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Tyler Joseph, local dreamer. The boy or better the young adult who was more a myth than a person. Nobody really knew him, they all just knew of him. Having heard him playing his piano in the middle of the night, or strumming his ukulele in the early hours of the morning. Sometimes he would sing, sometimes he would scream, but that didn't change the fact that his voice was magnificent. Odd and unusual but at the same time captivating and emotional.
Tyler often spend his days looking out the window of his one bedroom apartment, it was the only interesting thing he could do during the day. His apartment lacked many of the usual accommodations, all he had was a rusty old bed with a squeaking mattress, an old wooden table with an uncomfortable chair, a fridge and his beloved piano.
He had inherited the piano from his mother after she had passed away, he would have never been able to afford one, if it hadn't been for her way too early passing. Yes, he had a job, he wouldn't be able to survive otherwise, but it hardly paid enough to cover the necessities like water, electricity and food. Tyler had been surprised when he had been told that the black piano was now his, he had never been allowed to even touch it in their old family home.
His mother hadn't even known he could play, for all he knew. He had been sneaking into the music room at his high school every Friday after school ended just to practice on the piano and it paid off. Tyler was good at playing, heck he was great at playing, even though he would never admit that out loud. Sometimes he wished he could play piano for a living, maybe give lessons or play at one of those fancy restaurants, but he knew that dream would never come true. He was too awkward, too anxious to even lead a normal conversation. He would never be able to feel comfortable enough in a setting like that in order to actually play good enough.
So he had to settle for the next best thing, working at a record store. Not at the cash register though, he would never be able to gather enough courage for that and actually talk to costumers. He was working Friday and Saturday nights when the store was long closed and no soul was around other than him. Tyler was responsible for sorting the records, making sure everything was at its rightful place and he was meant to put away all the new records that came in week after week. He loved working the nightshift, because it gave him the change to not only work at his own pace but also listen to his favourite artists throughout the night.
Currently it was Friday, late afternoon and Tyler just got ready to leave his apartment and head to his work place when he heard a bang from next door.
'This is odd', he thought, 'hasn't that apartment been empty for ages? Please don't let anyone be moving in there.'
New neighbours always meant trouble, either they were loud and obnoxious or they complained about Tyler being loud and obnoxious, that's how it always went. And because Tyler would never be able to afford to move to a different place, it was always his neighbours that ended up moving, because they couldn't 'bear' to live next to him for longer than a few weeks. It's a good thing that Tyler's landlord was an old family friend or otherwise he would have been evicted ages ago.
The banging still hadn't stopped and now it sounded like someone was rearranging furniture? Tyler couldn't stay and listen for any longer though, he had to leave right now or he'd be late for work. Again. Nobody would notice, because he was the only one actually at the store at this time of the day, but he hated the feeling of not being on time, the feeling of possibly disappointing someone.
Tyler grabbed his black sweater and made sure to not forget his keys inside this time. When he finally made it outside, keys in hand, he tried closing the door without making too much noise. He didn't want his new 'neighbour' to hear him and possible leave his apartment to come and say hello. Tyler didn't have the time and not to be rude but he also didn't want to make friends or talk to that mysterious person. He was fine alone, that way he couldn't disappoint anyone.
But like most of his plans, this one failed as well, just as he was locking the door to his apartment, the one to his left opened with a loud thud. Tyler visibly flinched and tried to leave as fast as humanly possible, but his new neighbour was already standing in the hallway. It was a guy, Tyler noticed. Slightly smaller than himself, pale skin and wait was that pink hair?
'How can a guy with tattoos and gauges make pink hair work? This is ridiculous', Tyler thought, but he didn't stop looking at the guy out of the corner of his eyes. He looked cute, his smile was gorgeous.
"Ehm...hi?", the guy said while waving at Tyler and scratching his head with his other hand. "I'm Josh and apparently you're my neighbour?", he sounded kind of nervous and he certainly looked awkward the way he was still waving, even after a full minute went by with Tyler saying absolutely nothing.
"Oh...yeah I guess. I'm Tyler but I really have to leave now", Tyler's voice was barely audible but he spoke louder than usual, didn't stutter as much and he was grateful for that. He didn't want to make a fool out of himself the first time he met his new neighbour, maybe this time it would work out. Maybe this time this wouldn't end up in a massive fight that would make Tyler feel like the biggest disappointment and like he failed everyone.
It wasn't his fault that the voices in his head would show up at the most inappropriate times, it wasn't his fault that they only stopped when he was playing the piano or his ukulele. It wasn't his fault that he had to try to scream louder than the voices in his head. It wasn't his fault, but nobody understood that, all of them were hearing his screams, his cries for help, but nobody was listening.
When Tyler finally came home from work that day he was exhausted. Not physically exhausted but mentally and if you asked him that was definitely worse. He felt like he had been awake for days and maybe that was true? He couldn't even tell left from right anymore and to top it all off, his mind had felt like a hurricane all day. His thoughts were racing, he could never get any peace.
'You know what we should do? We should show your new neighbour how crazy you really are, how damaged you are, how sick you are. And don't even think you could be friends with him just because he bothered to say hello to you. Someone like him would never be with someone like you. Just look at yourself, you're ugly, horrendous. You don't even deserve to live, you should have died that night in the car accident. You know it's your fault that your mother died, right? It should have been you, it should have been you all along.'
'No, please not now', Tyler thought. Couldn't he go one day without this, was one day of silence really too much to ask for?. He knew the only way to get rid of the voice was to be louder than it, to drown out the voice with his own.
It was 1am when Tyler sat down at his piano and started playing and singing, he started quietly but became louder every second.
"Words of mine, words of yours, confusing rhymes and confusing wars. Between words of love and words of hate, wars of dreams and wars of fate..."
