Chapter Text
There are days when the loneliness hits.
Like right now, sticking to the back of her teeth like bad caramel, the air in her apartment stale. When’s the last time she went on a date, Kyoka thinks as she takes off her makeup, and when’s the last time she cooked a proper, decent meal?
She’s been busy this week. With work, yes, and her music. Busy with texting her friends - Momo needs help deciding on a brand of prenatal vitamins, and Mina shares screenshots of more or less hilarious Hinge conversations, demanding reactions. Busy with life, she likes to think, until she returns to the apartment she picked by herself, filled with plants that should be moved - into bigger pots, a sunnier spot, or into the recycling bin outside - dishes that need to be washed and the laundry that never seems to be done in time.
Life is tiring, in more ways than one.
-
She gets her period early one Sunday morning and decides to cancel all her plans.
Screw being productive when she can lie in bed instead, eat her measly weight in chocolate, and write sappy love songs. Kyoka’s sure the plants will survive another week in their less-than-ideal living situations. Outside, dandelions are bursting through concrete!
She’s quick to find a cord, a rhythm, a song… just not the words to accompany it. Usually, when she rots away in her living room, she dreams of being in love. Of finding the one person everyone’s looking for, the one just for her.
Maybe she’s finally broken beyond repair.
-
Kyoka’s late to work the next morning, feeling a little beside herself from all the painkillers and sleep deprivation. She messed up her eyeliner twice, ate a whole chocolate bar for breakfast, and forgot to stop for coffee. Hormones will do that to you.
Her assistant, a bubbly guy ten years her junior, awaits her with bated breath.
“An official assignment!” Masa hands her a letter. “I didn’t open it!”
Kyoka manages a thankful grin. He reminds her of Denki, today more than usual. “Thanks. Can you get me a coffee?”
“Oh, sure,” he pouts, moving as slow as a snail. “Can I-”
“I’ll tell you what it says when I get my coffee, okay?” She raises an eyebrow, and he skimpers away, his mouselike tail swishing after him.
The assignment is straightforward, which she appreciates, especially with the lack of caffeine. They need her Quirk and her silence, two things she’s known for. She’s not a blabbermouth like Denki, who leaked his own promotional pictures on Twitter.
“And?” Masa’s back, holding out the coffee like a bribe. He picked her favorite cup, a custom one she got from her parents at her Hero Debut.
“Top Secret,” she tells him, smiling when he pouts. “But I’m going to tell you what I can when I get back.”
“When are you leaving?” Masa looks at his desk, the mountain of papers that still seems to grow. “I need to go over the applications with you.”
Kyoka sighs. “Give me ten minutes in my office, okay? I should probably be off in an hour, so we need to prioritise.”
“Will do!” Masa salutes, his grin a little too bright for her mid-period grouch, and Kyoka slips away before he starts singing - he does that sometimes, when he’s extra excited.
-
She probably shouldn’t be as surprised to see him.
Koji’s doing good work, always has, always will. Still, when she thinks about surveillance heroes, Shoji is the first that comes to mind, which is probably why he’s not on this case.
Koji waves shyly when he notices her, approaching her slowly as they wait for the officer assigned to them.
“Hi,” Kyoka greets him, eyeing the coffee machine in the corner. She’s never had decent coffee at any police station, but maybe today’s a first? “Haven’t seen you in a while.”
Koji furrows his brows, a movement that’s gone as quickly as it came, but she’s too perceptive to miss it.
“I was at last month’s meet-up,” he reminds her, gentle and quiet, and she feels the stale taste of loneliness sticking to the back of her teeth again, or maybe it’s guilt that’s eating at her, who knows.
“I know,” she rushes to say. “I meant… We didn’t have a chance to talk, right?”
“Right!” He smiles, the gesture small and yet seemingly more meaningful than Masa’s over-the-top brightness every morning. Maybe it’s because she knows how much he struggled in High School, or because he’s careful with what he shows. “How have you been?”
“Ugh,” the sound slips out before she can stop herself. “No, I’m sorry, I’m fine, it’s just-”
“Busy?” Koji asks.
“Lonely,” she admits, before sighing. “And yet, that’s not true at all. I’ve got great friends, my work, my music, it’s just an off week for me, don’t listen to me.”
Koji shakes his head, opens his mouth- “There you are!” Tsukauchi waves at them from the doorway. “Come in, you two. Sorry for making you wait.”
-
The assignment is straightforward, which Kyoka appreciates.
A new designer drug has made its rounds through the city - she’s heard about it - and while Underground Heroes like Nighthide - Hitoshi - have managed to trace it back to its origin, they don’t have enough data to put a stop to it.
