Work Text:
When Julian wakes up, Garak is gone. Of course he’s gone. You as much as told him to go. He’s relieved. He was worried there would be awkwardness, a sense of having to talk about it, having to hash through a changed relationship. There won’t be a change, not now. He could be fooling himself about that, but if he is, he’s going to buy his own lie lock, stock and barrel. It’s the only way to make it through the next few days. These thoughts race through his head as he rolls over onto the spot Garak had occupied when they both drifted off after…No, Julian, don’t even let yourself think it over.
His grief was overwhelming. It’s the only excuse he can come up with. Now, however, in the cold light of the station’s artificial day, his grief has begun to subside. More lies to tell yourself. He loved Jadzia. He lost his chance with her. Even if Worf hadn’t come along: he knows that, now. They never really had a chance and now she’s dead and gone and even the friendship is a chance he’s lost. God, I miss you so much already.
He knows there’s no chance with Garak. Things are too different between them, too complicated, too full of implications. He should be angry with him. He should feel he was taken advantage of in a moment of weakness. But, the truth of the matter is he wanted the closeness as badly as the man who offered it wanted to give it to him. And you’re going to let it slip away, just like you let her slip away.
Julian shakes his head, blinking and rubbing agitatedly at his eyes. With one last shudder, he sits up, lifts the blankets, gets out of bed and heads into the shower.