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"It has come to my attention" announced Dumbledore, "that the Slytherins have been playing a drinking game. As this drinking game has led to the majority of Slytherin house being admitted to the hospital wing with alcohol poisoning, I am banning this game."
~~ 24 hours earlier ~~
Malfoy was sitting on the other side of the common room, holding forth with Crabbe and Goyle. "That idiot never lets them speak" murmured Cartwright. "You have to pretend to consider the opinions of your vassals. Make them feel valued, even if you don't value them. The boy has no natural charisma."
Malfoy's voice drifted over, the name Potter clearly audible. "Then again, perhaps Crabbe and Goyle don't have much to say on the subject of Harry Potter" sneered Warrington. "That child never stops talking about him. It's not befitting of a Slytherin."
"Maybe he has a crush on Potter" suggested Moon, smirking.
"Perhaps," mused Josephine Zabini, "but I think we should have some fun with this."
"How so?" asked Cartwright. "Malfoy may be an idiot, but his father is powerful."
"A drinking game." Zabini ginned wickedly. "Take a shot every time Malfoy says Potter's name."
"I like it." Moon replied decisively. "But do we have enough alcohol?"
"I think so" answered Zabini. "Spread the word. From tomorrow onwards, everyone takes a shot every time Malfoy so much as breathes Potter's name."
The next day everyone in Slytherin house (except Malfoy) knew the rules of the new drinking game. Zabini had enchanted a large number of shot glasses so no one needed to carry a whole bottle of alcohol around with them. "When you go to take a shot, the glass will have a shot in it, but it won't spill alcohol when you put it in your bag" she said, as she handed out the shot glasses to every member of Slytherin house.
By the end of breakfast, the Slytherins were all seven shots in. Zabini was privately a little disappointed. She thought Malfoy would have managed to say Potter's name more than seven times during one meal. The Slytherins left for classes, the rest of Malfoy's class grinning in anticipation.
"Potter!" shouted Malfoy in first period Herbology. The Slytherins all took a shot as the rest of Malfoy's sentenced was drowned out by the Gryffindors giggling. The Gryffindors spent the rest of the lesson needling Malfoy to say Harry's name as many times as possible, so that by the end of the lesson, all of the Slytherins were on the verge of throwing up.
Hermione stayed behind to ask Professor Sprout a question (she asked quite a lot of questions, actually). "Waiting for your girlfriend, Potter?" sneered Malfoy. The Slytherins raised their shot glasses in unison. Harry and Ron exchanged grins and ran off to their next class, dragging Hermione with them before she noticed the game the Slytherins were playing.
The Gryffindors next period was transfiguration with the Ravenclaws, and the Hufflepuffs had a front row seat in history of magic, watching the Slytherins play their new drinking game.
Only half the Slytherins actually made it to History of Magic, and the other half of the Slytherins were escorted to the hospital wing by several laughing Hufflepuffs at the end of the period.
"Oi, Potter!" whispered Justin Finch-Fletchley when the Hufflepuffs and Gryffindors had their next lesson together in charms. "All the Slytherins in our year have alcohol poisoning already."
"What?" exclaimed Harry and Ron in unison.
"They're all in the hospital wing now." grinned Justin, "But what a game! I hadn't realised just how often he says your name until they started this."
"Keep your voice down!" hissed Harry. "Hermione hasn't noticed yet, but when she does, it'll be game over! It's too funny, I want to see what happens next."
At lunch time, the number of students on the Slytherin table was noticeably diminished. Malfoy didn't seem to register this, and continued to mutter about Potter, as the rest of the table became gradually more inebriated. Finally, he stalked out of the hall, continuing his mutterings. Some laughing Hufflepuffs hurried over, and started helping the Slytherins to the hospital wing.
"This is absolutely unheard of!" Madam Pomfrey exclaimed. "An entire house hospitalised in one day! All because of this stupid drinking game. Even the first years are drunk! My alcohol poisoning remedy is only safe for sixteen year olds and over. And I can't let them leave the hospital wing, they'll only start drinking again, and I've just about run out of elixir."
Snape looked round the room at his house, his lip curling in disdain.
Slytherin house lay in the hospital wing; some of them in hastily conjured beds in the aisle, as it was a rare occurrence that the hospital wing had to house so many students at once. The room was mostly silent, but occasionally someone would mimic the disdainful look so frequently on Malfoy's face, and mutter "Potter" under their breath, causing a ripple of laughter to run through the room. A self-cleaning basin lay by every student's bed, and the room smelt strongly of vomit.
"I shall speak to my students when they have recovered." Snape spoke suddenly to Madam Pomfrey. "In the meantime, I leave them in your capable hands. I have no wish to stay in a room that smells this strongly any longer than I have to."
Snape turned and stalked put the room. A few minutes later, Albus Dumbledore walked in. Unfortunately, as he did so, three of the first years started shivering from the alcohol poisoning, and Madam Pomfrey was kept busy for the next few minutes, adapting spells designed for use on adults so that they would be safe for her first years.
"Albus!" cried Madam Pomfrey. "This is the most ridiculous reason I have ever had to hospitalise so many students for!"
"Is it?" asked Dumbledore. "Poppy, I would very much appreciate it if you would tell me exactly why it is that so many students are in the hospital wing. Snape was not particularly forthcoming when I asked him."
"The Slytherins have invented a drinking game!" Madam Pomfrey nearly shrieked. "Every time Draco Malfoy says Harry Potter's name, they take a shot! I have confiscated a magic shot glass from every single one of them!"
Dumbledore picked up the shot glass, examining it closely. "Fascinating" he murmured. "And quite ingenious"
"Ingenious?" asked Madam Pomfrey dangerously.
"I shall take my leave of you Poppy." smiled Dumbledore. "and rest assured, I shall make an announcement banning this game at dinner tonight."
Before the food appeared at dinner that evening, Dumbledore stood up, and faced the school. "It has come to my attention" he announced, "that the Slytherins have been playing a drinking game. As this drinking game has led to the majority of Slytherin house being admitted to the hospital wing with alcohol poisoning, I am banning this game. For those who are unaware of the rules of this game, every time Malfoy mentions Potter's name, the Slytherins have taken a shot. I must emphasise that alcohol poisoning is not a pleasant experience, and this game is henceforth banned."
Malfoy's face during the speech had been more and more incredulous. The rest of his house had been playing a drinking game without him? That was why he was the only member of Slytherin house in the hall that evening? When Dumbledore explained the rules of the game Malfoy turned bright pink.
As Dumbledore sat down, the whole hall heard Malfoy mutter "Of course, this is all Potter's fault."
Snape raised his glass, and took a shot.