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Jeremy walked back and forth around his bedroom. Most of his clothes were thrown around his bed and on the floor as he thought hard about what to wear for his date. He had been stressing over that the entire week —which could not have passed fast enough, if you asked him.
Jean kept coming to the ice cream shop almost everyday –even though he did not buy ice cream anymore– and they usually discussed their plans for Friday. Since Jeremy had made it clear he wanted to spend the entire day with Jean, he had suggested they make a picnic at the park on the other side of the street Jeremy worked at.
He had noticed how Jean liked to spend his solo minutes at the shop staring over with soft and dreamy eyes. Jeremy wondered what he thought about as he people-watched. Maybe one day Jean would tell him.
Oh, Jean, Jean, Jean. It was absolutely ridiculous how much he occupied Jeremy’s thoughts. Ever since he had first walked into the shop with his black curls, impossible grey eyes, and wonderful height, Jeremy had never thought about anyone else.
Jean was pretty shy at first, and a bit frightened, but somehow Jeremey managed to make him a friend. And then, Jean started to come way too often. Jeremy didn’t want to get ahead of himself and assume it was because of him, but the pink cheeks and nervous ticks Jean presented whenever he was in Jeremy’s presence were hard to ignore. Even Tom, the cashier at the shop, had noticed.
As the days passed and they talked and shared about each other, Jeremy started to notice Jean barely said anything about his past. He knew nothing about the other’s family, friends, school, childhood, etc. And every time Jean so much as got close to saying something about them, his entire body seemed to freeze and Jeremy would see fear, sadness, hurt and pain flow through his sharp features like dangerous waves of the ocean in a storm.
He knew, then, he should probably not ask. Clearly, Jean was going through a lot in his head and Jeremy trusted he would, one day, be worthy of getting to know every secret and story Jean had to share.
“Jeremey! Are you still not ready?” Laila’s voice brought him out of his thoughts. She stood on the threshold of his room and stared at him with wide eyes. “Your date is in fifteen minutes!”
“Holy shit! I still haven’t decided what to wear!” Jeremy scrambled around, looking for any piece of clothing he could deem good enough.
“Geez, look at this mess.” Laila tsked, shaking her head at him. “Why don’t you wear that yellow button up over there? Didn’t you say it was his favourite colour?”
Ah, yeah, he had said that. It was supposed to have been a joke when he tried to guess Jean’s favourite colour. Obviously it couldn’t have been one of the most bright and flashy colours on the palette, seeing as Jean wore all black at all times, but he had guessed wrong on purpose and Jean had just agreed. Why? It still bugged him.
Not having the time to dwell on that again, Jeremy put on the button up Laila pointed out, his best pair of blue jeans shorts, and his favourite worn down sneakers with a sunflower embroidery on the sides.
“Don’t forget your perfume!” Cat yelled from the kitchen and Jermey turned around on the threshold to apply some of the sweet scent.
“Okay, ladies. I’m off! Don’t have too much fun without me!” Jeremy announced, grabbing his keys by the door and the big picnic basket his roommates had helped him prepare the night before.
“We will!” Cat sing-songed, blowing him a kiss.
Jeremy rolled his eyes playfully and closed the door behind him.
***
The sun was shining bright and hot, and Jeremy already felt sweat running down his spine and forehead. He should have really taken a cab. He was panting as he finally made his way to the entrance of the park and his heart beat picked up even faster as Jean came into view.
The man of Jeremy's dreams stood tall, hands inside the pockets of his black shorts as a couple of tote bags hung from his shoulder, and his beautiful eyes looked curiously at all the people enjoying their day off under the cool shade of the trees.
Jeremy had to stop a few paces away to regain some composure and ease his breathing before finally joining Jean.
“Hey, cutie!” Jeremy bumped his shoulder on Jean’s arm, smiling brightly up at the other man.
“Hello, Jeremy.” Jean smiled softly and turned his body all the way until he was directly facing Jeremy, and only Jeremy. “That’s a big basket.” He noted, eyes skimming it acutely.
