Chapter Text
“Don’t expect too much,” I told Alice.
She was thinking about which of the 3 presents she had got Bella would appreciate the most. If I had to guess, Bella would not even open them, even less appreciate them. Even though Alice claimed to be Bellas best friend, she didn’t seem to know her very well, but after all they had only known each other for a few months.
“But if I have high expectations, maybe she will live up to them,” she answered.
“We’ll see”
Alice had already seen Bellas’s reaction to even the mention of gifts, but she was still hopeful. Never bet against Alice I guess, and Bella never did what everyone thought she would do anyways.
25 seconds until she’s here
I didn’t need her vision to see that. I could already hear my love’s monstrous truck from a few hundred meters away.
After parking and triple checking that she had everything (she did that every morning, but I’ll never know why because she never forgets anything), she looked up at me and a smile spread on her face.
Awwwww, Alice thought.
I didn’t realize, but I was smiling too.
The young lovers are united yet again…
“Shut up Alice,” I mumbled.
I didn’t even say anything
As Bellas eyes wandered over to Alice, she still seemed happy, until, of course, she saw the crinkly, silver wrapped gift in her hands. Her smile turned into the pout I loved, and she seemed to realize none of her wishes were being granted today as Alice skipped over to her.
“Happy birthday, Bella!” Alice chirped happily.
“Shh,” Bella hissed.
I rolled my eyes. Most of our friends were already eighteen, I didn’t see the big deal. As I had expected, Bella rejected the gifts, but, yet again, never bet against Alice.
“Okay… later, then. Did you like the scrapbook your mom sent you? And the camera from Charlie?”
I chuckled as Bella sighed, of course Alice knew what Bellas’s birthday presents were, probably as soon as Charlie and Renée decided on what to give her.
“Yeah. They’re great”
“I think it’s a nice idea. You’re only a senior once. Might as well document the experience”
“How many times have you been a senior?”
Too many, Alice and I thought simultaneously. But it was all worth it to meet Bella.
“That’s different”
It was, and if I could help it, Bella would only be a senior in high school once.
As soon as she’d come close enough to me, I took Bellas’s hand and squeezed her fingers as carefully as I could and looked into her beautiful chocolate eyes, now I knew what she’d meant when she’d told me brown was her favorite color, because it was mine as well. If I could blush, I would, and I noticed Bella was, and her heart stuttered. Even though I was a little concerned for her health, I my smile grew even more. With my free hand I started tracing her lips, “dazzling her”, as she would call it. Of course, it was to soften her up so that she would be more open to Alice’s surprise.
“So, as discussed, I am not allowed to wish you a happy birthday, is that correct?”
“Yes. That is correct.”
“Just checking.” I would try to grant that wish, as she wouldn’t get anything else she wanted today. “You might have changed your mind. Most people seem to enjoy things like birthdays and gifts.”
"Of course you'll enjoy it. Everyone is supposed to be nice to you today and give you your way, Bella. What's the worst that could happen?" Alice giggled.
“Getting older.” Her voice trembled.
I didn’t want her to be sad about something so stupid during this perfect day that my reason for living came into the world, and I tried to keep my poker face, but I still felt my lips pressing together. I really hoped Bella wouldn’t think I was mad or something similar.
"Eighteen isn't very old," Alice said. "Don't women usually wait till they're twenty-nine to get upset over birthdays?"
“It’s older than Edward,” Bella mumbled shyly.
If only she could realize that didn’t matter, and she would always be my Bella, until she ordered me away. I sighed, maybe I hadn’t been clear enough about that.
“Technically,” Alice said, trying to light up the mood. "Just by one little year, though."
I appreciated her efforts, but they were unfortunately not helping. Looking back at this moment, I wish I would’ve expressed my thoughts but, for some reason, I didn’t. I loved her, I would always love her, no matter her age, her looks, or her love for me. And I was 104, 86 years older than her. Both Alice and I were very aware of what Bella wanted; to stop her aging completely, but I wasn’t going to kill her or let anyone else do the killing. It was selfish enough for me to love her, to be the reason for her dying would be even worse, and both she and I would be doomed.
