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It was one thing recovering STYX's reputation and technological functions — another thing was losing you.
Well, almost losing you.
After his failed attempt restarting the world, after he failed Ortho, after he failed you, what was he to do now? You, laying on the ground, limbs smelled of ashen waste and that sharp bile from the sludge of his overblot. The Housewardens could only kneel and try their best bandaging you up with what they have, Grim crying and shaking your unresponsive body while he stood there like the coward he is.
"—ia... "
He should move, run, walk, or even crawl if he has to! Get to the medbay, the staff— something, anything!
"I—... a..!"
He's lost Ortho already, he lost his dreams, his ambitions to travel the world, see the stars — and now you're telling him — showing him even — that he's lost you too?
"Idia!!"
Called by his name, Idia's focus snapped towards Vil, ushering him over as he is forced to kneel beside you. Grim was crying his heart out, pleading for your hand to give him just an inch of movement. Or maybe a twitch of your body — anything.
"We have to get them to the hospital!" Vil's voice firmly said, even with how shriveled and weak he's become, his grip on Idia's arm was sure to leave a mark for a good few hours. His throat was dry, he was sweating cold bullets all over he could feel each and every single drop running down his skin. But he sucked it all up and nodded, ordering the staff to prepare a chariot as fast as they could.
The said chariot came hovering down from where they stood and they immediately — and gently — carried you to the vehicle, "Watch their fuckin' head!" Leona growled at the group. He was the first to leap inside while carrying your upper half, your skin too delicate from the burn of the blot due to your little-to-none resistance in magic.
Idia could only stay silent while they ushered your body into the chariot. He hopped into the vehicle, taking you into his arms and settling you down on his lap. He could feel his heart pounding both inside his chest and especially his head. His thoughts weren't helping either, from your well-being to a future where you don't get to stand by his side, your side of the bed now as cold as steel, your scent only but a memory at the back of his mind — nearly there but quite out of reach.
He could only pull you close, share what little warmth he had if his body even had any. Your breath weakly fanning against his cheek, cold and hot at the same time from his sweat, "Don't go..." Idia begged with his pale, blue lips on your forehead with tears now running down his cheeks, "Not again." he took a deep breath, then shakily exhaled, "Not again."
———
"It's your fault!! Everything is your fault!" Idia could only look down at the ground as Grim berated him, both crying with their vision going blurry and all they could see were swirls of color, "Now, now, Grim..." Epel tried holding Grim back, followed by Rook mirroring on the other side of the feline, "If you and your lackeys just left us alone, they won't be sleeping like that! If you left us alone, then they wouldn't be—"Grim sobbed, slowly feeling weak and utterly lost what he should blame and pick on Idia still sitting. Unmoving.
The air around them felt so thick, not even a knife could slice through it. What happens now? What will happen if there won't come a day you'll open your eyes?
Idia felt so sick, his stomach felt full of bile and he's seconds away from throwing up, "...yeah." He responded, he knew what guilt and burden he now has to carry with you hurt and clinging on to dear life to stay alive.
That is until a group of medical staff came out from the operating room and took off their masks, looking at each other grimly as if neither are courageous enough to tell them the news.
All eyes were on them, until the one wearing the coat finally gathered up what bravery and energy she had left and took off her mask, "She is... stable." She confirmed, but her eyes were tired from the five hours they've been inside the room, "However, their sudden and immense exposure from blot in a short period of time has left them vulnerably weak," Another bated breath, "not to mention, how they don't have any shred of resistance to blot."
"Do you know when they'll wake up?" Idia asked after standing up, walking over with his hands fidgeting with one another.
The doctor could only shake her head, a deep sigh escaping her. The other nurses backed off from Idia, however. Especially with the news from earlier how a blot apocalypse almost began because of him and how his unique magic literally opens the gate to the Underworld, "I, unfortunately, cannot say." That made Idia furrow his brows, his fingers suffocating each other with how hard he was holding his digits together, "But we do have successfully removed every liter of blot from their body. I assure you all, they just need a lot of time to fully recover."
———
Carnation.
