Chapter Text
Y/n was cleaning her room as she finally got the energy and time to clean it. Before she didn’t have the energy and time to clean her room due to all the tasks she has had to do because of the newbie, Rudo Surebrec. She didn’t blame him for all the tasks though she understood he wanted answers and revenge on others even if she didn’t exactly know who he wanted revenge on. Y/n found Rudo interesting since he is such a strong spherite and a giver. She did, although notice it was like he had some sort of hatred in him which made her a bit wary of him- yet she was still kind to him because she knew his heart was in the right place because of all their interactions.
Y/n stopped thinking about Rudo once she looked at the floor under the bed and all the food that had accumulated. The smell was horrid and she started to worry there might be bugs in all the leftover food. At first Y/n didn’t think putting left overs under her bed would affect her because she ate most of the food and the leftovers weren’t big. But after 4 months of leftover food being put under her bed it became a big jumble of food. There was mold growing on some of the food. It was a good thing she brought trash bags, gloves, and other cleaning supplies with her because things were about to get messy. Y/n was on the verge of puking since she forgot her gas mask was a thing and she was just grabbing the leftovers as she had to just breathe in the smell. ‘Even No Man’s Land smells better than this’ she thought even if she knew it wasn’t as bad as No Man’s Land but it was still pretty bad. Once she was done collecting all the leftovers she noticed all the leftovers were compostable. She decided to go outside and bury the food in the ground near the Cleaners HQ. She knew composting foods in the soil could help build healthy soil and she always wanted to grow a flower in this hell of a place. She knew chances were slim but she still held onto the little hope she had left.
Y/n walked out of her room holding the trash bag and walked to the front of the headquarters where Semiu was sitting. She noticed how quiet it was today and turned her head to face Semiu who was reading her magazines. Y/n spoke up “Hey Semiu do you know why it’s so quiet today?” Semiu looked up from her magazine and looked at Y/n. “Many of the cleaners today are on missions”. Y/n processed the information then responded “Ohhh so its the loud ones out on missions today. ‘Kay oh also thank you for telling me” Semiu responded “No problem” and she went back to her magazine. Y/n gave her a nod and walked outside the HQ and made her way to the ground she was going to bury the leftovers in. Y/n made it after so long and began to dig. She made a big hole and dumped all the leftovers there, then covered that hole in the ground from what she dug up.
Y/n came back to HQ and went into her room. She plopped down on the bed and looked up at her ceiling. She gave up on trying to clean up her room. She was too tired, is what she told herself. She felt a sudden pang of sadness and started to wonder how she let all those leftovers accumulate and become such a big mess. ‘How could I let that happen..I’m a giver that’s 19 I’m an adult, I shouldn’t be so..LIKE THIS. I'm old enough to know what to do and how to act- so why am I like this- this isn’t something I can ignore…because I know I should’ve done better. I should be better..’ Y/n thought as she grabbed one of the pillows in her bed that was next to her and hugged it. She started to think of everything bad she has done and how she’s a terrible person.
Y/n stood up and went over to her drawer and opened a drawer. There was a box inside that she opened and pulled out a razor from. She rolled up her sleeves and closed her eyes as she felt the blade causing blood to seep out. She felt the blood fall down her arms and drop to the floor. When she looked she flinched at the sight. She knew she had gone deeper than before but she didn;t think it was gonna be too bad. It was too late to go back; she had made various cuts across her arms. She would need stitches is what she thought as she watched the blood seep out like a cascade. Y/n looked to her left where there was a window and she noticed how dark and late it was, meaning everyone is back by now. She dropped the razor and started panicking ‘I am so dumb why did I do that. I can’t just give myself stitches. I don't know how, there’s no one I can ask to help me without them telling someone, what if they get infected I can’t just let them flow in the breeze. If I don’t get these patched up soon it could affect my performance skills. If I fail my performance skills on a mission I could get someone killed and I’d be more of a burden.’ Thoughts and more thoughts ran throughout Y/n’s mind. She fell to her knees and started crying at all the worries in her head while her arms got bloodier.
Tamsy and Enjin were walking together in the hallway talking. It was mostly Enjin talking about the story of how Zanka and Rudo met and how Rudo was throwing around a plunger with poo proudly to attack Zanka as Zanka rad from Rudo and how it didn’t end up well for Zanka. They made it to Y/n’s hallway and heard muffled crying. Enjin stopped talking and looked over at Tamsy “Dude, do you hear that?” Tamsy gave him a nod “Yeah, and it seems like it’s coming from one of the cleaner’s rooms.” Enjin walked over to the noise and Tamsy followed behind. It was coming from Y/n’s bedroom? Enjin was confused as well as Tamsy. Y/n was always seen as strong and unbreakable to others. Whenever she went on missions she never came injured and she never showed her weak side, always giving others a big ol’ grin whenever they were worried. Enjin whispered to Tamsy “She’s probably crying because some of her food is gone, that’s the only time she’s cried. No one’s seen her cry other than that time.” Tamsy’s worried expression became a little relaxed as he whispered “Maybe that’s why, I mean she does love food.” Y/n was crying until she looked at her bedroom door burst open by Enjin as Tamsy stood next to Enjin. Enjin shouted out “Aw c’mon don’t tell me you’re crying over food again!!” Y/n looked up at them teary eyed with blood dripping from her arms as Enjin finally looked at what was going on. Tamsy and Enjin’s eyes widened at the scene they had caught her in. Enjin went over to her and pressed his hand against her head as he crouched down to her level. Tamsy walked over to them as well as his heart spiked with worry. After a loud moment of silence Enjin spoke up “..why. Why did you do this to yourself?” Y/n just looked down “I wasn’t thinking clearly.” Tamsy lended her a hand to stand up. She was hesitant at first but then took his hand. She stood up and Enjin did as well and she hugged them both as she started to hold in her tears. After a moment Tamsy spoke up “Hey…It’s okay we’ll help you.” Enjin nodded and looked at Y/n “Let’s take you to Eisha, she’ll get you fixed up.” Y/n nodded and before she knew it she was getting carried by Enjin who gave her a reassuring smile. She fell asleep after a few minutes of getting carried.