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Eli groaned, rolling over and looking at Thrawn with a frown. “I’m so bored," he said, having been trying to sleep for hours and still being unable to. Thrawn, of course, was still awake, staring at the ceiling lost in thought when Eli interrupted him with his complaining.
Thrawn glanced at him and Eli could tell from the slight moonlight coming from the window that he was raising an eyebrow at him. “Ah,” he said a moment later. “I may have a solution,” he said, waiting for Eli to respond.
“What’s that?” Eli asked.
“You could sleep,” Thrawn suggested, smirking slightly.
“I knew you’d fuckin’ say that,” Eli said, not really sounding angry but more amused as he turned his back to Thrawn.
“And yet, you asked,” Thrawn said, sounding amused himself.
“Smart-ass,” Eli said in basic, not bothering to look over at Thrawn and see the smirk he knew was waiting for him.
“We do have an early morning tomorrow,” Thrawn reminded, Eli sighing a bit in return.
“I know, and I’m mad about it,” Eli grumbled, despising having to go to that military reunion now more than ever.
“I hadn’t noticed,” Thrawn murmured next to him.
Eli choked on a laugh. “You- You’re done,” he finally said and huffed, trying to act angry.
He heard Thrawn actually laugh next to him, even if it was only momentary. “Truly, I recommend you try and sleep.” He paused. “What can I do to help?”
Eli sighed, finally glancing over to look at Thrawn again. “I don’t know, I’m really not tired in the slightest.”
“I told you not to take a nap after dinner,” Thrawn reminded.
“I know,” Eli grumbled before going quiet for a moment. “What if I just stayed up the whole night, pulled an all nighter and then crashed after the meeting?”
“I would warn you against it but let you,” Thrawn said thoughtfully. “Although, it may make it harder to keep a positive attitude at the event.”
Eli sighed yet again. “Yeah…” there was another long moment of silence, Eli scooting a little closer to Thrawn so their arms touched. If Thrawn was gonna tease him the least he could do was do it back.
He gently nudged Thrawn, having absolutely no plan other than to annoy him just slightly. He did it a few more times, Thrawn sighing after a moment. “May I help you?”
“Nope,” Eli lied, Thrawn turning toward him as soon as he said it. Eli looked at him in return, smiling a bit.
“You are teasing me,” Thrawn accused, his voice very neutral but somewhat fond.
“Never,” Eli said sarcastically, Thrawn once again smiling at him momentarily.
“I see,” Thrawn suddenly said. “It’s clear you just want attention.”
Eli sputtered. “Likely.” ‘Did he?’ He paused a moment. ‘Yeah…attention would be nice.’
Thrawn huffed again at him, turning his back to Eli. “Very well.”
Eli rolled his eyes. “Fine, I want to talk to you.”
Thrawn rolled back over, smirking a bit as he motioned to himself. “Me?”
Eli laughed, shoving Thrawn’s shoulder lightly. “Yeah you. If you don’t mind me keeping you up that is.”
“I never mind, Eli,” he said, his voice neutral but the words nearly making Eli blush. He had never quite managed to get over that when it came to Thrawn.
“Blush,” Thrawn called, something he had began doing recently to tease Eli. Eli guessed it was only fair with the amount he teased the other man in return, but still…he was gonna act angry about it.
Eli grumbled and wiped at his cheek as if that would get rid of it. Thrawn reached over and pretended to wipe the blush away too, even if it was just an excuse to touch him. Eli smiled a little at him. “What do you wish to do?” Thrawn suddenly asked, Eli really having to think on that a moment.
“Have you found any videos in your holofeed you wanna watch together?” He asked, Thrawn nodding after a moment and grabbing his questis.
“Yes actually,” Thrawn said as he began accessing such videos. “I have found many and marked them as ‘watch later,’” he said as he opened that folder and began scrolling slowly.
Eli read the video titles out loud. “Ten extinct animals you were unaware of. The warriors curse.” Eli paused “Symptoms of brain eating bacteria?” He asked. “What, you got one?”
Thrawn laughed slightly. “No, I was simply curious as to what caused them.”
Eli rolled his eyes fondly as he continued reading. “Unsolved mysteries episode something. Best insects equipped to survive in tundra environments.” He paused yet again. “Ten signs of autism? Thrawn?”
Thrawn laughed slightly again and marked the video as watched. Slowly, Eli raised his eyebrows at him. “So….” He asked hesitantly, eyeing Thrawn who looked amused.
“I do not believe we need a video to know,” Thrawn finally murmured.
