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“Why are you pushing me away?”
The question pierced through Stiles and he didn’t think he’d ever forget the pain in Malia’s eyes as she asked it.
His throat tightened and it felt like he was choking as he said, “I’m no good for you right now.”
Confusion swept into her eyes.
“What do you mean?”
Stiles couldn’t look at her anymore, instead choosing to look at the floor. “I killed someone,” he said, “and… a small part of me liked it. A lot. I’m a monster, Malia.”
He heard her start to protest, but he continued, “And I know it doesn’t change your opinion of me, but it should.”
“Why should it? I know who you are Stiles, and you’re not a monster,” she said firmly.
“But I am!” He insisted, looking up at her again. “And the worst part is that I was actually starting to forgive myself after we saved Lydia! But then it hit me all over again! The guilt, the panic, the rush! I can’t get it out of my head!”
“It wasn’t your fault! He attacked you and it backfired!” She argued.
He looked at her in exasperation. “But that doesn’t excuse the way it made me feel! It’s not normal to like killing someone!”
“Did it ever occur to you that maybe you liked it because Donovan was a bad kid who probably would’ve hurt you, or your dad or anyone you cared about if he hadn’t died?”
But Stiles wasn’t ready to listen to reason.
“Don’t make excuses for me! I don’t deserve them!”
She didn’t argue with him and the room went quiet.
He turned away from her. “I’m sorry, “he mumbled, “I just love you too much to make you suffer with me.”
“If someone like you is a monster, what does that make me?” She asked quietly.
He looked back her in surprise. “You’re different.”
“How? I have fangs and claws and glowing eyes and I am capable of killing. I’m more of a monster than you could ever be.”
He walked over to and grabbed her hands. “You’re Malia Tate, werecoyote badass who risks her life and does what she needs to to protect her pack. You’re not a monster.”
“And neither are you,” She said. “You’re Stiles, human smart ass, who always helps his friends when he can. You make mistakes, but I know you’ll make up for them. You just need to keep following your Dad’s advice and you’ll forgive yourself one day.”
“Malia…”
“We’ll get through this together, okay?”
He felt emotion swell in his chest and he nodded.
Stiles pulled her into a crushing hug, letting the tears he’d been fighting back fall. He’d be okay as long as he had her around. He was stupid to think pushing her away would be best for either of them.