled on something about how bad his children were and looked to her for agreement, to which she employed her usual conning, breathy laugh. She walked out of there with a smile, a bottle, and a new pocket watch. Only one of which had been paid for.
The front door opened to a muddy livestock town; Valentine. Over to her right, a tall, gruff man stood from a bench.
"Could'a just bought this yourself," she said, handing the bottle over. Nestled in the shawl over her dress was the pocket watch, saved for camp contributions.
The sound Arthur made was unsure. "I don't know. More usual if a woman buys it."
"Maybe. But it ain't like this is a crime that needs to be inconspicuous."
Arthur shrugged, tucking away the item in his satchel. Buying something like this wasn't illegal at all, but he was always very careful when it came to him. His partner. That vulnerable state he trusted him with. "Sure… just don't want no questions." He cleared his throat. "Thanks again."
Mary-Beth pursed her lips, her arms crossing a little more firmly, now for more than just concealing a stolen pocket watch. "Hush, now. Better get us back before that man notices anything."
That suggestion raised Arthur's brow. In a hushed accusation, he smirked. "Seems a crime was committed after all…"
She chuckled, this time being genuine. "Hurry on!"
Mary-Beth's flats met the ground as she and Arthur arrived back at camp. He dismounted and pat his horse, giving her a brush and a carrot for her troubles. A calm horse, a good one.
By the time he finished, Arthur caught sight of an exhausted man across the clearing. That silhouette had been slumped over a lot more recently, but Arthur was prepared today. His partner, Julian, just didn't know he had it coming.
Upon seeing Arthur walk away from his horse, Julian met him in the middle. Seeing him always took some weight off his shoulders. "Hey, Arthur…" he said breathlessly. In a weary motion, he hooked one arm up and behind Arthur's neck to give him a modest peck on the cheek. "I didn't notice you went off somewhere."
"I know you didn't," Arthur acknowledged, pulling Julian into a half hug and holding him there longer than necessary. "That's what happens when ya do three or four chores at the same time."
Julian only hummed, not allowing more than a few seconds of rest against Arthur's chest. A boost had drained from his veins, all used up and now not much more than fumes. "Things still need to get done. There's just a few more left."
Julian pat Arthur's chest as a signal to part ways, but Arthur wasn't deterred. Instead, he ruffled the short hair in his hand and didn't let go. "Yeah, and I've got a surprise for ya," he said, voice lilted up in a tease.
Arthur could be so stubborn sometimes. That, Julian was familiar with. He could only imagine what Arthur had gotten for him this time. He looked up into Arthur's eyes, or however much he could while being captured like this. "Thank you. I'll see you in the tent just as soon as I finish up like two things—"
"You've been workin' all day, boy. Left me to my own. Now you gotta deal with not scramblin' 'round camp. So terrible," Arthur pitied, keeping Julian glued to him.
He was having fun with this. He enjoyed the whole process. Having his overworked man in need of a break, settling him down with comfort in a safe place, and then letting his baby play around. It became a monthly or slightly more often routine that he found himself enjoying and relaxing in sometimes. Caring for his boy wasn't a chore, even if it took some getting used to back when Julian used to stress himself into that younger headspace.
"Arthur…" Julian grumbled, but he didn't have much fight left in him. He was tired. Good thing his Arthur just knew. "They've been overdue. No one's touched 'em. Lemme finish up and then you can show me what you got."
As if he even considered those options, Arthur looked to the leaves overhead and hummed unconvinced. He shook his head. "I don't think so. You're comin' with me."
Arthur may have released Julian's head, but a swift grab of his wrists came next. Like some low down criminal, Julian was escorted to his own tent.
"Arthur, why are you bein' so ridiculous today…"
"I ain't doin' nothin' ridiculous."
"But the chores."
Rolling his eyes, Arthur half shouted off to the side. "Bill? Go on and get them last two or so chores."
A scrunched nose and a scowl later, Bill hissed back, "Like hell I'm takin' orders from you, Morgan."
Unbothered, Arthur rolled his shoulders. "Then like hell I'm fetchin' you more hair pomade when that scalp ain't ever oiled anyway."
He froze. Bill only scoffed to save himself.