"What time will you be at the house?" Alice nudged me, she seemed to have noticed I was starting to zone out.
Bella frowned, probably realizing why Alice wanted her at our house.
"I didn't know I had plans to be there."
Alice rolled her eyes and looked at me.
Do something
“Wait,” I said too quietly for Bella to hear. I didn’t want her to think I was against her too.
"Oh, be fair, Bella!" Alice complained, still trying to signal for me to do something. "You aren't going to ruin all our fun like that, are you?"
"I thought my birthday was about what I want."
Of course it was, and she would be grateful for this party in a few years, especially if she did get her way and this was her last birthday. It was time for me to step in.
"I'll get her from Charlie's right after school.”
Thank you
But Bella wasn’t giving up.
"I have to work," she protested.
"You don't, actually," Alice told her smugly. I was a little smug too, it was my idea. "I already spoke to Mrs. Newton about it. She's trading your shifts. She said to tell you 'Happy Birthday.'"
"I–I still can't come over," Bella stammered, scrambling for an excuse. Alice rolled her eyes, she already knew what Bella was going to say. "I, well, I haven't watched Romeo and Juliet yet for English."
Alice snorted. "You have Romeo and Juliet memorized.”
"But Mr. Berty said we needed to see it performed to fully appreciate it–that's how Shakespeare intended it to be presented."
I rolled my eyes. I had watched Romeo and Juliet performed a few times, and it really wasn’t that different from the movie that Bella always watched on DVD. But of course Bella would come up with any excuse to get out of this party. Why was she so stubborn, I really didn’t see the problem with being with my family, eating food she liked, and getting gifts.
"You've already seen the movie," Alice accused.
"But not the nineteen-sixties version. Mr. Berty said it was the best."
Well that clearly wasn’t enough, do something else
I shook my head discreetly. Alice was starting to get annoyed and lost her smile.
"This can be easy, or this can be hard, Bella, but one way or the other–"
I trusted Alice, but I didn’t trust her enough right then and there, time to step in again. Why did I have to do everything around here?
"Relax, Alice. If Bella wants to watch a movie, then she can. It's her birthday."
WHY YOU DIRTY LITTLE SEWER RAT I’VE BEEN PLANNING THIS FOR MONTHS
I pushed her out of my mind before the swearing got too offensive to listen on the conversation, but it was a little hard to focus with Alice glaring at me. Of course, Bella was still going, this was another human event she couldn’t miss, and my whole family was so excited this morning.
“So there,” Bella added with a smug smile.
"I'll bring her over around seven," I continued. "That will give you more time to set up."
Oh, I see what you’re doing. Thanks, and don’t worry, I would never hurt Bella, I love her too you know…
Of course I knew. But I didn’t trust anyone - even myself - with my only love, but no one seemed to understand that.
"Sounds good. See you tonight, Bella! It'll be fun, you'll see." Alice smiled widely and pecked Bella on the cheek before skipping off to class.
"Edward, please–" Bella begged, she really didn’t want to go to this party, did she? I silenced her with my finger to her warm lips. Dazzling her, as she would call it.
"Let's discuss it later. We're going to be late for class."
When we got to our first class of the day and sat in our usual seats I saw Mike smile at Bella, and she smiled back. Normally, I would be incredibly irritated by this, but his thoughts weren’t going straight to how hot she was or anything like that, so maybe he had finally accepted that they would just be friends, nothing more. Maybe no one at this school was the one for him, he had realized that too after his and Jessicas breakup in the summer.
During the day, I could hear Alice seeing all the things Bella would try to do to get out of her party, and I didn’t even need to see the outcomes to know that none of them would work. There was no way she was not going to this party, and particularly the presents. I was very curious about how she would react to my gift, since she never did what I expected, and I half expected her to not even touch it. Not bringing up her birthday seemed to cheer Bella up a little bit, and of course she hadn’t told any of her friends, that would be too much spotlight on her.
