Chapter Text
Phil was very calm as he stepped into the living room. Very, very calm. So calm. Practically zen. So much that Techno actually looked up from his book to raise an eyebrow.
“Techno,” Phil said calmly. “Can I ask you a question real quick?”
Techno shrugged. “What’s up, Phil?”
Phil took a very calm breath.
“Techno, you haven’t been killing the goats, have you?”
Techno looked extremely confused. “What?”
“The goats. The kids, to be exact. They’re all in the barn, but they’re…yeah. You–or your dogs for that matter–wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, would you?”
“...I’ve been inside the house all day. An’ the wolves are still in their house, unless someone let them out.”
Phil exhaled. Calm. He was calm. “Right. I’m going to go ask around. If you see anything, just–yeah. Keep the culprit there. Or something. I can’t have all of ours herds in this state in the middle of winter. Not if we want anything come spring.” He ran a hand down his face. “I knew we should have added another lock to the doors…reinforced them better maybe…”
“Don’t worry, I got this," Techno said. He turned a page in his book and humed as he scanned the words on the page. “You’ll infd the suspect soon enough,”
“I hope so,” Phil muttered, before turning and heading outside again..
Techno was much better at interrogation tactics then Phil was. He should’ve asked him to come help, but Phil hadn’t wanted to bother his housemate too much. Techno had ben out all week in the snow, and today had been the first time Phil had seen the poor man relax in a while. So this was going to be a Phil problem.
And at the moment, Phil’s problem was Tommy and the blond’s newfound ability to dodge questions. It was kind of infuriating. Though Phil was secretly quite pleased to find out that Tommy, Tubbo, and Ranboo had met up to trade Christmas gifts earlier that day. Tommy really needed more friends his age, in Phil’s opinoin.
It also meant Tommy had a valid excuse for not being the culprit behind the goats, Phil realized.
At least he got to meet Tommy’s newest companion though. Shroud was…a little unconventional but kind of cute. Cute in the way Ghostbur was, a little unsettling but you really couldn’t be too mad at either. Not when Shroud had a little Santa had on his head. And Tommy seemed happy so Phil smiled at the spider, bid his farewell, and went off to go interrogate Ranboo.
.
Phil was out of options.
He’d questioned Techno, Tommy, Tubbo, Ranboo, Sam, even made a trip out to ask Niki if she knew anything. Niki and Puffy had shook their heads and offered him Christmas cookies.
He’d taken a couple before he left.
But he was at his wits’ end. Techno had tamed every wolf in the area, and it couldn’t be them, there was no blood. No one seemed to be lying. Phil just couldn't understand it.
Until he went to pay a visit to Kristen.
He entered her realm, opening his mouth to call for her and perhaps vent a bit, when he saw it. Kristen was surrounded by every last one of his kids.
“Hey honey,” she said cheerfully. Phil’s mouth was hanging open in shock. “I was hoping you’d come. Your goats are so cute!”
“...Kristen. Hey.” Phil swallowed. Right. “So..uh…We need to have a conversation…”
“Oh?” Kristen’s eyebrows rose up and she sat back to properly look up at Phil. “What about?”
“..We need to have a chat about who is killing the kids this Christmas…”
.
Phil didn’t quite get his answer but the next morning, most of his kids were happily bleating from the barn and Kristen had a new pet goat.