And then he magically rose from his chair for no reason…
Arthur quietly smirked behind Julian before handling him into his own tent like some rancher. "Now, ya ain't got nothin' to worry about. Sit down."
Once he was softly pushed down onto his cot, Julian peered up at Arthur with pressed lips. "You're awfully insistent today…"
Amused, Arthur dug through his partner's box of clothes. He was searching for a particularly soft set, an outfit that was normally stashed away from all eyes. "No I ain't. You're just bein' stubborn as hell and won't listen no other way." Fingers brushing the specific set of clothes, he pulled them out and flapped them with flair. "There we go," he huffed with satisfaction, dragging out the 'e' sound.
Julian now understood what the plan was. Just seeing those clothes again made his tired body and mind yearn for the gentle retreat that was his small headspace. Working hard these past few weeks had made him so stressed out, but there had been thing after thing to do. Luckily, Arthur was here to let him know when he'd be safe and protected long enough he didn't have to worry about anything for the night.
He was about to not say anything, but the softness he was starting to feel in his chest made him want to refute it. In a faintly smart tone, Julian muttered, "I'm startin' to think you're the one who likes doin' this better."
Arthur smirks again as he crosses the small area of the tent. "Oh, believe me, I like it, darlin'. I'll take care a'you any day you need it." Crouching down in front of Julian, he lets loose of a kinder look. "Does my boy wanna get comfy and play now?"
Ooooh. Julian had to fight the melting part of himself.
Either way, he lost that battle.
Just sensing how Julian gave in, Arthur smiled. He quietly laid the outfit aside and helped Julian stand up, even if he could do it himself. That wasn't the point. Arthur's job right now was to make his partner as carefree and as cared for as possible to help him slip. Only soft and careful touches helped Julian hop out of his usual camp clothes and into the light blue and white fabrics of his little outfit.
"Let's see now," Arthur enthusiastically announced. Standing up to his full height, he made Julian feel even smaller. Arthur pat him on the arm. "Looks like we got a proper good boy here."
Julian looked down with a smile, not yet lacking the shame to beam up at Arthur for something so simple. He had to get it out of his head that they weren't around everyone else right now. There weren't any other eyes on him but Arthur. He could slink out of all those big, adult thoughts. Relax.
Arthur saw that look and hooked his index finger, pushing Julian's head up. "I still got that surprise for ya, Jules. Don't you wanna see what Daddy got ya?"
Each word made Julian's head fuzz up. He was turning into a little puddle. His daddy had gotten real good over the few years they practiced this at getting his baby to feel safe and sound. And very special too. Julian almost didn't trust his own words.
He nodded, daring to meet Arthur's eyes.
"Alright!" Arthur mused, as if he had to excite them both. "Hold on just a second."
Slightly turning to plunder through his satchel, Julian found himself trying to peek. Arthur barely caught the little look and let out an amused breath through his nose. As his hand landed on it, he sent a testing look Julian's way, looking over his own shoulder like the gift was a big secret.
"I figured we'd try somethin' a lil' different," he said, finally pulling out the surprise. The baby bottle he bought from the store.
Instead of reacting with words, Julian looked animated. His brows raised and he blinked in thought. The bottle was for him. Because he was little. And that made him feel even more so.
"I gotchu a bottle," he presented, holding the bottom between his fingers. He extended it out a bit, allowing Julian to examine it if he wanted.
He peered at it for a while, but when he looked back up, his only comment was, "But I already have a sippy." Already deeper in the cotton jar that was his head.
"I know you got a sippy already. But just in case you want Daddy to feed ya when yer real little." He paused for a second, taking a better hold of the bottle once he saw Julian wasn't grabbing for it. "You wanna try it out?"
Julian gave it a hesitant look, as any kid does to something unfamiliar. But Arthur seemed like it was okay. So maybe it was.
A nod was Julian's answer.
Without milk readily at hand, Arthur went outside to get some water for the bottle. While waiting for him, Julian fiddled with his hands and glanced at the ground. It wasn't long until Arthur returned though, loaded up and instructing Julian how to lay in his arms on the cot.
"My sweet boy. I know you're thirsty," Arthur cooed, finally nudging the stiff rubber of the bottle's nipple against Julian's lips. "Bein' out in that hot sun all day." He took it quietly, his widened, more naive eyes meeting Arthur's. "How's that taste, huh? Real good?"