“Um, yeah, I guess it is. My roommates helped me prepare everything and we might have exaggerated a bit, but-”
“I appreciate it. I’m very hungry.” Jean interrupted, his head titling lovingly to the side. Oh, gods. Jeremy was free falling and the date hadn't even begun. “I like the flower on your sneakers.”
“Oh, thanks! What about my shirt?” Jeremy winked, testing the waters.
“Ah, yes. Very pretty. My favorite colour.” Jean remembered to lie and that question of why rushed back inside Jeremy’s brain. Why didn’t he just admit Jeremy was wrong about this?
Both walked around the green area for a few minutes, trying to find the best spot available, so they could settle down. Fortunately, a couple had just started moving their things from under the very big and old fig tree, so they placed the soft towel Jean had brought very close to the trunk and sat down to place all the food around them.
Soft chatter and birds singing filled the air around them. The cool shadow of the tree was enough to ease the summer heat, and if Jeremy paid enough attention he could also hear the water sounds from the fountain a few meters away from them.
“Are you glad I brought you here?” He asked Jean, his eyebrows going up and down rhythmically.
“Very.” Jean laughed softly. “I have always wanted to come here, but never really got around to it.”
“Why not?” Jeremy asked, popping a grape into his mouth.
“It’s just… I think I’m still getting used to having a kind of a normal life, I guess.” Jean shrugged, his cloudy eyes taking in all the nature around them.
“You didn’t have a normal life before?” Jeremy faked nonchalance. He was very interested and eager to know more, but he also didn’t want to pry.
“It took a long time for me to realise it, but no, I didn’t.” Jean took a big bite of a salad sandwich and hummed in approval before handing it to Jeremy, so he could also take a bite —which he did happily. It was really good, indeed. His friends had done an amazing job.
“What does a normal life mean to you now?” Jeremy asked with his mouth full, a habit he had not grown out of, and one his parents always complained about.
Jean stared into Jeremy’s eyes intently for a good minute before speaking again, “It means getting to be by myself, living alone, choosing what I want to do and who I want to become. Going places without supervision, liking whatever and whoever I do, having my body for myself.”
Every word sliced through Jeremy’s guts with clean and poisonous precision. Whatever Jean had lived before was much worse than Jeremy could have ever imagined, and he had no idea what to do with this information. His blood boiled just thinking about what kind of hell Jean had endured.
“Well, who do you want to become? What do you want to do?” Jeremy cleared his throat and prayed those were the right questions he should be asking.
By the small smile playing on the other’s lips, Jeremy was almost certain he had made the right decision. “I’m not exactly sure, to be honest. I signed up for violin lessons this week because I have always wanted to learn how to play, and I also have been going to this sewing class because I wanted to be able to fix my own clothes. I’m thinking I could probably start teaching French, too, and learn how to properly cook meals. There’s just… ah, so many possibilities now.”
The spark in his eyes was very hard to miss. It was like watching a bird be finally freed from his cage, spreading his wings wide and proud, and getting to experience the world he only saw from behind bars. Absolutely beautiful.
“What about you, Jeremy?” Jean turned the question around as he hugged one knee close to his chest.
“Me?” Jeremy’s cheeks felt hot with the sudden attention on him.
“Yes. Is there something you want to do?”
“Honestly?” Jeremy ran a hand through his hair. He didn’t notice how Jean followed closely his every move, “No, there isn’t. I dropped out of college after three years of pure misery and since then I’m just happy to be out. I haven’t thought about starting other courses, and I’m pretty satisfied working at the shop. For now, I want to remain like this.” He shrugged lightly.
Jeremy was surprised to feel a bit of shame creeping up inside him. His family had the absolute worst reaction when he announced he was dropping out, and he was scared Jean would be disappointed in him, too.
“I like that.” The response made Jeremy whip his head in Jean’s direction so fast he was surprised his neck didn’t break.
