Chapter Text
One year and two months.
It had been one year and two months since Rose left New York to go back to California.
One year and two months since she last saw Peter, since she last talked to Peter.
Fourteen months of trying to move on, rhythmed by therapy, cries and nightmares.
But also fourteen months of successful meetings and of work trips all around the country to promote and sell AdVerse, the tracking program she had coded. And now, they were about to go international.
It was Christmas Eve, and Artoun had ordered Rose to take ten days off to rest and be “ready to conquer the world” a few days after the New Year. In ten days, she would be on a plane to Tokyo for her first work trip outside the United States. AdVerse was about to be presented at a Cybersecurity World Conference and both Rose and Artoun were invited.
Rose wasn’t feeling the Christmas spirit this year. Lights were on in the streets, shop windows were filled with toys and gifts, the air smelled like cinnamon and hot chocolate, waffles too. She used to love hot chocolate and waffles when she was little, not so much now. Not when she had no one to share the joy with. Rose had made an effort and decorated her apartment with some lights, a couple of wall decorations and a Christmas tree, but she wasn’t feeling it. She had no family to celebrate it with. When she was little and a teen, she used to spend her holidays at Emma and Henry’s house, sometimes her mom would join them to celebrate Christmas, sometimes not. Now that they were gone, and that her mom was nowhere near, Rose had no will to celebrate Christmas this year. She avoided going to the city, because, let’s be honest, seeing cheerful couples with kids hurt more than she wanted to. Rose wasn’t jealous, no, this wasn’t who she was. She was simply sad. She wished she could have the same thing.
She had been feeling quite sad lately, not only because of Christmas, but also because of Peter. She didn’t want to admit it, but she had been keeping herself busy at work to avoid thinking too much about him.
She missed him.
She missed him so much that it hurt.
Fourteen months had passed, yet she still thought about him everyday.
She knew she had to move on, Gretchen kept telling her that she needed to forget about him, that she needed to date other guys and move on with her life.
Rose had tried, she had tried really hard, but she couldn’t. There was something about Peter, an invisible string that kept her linked to him, no matter what. Even if it happened less often now, she still found herself looking at photos of her and Peter, or at her phone hoping for a message or a call.
She felt so lonely every time she came home, every night when she went to sleep and had no one to talk to, to hug, to kiss. Every morning, she hoped to wake up next to him, yet a cold and empty king size bed was all she got. The silence of her apartment was deafening.
She knew she was waiting and hoping for nothing, Peter had been clear that day back in New York.
Just forget about me.
These four words still echoed in her head and still hurt.
So, yes, Rose Larkin had no will whatsoever to celebrate Christmas this year. Her plans were simple : snuggle on the couch, order a take away pizza, pour herself a glass of red wine, put a horror movie on and eat the ice cream she had bought on her way home.
So after she took a shower and put on some comfy pajamas, she poured herself a glass of red wine, sat on the couch and took her phone to order a pizza. For tonight, it would be with extra chili, because… why not ?
At the same time, Peter parked his rental car in front of Rose’s building. He turned off his car and remained there, looking at Rose’s balcony. He saw that the lights were on, she was at home. He took a deep breath. He wasn’t sure she would be alone, or even if she would want to talk to him after fourteen months with no news. He had screwed up badly but now, he needed to talk to her. He needed to tell her how he felt. He wanted to fix everything between them.
The past months had been a nightmare for Peter. He had spent the last ten months being a double agent, doing whatever Monroe asked and reporting back to Catherine. He was doing pretty well until Monroe found out he was a double agent. Peter had helped a reporter to find her dad’s murderers, he had gathered enough evidence to unseat Hagan, and he had taken down a whole group that, under Monroe’s orders, was laundering money all over the world. He had ended his mission in the Dominican Republic, where he had arrested the last remaining member of the group. Yeah, he had been doing pretty well workwise.
Yet, the reality of his life was a lot less glamorous.
He was alone. All alone.
Just forget about me.
How stupid had he been that day to ask her that, when he was the one unable to forget about her.
Every time he would come home, he found himself in an empty and silent apartment. No one was there to reassure him, to tell him what to do when things went bad. No. He was alone.
These were exactly the moments when he thought about Rose. She was his moral anchor, his everything. And without her, Peter felt miserable.