Hesitantly, Julian began sucking on the bottle. It was new, different, but it did calm him further. He felt so tiny. Everything was fuzzy, and he felt real dependent on his daddy.
The water cooled his body down, still so tired and strained from all that adult work during the day. Those memories were slowly drifting from his mind, and thoughts of bright and rattling toys replaced them instead. His toys were tucked away nearby. The water did taste good, but now he was feeling restless.
Arthur tilted his head when his little released the bottle. Once he pulled it away, he guessed what happened. After all, Julian wasn't always very verbal when he felt small. "Don't really like it, bud? Is it the rubber?"
Julian shrugged his shoulders and looked over to the other side of the tent before pushing himself up. "I wan' toy. Can I have pony?" he asked, now looking into Arthur's eyes just fine with his head lolled back.
"You didn't care 'bout that bottle at all," Arthur laughed, mentally shrugging at the fact his surprise didn't exactly serve much of a purpose. "Yeah, darlin'. We can get you yer pony."
It was always easy to tell if something caught little Julian's attention. He never pretended he liked something or wasn't bored of it. He wouldn't toss anything around or shout if what he was given wasn't what he wanted, but he would sure act plum neutral about it and search for something else he'd actually enjoy.
Arthur got up from the cot as Julian scooted himself off, hunting for that tucked away box. Pushing aside the stuff stacked on top of it by design, Arthur opened up the box and revealed a couple of toys that Julian played with on the regular.
"Pony!" Julian squeaked, spotting, clutching, and yanking the toy out on sight. It was immediately scooped into his arms. "I missed you pony," he said resolutely, petting its yarn mane.
"I'm sure pony missed you too, Jules. You gone play a game with 'em?" Arthur guided, leaving the lid of the secret toy box open.
Inspired by the prompt, Julian didn't answer, but instead acted on the suggestion. He carefully placed his pony on the ground and set it free to neigh and rock across the mini landscape that was the area of the tent floor.
Arthur watched the imaginary gallop the pony took before opting to look at Julian. He looked so absorbed, so caught up in his little world. His face was fixed into one of childlike wonder as he played with his simple toy horse.
Arthur may have been focused on the look on his face, but Julian was envisioning something completely different. He could see his pony dashing across the land and the wind blowing its mane wild. The pony was very happy being the fastest horse ever until—! It got thirsty!
Pony turned this way and that, but it couldn't find a little puddle anywhere! The tent was just so dry! He neighed during his search, yearning for just a taste, until Julian had a grand solution.
"Daddy, pony thirsty…" he sadly informed, pointing the head of the tiny rocking horse down to convey sadness as well. "Pony can't find any waterholes!"
Arthur eyed the problem at hand, already trying to find out how to fix the problem. An idea came to him fast.
"Whatcha mean, boy? Look there," he pointed to a random lump of dirt. "There's a big 'ole waterhole right there. Have pony drink outta that."
Unfortunately, the usual solution of play pretend wasn't enough this time. "Daddy, no! That not water!"
"What about this big river across here then?" Arthur replied, drawing a long line with his finger in the dirt between them.
The toy horse was instantly pulled tightly into Julian's arms, a hold intended to protect. "No! Pony need real water! Pony's thirsty!" Julian repeated himself, petting the horse's head. "Like I was…" he muttered, before slowly making a connection. "Daddy! Pony need bottle!"
Arthur raised a brow, wondering if his surprise was actually useless after all. Julian pushed the horse into his arms, so he took hold of it. "You want me to bottle feed your pony? S'pose Daddy can do that."
Not without a cheer, Julian stood up and teetered over to Arthur's satchel. He looked around with only his eyes for a moment, immediately coming to the conclusion he couldn't find it. All it took was one nod from Arthur to confirm he needed to keep looking because it was definitely still over there. Finding the bottle after a plunder in Arthur's satchel, Julian quickly hopped back to Arthur and Pony.
"Here go!" he exclaimed, now sitting on his legs with his hands in his lap. As if bottle feeding Pony was a mythical legend he didn't know would actually solve the horse's thirst, Julian watched and waited patiently.