Eli laughed out loud before covering his mouth. “I’m sorry-“ he said, cut off by a slight coughing fit as he made himself laugh too hard. “I’m sorry,” he said again as Thrawn glared at him. Eli slammed a hand against his chest to get himself to stop.
Eli cleared his throat, smiling innocently at a less than amused Thrawn he only coughed on very slightly. “I love you,” he finally said, nothing but pure fondness in his tone.
Thrawn smiled slightly at him, moving a bit closer. “I’m moving away if you are going to cough again,” he informed.
“I’m done,” Eli reassured as he held his breath to prevent another cough from escaping.
Thrawn grumbled something at him before scrolling further. “The mathematical equation that can’t be solved,” he read the title out loud. “I put this one on here for you “ Thrawn informed.
Eli smiled at him. “We don’t gotta watch that one if you think it will be boring.”
Thrawn shook his head slightly. “I enjoy math as well,” he reassured.
Eli hesitated. “You sure, Thrawn?”
“I am sure,” he murmured again. “It is either this or the brain eating bacteria."
Eli laughed at him. “Fine, this one. And you know, for once I was surprised not to see any art videos in here.”
“I had to move them to another folder,” Thrawn informed, the unspoken ‘I had too many of them saved’ heard loud and clear.
“Oh,” Eli said, nothing but fond over it in a way he would struggle to express if he tried to put it into words.
Thrawn clicked in the video, both of them watching it for another 15 minutes before Eli felt himself become a little too hungry.
“I’m hungry,” he shared out loud, Thrawn pausing the video.
“I can get you something,” Thrawn offered.
“No, I’ll get it myself. I just don’t know what I want,” he said, rubbing Thrawn’s chest.
Thrawn hummed. “Crackers may help.”
Eli wrinkled his nose. “No…”
“Some kind of fruit, perhaps?” He suggested.
Eli shook his head. “I don’t know. I don’t really feel like anything at all. I mean, I wish I could have something overly sweet, like space cream. But that’s a bad idea.”
Thrawn looked down at him. “Is it?”
Eli huffed at him. “Yeah, that would be unhealthy before bed…”
They stared at each other, both of them thinking the same thing but being unwilling to say it.
“We probably shouldn’t,” Thrawn murmured, even if he sounded a bit disappointed.
“I mean, how bad could it really hurt us?” Eli asked, both of them slowly smiling.
It was only twenty minutes later that they were sitting in bed and eating space cream, Eli trying not to choke on his food as Thrawn talked about something that happened to him at the grocery store.
“Thrawn…that’s not…” Eli tried, choking again.
“I know, I should have known,” Thrawn dismissed.
Eli laughed again. “Let me get this straight. A man, who was shorter than you, told you that he wished he could reach the top shelf, and you told him…”
“That he should not be ashamed of his height,” Thrawn said. “More or less.” He paused. “I was under the impression he was simply venting. He was shorter than you, Eli.”
“Wow thanks,” Eli said dryly. “Not my fault I’m human.”
“That should tell you something about his distaste for his height then,” Thrawn said and Eli couldn’t help laughing again.
“So, after you reassured him, you what? Walked off?” Eli asked only to laugh again when Thrawn nodded.
“I did not realize he was asking for help until he acted offended. I then apologized and retrieved the item for him,” Thrawn informed.
Eli laughed a little again. “Aw, well you made up for it. He can’t be too mad.”
Thrawn nodded slightly. “To conclude, I am no longer going to the grocery store without you.”
“What!?” Eli protested. “That’s why you shared? Thrawn, it worked out!”
Thrawn turned away. “The chances of misinterpreting another social situation again are high.”
“Does it really bother you that much?” Eli asked, narrowing his eyes in concern.
Thrawn only looked away, shrugging in a manner that was a slight imitation of Eli.
Eli continued looking at him with narrowed eyes before he came to a sudden understanding. “Do you just want company? You shoulda just said Thrawn.”
“I do not wish to burden you,” Thrawn murmured.
Eli sighed, scooting over and nudging him. “It’s fine…I put up a big show but I really don’t mind. I just like given you a hard time.”
Thrawn stared at him. “Translation.”
Eli snorted slightly, smiling at him fondly. “I like teasing you but I really do actually like spending time with you.”
“Ah,” Thrawn said, smiling a little at him. “I enjoy your company as well, Eli.”
Eli rolled his eyes, trying not to act like the simplest of confessions meant as much to him as it really did. He would hope that now, and always Thrawn would enjoy his company as much as Eli enjoyed his. And even despite seeing that shared enjoyment, Eli found that sometimes it was nice to just hear it out loud, even if it was obvious there was no other person either of them would want to spend time with more than each other.
