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It was only when he had almost lost her did he realize that it was her. It had always been her. She was the one that held his heart all along.
You should have known this would be a problem when you agreed to attend Tony’s little soirée. It was a classy event, that much you knew - it was the only reason you were even in a dress, after all. But you hadn’t expected someone to look so irresistibly amazing in a suit. But then again, Steve wasn’t just someone. He was Captain fucking America, and he was the greatest man you’d ever known.
You were smiling like a buffoon when he first found you, wrapping you in one of his signature hugs. His smell attacked your senses on contact and you were red by the time he pulled away. He’s smiling as he looks you over, and chills erupt over your skin. And then he tells you that you look beautiful, radiant even, and you’ve been reduced to a giggling mess.
You hated that he had this effect on you. With one flash of that blinding smile, you were putty in Steve’s hands. Regardless of what the hard-headed shit had done, when he fixed you with his pearly whites there was no denying that you couldn’t stay mad at him.
But it didn’t mean that he couldn’t break your heart.
And break your heart, he did.
Somebody said you got a new friend
You knew who the woman was when you saw her. You had missed them entering the grand ballroom together, but with one look you knew exactly who she was without a doubt.
Does she love you better than I can?
She was all Steve could talk about for weeks, though they had been dating under wraps for months. Her contagious smile, her endless brown eyes, and her soft golden curls. He was right, she was beautiful. And damn near impossible to hate. God knows it would’ve been so much easier if you could hate her.
I know where you’re at, I bet she’s around
She’s laughing, telling tales of her days with Shield before the fall with you when Steve comes up. His large hand curls around her waist easily, as if it were made for her and you feel your heart pinch at the sight, your mask of mirth only faltering for a second.
He asks if you’ve met the woman who’s stolen his heart - ow - and you find yourself blinking just a bit faster to fight back tears.
Yeah, I know it’s stupid, b ut I just got to see it for myself
And then he looks at her, God, he really looks at her and you have to excuse yourself.
You’re safe for a moment, your face buried in your hands at the bar. You knock back whatever drink Natasha has shoved in front of you, groaning at the way it burns all the way down.
Somehow your eyes have found Steve again, and your heart shutters once more as you see the way he’s smiling at her with everything he’s got before he’s pressing a chaste kiss to her lips.
I’m in the corner, watching you kiss her.
“I’m heading to bed.” You stand suddenly. “Tell Tony I’m sorry.” You mutter, waving goodbye to your teammates, letting your eyes drift once more to the man who’s stolen broken your heart.
I’m right over here, why can’t you see me?
His eyes are ever on her, the agent who’s stolen his heart. The one he can’t shut up about. The one who came out of nowhere and snatched him up.
I’m giving it my all, but I’m not the girl you’re taking home.
You supposed you couldn’t be angry, he wasn’t yours. But that didn’t dampen the pang of hurt that shot through you every time his eyes twinkled and you knew he was thinking of her. How he would smile and sing her praises, saying her name - Sharon - the name that soured in your own mouth.
I keep dancing on my own
You swiped a handle of whiskey from the bar as you escaped, popping it open and taking a swig before even reaching the elevators.
I’m just gonna dance all night
It didn’t take long for the alcohol to invade your senses once you returned to your room.
I’m all messed up, I’m so out of line
Broken gasps pierced through your sobs and you tumble as you uselessly tug at your heels. A huff breaks from your chest as you hit the floor, hip first, and it does nothing to help your tears.
Stilettos and broken bottles
Desperate for release from these god damn emotions, you bring the bottle to your lips once more, cursing when you find it empty. With a mind of its own, your arm rears back to chuck the glass across the room with everything you’ve got.
You’d be lying if you said the sound of something so perfect and smooth shattering to a hundred pieces didn’t help you at least a little.
I’m spinning around in circles
Then you’re standing, heels abandoned on your floor. That’s when the wave hits you. You hadn’t realized how sloshed you had gotten until you’ve stumbled over to your toilet. It burns on its way up, the liquor that danced in your stomach. A hand finds your shoulder, squeezing gently as you heave through tears.
