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John knew he looked a lot like Steve Rogers; both have blonde hair, blue eyes, and similar height. And both had been Captain America, even if John had only been it for a short time.
John knew he was just a replacement.
At the beginning it didn't bother him; he was also using Bucky for his own benefit.
But with time.
Shit.
John started to get feelings for Bucky. They were small; a brush in the knee or a shared gaze during missions would send John's heart to the sky.
John told himself that their relationship was just mutual benefit with no real involvement...still, he couldn't control his heart.
Normally, John would avoid thinking about it. But tonight, in the middle of the night, silence and darkness surrounding him, while Bucky was sleeping next to him, John couldn't stop his mind.
It was two in the morning.
John woke up and tried to go back to sleep.
John sat at the edge of the bed; he started to dress quietly.
It was normal for him to never stay the night. Almost as a routine for both of them. None said it, but Bucky and he thought it was necessary.
After putting on something decent enough for him to go back to his room, John was about to stand up but ended up sitting back.
His heart was pounding in his ears.
John looked back to see Bucky's sleeping body. He stretched out his hand enough to feel the warmth from Bucky's body but not enough to touch him.
He sighed.
"Fuck... I just wish...I was what you wanted." John's voice broke a little. "Can you hold me?"
If Bucky were awake, John wouldn't have been able to say those words.
With one last look at Bucky, John finally stood up and left the room. Just like always, with his body and heart numb from the pain that Bucky didn't know John was feeling.
What he didn't know was that Bucky was awake and had heard John.
Bucky's heart ached. He didn't know John felt that way.
Wasn't I clear enough? Bucky thought.
It seems it wasn't like that.
It is time they finally talk about their relationship.