In the lunchroom, all her friends were already at our usual tables, so Alice and I grabbed our lunches for show, and Bella quickly picked out a real one before we all sat down at the southern end of the table. Our lunch table was very segregated – we barely even spoke to the other people, but it didn’t really bother me, it meant I got to talk more with Bella. Besides, this was how it was supposed to be with normal humans who actually feel uncomfortable in our presence, unlike Bella.
The afternoon flew by with Bella by my side. Together, we walked to her miserable, suicidal truck and I opened the passenger door for her. Since Alice had taken my tuck home early to prepare the decorations and give me some time with Bella, I would drive her home. A pout appeared on her lips, and she crossed her arms.
"It's my birthday, don't I get to drive?" she asked hopefully as the rain made her increasingly wet.
"I'm pretending it's not your birthday, just as you wished."
"If it's not my birthday, then I don't have to go to your house tonight..."
I rolled my eyes. She wasn’t giving up, and I didn’t want the rain to make her sick.
"All right." I shut the passenger door as mildly as I could and walked past Bella to open the driver's side for her. "Happy birthday."
“Shh,” she shushed me, I forgot I couldn’t wish her a happy birthday.
In Emmett’s, Jasper’s and Rosalie’s favor I tried to turn the radio on. Of course, we could only hear noise that slightly resembled some song from the 90’s.
"Your radio has horrible reception.” I gave up trying to get it to play any music.
"You want a nice stereo? Drive your own car,” she retorted harshly. I couldn’t help but smile, she was so cute when she was angry, and she was hardly ever bad-tempered with me.
I could only hope she wasn’t very irritated with me, but I never knew with her. To make sure, I carefully took her face in my hands after I parked at her house. My fingers softly touched her face, I couldn’t be any more careful, but I was still anxious. What if I hurt her? Maybe not now, but I could hurt her whenever I was with her. I wasn’t good for her, but she didn’t believe that and I sure wasn’t going to leave her until she wanted me to.
"You should be in a good mood, today of all days," I whispered into her ear, and I could feel her heart beating faster but I didn’t know if it was because of fear or love. I hoped love.
"And if I don't want to be in a good mood?"
I swallowed a smile. “Too bad.”
Her heart started picking up the pace even more as I leaned in and pressed my lips into hers. My arms wrapped carefully around her waist. I could feel my throat burning, but that didn’t matter right now. Only us mattered. Bella and I. Me and Bella. Both of us wanted this to go on forever, but even though it was barely noticeable for me, I could feel Bella throwing her arms around my neck and getting a little to enthusiastic. How I wished I could do the same, but as usual, I had to be the responsible one. It was sort of amusing how much she wanted to die. She did think she would survive, but I knew the truth. She would die. I would kill her. I had to pull away, even though she frowned, even though I wanted to keep going.
It was hard to say no to my Bella, but I had to. It would have been even harder to live without her, so even though she didn’t understand – or want to understand – I had to draw the line somewhere.
"Be good, please," I whispered and kissed her again, to feel my throat burn and test my self-control. She seemed to notice her heart beating faster and blushed.
"Do you think I'll ever get better at this?" she mumbled. "That my heart might someday stop trying to jump out of my chest whenever you touch me?"
"I really hope not," I admitted. I liked being liked, even though it was quite egoistic.
"Let's go watch the Capulets and Montagues hack each other up, all right?"
I would never understand what was so great about Romeo and Juliet, but she liked it, so I would watch it without complaining.
"Your wish, my command."
After she’d skipped the opening credits, I took the opportunity to be close to her and pulled her to my chest. The rock hard, cold surface was probably uncomfortable for her, but we both preferred it this way.
"You know, I've never had much patience with Romeo." I hoped she was okay with me saying that, as she seemed to adore him a little too much for my liking.
"What's wrong with Romeo?" Exactly like I thought, she was a little offended. Only very slightly, a human probably wouldn’t notice the shift in her tone, but it was there.
"Well, first of all, he's in love with this Rosaline–don't you think it makes him seem a little fickle? And then, a few minutes after their wedding, he kills Juliet's cousin. That's not very brilliant. Mistake after mistake. Could he have destroyed his own happiness any more thoroughly?"