Your bleary eyes find soft brown ones and suddenly you’re flinging yourself into Tony’s arms before you can think. There’s no stopping the wails that echo off the walls and he silently holds you, comforting you without words. And when you’re between retches, he only hugs you tighter.
You spend weeks in Tony’s company, finding solace in the way he cares for you. There’s nothing there beyond fatherly love, but he comforts you in a way that no one else can.
The team picks up on the blossoming friendship rather quickly, and really it’s no wonder why. The two of you have become inseparable. You almost don’t notice Steve’s absence. Sure, you would feel a pang of guilt when the super soldier would cast heavy glances your way, his brow furrowed low over her crystal eyes, but then Sharon would arrive and perch upon him and the guilt dissipated.
You had since told Tony how you were head over heels for your commanding officer, that he was the reason Tony had found you among shattered glass and strewn shoes. The older man had threatened to tear Steve a new one, to slam his head against a wall until some sense was knocked into him but you had quickly talked him down.
With Tony by your side, it seemed easier to accept that Steve didn’t love you. Of course not completely, but having someone who had experienced heartbreak at the hands of someone he thought he could trust helped. Tony kept you away from the booze - ensuring you didn’t make the same, irreversible mistakes he made. He kept you from dragging random strangers into your bed at the chance of erasing blonde hair and broad shoulders from your heart. But most importantly, Tony was there to hold you in silence on the nights where you would cry yourself to sleep.
I’m in the corner, watching you kiss her
Steve noticed when you began to drift away, and though he knew he had no claim on you, it didn’t squash the fierce jealousy that thrilled through him whenever Tony made you laugh.
Sharon was the one who pointed it out. She sat him down, asking if there was anything between the two of you - which Steve violently denied. But she could see something he couldn’t, and so she stepped away - giving him a few days and the upcoming mission to think things through. And as quickly as their engagement was announced, was it tainted.
Maybe she was right.
He would notice when you entered a room, a smile breaking across his face before he could help it. It was almost always dropped, though, when Tony came in hot on your heels. And you would talk to Tony the way you used to talk to him. The way you didn’t talk to him anymore…
The nail in Steve’s coffin, however, was the morning he saw you emerge from your room, bleary eyed with swollen lips in nothing but an oversized t-shirt. He smiled, bidding you a ‘Good morning!’ to which you gifted him with your quirky half smile and a greeting of your own. But then Tony Stark came out right behind you, sans pants. And Steve’s heart plummeted to his feet.
I’m right over here, why can’t you see me
He felt betrayed, though he had no right to. You were not his. But God damn it! Why Tony? Why, of all fucking people, did it have to be another God damn Stark!?
He had no words to diffuse the new tension in the hallway and simply spun on his heels to seek relief in the way his fists knocked against the punching bag in the gym.
I’m giving it my all, but I’m not the guy you’re taking home
Sharon had been right. Steve cared for you. It had taken seeing you with Stark to realize it, but he loved you. He loved you, and he had lost you.
I keep dancing on my own
Steve’s shift in demeanor was painfully obvious after he caught you and Tony emerging from your bedroom that morning. You would never forget the shock and agony on his face as his eyes found you, then Tony. You knew what it had looked like, and your stomach lurched at the realization that Steve thought you and Tony had slept together. Your red, puffy lips most likely did nothing to debunk his theory, but he couldn’t be more wrong!
Tony had come to your room when F.R.I.D.A.Y. had alerted him that you’d stolen several bottles of miscellaneous liquor and locked yourself in your room.
That afternoon, Steve had returned to the compound with Sharon wrapped around his waist as always, but this time, something was different. Upon further inspection, you had found it. And god did you wish you hadn’t.
Steve smiled proudly as your eyes found the silver band wrapped around Sharon’s left ring finger and you suddenly couldn’t remember how to breathe. The diamond stared back at you, taunting you as it glimmered like Steve’s smile.
It should be yours. That ring should be on your finger.
But it wasn’t.
And so with a quick hug and a wish of congratulations to the couple, you dashed back to your room, but not before breaking into Tony’s liquor cabinet.