He kept playing for hours until he had no feeling left in his fingers and his voice was so hoarse that it was barely audible. But it worked, he was louder than the voices in his head, for tonight he was able to take them out. He wasn't always successful though, sometimes he would have to take more drastic measures but tonight was good, tonight music was enough.
Soon after he stopped playing he fell asleep sitting at his piano, his head hitting the keys with one final thud, then only silence.
Tyler was scared the next day when he got ready to leave for work. What if he heard, what if he was out there waiting to confront him. And yes when he left his apartment Josh was out there, but he didn't look angry at him. He smiled. He smiled his stupid, cute smile that made his eyes look all cute. He didn't say a word, he just smiled, waved and got back into his apartment. Tyler had never been more confused, Josh must have heard him last night, he was sure of it. Why didn't he say anything? Why didn't he confront him? This was...odd.
This went on for the next few weeks, Tyler would try and drown out the voices every night, Josh wouldn't say a word the next day ,just smiles and sometimes waves. Over the weeks smiles turned into grins, waves turned into hellos, hellos turned into 'Hey Tyler, what are you up to today? Wanna hang out?' Strangers turned into acquaintances, acquaintances turned into friends.
Somehow Josh managed what nobody had before, he became his friend. They sometimes hung out at each other's places, mostly at Josh's because Tyler was still embarrassed about the state of his apartment. But this wasn't a fairytale, the voices didn't miraculously stop, the negative thoughts didn't stop because of Josh. Yes, being in his presence helped, but as soon as he left, as soon as Tyler sat in silence again the voices were back, because sometimes quiet is violent. It allowed the voices to come back, it allowed the self hatred to surface again.
One afternoon, Tyler was at Josh's place again, the atmosphere in the room suddenly shifted when Josh put his hand on the other boy's thigh. "Tyler, I... I have to tell you something. I knew we have only known each other for a few months and there is still so much we don't know about each other, but I just wanted to tell you that I like you. I like like you and I know you know that I hear you at night. And I just want to be there for you, I want to hold you, I want to tell you that it will get better. Please Tyler let me be there for you", Josh's voice became shakier the longer he talked and the weight of his hand on Tyler's thigh increased with every word.
Tyler liked Josh, that wasn't the problem but he didn't know if he was ready to put himself out there. If he was ready to become even more vulnerable than he already was. Letting Josh take care of him, letting Josh love him, meant opening up. Opening up meant Josh would see how damaged he was and it would just end in Tyler disappointing him and Josh leaving. But there was a small voice in the back of his head that kept whispering , 'What if. What if it works out? You could be happy Tyler.'
"I like you too Josh, we can try but you have to understand that I can't promise you anything. I'm unstable. I won't sugarcoat it and I don't know if you can deal with that. We can try, I want to try", Tyler said while putting his hand over Josh's. He couldn't bear to look him in the eyes though, that just felt to overwhelming in the moment. They kept sitting there for the next few minutes or even hours, not moving. Just sitting there not saying a word and even though it was silent the voices weren't bothering Tyler. Maybe quiet wasn't always violent.
They spent nearly every day together for the next few weeks, they grew closer and closer even sharing a few gentle kisses here and there. Josh often took Tyler to the park near their apartment building just to stroll through the little forest located there, while holding hands. They shared secrets and came up with inside jokes. Tyler even told Josh about his dream to be a professional piano player and instead of laughing like everyone else did, Josh just pulled him closer and kissed him on the head. "If that's what you wanna do baby boy then that's what you're gonna be doing in the future. I believe in you."
Tyler couldn't wipe the smile of his face, he finally found someone who believed in him. Who tried to understand, someone who didn't only hear him but was also listening to what he was saying and for the first time in forever he felt truly happy.
"Can we go home? I need to show you something", Tyler said out of the blue, smiling down at the slightly smaller boy. A few weeks ago, before Josh and he grew closer he wrote a song. He was yearning for someone to understand and somehow he felt like he needed to share it with Josh.
"Of course we can baby boy, let's go.", just a few minutes later they were back in their apartment building and for once they didn't enter Josh's apartment. No, Tyler pulled Josh to his own door. With a deep breath he opened his door, Josh had been at his apartment before but for whatever reason this felt like the first time all over again.
Tyler stepped up to his piano and sat down, fingers already on the keys, ready to play. Josh was still standing in the doorway unsure of where Tyler wanted him for this. Tyler glanced at Josh and said, "You can sit on my bed. I'm sorry if this sounds weird or if the melody doesn't work, but please listen to the lyrics, okay?"
With one last deep breath Tyler played the first note.
"I go to sleep every night, I should be good at it by now but very lonely is tonight and time stands still. So now I try to picture you, with all the kingdom I can't find, fighting gravel, dirt with this little mind. I think I saw the kingdom, get this feeling I must keep, walking closer crack the door and then I fall asleep. Because every time I think I see your face, it fades away and turns to grey. Then I pray you save the day, anyhow I just pray that someone hears me now
I just pray that someone hears me now"
Silence. Both boys sat there with tears in their eyes, a sob wrecked through Tyler's body, he turned around and looked at Josh with wide eyes. Silently asking him if he understood. Josh himself was teary eyed when he got up from the bed and crossed the room to engulf his boyfriend in a hug.
"Baby boy...I...Thank you for sharing this with me. Thank you for letting me into your life, thank you for letting me love you. I love you so much. I will never let you go again.", he whispered against Tyler's neck while pressing kisses against his skin.
The taller boy couldn't stop the smile spreading across his faces when he said, "Thank you for hearing me, thank you for listening. Thank you for not running away and thinking I'm crazy like everyone else did. I love you."