They eventually finished the space cream, setting the bowls on the bedside table before Thrawn forced them both to brush their teeth after threatening to show Eli a video on the link between mouth bacteria and brain health.
They laid together silently after that, both of them lost in their own thoughts for a long moment. “Do we gotta go?” Eli asked into the silence, Thrawn understanding exactly what that request meant.
“Yes, we have to go to the meeting tomorrow…well, actually today,” Thrawn corrected.
Eli sighed. “Don’t remind me,” he grumbled.
“It will not be so bad,” Thrawn then reassured. “I will be with you.”
Eli smiled, rolling over and laying his head against Thrawn's arm. “I love you.”
Thrawn was silent for a long moment. “I don’t know what I’m going to do without you,” he then admitted, Eli sitting up slightly to look at Thrawn, the man staring away and looking at the far wall.
The lightheartedness that had been between them before now felt like it had been suffocated, leaving a bitter taste in his mouth and the reminder that Thrawn would indeed most likely outlive him. He told himself that Thrawn would be fine. He reminded himself everyday.
“Hey, it ain’t like I’m dying tomorrow. I’m not that old,” Eli reassured, brushing a stray strand of hair out of Thrawn’s face.
“I know…” Thrawn said simply, still not looking at him.
“Can I fix this?” Eli asked, because it was one of the only things he could say. Throughout their time together Eli had become a master at solving pretty much any one of Thrawn's problems, even the one’s Thrawn very much did not need Eli to solve himself. And yet, it seemed like this was one of the things Eli couldn’t fix, because this problem was caused by Eli not being there to fix it.
He wouldn’t be there to lay in bed with Thrawn as they talked for hours. He wouldn’t be there to tease him. He wouldn’t be there to watch informational videos with him while Thrawn paused them twenty times to talk to him about them. He wouldn't be there to help Thrawn out of awkward social situations at the grocery store. He wouldn’t be there to make space cream sundays with Thrawn at 3 in the morning. And he wouldn’t be there to comfort and fill the hole his absence was going to cause.
But then again, that was the risk of loving someone, knowing that eventually that person may be lost, and yet continuing anyway because it’s that person that makes life worth living to begin with. It’s sad, knowing the person that helps you continue living could end up being the reason you don’t want to anymore.
Eli hesitated before speaking into the silence. “For if one is remembered by a friend, one is never truly gone.” Thrawn glanced at him, a small smile coming over his features. “Wasn’t that what you wrote to me years ago?” Eli asked rhetorically, Thrawn reaching out and brushing a finger against his cheek.
“Perhaps,” he finally said, looking at him with that same small smile. “We need to go to the grocery store after the meeting. Will you be accompanying me?” Thrawn asked and Eli knew what went unspoken here, the silent request to spend as much time with him as possible.
“Course I will,” Eli said, smiling at him. “Now will you stop being so damn sad, I’m right here,” he lectured, Thrawn huffing slightly.
“I am not blind yet,” he returned.
“You sure because you couldn’t seem to find the damn sprinkles earlier,” Eli said, giving him a familiar teasing smile.
Thrawn, finally, smiled at him. “You moved them. Each item in the kitchen has a distinct place. I can tell that you moved them.”
“I ain’t eatin' sprinkles on the regular, Thrawn,” Eli chided. “I didn’t move them,” he said before adding. “We both know which one of us has the bigger problem with sweets.”
“Are you implying I sat on my own, ate some of the sprinkles, and then put them back in the wrong place?” Thrawn asked
Eli snorted. “I didn’t say you had em’ plain, but since you insist that’s what happened.”
Thrawn sighed at him, staring in slight amusement as Eli smirked. “Your teasing is constant. What is the point of this? I think you simply like getting a reaction out of me. If you want my attention you should just-“ Eli cut him off by kissing him, Thrawn going silent before staring at him with a slight blush. “That was rude,” Thrawn then informed.
Eli huffed at him. “I love you,” he said once again. “How many times have I said that today?”
“Four,” Thrawn then filled in. “You said it once earlier after I spilled that glass of water on your pants.”
Eli laughed quietly. “Oh yeah…klutz.”
“You put a fake spider on my hand, Eli,” Thrawn mumbled.
Eli smirked. “I’m just surprised that actually worked. You really nailed that thing against the counter.”
“If it was real it would have been dead. I have no regrets,” Thrawn said.
“I love you,” Eli said again. “Five, since we’re counting.”
Thrawn rolled his eyes slightly before murmuring to him,” I love you too.”
Eli huffed. “I know.”
There was a pause. “Do you know what I don’t love? Pranks that involve insects. Earlier, when you-“
“Oh gods,” Eli murmured as Thrawn continued.