Many times, he would fall asleep thinking about her, wishing she was there next to him so he could hug her. Every morning, when he woke up, he looked around, hoping to see her radiant smile and little frame pop out from the bathroom. He was only welcomed by a deafening silence.
He missed her.
He missed her so much that it hurt.
A month ago though, everything had changed.
Monroe had almost killed Peter, a bullet straight in his leg, a bullet that was supposed to hit his heart, but yeah, Monroe aimed like shit. Thankfully.
This was the day when Peter had realized how fragile life was, and that he couldn’t take the risk of being killed before he had a chance to tell Rose what he truly felt for her. It’s not as if he didn’t know it already, but being so close to cross the bridge was an eye-opener for him.
So after he got cleared to leave the hospital a couple of weeks later, and Catherine being abroad on another case with another Night Agent, Peter had talked with Mosley.
One month’s leave. That's what he had asked. And as soon as Mosley had approved his request, Peter had booked the first available flight to California. He needed to talk to Rose, and he didn’t want to wait any longer.
This was how Peter Sutherland found himself in this rental car, in front of Rose’s building, on Christmas Eve.
He had imagined every possible scenario : how she would react when she would open the door (shocked - of course), the words he wanted to say (I love you - obviously), the way she would smile at him (her big radiant smile - absolutely) and how he would kiss her first (sure thing - he would be the one kissing her first). He had been thinking about it for the last few days but he was far from imagining what would really happen, actually he had no idea that the exact opposite was about to happen.
Peter remained in the car for a few more minutes, lost in his thoughts. He took a deep breath and glanced one last time at the balcony and at the windows on the second floor. A garland decorated the balcony door. Simple and effective. This looked like something Rose would choose. He got out of the car and walked to the main door of the building. He stopped and looked at the names on the doorbells.
203 - Larkin R.
She was still living here. He knew where she lived, he had stayed at her place after the funeral of her aunt and uncle. At the time, she felt the need to be away from D.C. so they had spent a week in California at her place. He hadn’t thought about checking if she was still living at the same place. He was glad she was.
At the same time, a man driving a motorcycle arrived, and stopped in front of the building. He took a pizza from the insulated box and walked to the door.
“Good evening.”
“Good evening.”
Peter looked at the man and saw him searching for a name before he pressed the doorbell with Rose’s name. Peter froze and looked at the man.
“Excuse me… The pizza … It’s for Rose Larkin?”
The delivery man frowned and looked at the name on the receipt.
“Rose Larkin. Yeah. You know her?”
“Yeah… She is waiting for me. I’ll take it.”
“Oh.. Ok… Sure. Here is it.”
Peter took the pizza, smiled at the man and watched him walk back to his motorcycle.
“Hello?”
Peter turned back to the speaker of the doorbells. Rose’s voice made him shiver. He took a step to the right. Was there a camera? Shit, she couldn’t see him.
“Hello?”
Peter took a deep breath as he watched the delivery man drive away.
“Huh, hi … I've got a pizza for you.”
“I’ll open. Second floor, third door on the left.”
Peter heard the door click open. He entered the building and went up the stairs to the second floor.
Fuck… what was he doing ? He hadn’t imagined arriving at Rose’s apartment with a pizza in his hands. As he walked up the stairs, he felt his heart beating faster at each step.
When he arrived, he took a few steps to her apartment. Then, he heard the door open.
“It’s for me, I …”
Rose froze, standing on her doorstep, her mouth partly opened, her eyes widened.
“Peter?”
She looked up and down at him, looking for any injury. She couldn’t help. He was wearing black jeans, a white shirt and a long black jacket. She had to admit he looked good. Peter looked back at her and showed her the pizza.
“Pizza delivery.”
He took a few more steps towards her and smiled. Rose was still shocked. She frowned and shook her head.
“What… What are you doing here?”
Well, she wasn’t shocked, she was upset. And she was right to be upset.
“I need to talk to you.”
“To talk to me ? Peter, it's been over a year.”
“I know… I…”
Peter closed his eyes, swallowed and looked away before looking back at her.
“I’m sorry, Rose.”
“Yeah, you can be.”
Her voice was not even trembling. He knew she meant what she said. It rang so true.
“I… It was a bad idea. I should go.”
“Don’t be stupid, Peter. You didn’t come all this way to leave now.”
Rose raised her eyebrows and looked at the pizza, nodding to it.
“And the pizza?”