“Would our data even be usable?” Koji asks timidly, and Kyoka sends him a smile, grateful that he’s putting into words what she can’t properly think through.
Tsukauchi sighs. “It’s a pretty grey area. We’ve got permission to listen in, but we’re not sure if anything found would hold up in court. The real goal is to catch them in the act.”
“Understood,” Kyoka mutters when she’s done anything but that. But hey, if they’re going to team her up with Koji, he can explain it to her later.
Hitoshi ambles up after the meeting, looking about as exhausted as Kyoka feels. Last she’s heard, he pulled himself off the market - Mina’s words, not hers - and while she can understand how frustrating it must be to date when your whole life is one whole undercover operation, she can’t deny feeling a little sorry for herself. She’s always gotten along well with him, understood his humor, and the post-sleep-deprivation state of his mind. Even his friendship with Denki made sense, because, well, it’s Denki. But he must have taken a good look at her during that one embarrassing night out, when she tried to flirt with him and decided to leave their friendship the way it was.
“You look like shit,” he greets her, before nodding in Koji’s direction. “Hi.”
“That’s-” Koji tries to defend her, but Kyoka just snorts out a laugh. “Likewise. You look like Denki made you babysit again.”
Hitoshi rolls his eyes. “He didn’t, but thanks for the warning. Since you’re going to be off in a minute, I just wanted to give you a fair warning. Mura has her eyes and ears everywhere.”
“Who?” Kyoka asks, realizing belatedly that she should know that name.
“The woman you’re spying on,” Hitoshi explains with the same amount of condescension he uses to explain child care to Denki. He turns to Koji. “So, since you’re obviously taking charge-”
-
“I didn’t know you had a car,” Kyoka points out as she follows Koji out to the car park. She’s even more surprised that it’s not a hideous monstrosity like Bakugo’s. It just looks… normal.
“Oh,” Koji shrugs. “We need it for rides into the countryside. It’s easier than taking the train, and safer, too.”
“Right,” she takes a step back when he reaches out to open the door for her. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.”
She’s got loads of leg room in the passenger side, and Kyoka realizes belatedly that it’s probably Koji’s place to sit in, or Shoji’s, both of them surpassing her in height.
Koji eyes her as he slides behind the steering wheel, gesturing for the seat belt when she blinks back.
“Sorry.”
“It’s okay. Do you want to stop for coffee somewhere? We might be sitting in this car for a while, if I’m not mistaken, so we can get a few good snacks too.”
“Right,” she swallows. “Coffee. Maybe a bagel to go with it?”
Koji nods and directs the car onto the street. Silence envelops them.
Somewhere in the back of her mind, Kyoka thinks about the fact that she should be asking him things, or at least telling him all the stuff he has missed in her life. But she lets herself to the silence, let her ears rest. The last thought she grasps before slipping into sleep is that Koji’s always been the right person to be quiet around.
x
Kyoka comes to her senses much like the car comes to a stop, slowly, quietly, blinking her eyes open just as Koji pulls the key from the ignition.
“Sorry,” she mumbles, dragging a hand over her hair in case it got messed up. She feels better. “Worst passenger ever, right?”
“It’s fine,” Koji excuses her behavior. “You looked like you needed it.”
She yawns and hates herself for it. “I’ll be right as rain after another cup of co-” She spots the cup on her left. “You already got it? How long did I sleep?”
“Half an hour, maybe? I didn’t know what you wanted. I hope it’s okay.”
It’s decent, kept warm in a travel mug that probably cost more than the coffee itself.
“I’ll pay you back-”
“It’s fine,” Koji insists. “I parked us across from Mura-san’s living quarters, so you can go ahead and listen in while I track down some stray animals.”
He leaves her in silence again, though it’s not so much silence now, as she uses her Quirk, but the mumbling of hundreds of tenants.
It could be worse, Kyoka thinks, absentmindedly watching Koji crouch down next to a small ginger cat on the sidewalk. It’s eleven in the morning on a workday. She’s heard things she can never unhear during a night mission, and she’s not keen on repeating that experience.
It’s not that hard to filter through the conversations, just annoying. Even more so, when she’s tired and cramping. Outside, Koji scratches the cat behind the ears before he sends her on her way, and Kyoka can’t help but smile. Didn’t he have a bunny back in High School? She wonders what kind of pet he has now.
-
When Koji returns, he does so with a heavy paper bag and the heavenly smell of fried goodness.
“I remember you liking this,” he hands her the bag. “But if it’s not to your liking, we can get something else.”
“You could have texted me,” she tells him kindly, raiding the bag. “And this is great, thank you. What do I owe you?”
“You can buy dinner,” Koji jokes with a shrug. “And, well, I think I lost your phone number.”
“You did?” Kyoka looks up. “Since when?”