It was the flora he always changed your vase into. Today marked the fifth day of him changing your flowers. He hated the cold, bleach-like smell wherever he went into the facility. His hands carefully plucked the previous bouquet and came in the new one in its place.
He loved the way it looked when it was kissed by the sun, it reminded him of your smile. So bright and so full of life — it was unlike anything he's ever seen growing up. All the plants he knew were either plastic or artificially made, just to bring a little life to the enclosed walls of Tartarus he lived in.
"I'm sorry." He muttered while his hands danced around the petals of the gold-colored carnation, "If only I was brave enough to actually say it to you." A depreciating chuckle escaped him, eyes already sunken from work, getting Ortho back together, moving from Tartarus to the hospital you were in — He could only handle so much pressure, and with you fighting for your life he didn't know if he could shoulder any more guilt.
Idia grabbed a chair and pulled it beside your bed, his eyes watching the way your chest expands and contracts for him to sync his own with yours. It was slow, the beep of the heartbeat monitor felt like it was mocking him for it — for being the one to put you in such a state.
Change the world? Rewrite fate? Reach the stars?
He ran his hand across his face downwards, exhaling a sigh he's never known he's been holding since coming into the room. It stayed hiding the lower half of his mouth. He's disappointed in himself. From almost losing Ortho again or the fact that he almost lost you? Permanently?
Or the fact that he couldn't escape what fate has written for him in his years of being alive — Become the next overseer of Tartarus, collect blotted mages to experiment on and find ways to safely use it? Now that he thought about it, it felt like being a hero. But then again, is that what he wanted his life to be forever until the day he dies?
The Shroud bloodline are the only ones able to get as close to the Underworld without ever damaging them. In fact, it makes them stronger so long as they're near it. He chomped down on his nails, maybe if there was a way he could find someone to pass on his unique magic and have them shoulder his responsibility, or maybe search for a way you could be with him and—
Ah...
How foolish. Who would want to be with him after he bathed you in blot? His eyes went to your bandaged arm— no scratch that. You were bandaged all over. From your head, neck, your face, even underneath the hospital gown, you are dressed in gauze, antiseptics, bandages! He hissed in frustration for being unable to control himself. Isn't there supposed to be at least a smidge of sanity in his brain left when he overblotted? At least at the sight of you he would soften like those fanfictions where the turned-evil-good-guy will hesitate to act evilly when they caught sight of their lover and then they would snap out of it and then—
"You're thinking too loud."
"Great fucking Sevens—" He toppled over his chair and hit his bottom arse, until he realized—
"You're awake!" He stood up and immediately went to your side, cradling you by the cheeks and smiled so wide it looked like a crescent moon was placed on Idia's mouth, "Are you okay— Wait that's a stupid question- uhm, uh—" His head looked around the room, searching for the "call a nurse" button before you stopped him in his frantic search with what little strength you have with an,
"Idia..."
He stopped immediately, looking back down at you and immediately softened as his eyes began to water and his lips began to tremble. His already cold, chilly hands grabbed hold of yours, enclosing it around his and brought it up close to his lips, kissing your digits over and over and over as tears pooled down the sheets of your bed, "You're awake," Another kiss, "you're really awake," He seems to breath in relief, planting the back of your hand between his furrowed brows while his hands held on to you for dear life.
As if loosening his grip would mean you'd fall asleep once more.
"How are you feeling? Water? Food? Wait you can't eat solid foods right now, maybe you want to sit— no I can't have you sitting either, I should—" You squeezed his fingers that wrapped around yours, eyes looking at him as if to plead he just.... sit and be quiet.
Slumping back down his chair, still holding your hand, he could only stare back down on the white sheets and let the hum of the air conditioning take the room. For now.
———
Grim had been by your side non-stop ever since you were discharged. He tried taking over the responsibilities you have as a prefect, safe to say he.... tries his best. After all, as your boss, he should take care of his henchmen and take the lead when his minions are prescribed to rest! That's what a great mage would do!
The other houses did their part too. Some came by to help watch over you, some escorted you from the dorm to your classes, some ensured your fridge now has an abundance of meals readily packed or to be cooked. But there was one house in particular that seemed to stand out.