“Well, I told the delivery man you were waiting for me and that I could take it.”
Rose finally smiled and shook her head.
“Peter Sutherland lying… That’s a first.”
“I’ve learnt from the best.”
Rose rolled her eyes and gestured to him to get inside.
“Let’s go inside.”
Peter nodded and followed her inside, taking a deep breath as he entered her apartment. As she closed the door behind them, Peter looked around. He saw a few decorations, the Christmas tree and the cup of red wine on the coffee table.
She had no plans for Christmas. He didn’t know if he should be happy or not, but he sure was relieved.
He put the pizza on the kitchen countertop and turned to face Rose. She was looking at him, her arms crossed on her chest.
“Peter… Why are you here? I need to know.”
Peter sighed and closed the distance between them. They were only inches away now.
“I told you I need to talk to you. I have some … things to tell you.”
“It’s been fourteen months, Peter. Where have you been ? What have you been up to ? I…”
Rose walked away and stopped in front of the door leading to the balcony. She looked outside. Peter didn’t move. He had thought about the possibility of Rose being upset, but he believed she would be happy to see him. Maybe he was wrong. He looked at her but remained silent. He had imagined all the ways he would tell her how he felt, but being at a loss of words wasn’t what he had imagined.
“Rose… listen…”
Rose turned around to face him, her back against the sliding doors.
“No, you listen to me, Peter. Do you know what I’ve been through this past year? No of course, how could you? So yeah, I’m gonna tell you. I go to therapy twice a week, I’ve nightmares pretty much every night, I attend self-defense classes once a week because I’m afraid that someone would just try to kill me…again. Oh, and, yeah, I also spend hours looking at photos of us because I fucking love you and that I can’t move on and…”
Rose stopped, realizing what she just said. She had vomited all the words without thinking twice, it was simply what she felt. All the words left her mouth without any filter. They looked at each other. A smirk appeared on Peter’s face, yet Rose remained serious. He raised an eyebrow.
“You … fucking love me?”
“As if you didn’t know it.”
Her words came out as a whisper. She turned around, her back to him now, glancing outside where the Christmas lights shined. Peter made a single step to her, and looked at her. He had planned to tell her first he loved her, but so far, his plans had all gone wrong.
“Peter, if you plan on leaving again tomorrow or any day soon, just be honest with me. It’s been difficult enough for me, I don’t need you to bring back everything I’ve been trying to forget.”
Peter received her words like a slap on his face or more exactly like hundreds of blades thrown straight at his heart. It hurt. It fucking hurt, but he knew he deserved it.
“Rose… Can I… say something?”
She shrugged her shoulders and let a nervous laugh escape her mouth.
“Go ahead… I’m curious to know what you have to tell me.”
She didn’t turn around, she didn’t move. She was staring in the distance, her arms still around her chest. Peter closed the distance between them, standing right behind her now. The Christmas lights of her balcony lit up their faces.
“I’m not leaving, Rose.”
At the sound of his words, Rose froze, her breath taken away.
“I am not leaving.”
He repeated the words, to make sure she had heard them well. Rose swallowed and turned around, now facing Peter. They looked at each other and Rose could tell that something had changed in Peter’s eyes.
“What do you mean by you’re not leaving? Please, don’t say it if you don’t mean it, Peter.”
“I mean it.”
Rose looked confused, her lips were partly open and she frowned.
“These last months were hard for me too. You can’t imagine how hard it was. I’ll tell you everything if you want, but not tonight. I’ve … I’ve realized that I can’t do it without you. I don’t want to do it without you. I’ve been miserable, Rose, and I need you in my life. I… I don’t know how we can make it work, I have no clue about our future together but what I know is that… I love you too, Rose. And I’m not leaving until we….”
Rose didn’t let him finish and on her tiptoe, she crashed her lips on his. She had kissed him first. Another plan of his had gone wrong. He smiled under her lips and kissed her back, deeper this time. For a moment, they kissed like their life depended on it. His hands were on her waist, steading her, while her hands were wandering in his short hair and his nape. After a moment, they broke the kiss, their forehead touching, their eyes still closed.
“You’re not leaving this time?”
“No, I’m not leaving.”
Peter stepped back just enough to look her straight in the eyes.
“We will find a way to make it work, I promise, but I don’t want a life without you, Rose.”