“You-you do?”
“Yes. I think there’s a lot of pressure for people to become something great and do greater things, but maybe we just don’t have to. Maybe it’s okay not to want to, as well.” Jean shrugged, taking a sip from the orange juice he had brought. The container was dripping water from the outside heat and making his fingers wet. Distracting.
“Right?” Jeremy coughed in his hand, “Yeah, I think so, too.” A heavy weight seemed to have been dropped from his shoulders and, now, he could finally relax.
After that, they settled into their normal and trivial conversations as they finished eating and drinking everything available. They shared all of the food between each other, and giggled like teenagers when their eyes met over the exchanges. Jeremy was feeling ecstatic.
Once they were all done, they just laid on their backs and watched the birds flying above their heads or jumping from branch to branch.
At some point, Jeremy’s hand brushed Jean’s ever so slightly. He moved his quickly away, remembering how he had noticed many times before that Jean was not very fond of direct contact.
“Can I hold your hand?” Jean’s hot breath caressed Jeremy’s blonde curls as he twisted his head to the side to watch him.
“If you want to.” Jeremy looked over, too, swallowing hard. It was the first time they were so close to one other. Jeremy could see the small brown spots decorating Jean’ grey irises, his soft relaxed eyebrows and the beautiful curve of his nose. Jeremy really wanted to kiss him.
Slowly, Jean’s fingers burned their way through Jeremy’s, sending goosebumps up and down his spine, all the while they kept looking into each other’s eyes. Jeremy wondered what Jean saw when he looked at him. Could he see how much Jeremy wanted this? Wanted to be there with him? Wanted to be more?
“I like your freckles.” Jean whispered, his eyes dancing around Jeremy’s face.
“I like you.” Jeremy whispered back, the words flowing from his lips like in a dream, slow and easy.
“I like you, too.” Jean’s eyes fell from Jeremy’s face and he hesitated.
“But?” Jeremy encouraged, his heart tugging in chest in anticipation.
“Is it- I’m not- Do you mind if we take things slowly?” Jean stumbled with his words, his hand gripping Jeemy’s tighter.
“Not at all.” Jeremy squeezed his hand back, smiling reassuringly. He could guess where Jean was coming from, if their earlier conversation was anything to go by. Jeremy made a mental promise to himself just then that he would take such good care of the boy in front of him that Jean’s painful past would start feeling like nothing more than just a bad dream. Jeremy wanted nothing more than to rip those bad memories to shreds and burn them with hellfire.
“Okay.” Jean breathed out shakily and looked back up at the blue sky.
“Okay!” Jeremy smiled, mimicking him. “So, do you want to go get some ice cream?”
“Ugh, god no.” Jean groaned loudly, making Jermey burst out laughing.
"Okay! There's something else I want to know." Jeremy exclaimed right after, sitting up and crossing his legs. Jean just arched an eyebrow, but made no mention to sit up as well. "What is your favourite colour?"
"What? But-but you already know?" Jean furrowed his eyebrows, confusion plain on his face. "It's yellow.
"No, it isn't! Stop lying." Jeremy’s voice sounded raw with exasperation.
"Why do you think I'm lying?" Jean laughed mischievously, reaching out to play with Jeremy’s fingers that laid over his knee.
"Ugh! Because when I guessed, I guessed wrong on purpose. Of course I knew yellow wasn't your favourite colour!"
"Well, okay, I admit it wasn't.” Jeremy was ready to celebrate whatever he thought was a win, but Jean held a hand up. “But after you said yellow, it just made sense somehow. And also, the fact your hair is gold helped a great deal." Now, Jean’s cheeks blushed adoringly.
"Oh my God, you are absolutely ridiculous!”
“I know.” Jean took the hand he was playing with to his lips and left a caste kiss on the tanned knuckles. “Thanks for giving me a favourite colour.”
Jeremy could only hide his face in free hand and slap Jean slightly with the other. He was down bad for one Jean Moreau.