“My phone got damaged on a watery mission last week,” he explains. “I was promised everything got transferred, but I realized your number is missing when I was about to order.”
“Oh, shit, that sucks,” she pulls out her phone. “Let me text you real quick so you know it’s me. Your number is still the same, right?”
“It is.”
They eat in silence, something Kyoka would feel sorry for if she didn’t need the silence to work. It’s not like she can’t focus on other things while she listens, careful to catch Mura’s voice amongst the others, but it would be too easy to miss her during a casual conversation.
Annoyed, Kyoka pulls up her text again.
Who did you send out? She types, pointing at his phone.
Ginger, Meatball, two mice, three doves, and a horde of cockroaches. He texts back. Kyoka grins meanly.
I’ll surely hear it when the cockroaches arrive.
-
They sit around until six p.m., when their relief team shows up.
Kyoka knows the girl, Madame X, from interning alongside her. She’d been subjected to her X-Ray Vision a few too many times to still be comfortable around her, but she can allow herself a friendly wave as they part for the night.
“We didn’t have any chance to catch up,” she mourns as Koji drives. “Do you want to-” She cuts herself off with a yawn, and Koji laughs quietly.
“It’s fine. We’ll have another chance tomorrow. You need to rest.”
“Promise,” she tells him stubbornly. “I want to know what you’ve been up to. You and Shoji do loads of great work, and I wish I could go out into the countryside with you.”
“I’ll tell him,” Koji supplies quietly, taking a left turn.
“That’s not an application,” she chides him softly. “It’s a compliment.”
“Oh,” he blushes lightly. “Thank you, then.”
Kyoka tries to make sense of her surroundings. “Isn’t the train station nearby? You can drop me off there, the 5-15 drives right up to my doorstep.”
“I’ve got a car,” Koji tells her with a surprising amount of sternness. “I’m driving you home.”
“You don’t need to-”
“I know,” this is the firmest she’s heard him speak in, well, ever. “I want to.”
-
Kyoka dreams vividly that night, though when she wakes, she can’t quite explain any of it, other than the fact that Koji had been there, smiling.
She takes a shower, goes through the hassle of washing and conditioning her hair, and even picks out her most expensive eyeliner before she realizes she’s most likely going to sit in a car all day with no one but Koji and the silence to keep her company.
The eyeliner sits in her hand, waiting. She only uses it for special occasions, mainly because it’s expensive and discontinued, and she probably shouldn’t use it around her eyes anyway - these things expire, don’t they? Is teaming up with Koji a special enough occasion?
Is she that lonely that she’s going to project feelings on an unassuming ex-classmate?
Her phone pings with an incoming message. She picks it up, hoping for something good.
Hey, remember this guy? Mina texts alongside a headshot from a dating app and a screenshot of their conversation.
Yes, Kyoka remembers him well. It had been her first and, so far, only trial of dating apps, and she’s still traumatized by the experience.
He’d been nice. Charming. Asked her out on a date, only to never show up. He’d ghosted her right after and disappeared from the apps.
She leaves the message on read and turns back to the mirror to put on eyeliner. Screw expensive. Screw special occasions. She’s going to look good today, and so what? She deserves it.
-
“You look pretty,” Koji tells her when she steps out of the house, leaning against the side of his car. She didn’t expect him to pick her up, but the sight of him, tall and precious, eases some of the hurt.
“You too,” she declares, blushing a little under his compliment. “Is that shirt new?”
“Uh,” he blushes, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. “Yes. Thank you.”
Neither of them points out the obvious. Stake-outs don’t ask for nice clothes.
“We’re a little early,” Koji mentions as he drives, gesturing. “Do you want to get coffee?”
“Just coffee,” Kyoka nods. “I don’t think we should stay in the car the whole day again. If Mura’s suspecting something, we don’t really have an explanation for why we’re spending the day in a car, right?”
“Right.” He nods. “There’s a coffee shop nearby.”
“True. We should also check out if they have an empty apartment up for sale. I could hear better from there, and we wouldn’t be as obvious.”
“Great idea,” Koji sends her a smile before parking the car. “We should ask Madam X later; she might have seen something.”
They fall quiet as they enter the coffee shop, aware of all the eyes and ears that could possibly overhear sensitive information.
It’s been ages since Kyoka went somewhere with a guy other than Masa or Denki, and while she keeps telling herself that this is still work, it does feel a little bit like a date. Koji pulls out her chair for her and gestures at the drinks written on the wall behind the coffee bar.
“What do you want? I’ll go get it.”
“No chance,” Kyoka shakes her head. “You paid yesterday, it’s my turn to treat you.”