He was very different from me in his actions, but we were also so alike. I too, was destined to kill my true love, but not intentionally.
She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Do you want me to watch this alone?"
I didn’t want to watch it, but I didn’t want to leave her. My urge to be with her was more important than my dislike of this film.
"No, I'll mostly be watching you, anyway." That was true. Her skin felt warm under my ice cold fingertips as I traced her arm. "Will you cry?"
"Probably," she confessed. "If I'm paying attention."
"I won't distract you then."
This film always made her cry; I was pretty sure she liked crying. It was one of the things I missed about being human. Crying, letting my feelings out. Not being so stonelike (literally). Since I knew the lines, I tried to dazzle her by whispering Romeo’s lines in her ear, and it seemed to be working. She did cry when the lovers died. She liked crying.
"I'll admit, I do sort of envy him here," I said while drying her tears. It was so easy for him, unlike for me.
"She's very pretty."
The fact that she could even think I envied that made me disgusted. Bella would always be the only one for me, I would never love anyone else, or even look at another being with the tiniest hint of romance.
"I don't envy him the girl–just the ease of the suicide," I clarified, even though I would have thought she would have picked that up. "You humans have it so easy! All you have to do is throw down one tiny vial of plant extracts..."
"What?" she gasped.
"It's something I had to think about once, and I knew from Carlisle's experience that it wouldn't be simple. I'm not even sure how many ways Carlisle tried to kill himself in the beginning... after he realized what he'd become..." I wasn’t very creative when coming up with a way to commit suicide, but at least Carlisle had taught me that I couldn’t do it like a normal human. A vampire had to do it. "And he's clearly still in excellent health."
"What are you talking about?" She looked me dead in the eyes. "What do you mean, this something you had to think about once?"
"Last spring, when you were... nearly killed..." This wasn’t easy for me to talk about. It was a reminder of how breakable Bella was, and how selfish I was for staying with her even though I was killing her. "Of course I was trying to focus on finding you alive, but part of my mind was making contingency plans. Like I said, it's not as easy for me as it is for a human."
I still thought her plan was very thoughtless and frankly kind of stupid. Running of to meet a sadistic vampire who even told you he was going to kill her wouldn’t be most people’s first thoughts, but she was tricked int thinking she was saving her mother, so I let it pass. I would do the same to save her. She shook her head. Was she disappointed in me because I didn’t give 100% into saving her or was she angry because I wouldn’t even try to live without her. I wouldn’t be able to, to be dead was better than to be alive but deprived of light of light and joy. To be deprived of her.
"Contingency plans?"
"Well, I wasn't going to live without you." It was as if she didn’t understand I loved her and couldn’t live without her. "But I wasn't sure how to do it–I knew Emmett and Jasper would never help... so I was thinking maybe I would go to Italy and do something to provoke the Volturi."
My eyes couldn’t meet hers. I could tell she was angry with me, but I didn’t get why. What had I done to her? Of course, suicide was a selfish action, but she wouldn’t be affected if she were dead.
"What is a Volturi?" she demanded.
"The Volturi are a family," I replied, still not meeting her stare. "A very old, very powerful family of our kind. They are the closest thing our world has to a royal family, I suppose. Carlisle lived with them briefly in his early years, in Italy, before he settled in America–do you remember the story?"
"Of course I remember."
"Anyway, you don't irritate the Volturi.” I seemed to had interrupted a thought of hers. "Not unless you want to die–or whatever it is we do."
Of course we didn’t die. It only went black forever.
She took my face and forced my eyes to focus on hers.
"You must never, never, never think of anything like that again! No matter what might ever happen to me, you are not allowed to hurt yourself!"
"I'll never put you in danger again, so it's a moot point."
I would never let her out of my thoughts again and would always be close enough to know where she was and what she was doing.
"Put me in danger! I thought we'd established that all the bad luck is my fault?" A crease appeared between her eyebrows and she gripped my face harder. "How dare you even think like that?"
"What would you do, if the situation were reversed?"
She bit her lip. "That's not the same thing."