"Alright," Arthur cleared his throat, laying Pony back in his arms and turning the bottle up. He put the rubber teat right against the slightly carved crease of its mouth. "This'll be good. How's Pony likin' the bottle?"
Julian giggled, getting a little closer and sitting half in Arthur's lap. "I think Pony getting less thirsty," he claimed, a success in his book.
Once that problem was solved, something else caught Julian's attention just as quickly. Or rather, his brain conjured up another play time idea.
"Wait!" he warned, suddenly leaning over to listen real close to the horse. "Daddy, Pony's snifflin'!"
Arthur quickly tried to catch up in the play pretend as Julian called for the doctor, although unsure of who should take up the role. Playing with Julian was always fun, but damn if it weren't disorienting sometimes.
Putting on an imaginary stethoscope, Julian cleared his throat. He adjusted his invisible tie to make himself look more professional. "How long's Pony been like this?" he asked doctorly, or what he thought was doctorly, which was mostly a strained, old man voice while looking down his nose.
"Uh…" Arthur scrambled, putting the bottle down and holding Pony proper. "Pony's been snifflin' I hear. Through the whole night, I think."
"Goodness! That's awful!" the doctor sympathized, holding up the end of the stethoscope to check… something. Whatever doctors use that for. "Anything else?!"
Arthur didn't know he'd have to think of more. He didn't know too much about any doctor's diagnosis either. His eyes shifted as he searched for another symptom in his head. "I think he's been feelin' hot too."
Julian sent him a look, obviously not the response he had in his head. He whispered over, "Pony's been feelin' cold! Shiverin'!"
Stunned, Arthur played along. "Right, Doc. Pony's actually been real cold and shiverin' all over…"
Gasping, Julian tugged away his pretend stethoscope. "Oh no! That means Pony has a cold!" He quickly got up and ran over to his cot, grabbing a blanket that was actually big enough to cover himself to throw over the little horse in Arthur's hands. "Pony will need to stay under the blanket for a whole day to get it to go away! A cold's serious business!"
Sounding out his confusion, Arthur looked down at sick Pony and the big blanket over him. "I don't think that's how ya treat a cold, Doc. Don't actually mean he's too cold—"
"Daddy," said Julian, breaking character. "That is how to get rid of the cold. Put a blanket on and you won't be cold no more."
At that reasoning, Arthur couldn't do nothing but chuckle. Toddlers and their games. Nothing was ever too realistic. Won't even take an explanation neither. "I gotcha, baby."
Julian put a smile back on his face. He didn't ever have to be sure of much really, because if Arthur agreed with him, he felt his chest soar with accomplishment and pride. His daddy was very special to him.
From the place he had in Arthur's lap, Julian leaned against him and pet Pony. Even if it was pretend, he still felt like he helped Pony, and that made him feel good!
It was comfortable where he was sitting, especially when Arthur put an arm around him. He carefully monitored Pony as he enjoyed being close to Arthur, not realizing how deep the drag of sleep was settling in his bones. Big Julian had been working all day, but little Julian felt like he just got started.
His brained jumped to think of anything he could do to stop being tired. Straightening his back so he wasn't all comfortably laid up on Arthur's chest was the first course of action, and the second was to make another game, and fast.
Looking down at Pony, Julian did the first thing he thought of. He raised up a fist and coughed into it. It sounded fake, so Arthur didn't react much to it, but then Julian began laying it on thick.
"Daddy… I'm so cold! I think my nose is runnin' and… I really got the cold!"
"Got the cold too, do ya?" asked Arthur, amused and smirking to himself. "Sure you ain't just caught the Z bugs?"
Little Julian had been the first one to name getting sleepy 'the Z bugs' a long time ago. Something about cousins of little bed bugs that don't bite, but instead make you catch Z's. Knowing what that meant, he violently shook his head. "No! I said I got the cold, not the bugs!"
"Oh, okay. Let's see about solvin' that illness, then."
Arthur, even though he had a little that often fought sleep, was pretty handy at getting him to sleep. Whether it was by means of trickery, bribery, or straight up firmness, his baby had to get his sleep like a good boy.