He blushes. “But-”
“Come on,” she nods her head toward the board. “You can do it. I make my own money. You can pay the next round.”
“Alright,” he follows slowly, fidgeting nervously. Memories of their time in high school resurface, of projects done together or waiting in line at lunch. Koji mumbling his order in her ear when he felt too shy to ask for it, and Shoji wasn’t around for once to order for him, or the Valentine’s chocolate he handed her with bright red cheeks in his third year, rushing to explain he’d made some for everyone.
She’s missed him, Kyoka finds. A lot.
-
“Who’s meatball, by the way?” Kyoka asks once they’ve returned to their table, the size difference between her shot of espresso and Koji’s tall glass of hot chocolate reminding her of their difference in stature. “Another cat?”
“A tabby,” Koji nods. “Very affectionate.”
“What’s your favorite animal, anyway?” She asks, taking a sip of her espresso. “Do you have one?”
“Hard to choose,” he admits. “I do enjoy working with cats, though. They don’t always like to follow my commands, so they find their own way to deal with it.”
“They disobey you?” Kyoka didn’t know they could.
“Not… not exactly.” Koji looks troubled, searching for the right words. “Say, I’m telling you to leave this room right now, and you don’t want to do it, but you had to follow my orders, what would you do?”
“I’d probably do something passive-aggressive,” Kyoka admits. “Leave a mark.”
Koji’s smile blooms. “Exactly. Dogs are very excited to follow my commands, and I still struggle with insects a little bit. And you know my pet bunny. They’re not that great for work, though, because a random rabbit in your apartment complex is a little suspicious.”
“Huh,” Kyoka says, still hung up on the cat comment. “Am I like a cat?”
Koji flushes. “A little bit, maybe? But that’s not a bad thing!”
“If I’m a cat,” she summarizes, “you’re a bunny.”
His blush deepens. “Maybe?”
“Kaminari is a golden retriever, for sure,” she continues, chewing on her lip. “Bakugo is a cockroach.”
“Cockroaches are very resilient, so yes, he does share that characteristic, but if I had to compare any of our classmates to a cockroach-” Koji pales. “No, that wouldn’t be nice. It’s just because they like the dark, and I thought-”
Kyoka giggles. “Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me.”
He smiles back, their conversation lulling comfortably.
It’s only when they have to leave that Koji speaks up again, following her out of the café.
“You’re still very close with Kaminari, right?”
“Yeah, sure,” Kyoka nods. “I’m his kids' godmother, of course, I’m close with them.”
“Isn’t that-” Koji hesitates, shakes his head, and gets into the car. “Never mind.”
“No, ask,” she insists, slipping into the passenger seat. “Is it because we broke up?”
Koji nods, blushing. “It’s just… I remember when Shouto and Yaomomo broke up, they couldn’t stand to be in the same room for a while. For you, it seemed so different.”
“Ah,” Kyoka nods, swallowing. It’s a topic most of her friends are curious about, mainly because they only know Denki’s side of the story. She refuses to talk about it any more than absolutely necessary. But it’s been years, and it’s Koji. She trusts him. Always has.
“We were friends first,” she explains, her eyes locked onto the road. “That made it easier. Denki was infatuated with me, and I… well… I let myself be convinced to try it. But we had different goals, and it became clear that it wouldn’t work out. Not without many sacrifices.”
Koji’s quiet. He doesn’t push for more, which makes it easier to give.
“He wanted kids right away, you know,” Kyoka explains. “And I just got a foot in the door. Gang Orca wasn’t against it, but he told me it would be hard to come back after maternity leave. So that was strike one. The other… well, I didn’t want to have kids with Denki.”
She watches as his eyes flicker over to her before she continues. “Golden retriever, remember? Some days, it felt like I had to parent him, and I couldn’t bear the thought of having to raise a child with him. Now, when I go over and see how he is, I still love that about him. It’s who he is; he’s a great friend and a great Dad, but I know I made the right decision. We talked loads about it, and I’m glad we could part as amicably as we did, but I understand that it’s not that easy for everyone.”
“Do you regret it?”
“No,” Kyoka shakes her head. “Even when I’m lonely, and I’m really fucking lonely sometimes, I know I made the right decision.” She breathes out slowly, knowing she’s being honest with herself and Koji. “What about you?”
He laughs, a short, surprised sound, almost like a bark. “What do you mean?”
There’s something in his eyes she’s not quite sure how to place. She’s seen it before, chatting over homework, hugging him at a Gala, this morning, as she complimented his shirt.
Kyoka’s mouth turns dry as she’s searching for words, relief flooding her when Koji turns the corner, and Madam X comes into sight, her ruby hair like a beacon.
She has no chance to ask the question hanging between them, at least for now.
Do you have feelings for someone?