I chuckled and smiled at her. It was definitely the same thing, except she would never live to see the day I died – or whatever it is we do.
"What if something did happen to you?" Nothing would. "Would you want me to go off myself?"
I winced. Of course I wouldn’t, I didn’t want her to do anything to herself, and certainly not because of me. I had already caused her enough trouble.
"I guess I see your point... a little. "But what would I do without you?"
"Whatever you were doing before I came along and complicated your existence."
If only it were that easy. I could barely even remember what I was doing before I met her. Did I just go to school, come home, hunt and then listen to my family having sexual affairs the whole night. That seemed like a terribly monotonous life. With Bella everything was an adventure, and every day was a new star in the universe.
"You make that sound so easy,” I said dejectedly.
"It should be. I'm not really that interesting."
Why did she always think so little of herself. She was the most interesting being on this planet, and she was perfect for me. Opening my mouth to argue, I realized it didn’t matter.
"Moot point," I reminded both myself and Bella as I quickly shifted into a more parent friendly position in the sofa.
“Charlie,” Bella guessed. Sometimes, it was as if she was the one reading minds.
Bella took my hand firmly as her father pulled into the driveway and I smelled the disgusting smell of some human food that turned out to be pizza.
"Hey, kids." He smiled and seemed to forget his aversion to me. "I thought you'd like a break from cooking and washing dishes for your birthday. Hungry?"
"Sure. Thanks, Dad." Bella smiled too.
As usual, I didn’t eat anything with them, but Charlie was used to it. The smell still disgusted me, but I had a good poker face.
"Do you mind if I borrow Bella for the evening?" I asked when the family dinner was over.
"That's fine–the Mariners are playing the Sox tonight,” he said as Bella sighed and lost all hope she was going to get to stay home tonight. "So I won't be any kind of company... Here."
As soon as Charlie tossed Bella’s camera to her, he regretted his decision, of course she wouldn’t catch it. Instead, I caught it just as it was about to hit the floor.
"Nice save,” Charlie noted. “If they're doing something fun at the Cullens' tonight, Bella, you should take some pictures. You know how your mother gets–she'll be wanting to see the pictures faster than you can take them."
"Good idea, Charlie," I agreed, handing Bella her camera, which she immediately used to snap a picture of me.
"It works."
"That's good. Hey, say hi to Alice for me. She hasn't been over in a while."
There were a few good reasons Charlie preferred Alice over me. For one, she wasn’t a boy and, secondly, she didn’t almost get Bella killed last spring. I guess I deserved it.
"It's been three days, Dad.” Bella rolled her eyes, but she didn’t want to upset her father. "I'll tell her."
"Okay. You kids have fun tonight."
It was impossible not to notice Bella’s aversion to my driving, but I didn’t care, it wasn’t as if I liked her lawful following of speed limits.
"Take it easy.” This was easy.
"You know what you would love? A nice little Audi coupe. Very quiet, lots of power..."
… lots of speed, lots of safety…
"There's nothing wrong with my truck. And speaking of expensive nonessentials, if you know what's good for you, you didn't spend any money on birthday presents."
"Not a dime.” Never in my existence would I understand her dislike for gifts from me, but if it made her happy, I wouldn’t spend money on her. Not until we were married and shared economy at least. Then she wouldn’t be able to make any excuses.
"Good."
"Can you do me a favor?" I asked politely.
"That depends on what it is."
Of course it did. Alice would be so disappointed, even though I warned her. "Bella, the last real birthday any of us had was Emmett in 1935. Cut us a little slack, and don't be too difficult tonight. They're all very excited."
"Fine, I'll behave." I didn’t expect her to give up that quickly, but she did love them too.
"I probably should warn you..."
"Please do."
"When I say they're all excited... I do mean all of them."
Her eyes widened in shock. "Everyone?" she managed to choke up. "I thought Emmett and Rosalie were in Africa." Their 43rd honeymoon.
"Emmett wanted to be here."
"But... Rosalie?"
