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It's rather cold, it's autumn. It's not unusual for this time of year. Tsukasa had finally finished practice, he was pretty tired. Wonderland x Showtime has an upcoming show, and it's rather important to practice for it! But Tsukasa has a feeling in his stomach that something doesn't feel right. The wind knives him, stinging against his face as walks into the sunset, a golden warmth all farmilar to him. Maybe he feels this way because Rui didn't show up to practice. He didn't even show up to school. All he heard is that he was off sick but that doesn't particularly sound like him, he usually always overworks himself and doesn't let himself rest even if he feels unwell, as much as Tsukasa didn't want to admit it. Tsukasa should be heading home. It's so cold. The scarf Rui gave him hugs tighter than usual around his neck despite putting it as normal. His worry begins to grow as this feeling also begins to consume him, what's wrong with Rui? There has to be something wrong. Emu can sense it, too. He read it on her face at practice. Maybe he should stop by his house. It shouldn't take long, he just desperately needs this reassurance that he's okay.
When Tsukasa thinks about it, he's been off. Extremely off. He'd always rush things, which isn't that abnormal. However, this time it seemed like there wasn't much thought behind it. That's what's unusual here. He's a careful thinker. His director isn't like this. Maybe something happened and he's hiding it from him but every time Tsukasa attempts to pry for information, he brushes him off and says he's okay. He doesn't buy any of it.
He begins to imagine the worst. They've been dating for a while, he knows he used to struggle with self harm. He has a lot of destructive behaviors, actually. No one but him seems to notice as much, he tried to assure he loves him, more than anything but it doesn't seem to fully reach him.
The sky by now has darkened more, the colors more desaturated than before. His pace quickened, slightly, his concern for his boyfriend taking over more than before. His feet go one in front of the other, crunching fallen leaves, the sound not reaching tsukasa. Finally, he reaches his house. There's no lights on, making Tsukasa's worry grows even more, it makes him feel sick, even. He knocks on the door softly but frequently enough to show a sense of urgency. He receives nothing. The tension rises, quickly. It's quiet, so quiet, as if no one lives here. Not even a response from his parents. He knocks louder, just to ensure he's doing the right thing before he enters the door. He once again, is hit with no response. Tsukasa opens the door, quickly. Something is so wrong here. Extremely. Wrong. He doesn't bother to take his shoes off. The sense of urgency is at it's peak, he needs to know if he's okay. He turns the lights on, it's truly as if no one's home. Tsukasa's body trembles in fear, he's scared, terrified even. He needs to find him, and fast. He makes his way to his room, swiftly, not bothering to take in anything from his surroundings. He knocks on his door. He, of course, gains no reply. His hands shake. He gently opens his door, a loud creek ringing in Tsukasa's ears as he calls out his name in a soft but extremely panicked tone. Rui's unconscious body lies on the floor, his bloodied arms lying beside him. Tsukasa's chest rises, he can't breathe. What the fuck. He rushes over, yanking his scarf off of him. He kneels beside him, pulling him up so he can asses him. He checks for his pulse frantically, pushing his index and middle finger against his neck, grasping for any signs of life. It's there, weakly. He uses his scarf to put pressure on the wounds, they're on his wrists. This was an attempt, not self harm. He grabs his phone and dials the emergency number, calling for an ambulance, his phone against his head whilst his hands focus on maintaining pressure on his arms to stop the bleeding. He's running on nothing but pure adrenaline, yet he's shaking so much. The paramedics arrive, and everything from there is pretty much a blur. All he remembers is washing his hands. His blood stained hands. Rui's blood. On his hands. He spent so long trying to wash it off. For so long. His hands shake and shake. How did he let him get this bad? Was he not enough? He went home, soon after. He cried, his tears falling over and over. He didn't speak to anyone when he got home either, not his parents or saki. Tsukasa didn't even check his phone. His stomach turns, and turns. Why did this happen? The pit in his stomach from earlier remains, and now that most of the adrenaline is gone, all he feels is sorrow. He hopes he's okay. He feels bile climb his throat, burning it as he runs for the toilet, throwing as much as what he had left in his stomach. It burned so bad. His sobs echoed through the bathroom. Then, he heard a knock at the door, which was still open from how rushed he was to make it to the toilet. It's saki, she stood in