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It’s almost the end of another year, a few weeks to spare, or that’s what your phone had told you at least. Dubbed as the happiest time of the year, and yet you blocked out every reminder of the holiday season. You supposed you were a bit of a grinch. Any time Yaz or The Doctor talked about the holidays, you’d mentally exit the conversation.
In time they definitely caught on, realised something was off. But they seemingly gave you space, didn't push you. Maybe it shouldn’t be this way, maybe I should get over myself, you thought before a familiar bright voice pulled you out of your thinking.
"Is everything alright?" The Doctor asked, her head turning away from her sonic screwdriver. She took out a match that had been on the table and lit a candle. For the past hour it had only been the two of you in the library. Yaz had, rightfully, called it a night earlier. You had opted for a reading session at the table.
The library had been festively decorated, as per Yaz’s insistence, with a big Christmas tree in front of the fireplace and fairy lights scattered around some bookshelves. The TARDIS even went so far as to provide blankets on the couches. The ship's enthusiasm made you wonder whether the ship had ever celebrated the holidays before.
You looked up from your book, rubbing your eyes until your vision unblurred. Now, that was a good question. Were you alright? It was difficult to tell. There you were, your eyes skimming through one book to another. Your body felt sluggish enough to be tired, but your mind was a whole other story.
The Doctor didn’t look convinced. She pulled a chair away from the small table and sat down. "Hey. You can trust me. You know that, right? Whatever it is, I can help you." She held your hands firmly in reassurance.
That small gesture coaxed you out of your shell a little. There was a comfort in knowing how she always perfectly managed to read you. It spoke volumes about how much she cared. It was nice to know that at least one person cared. You exhaled sharply, "I..." Your voice faltered. "It’s very unimportant in the grand scheme of things..." The Doctor let you take their time. "I just hate that this year is almost over."
Sensing that there was more to this, The Doctor stood up and closed the library door. She returned to her chair. "Why," she frowned, "I was under the impression you love Christmas. Though, correct me if I’m wrong."
The Doctor was exactly right; you always loved Christmas, but this year it felt like a big inconvenience instead. Existing felt exhausting, achieving nothing and being stuck in an endless loop made it worse. Okay, maybe you were spiralling just a little.
Time to make myself look like a fool, you had thought before you opened up.
"This is going to sound stupid," you muttered, "but I just feel like everyone’s done so many big, incredible things this year. Reached so many achievements. Meanwhile, I just-" You stuttered. "I haven’t achieved anything this year." You turned away quickly, trying to stop the hot tears that betrayed your composure.
The Doctor’s expression softened. "Oh, love," she murmured, wrapping her arms around them. Time seemed to stretch as the two of you sat there in quiet comfort, with your small, shuddering sobs. The Doctor pulled back just enough to brush the tears from your cheeks. "You’ve done so much this year," she said gently, "and you don’t even realise it. You’ve been running yourself ragged," She pointed out, "Balancing life at home and on board is no small feat."
You nodded, trying to keep yourself together.
"People spend time differently, accomplish things in different order," The Doctor continued, "you’ve done so much this year, and I’m so proud of you for that."
Your eyes blurred with fresh tears, "Really?"
She nodded, taking your hands again, "Really."
She stood up, pulling you up, "You know, I once heard that hot chocolate makes everything better." You let out a broken laugh. Of course she did. The Doctor tugged them toward the kitchen, "Come on. Off we go." She was content fixing at least this small corner of the universe.
You took a seat at the table. The time lord already launched herself at the kitchen cabinets, looking for milk, cocoa powder and chocolate. The TARDIS was nudging her, telepathically reminding her of other things you liked. At the same time, you felt a warm telepathic hug from the ship itself, a quiet reassurance that you weren’t alone. You quietly returned a thank you to the ship, hoping she could feel it.
The TARDIS was right at the end of the day: you were never alone when aboard. You had Yaz and The Doctor. Hell, you could probably give Graham a call if necessary. Throughout your adventures with the fam, he’d become a grandparental figure to you.
After a few minutes, The Doctor handed you a cup, the smell of delicious hot cocoa hitting instantly. "Here you go," She smiled at you, settling back in her chair.
"Thank you."
A quiet silence stood between you, the kind where you don’t feel alone.
“You’re allowed to rest, you know. Take it easy this time of year and take it in day by day.”
For the first time it sounded possible, taking it step by step, with The Doctor by your side. Maybe, just maybe, you could get through this.