A knock came by the door, you tried standing up before Grim beat you to it, though you still tailed behind knowing his cute, little height wouldn't enable him to twist the knob.
"Ortho!" You exclaimed in surprise, smiling at the sight of the younger Shroud, "You look great!" He beamed at the compliment, hands behind his back however before you noticed a certain tall, older Shroud who cowered behind his little brother.
"... Idia." You deadpanned, though a fond smile on your face seeing your other half basically melt either under your gaze, or the sun. Ortho stepped aside and pushed him towards you, who, surprisingly, put up quite a fight digging his heels on the floor and hands on your doorframe trying to halt his attempts of... whatever he's planning.
"What is all this?" You asked walking inside with Grim now in your arms, who was watching the scene unfold with disinterest in his eyes, "My brother has a lot to say to you! Oh! And I'm so glad they discharged you early." With an 'oomphf!' from Idia, even pushing him down to make him lock in place, you could hear his grunts trying to escape, "When I said I'll give you freedom to choose whatever you want I didn't think you'd use it like this!" Idia wheezed before finally giving up. Damn him for giving Ortho ultra-strength!!
A snort escaped your lips as you walked over, eyebrows raised with Grim hopping off you, only to be caught by Ortho, "Hey—!!" The little brother beamed up at you once more, "Well, then," you hear the hum of his engine, "I'll know when you try and get out, and I'll drag you back here again if you do!" If there were a kettle being heated up, it'd be Idia, "Wait what is happeni—"
Before you could complete your question, Ortho sped past you with a slam of your door with a screaming Grim in his arms, crying.
Your head whipped to look back on the begrudging guest settled on your couch, holding a pillow close to his chest with his eyes locked onto the ground. With a sigh, you walked over and sat beside him, but you were taken aback when he scooted away and the way his seemingly guilty gaze landed on you.
With an eyebrow raised, he knew what you were already asking, 'What's up?' Not in the usual, lighthearted tone when you'd use it to challenge him if he's using some sort of secret cheat playing a game together, or how you'd use it to coax an answer to him when he's being in his mischievous, gremlin mode you perfectly match during your banters.
"How are you." It wasn't even in a question tone! You couldn't help but snort for one more time when you heard him ask, "Really now? A week and this is how you greet me?" He seems to flinch at that, though even with how you took it as a lighthearted joke or any comedic purpose whatsoever, he seems to take a hit with your answer.
Your eyes looked back at Idia who remained silent, gripping the cushion of the pillow so tight his knuckles turned white. With a sigh, you slowly set yourself closer to him, thankful he didn't pull away and you set your head on his shoulders, "... What's going on?" You asked. Seriously, this time.
His eyes side-glanced you before going back to the floor. Not hearing any answer from your question, you reached out towards his hands and wrapped it around yours. Idia could feel your warmth seeping through his skin, as if sharing all the good things you have to him and he felt sick to the stomach receiving it. You could tell from his expression as he tried to push you away but you, being the stubborn idiot that you are, stopped him.
"... I got.. cupcakes?" You look at the box beside Idia, eyes looking at you with an unsure look as he shifted around your couch and rubbed a hand on his forehead. He wants to start something, but given his nature, you can see how he struggled to even tackle the topic he wanted to discuss with you.
But you had an idea.
"It's not your fault, you know." You said, stretching your bandaged arm out and wiggling your fingers, "It's just that... life happens." Eyes now looking back at those rhinestone ones, and he looked back at you as he slumped on the couch and fiddled with the ends of the pillow, "Hm... Guiding my brother to his death all because we wanted just a little freedom? A taste of actual air when we were kids?" You slumped back beside him, resting your head against his. Both of your hands are now intertwining.
It was silent for a good while. Letting things simmer and just.. be. Idia took a deep, shaky breath. Pulling your hands closer to his cheeks and he felt so undeserving experiencing all of this. He made so many mistakes — so many that it affected people he deeply cared about. And for him to have you is a luxury he didn't deserve. He knows he doesn't deserve you.