A big smile appeared on her face, it was the first time he saw her smile like this since he appeared impromptuly at her place. She pressed her lips on his again, a quick kiss that meant a lot.
“We should eat the pizza before it gets cold.”
Peter smiled at her.
“Yeah, it’s better when it’s still warm.”
Rose smiled and took his hand in hers, dragging him to the kitchen. He took his jacket off and put it on a kitchen chair.
“Red wine would do ? I have beers too but not in the fridge.”
“No, red wine is perfect.”
Peter looked around the apartment as Rose took a second wine glass out of the cupboard and the pizza cutter.
“So, this was your plan for tonight? Pizza, red wine and what, a Christmas movie?”
“Wrong. Horror movie.”
Peter laughed and rolled his eyes.
“Of course. Horror movies. Why am I not surprised?”
“Well, now that you’re here, I can change my plans and put on a cheesy Christmas movie if you prefer.”
Peter shook his head and took the pizza to bring it to the coffee table. He put his free arm around Rose’s shoulders and kissed her temple.
“Put on whatever you want.”
They both sat on the couch and Rose poured them some wine while Peter was cutting the pizza. She handed him a glass of wine. She took hers and invited him to click.
“Cheers!”
“Cheers.”
In the silence, they ate pizza while watching the Christmas movie. Peter didn’t like horror, Rose knew it. His favorite movies were thrillers - never too far from his job - but Rose wasn’t in the mood for that so she put on a Christmas movie and nestled against him. After they finished the pizza, they remained silent, watching the movie, but their minds were elsewhere.
Rose had her head in the crock of his shoulder, his arm and hand wandering absently on her side. They were enjoying each other’s company, they didn’t need to talk to understand what the other was thinking about. The simple fact that they were together, in the same room, safe, was enough for both of them to feel good and relaxed.
After the movie was over, Rose sat upright, and turned off the TV with the remote before turning back to Peter.
“It was sweet, don’t you think?”
“The girl was not bad to look at, indeed.”
“Hey!”
Rose gave him a little tap on the arm while laughing. They both laughed and then they looked at each other.
“Peter… I… I need to know. How long are you staying?”
Peter took a deep breath and moved his arm so she could snuggle back against him.
“Come here.”
Rose let herself fall against him and put her arm around his waist. Peter kissed the top of her head and then put his chin on her head.
“I asked for a month's leave. It will give us some time to find a solution for us.”
“I’ve a flight booked for Tokyo in ten days. Tech conference. But I’m off until then.”
“Nice. Going there with Artoun?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, if you want, I can stay here until you go back to work.”
“I would love that.”
“Then it’s a deal.”
Rose put her head up to face him and smiled.
“And after that ?”
“I don’t know, but I can promise we’ll find a way to make things work. Even if it means I have to quit Night Action, I will.”
“But I don’t want you to quit Night Action, so we’ll find another solution.”
“Ok, but let’s talk about it another day, not tonight.”
“Why not? Do you have other plans for now?”
“Actually I do.”
He kissed her, deeply, his hands going down her sides to her hips, and slowly he moved so she was laying on the couch under him. She smiled and let her hands wander in his short hair and his nape, their eyes were like magnets, holding each other’s gaze.
“Ok, so this is your plan for tonight, agent Sutherland?”
“Yeah, for tonight, and for the rest of my life.”
Rose’s eyes become glossy, tears threatening to fall, but instead she smiled and let her hand stroke his jaw.
They heard the nearby church bell ring and raised their heads to look at the window. Rose turned her head and looked at the clock on the wall.
“It’s midnight.”
Peter looked at her and a smirk appeared on his face.
“So it’s officially Christmas Day.”
“And?”
“Well… Merry Christmas, Rose.”
She smiled at him and let her hand go down his cheek and the side of his neck.
“Merry Christmas, Peter. I couldn’t have hoped for a better present.”
“Maybe I should have wrapped myself in some hideous Christmas paper.”
Rose laughed and shook her head.
“Stop being silly and kiss me.”
She didn’t have to ask twice. Peter kissed her in the perfect way she liked. He knew her better than anyone else. Rose kissed him back, pulling him closer. She needed to feel his whole body against hers.
There were so many unsaid words, they didn’t know what the future would hold for them, but they were ready to live it together. They smiled under the heated kisses. At some point, Peter stopped and looked at her. And Rose could see in his eyes, hope, love, and a silent promise of a brand new start on Christmas Day.