You would’ve been happy drinking yourself to death, and you probably would’ve, had Tony not shown up and demand you unlock the door. Truth be told, you would never have had F.R.I.D.A.Y. not threatened to call 911.
Your happiness was gone, drowned in the endless bottles of everything you had drunk that night, and the unforgettable image of Sharon’s engagement ring.
Once you let him inside, Tony’s eyes scanned the numerous empty bottles and took it upon himself to care for you the way his many drunken nights had taught him. You emptied most of the liquor into your toilet before it made its way your blood stream, and Tony brought you some broth once you had completely emptied your stomach.
He stayed with you all night, making sure you brushed your teeth and drank plenty of water before you fell asleep. The pain killers he placed on your bedside table proved incredibly useful when you woke up with a throbbing headache.
You’re pressing the heels of your hands into temples when Tony wakes up and wraps his arms around you. He’s all too familiar with this sensation, as he damn near drank himself to death when Pepper walked out on him for the last time. To see you, someone so kind and innocent, go through that pain as well was almost unbearable and he refused to make you go through it alone.
You relaxed into Tony’s hold, the blinding pressure behind your eyes ebbing for at least a moment. You’re melting into the heat beside you, easily getting washed away at the feeling of a comforting touch and a strong body. And then you meet his sweet, crinkled eyes and you can’t stop yourself. You’re willing to try anything at this point to chase the pain from your chest.
Smooth lips press against his and Tony immediately falls into old habits. His hand cups your face as you press ever further into him, wrapping your arms around his neck. You’re pushed under him, his heavy frame rolling on top of yours as you seek something to mend your broken heart in his kisses. Something feels wrong, the way you don’t fit together. The way that he’s not Steve. When his tongue swipes across your lips, you’re jumping away from each other like you’ve both been shocked.
And you just stand there looking at each other.
“I can’t believe I - God, I’m sorry”
“Kid, wait. I get it, believe me! It’s ok, no harm done -”
“Tony, don’t.” You’re running to the door, desperate to escape this blasted embarrassment and when you open the door, you’re barreling head first into Steve with Tony right behind you.
The next time you see either Tony or Steve, the three of you are seated in the quinjet. Sam is at the helm, oblivious to the tension radiating in the back of the aircraft and you shoot out of your seat the moment it touches the ground.
It’s a simple mission, get in - plant some explosives - and get out.
The sooner you finished, the sooner you could lock yourself in your room and never speak to anyone again.
You infiltrate the building easily enough, disposing of two guards in one fell swoop with Steve leading the charge and Tony right behind you while Sam flies overhead to keep a look out. Once you’re inside, things become a little more difficult.
The lights above you are dim, flickering, and faulty. They do little to illuminate the dark corridors and you can’t fight the shiver that claws its way up your spine. Against your better judgment, the three of you split up to plant your individual explosives.
But you’re not alone.
Clumsy footsteps alert you to a presence moments before you duck out of the way of a blind swing. As you regain your footing, a brute of a man towers over you. His fists never pausing as he lurches at you again and again. 7You were no amateur, blocking hit for hit and managing to land a few of your own that slow him down long enough to break free and set your device.
But then he’s on you again, a sickening crunch ringing through the air as your shin buckles under his weight.
So far away, but still so near
Your scream echoes through the halls, playing in surround as it resonates over the team’s earpieces and Steve’s breath stops. Tony’s voice rings in his ear and Steve is on his feet, running blindly.
“Was that -”
“Y/N!” Steve calls, voice desperate and raw. “Y/N! Where are you? God damn it. Y/N!”
And then he sees you. Crumpled and gasping as you claw at the hands wrapped around your throat.
Steve’s jaw clenches and without hesitation, he’s snapping the beast’s neck in his bare hands, tossing the now lifeless form to the side.
“Y/N, oh God, are you alright?” Large hands come to cradle the back of your skull and he realizes you’re bleeding - badly - from where your head had been bashed against the concrete floor.
“Steve? Where’s Tony? Is everyone alright?” Your voice is hoarse and sounds nothing like the carefree woman Steve loved knew. Your breath is labored. You need medical attention. Now.
