Work Text:
The moon’s light beams down on them, and Anthony can see fractals from the moonbeams hitting the sparkle of her discarded dress.
The air is hot and sticky, and so are their bodies.
Kate’s eyes are closed, though he’s not sure she’s actually asleep. The scent of what they just did lingers in the air, mingling with the floral aroma of the Bridgerton gazebo. It’s a scent that will now always make him think of her.
Tonight, their kisses came fiercely, less gentle and patient than their first kiss had been.
He knows now he’s holding her too tight. He’s scared she will run away, but he cannot bring himself to let her go.
It’s as though he needs help believing she’s there with him tonight.
He had no intention of bedding her. Well, he has certainly desired it for a while now, but he is a gentleman, and a gentleman does not bed a lady in his family’s garden. And yet, he has done just so. They have done just so.
But even in his wildest dreamings, he could not foresee, lying beside her, with her wanting him. For months now, while he tried to pretend he did not want her, he was convinced she truly despised him. But there had been no despicement from her tonight.
She stirs now, and he knows she’s as awake as he is. He loosens his hold on her, but only so she can shift, which she does, to face him.
Anthony brushes a loose tendril of her hair behind her ear, and their faces touch. They have yet to speak since their consummation. He is scared to break the sacred peace they are in right now, where the rest of the world and all that has come before them does not exist.
But just for this moment, as long as she is his, while he has lost all of his resistance and crossed the borderline they’d unspokenly put between them, he is happy and free.
Anthony is pulled from his stupor when she slowly kisses his lips. It’s chaste, compared to what has just occurred between them.
Nonetheless, he relishes it and delivers his own back to her. It’s as much a promise as it is a kiss.
And if it turns out it’s over too fast, he will make every last moment last, as long as she’s his.
“Anthony,” she whispers, as he deepens the kiss, her mouth opening for his. It’s instinctive, like their bodies have known each other for years, or like something magical has been drawing them together since the dawn of time.
Maybe he’s brainless. He knows what they are doing is reckless, ruining her reputation and destroying his honor. Putting his heart on the line.
But then maybe he’s wise. For the first time in his life, he feels alive. She makes him feel like life is indeed worth living. Not dutiful or obligatory, but purposeful. That is the effect she has on him.
She has him seeing through different eyes, like somehow he’s fallen under her spell. Yet somehow, he’s feeling it’s up that he fell. He feels lighter with her, more vulnerable, more willing to believe he deserves good things. Willing to believe that he could be worthy of her.
He’s back on top of her now. Kate stares up at him like he is a god, and he does not know why she sees him thus, but he will not question it, not now.
“Every moment,” he says, his thoughts disjointed. “As long as you’re mine.”
She smirks, a tiny upward turn of her mouth–he knows it’s because what he said doesn’t quite make sense. His mind and body are too abuzz to make sense of the English language right now.
But then she’s pulling his face to hers, and his hands are caressing her, waking up their bodies, again, as if making up for all their lost time, again.
As the heat grows between them once more, all rationale is out of his head. They are joining together, in the closest, most intimate way a man and woman can, and all that matters is right now. His past indiscretions, her secrets, none of that matters, not while they are lying here together.
And say there’s no future for them as a pair: though he may know, he does not care.
Because just for this moment, he repeats to himself in his head, as long as she’s his, the world outside his gazebo doesn’t matter.
“Come,” she beckons, “be how you want to.” Another smirk as she pushes him to his knees, and he looks up at her, grinning like the devil, his eyes not leaving hers. How bright they must shine.
It’s as if they are on borrowed time, only having so long as the moonlight will give them, only having the moonlight until it is through.
He’s drunk on her and drunk on this moment. They stop speaking, focusing on each other once more, finding the pleasure they know no other could ever bring them.
Anthony feels like they are levitating, floating in the air together, gravity a mere mortal concern.
They come down from their high together, and he tucks her under his arm, feeling spent and feeling sleep overtake him. But there is something he has to say, while they are still in this moment, together.
“Kate,” he says, like a prayer. “Know, please know, I will be here, holding you, as long as you’re mine.”
She is silent, and he worries he was too quiet. But she is already asleep, his words gone unheard. Slowly, with her still in his arms, he drifts off to sleep himself.
And when he is woken up by drops of morning rain on his face, he smiles to himself, breathes in the smell of lilies, the smell of her, and turns.
But she is no longer beside him, and he cannot be sure last night was real at all.
Then the memories come rushing back to him. He does not regret what happened, but he does regret that it will force him to propose to her in a way she does not deserve.
Because, as he so delicately discovered last night, as long as she is his, he would go to the ends of the earth for her. Anthony can only hope she will come to love him as he loves her.
For his heart belongs to her.
For as long as she is his, he is hers.