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The first thing Alex thought he should’ve done possibly in this scenario, is freak out.
After all, it’s not every day you’re confronted with yourself. Or really it’s not every day you’re confronted with the exact clone of yourself from gardeners what universe which managed to sandwich you and him together in the same hotel room.
Alex really shouldn’t have smoked that much weed this weekend. He honestly could blame Matt for this, but given that he’s in Texas, it’s safe to say he’s probably going to blame Parker and Parker alone. He knew that Parker was the king of doing stupid shit – but this is taking it one step too far. Maybe.
“Dude.” Clone Alex also seems to be a man of very few words.
“That’s all you can say? Just ‘dude’?”
“Look, I didn’t exactly plan to wake up after my first tour in..well, ever and see myself standing in front of me. I think Matt slipped me an edible.”
“Honestly, wouldn't put it past him.” Alex grumbled, looking around the space. He kind of recognised the decor, somewhere in the middle of Europe where he and Matt had gone on their first BabyGravy tour. It was mostly a blur of rooms and tour bus rides, so he couldn’t exactly pinpoint where they were.
However, where they were was not the biggest problem they were having right now. “So, are you sleeping or are you high as balls like I am?”
“Bro, I couldn’t tell you what fucking planet I’m on right now.” Clone Alex shifted uncomfortably, Alex recognising his habit of rubbing his ankles together as he stood there and nothing but a wife beater and a pair of briefs. “Is it weird that I feel kinda…mortal right now?”
“Mortal?”
“Yeah, like – seeing you is really fucking me up on the mortality scale. Is this like confronting my own death before it happens?”
“How many goddamn clones do you see of yourself normally?”
“Okay, fair.” Clone Alex winces. “It’s just a unique situation right now. My own person is in front of me and I’m not allowed to freak out even just a little bit?”
“Well, yeah. I guess given the rules of being confronted by your own clone or completely made up by the people who are confronted by their own clone I suppose?”
“That doesn’t make any sense, dude.”
“Nothing makes any sense anymore.” Alex can’t help but take off his glasses, rubbing his temples tiredly. “ I can’t believe I let my tolerance slip so low to the point that I’m actually seeing a version of myself.”
“Word.” The latter looks up as Clone Alex speaks. “I’m guessing by that since you’ve had one too many blunts this…uh…morning? Evening? Afternoon?”
“Afternoon. Parker convinced me to try some of his stash.”
“Don’t know who he is, but he sounds like a bad friend.”
“You aren’t at my level, yet. First tour, right?”
“How’d you know?”
“You still have that toque I lost three years ago.”
“Absent minded Alexander strikes again.”
“That and you’re not homoerotically intertwined in literally everything with Matt yet.”
He can see Clone Alex’s eyes nervously flick to his left hand at that and he can’t help but laugh as he finds himself sitting at the foot of the bed. “Not that way – believe me, he’s come close though.”
“Is it weird that I thought he was going to ask at the airport the first time he met me?”
“No.” Alex shrugged. “Me and his girlfriend sometimes tease him about that.”
“Matt has a girlfriend?!”
“Really hot freak named Ari. You’d like her.”
“Touché.”
The silence stretches long enough between them that the air around them suddenly becomes stifling, the clone staring him down as they stand/sit there without speaking a word.
“So, are you just gonna hang around here like some sleep paralysis demon and I just have to pretend that you’re a piece of furniture?”
He knew he was annoying when he was younger, but he couldn’t have been annoying, right? He’ll have to ask Matt next time he sees him and Ari in person.
“Dude, I don’t know. I don’t even know how I magicked myself here, let alone how to go back.”
“Well…if you’re up for it…” Clone’s Alex eyebrows jump suspiciously. “We do have this hotel room to ourselves. Matt‘s passed out next door. He probably wouldn’t hear anything if you know, we were to-“
“Are you- Are you asking me to have sex with myself?”
“Well, when you put it that way, man, it sounds pretty fucked up.”
Alex doesn’t even need two seconds to think about it.
“I’ve done worse then just break the laws of time in physics at this point, I guess.”
“So… are we gonna…”
Alex’s hand shoots out and grabs his own penis through the other Alex’s briefs reverently, both of them moaning at the same time, Alex watching as the clone's eyelids flutter, making his lashes look downright obscene.
“All my fans say I have pretty eyes; have to agree with them looking at them from this angle.”
“More.” Is all the other Alex gets out before they’re tumbling onto the bed together as one.