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You rolled over groggily, the grip around your waist tightening slightly. You smiled at the blue haired, black-eyed man that was your boyfriend. You gently squeezed his nose and giggled as he shimmied his head away, slowly waking up.
“Good morning, handsome,” you laugh. He smiles groggily and gives you a kiss. “What do you want for breakfast?”
“I wanna make you something,” he states. “I’ll make you breakfast in bed.” He smiles as he kisses your nose and makes his way to the kitchen. As much as you missed his warmth, you happily waited for him to come back upstairs with your food.
That was until you smelled smoke and heard loud sobbing coming from the kitchen. Your eyebrows creased in confusion as you made your way towards the sound. The sight you laid your eyes upon was probably the most tragic event that had ever been experienced.
“Stu? Honey, what happened..?” you asked hesitantly.
2D was standing next the stove crying harder than you had ever seen him cry. On the stove was what you assumed to be pancakes, but it was hard to tell considering they were on fire.
“Stu, honey, go sit down, let me put the fire out…” you said, ushering him to sit down at the table. You proceeded to put out the fire, wondering the whole time how exactly he had managed to set the pancakes on fire in five maybe ten minutes.
You sighed, sitting next to the sobbing mess that was your boyfriend and pulled him into your arms, head resting on your chest. “Stu, what happened?” you asked gently, running your hands through his hair.
“I dunno, I turned t’ stove on and they just caught on fire…” he cried, pressing his face into the crook of your neck.
“He’s an idiot is what happened,” a particular green satanist said mockingly, making his way through the kitchen.
You shot him a glare as he retreated to the next room.
---
After the mess at home a few days ago, you had to throw out the pan 2D had used. So you were now at the store picking up some more as well as whatever other cooking utensils were, for some reason, missing.
As you placed a metal spatula in the basket your phone started ringing. You sighed, noticing the call as from Murdoc. “What?” you ask, maybe a bit more aggressive than you should have.
“Your dullard of a boyfriend has opened my portal hell!” he shouts into the receiver.
“How the hell did he do that?” you ask. You let out an exasperated sigh. Murdoc and his nonsense was driving you up the wall.
“How should I know?! He poured milk in his cereal and it just caught on fire!”
“Sounds like someone’s been a Busy Betty then. Did you put the fire out?” you let out a sigh. Murdoc was obviously telling a story so he wouldn’t be to blame for catching the house on fire.
“Why the hell would I do that?”
“Murdoc!!” you exclaim. A few other shoppers in the aisle looked at you funny and you nodded in apology. “Murdoc friggin Niccals, you put that fire out before I come home and put you out! You hear? Put Stu on the phone, I’ll be home in a few…”
You could hear an annoyed sigh from Murdoc before he started shouting at 2D to come to the phone.The other end shuffled a bit, from being passed to another person. “‘Ello?”
“Stu?”
“Oh, hey, luv, what can I do ya…” You could tell he had been crying and you immediately felt bad.
“What’s going on back home?”
“I-I dunno. I was makin’ cereal an’ when’ I poured da milk in it caught fire,” he said softly. He was starting to cry again and you could tell.
“Sweetheart, is that what really happened or did that pickle of a man bully you into telling me that?” you ask gently. You were getting annoyed with Murdoc now and you were about ready to go home and beat the living hell out of him. Pun intended.
“No, that’s what really ‘appened, luv, I swear.”
“Ok, well I’m gonna check out and then I’ll be home. Stay away from Murdoc for me okay? Go in the bedroom and watch a film or something. I’ve already got bone to pick with him.”
“Whateva makes you ‘appy,” he sighed.
You said your goodbyes and not much later you were pulling into the driveway. Stomping into the place you called home you went searching for Murdoc. The remnants of a fire were seen on the counter and you shook your head, taking in a deep breath.
You found Murdoc sitting on the couch, watching the Kardashian show. You tug him by the front of his shirt until he is standing up. You can see him visibly gulp. Getting close to his face you say lowly between gritted teeth, “Make up one more story like that about Stu and I will personally see to it that you are never able to make another sound as long as you live.”
Shoving him back down onto the couch you made your way to 2D.
---
That was basically how the next two weeks went. 2D catching whatever he tried to cook on fire. After talking with many people, including Murdoc having a chat with the Devil, no one could figure out what was wrong with him.
So now, it was nearly two in the morning and you were cuddled up with 2D in bed watching a zombie film. You could tell he was upset, and as much as you would love to be asleep, you could tell he wasn’t going to be sleeping any time soon. You had spent most of the night looking up at him from your place on his chest.
“What’s bothering you?” you ask finally. 2D glances at you, trying to avoid the question. You sit up a little so your head is just above his. You place your hand gently on his cheek, caressing it softly. “Hey, what’s wrong?”
He nearly chokes on a sob, eyes squinting, tears forming. He sniffle quietly. “Everythin’ I touch catches on fire,” he cries, holding back sobs. “There’s somefink wrong wi’ me.”
“Baby, no,” You say softly, eyebrows creasing. he can’t contain the sobs any longer and his tears flow freely. “No. no there isn’t anything wrong with you. Oh, honey..” You wipe the tears from his cheeks and run your fingers through his hair soothingly. You leave little kisses on his cheeks; his forehead; his chin; his ears; his nose. Finally you kiss him gently on the lips, pulling away slowly.
“There is nothing wrong with you. You are not the problem,you hear? We’ll figure out what’s going on. I promise you. But don’t you ever think that you are anything less than perfect. I don’t care what happens you are always going to be my handsome, perfect love and nothing is going to change that. Don’t listen to what anyone else tells you. Especially that peice of crap downstairs.” You pause, looking deep in his eyes and brushing a stray lock of hair out of his face. “One day we’ll have a house and we’ll have little mini you’s running around. There is nothing wrong with you, Stu. There never will be..”
2D stares at you before kissing you gently. “I love you..”
“I love you, too,” you smile.
He pulls you into his chest, kissing the top of your head. “We’ll have a daughter….” he starts.
The two of you talkover your future together until you fall into a blissful sleep, with the sweetest man you’ve ever known. Little did you know, he’s already made your engagement dinner reservations the night before.