Rosalie hated Bella, for a reason she was very ashamed of. She envied her. Bella had everything she wanted. A human life, a future, friends, and opportunities. Rose had none of that, and Bella was just going to throw it all away for me. Knowing that she was severely disliked by Rosalie but not knowing why was hard for Bella.
"I know, Bella. Don't worry, she'll be on her best behavior." She didn’t want to upset Emmet.
As we were getting closer to my house, I had to lighten the mood by changing the subject. "So, if you won't let me get you the Audi, isn't there anything that you'd like for your birthday?"
Bella wasn’t having it. "You know what I want."
Why did she want that so bad? I really wasn’t that great, and immortality definitely wasn’t.
"Not tonight, Bella. Please."
"Well, maybe Alice will give me what I want." She would, she wanted Bella to be with her forever, but I wasn’t going to let that happen. Bella would stay human, and I would live with her until she perished, and then, I would cease to exist.
"This isn't going to be your last birthday, Bella," I promised, more to myself than to her. It would be so much easier to turn her, but so very selfish.
"That's not fair!"
My teeth clenched together as we pulled up into the driveway, and I realized Alice had decorated even more since this morning. From the corner of my eye, I could see Bella pout even more, if that was possible.
"This is a party," I had to remind her after calming myself down. "Try to be a good sport."
"Sure.” She rolled her eyes.
"I have a question,” she said after a few moments of heavy silence. "If I develop this film,” she said holding up the camera. "Will you show up in the picture?"
Inside, my family erupted in laughter, they must have heard what she said. As we walked in, we were greeted with a booming “Happy birthday Bella”, and blood flushed to Bella’s face as she also noticed the decoration, the table, and the cake. To soothe her, I wrapped my arm around her waist and kissed her on her head. That was a little for my own pleasure as well. Unfortunately I had to let go of her to let my parents greet her.
"Sorry about this, Bella," Carlisle whispered loud enough for everyone, even a human, to hear. "We couldn't rein Alice in."
Next was Emmet and Rosalie, but Rose didn’t seem as happy as her husband.
"You haven't changed at all," Emmet said jokingly. "I expected a perceptible difference, but here you are, red-faced just like always."
"Thanks a lot, Emmett.” Bella’s face turned into an even deeper shade of red.
"I have to step out for a second.” For the present. "Don't do anything funny while I'm gone."
"I'll try.”
While Emmet was gone Alice took the chance to upset Bella even more.
"Time to open presents!”
"Alice, I know I told you I didn't want anything–"
Has she been like this all day?
I nodded slightly.
"But I didn't listen," Alice interrupted smugly. "Open it."
Still blushing deeply, Bella ripped the paper of the box. Her eyebrows furrowed as she stared at it and then understood it was empty.
"Um... thanks."
"It's a stereo for your truck." Jasper snickered at her confusion. "Emmett's installing it right now so that you can't return it."
As if she could with you watching over her like a hawk
"Thanks, Jasper, Rosalie," Bella thanked, she seemed to realize my setup all day. "Thanks, Emmett!" she called out to the garage.
"Open mine and Edward's next," Alice said as she held that piece of my soul -if I had one- in her hand.
"You promised."
As I was about to answer, Emmet broke through the door, grinning. "Just in time!" Everyone scooted closer, we hadn’t told anyone what we were giving her.
"I didn't spend a dime," I vowed as I got ready for her reaction. Would she even like it? Was it good enough for her? Maybe I should’ve just bought something against her will.
"Give it to me," she told Alice and, yet again, started excitedly trying to rip the paper off.
"Shoot," Bella muttered at the cut she got from the paper.
At the same time, everyone except Bella realized what was happening. We couldn’t prevent it. It all happened very quickly then.
"No!" I roared.
Japer threw himself at Bella. Trying to get Bella out of his way, I slammed my arm into her and heard a crashing sound but got distracted from Jasper attacking me. We both growled at each other and were trying to push each other in different directions. Suddenly, Emmet grabbed Jasper, and I could breathe again, but Jasper still resisted. While I calmed down, I smelled it. Blood. A lot of it. Everyone smelled it. Even though it wasn’t her fault, she looked ashamed. It was my fault. It was all my fault.