the door way, her own stomach beginning to well in concern. She walks over to her brother, placing a hand on his shoulder gently. She said nothing, she didn't need to. He pulled him into a hug, tsukasa sobbed into her shoulder, loudly. He's never been like this. Whatever happened, messed him up badly. They stay hugging whilst saki gently rubs his back, softly. She whispers "It's okay" over and over in her soft, providing so much comfort in such a dire time. She knows nothing, yet she's calming him down. His grasp on her is tight and she doesn't let go. It's only when his sobs remain quiet whimpers. Tsukasa whipes his tears, vigorously with his sleeve. He says nothing, he can't. He's so afraid. He doesn't want him to die. Anything but this. He's calmer now, however. His thoughts aren't going a million miles per second now, he's finally able to think rationally. Saki understands his lack of a response and just says that he should go to bed and that they can talk later. He's grateful for this. He can't bring himself to talk to anyone right now, which really ruins his usual persona that's bright, cheerful and talkative. He drags himself up, after saki. He throws himself onto the bed and does nothing but sleep, not allowing anything to interrupt this moment. It was not restful. He has school today, he remembers as his eyes open at the flicker of sunlight reaching his eyes. He's tired. He can't do it today, he seriously can't. A flash of the scene he witnessed last night flashes in his mind, all of the blood, his unconscious body, his cold lifeless body. He feels sick. He wraps his blankets around himself more tightly, no one bothers to get him up.
Tsukasa got a call from the hospital not long ago. He ran, as fast as he could. He's right outside of Rui's door. He's alive. He's never felt so sick and relieved at the same time. He opens the door, once again, a sense of deja vu punching him in the face as he enters his hospital room. Tsukasa's eyes are blinded at first, the white room is so bright. Then his eyes meet a farmilar figure, a tall, purple haired boy. He looks. Disappointed? He looks tired, also. He can imagine after all of the blood he's lost. He heard he required a lot of transfusions. Tsukasa doesn't say anything and settles himself on a chair beside his bed. Rui is the first to break the deafening silence. "You saved me, right?" His voice was hoarse, like he had so much sorrow in his voice. "I did, yeah." Tsukasa replied, with an almost equal tone. His chest tightened at the words. Tears begun to fall from his golden eyes. "Don't ever do that again!" Tsukasa yelled in a controlled manner, standing up and pulling his lover into a tight hug as sobs begun leaving him once more. Rui said nothing in reply, instead was stunned, slowly hugging him back as the blonde sobbed into his shoulder. Tears fell from his too, not long after. This continued for a while, and Tsukasa finally let go of him, not wanting to overwork Rui much. He didn't want anything to reopen, he had to have a lot of stitches.
"Rui, please, if you need to talk to someone, I'm here. Don't push me away, I beg." His voice was strained from the crying, he rubbed his eyes, making them puffy. "I love you." Is all he had left to say. Rui didn't have a response to give to this other than to keep crying. Tsukasa will forever be grateful he got to his house when he did.
It's been a while since Rui's suicide attempt. It's been roughly 2 months now. Tsukasa hasn't once let Rui leave his side. In fact, now he's more touchy than ever before. Rui has never seen this side of him, he truly realises his worth. They're lying in bed together, Rui's cold body being overwhelmed by the warmth Tsukasa's body provides to him. It's nice. He's asleep, actually. Rui runs his slender fingers through his hair, feeling the hug he's embraced in from the smaller one tighten. Then, Tsukasa opens his eyes and says in such a soft and gentle voice "I love you, so much." The words linger in the room and Rui's head for seconds. Then, he feels Tsukasa move Rui off from him and flips him around so that Rui is on the bottom. His weight feels overwhelming on the taller one's body, but only for a brief moment. Rui is left with no time to question anything, as a soft yet rough kiss meets his lips. It's caring, but with an obvious message. "I'm sorry." where Rui's words in response after the kiss ended. Tsukasa looked down at his boyfriend and a flash of that night flashes across his mind. Tears well in eyes as kisses the boy again, this time more passionately. He loves him so much. He's truly, so grateful he's still here. He doesn't know what he'd do without him. Then, suddenly, Tsukasa starts to kiss his arm, where a deep scar is left. It tickles, Rui thinks to himself. He doesn't try to question anything, he's learnt to accept the love he receives from his dear, loving boyfriend. Tears form in his eyes too. There's no sobs, just pure love. No lust. Nothing but affection. Things are intended to be this way.