But he couldn't pull away. The warmth, the comfort your touches feed that touch-starved monster inside him he doesn't know how to satiate without you. Pulling you closer by the waist, he buried himself on the crook of your neck as a sob escaped him, "I don't deserve this," You ran a hand from his head to his back, "Seeing you like that reminded me of when I—" He cut himself off, but his grip on you tightened.
"I killed someone again." He shakily chuckled out with tears running down his eyes now, "By my own hands, again." All because he had a selfish goal. The first one cost him his brother. The second cost him his...
Suddenly feeling a hand wiping off his tears while also tilting his head back up — towards you, "But I'm here, aren't I?" You asked, brushing a few strands of hair away from his face, "But I almost got you killed—" You cut him off, "But I'm alive." You persisted, brows now furrowing. But it didn't last long as you softened and continued to brush away his hair, then occasionally wiping off his tears.
He looked at you as if you said something blasphemous, but you continued, "What you did, and what you think it made you become who you are today, does not mean you're a bad person now." You shook your head when he tried refuting, "And the fact that you're putting in effort to be someone better for the Ortho he is now, and to me, is what makes you deserving of what life gives you today, tonight, and tomorrow."
Idia's eyes widened and his tears increased tenfold, tilting his head down and trying to wipe away his own tears while you helped him by pulling out a handkerchief from your pocket.
He knew you were going to say something cheesy, especially when people open up to you. But that's really just you, he thought. Only you would be able to pierce his heart with words, make him feel... light. And throughout it all you held him dearly and close to your heart.
The gentle thumps of your heart always seem to calm him down... He didn't know why. He couldn't explain why, but just hearing it faintly has his own heart try and sync with yours. It felt good. It felt like he wasn't alone anymore to shoulder everything on his plate. And as he held you close, you ran your hands across his back, but felt gentle bumps across his shoulder blades and somewhere along the lower part as well...
This made Idia tense slightly, but didn't pull away now when he looked up at you, "... From overblot." He explained simply, "Got them when I had Ortho pump blot into me." Your hands itched to feel under, eyes looking at Idia for permission.
He looked back at you and immediately went red, the ends of his hair turned pink all over. But he pushed through and nodded, though closing his eyes as he was unprepared for what it felt like... Until he felt your digits slip past his hoodie and began their little exploration.
Tensing up against your touch, he shivered from how cold your fingers have gotten. And now that he thinks about it, your dorm still feels somewhat chilly even with the repairs STYX has made, "Does it still hurt?" Your voice broke him out of the exploration of his own. His face buried in the scent of you, tucked under your chin while you felt around his body, "Not really."
You could feel one... two, three... four, and five bumps. His face smooshed against your chest and he felt... Well, tense. You circled your fingers around each of the bumps, as if drawing infinity doodles across Idia's back.
And it seems to render Idia relaxed and almost sleepy in your arms. Taking a closer look at him, you noticed just how tired and fatigued he looked, "Have you been getting any sleep?" He shook his head, "Felt too much... I couldn't relax." You nodded, still continuing your gentle ministrations and pressed your cheek against his temple, "Does this help?" He replied by nodding.
"Maybe a nap wouldn't hurt?" Idia suggested, the gentle lullaby of your heart doing wonders for his troubled mind, silencing all his thoughts, all his worries and instead focused all his attention on you. Of course, who were you to deny such a request? You pulled away just enough to press a tender kiss on his temple, "Hey—" And then another on his left eye, "What are you doing-" Then moved to his right — which made him grunt — his nose, and lastly—
You knew it already, don't you?
Two, cold hands held you by the back of your head, his head tilting just so to deepen the kiss as the soft light of his hair blanketed you both. Your hands held onto his shoulders for support, but you couldn't help the urge to comb through your fingers in his hair as it graced around your wrist. Before they're gently caught by one of Idia's hands, placing them back again on his cheeks after pulling away from the kiss to breathe.
He was breathing heavily, and so do you, "You're always so warm." A soft chuckle escaped his lips, followed by a kiss on each of your knuckles before being placed back again on his cheeks. Eyes remain locked onto yours with another one of his soft smiles. This is the only time how Idia could look at anyone without breaking eye contact.
"I love you."
Before you dove back in for another, or maybe it was him who dove back first?