Setting Pony aside, Arthur absentmindedly pulled the blanket off. Julian acted like it was a terrible crime, but Arthur insisted he would be warm in the toy box. "'Sides, big boys need to get better more than horses do."
There was some pride in that title, being a big boy, even if the implications of what big boys do hadn't yet occurred to Julian tonight. Arthur knew, though, and knew that withheld praise also did a fine trick at getting big boys to sleep.
Arthur picked Julian up without too much difficulty, carrying him over to his cot in the corner of the tent. He dragged the blanket over him and tucked him in real tight. "Will that make ya toasty enough, Jules?"
Julian beamed, "Uh huh!" He certainly could be a big boy, but being treated with such care made anyone feel really soft and cared for, right??
Kneeling next to the side of Julian's cot, Arthur looked around for any old rag. Luckily, there was one right under the cot. He tossed it on the other side of Julian. "That's for when ya get all snotty," he said, his voice carrying a playful, icky tone.
He placed his hand on the top of Julian's forehead, knowing the symptom he was checking was wrong, but he'd play along with anything like this. "Seems like yer warmin' up already," he smiled, tenderly starting to rub his thumb against Julian's hairline.
Another wave of drowsiness hit the little, making his eyes droop. He nearly shot up, but that loving gaze Arthur was giving him made him not want to move. Being the subject of Arthur's attention was all little Jules ever wanted. Instead, he opted for talking himself awake.
"I'm feelin' better, Daddy…" he muttered, not being able to stop a yawn. "Now we gotta save Cooksburg," he excused, referencing his make believe town that was always the setting of their pretend hero and cooking games.
Arthur let out the smallest laugh, careful not to upset the little. He kept rubbing that thumb against the side of his face until he ran his fingers through the top Julian's dark brown hair, trying his best to soothe him before he could tell it was being done.
"Cooksburg don't need savin', darlin'. I told Mr. Lettuce and Scary Wally that they can't cause no trouble tonight 'cause yer sick."
Julian poked his bottom lip out, still in between sinking into his cot and feeling restless. "But they're villains! They do bad things. Like not keepin' their promises when they make 'em…"
"Relax, baby. Daddy's makin' sure they ain't doing anything while yer restin'."
Julian almost couldn't tell anymore if he was actually sick or not. Being so sleepy had him feeling some type of bedridden. He murmured something else, clearly still trying to fight sleep.
"None a' that," said Arthur, hoping to get Julian to sleep somewhat peacefully tonight. "You want Daddy to sleep next to you? Make sure you ain't sick and no villains come knockin'?"
Almost able to sense the trick, Julian looked over Arthur's face, but fortunately he was too little and too sleepy to actually outsmart it. Quietly nodding his head, he muttered a, "Yeah…"
That made Arthur smile, even if the statement had been made in a little more bait than care tonight. "That's right. My good boy…" he praised, landing a soft kiss on Julian's forehead. He knew how much Julian needed him, how much he was a comfort to him. Using it against him wasn't so bad, especially since they both loved being close and warm most of the time.
Making sure he was in comfortable enough clothes to sleep, Arthur took off his suspenders before climbing over Julian to settle in on his other side. He could tell how tired his baby was. Sweet thing didn't quite know what was good for him right now. Arthur slid under the blanket and then pulled Julian close to his chest, perching his chin on top of his head. Another simple kiss landed on Julian's head before Arthur settled his head back.
"Comfy?" Arthur asked, already knowing the answer. The final move was to slowly but firmly rub Julian's back, which was absolutely sure to get him to sleep.
Julian felt his eyes drooping way more than before. But he was tucked so nicely against his daddy's chest, he couldn't find it in himself to care about fighting it much. Another yawn rolled out of him, only pulling him in deeper.
It was almost funny in a parental role, seeing your baby unable to fight the sleep they clearly weren't thrilled about. Arthur felt that humor now, knowing it was only seconds before Julian was defeated by all his tactics.
And when Julian was finally asleep, snoring softly and cuddled so close, Arthur hugged him close for just a second longer. More than likely, his baby would be big again in the morning, but he would miss their little playdates until Julian needed one again.
And on that peaceful thought, Arthur drifted off too.
And maybe, since he could take care of Julian each time he needed it… he wasn't as bad as he thought himself to be.