The lights go on, the music dies
“Y/N!” Tony’s at the door, helmet retracting as he sees you on the floor. Begrudgingly Steve hands you off, teeth grinding as Tony presses his forehead to yours. “C’mon kid, stay with me.”
But you don’t see me, standing here
It’s a quick flight to the quinjet with Tony carrying you and Sam carrying Steve, and Sam flies like a madman to get you home. Behind you, the building crumbles to the ground, the mission complete. You smile at the knowledge, losing consciousness in Tony’s arms.
I just came to say goodbye
I’m in the corner, watching you kiss him
Steve’s heart is shattering as he rolls Sharon’s engagement ring around between his fingers, listening as Tony sobs at your bedside table. But not because of her, not Sharon. Rather because of the tubes that are running from each arm, your chest rising and falling with your labored breathing.
I’m right over here, why can’t you see me
Dr. Cho did what she could, mending your leg easily. The trauma to your throat and lungs, however, are a little more difficult to take on.
She allows the team to visit you, Steve spending more time at your side than anyone else. He stays in the corner, though, blaming himself for letting you go off on your own. For driving you into Tony’s arms himself.
I’m giving it my all, but I’m not the guy you’re taking home
He hadn’t spoken to Sharon for several days after returning from the mission, and it only took her finding him in your room in the medical wing to realize what was going on.
She didn’t say a word as she smiled sadly at her - then - fíance, handing him the ring he’d proposed to her with only a month before. It should’ve hurt him more. But all he could care about was you - your survival.
And then she’s gone, and Steve lulls off into a fitful sleep beside you.
I keep dancing on my own
“Steve?” The super soldier jolts awake at the sound of his name. No, not at his name. At the sound of that voice saying his name.
“Y/N.” He breathes, ashamed at how relieved he is to see Tony is nowhere to be found. “How’re you feeling?”
“Like hell.” You chuckle, hissing at what Steve assumes is the strain on your throat. “What happened?”
“I was too late,” Steve mumbles as he gently takes your hand in his.
So far away, but still so near
“No, you weren’t! I’m still here, aren’t I?” You whisper, letting your thumb run over the back of Steve’s hand. The gentle smile he gifts you with is enough to melt your heart. “Where’s Sharon?” You ask, attempting to change the subject.
The lights go on, the music dies
“Don’t know.” He shrugged. You hadn’t been expecting indifference. To say that you were shocked was an understatement.
“Really Steve? You don’t know where your true love is?” Bile rose in your throat at the jab, and tears threatened to spill. No, you were past this. You were past him. What was happening to you? Why could he still make you feel this way?
“Doll, I know exactly where my true love is.” Steve chuckled, squeezing your hand.
It was like ice had raced through your veins at his admission.
“Steve, what are you talking about?” You brushed off, trying to calm your heart down.
“Doll, it’s been you all along. I just couldn’t see it until I’d lost you.” He admitted, resting his forehead against your own. And there he goes again. Lost you.
“You didn’t lose me, Steve, I’m still here.” You whispered, your throat tightening as you fought back tears.
“But Tony -” You groan at the blind idiot, squeezing his hand in yours. You’d rather smack him upside the head, but the way you’re strapped in makes it a little more difficult.
“Is like a father to me, Steve!”
“What? But, he…you came out of your room together…” A blush spreads over your cheeks at that.
“Steve, he kept me sane when I wanted to drink myself stupid at the news of your engagement. He only stayed with me because I…I cried myself to sleep.”
You couldn’t meet his eyes as you spoke, too ashamed at how childish you had been.
“Y/N,” calloused fingers curled under your chin, bringing your wet eyes to meet his own. His hand opened, revealing the diamond ring and you audibly gasped. “I’m not engaged.”
“What happened?”
“I realized the woman I loved was in front of me this whole time, I was just too pig headed to see her.” You swallowed with no small amount of effort, and when his eyes softened and his lips broke into a brilliant smile, your heart began to race - as it always did around him.
And when he leaned in and finally kissed you, you couldn’t help but notice how absolutely perfect his lips felt pressed against yours.
But you don’t see me, standing here