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Alex rolled over in his bed for what felt like the millionth time, wincing as he put pressure on his bad leg. His leg wasn't nearly as bad as it was, and he didn't even need a cane anymore, but it still acted up from time to time. He squirmed until it stopped hurting, letting out a loud sigh. He had been trying to fall asleep for two hours but nothing that usually helped him was working.
School had been uneventful but still overwhelming, leaving him tired and burnt out all afternoon. He’d spent most of it hunched over his computer, staring blankly at his assignment that he was supposed to hand in two days ago. His brain wasn't processing the words on the screen no matter how many times he read them and it started stressing him out so he had to stop and put his head down on the desk for a while. It didn't help much.
Now he was tossing and turning in his bed, head pounding and stomach twisting itself in knots due to Alex having skipped dinner. On top of all this, that familiar fog had started trying to take over, swirling around the edges of his mind no matter how hard he tried to fight it off. He hated when this happened. He wished he could write it off as just being a side effect of putting a bullet through his skull, but it had always been there. It just didn't fully show itself until after the incident.
Alex would never forget how he had just come home from the hospital the day before, and had been avoiding the bathroom at all costs. Stepping in there for the first time in the morning sent him into a full blown meltdown. He cried on the bathroom floor for an hour before he passed out with his fingers in his mouth, scaring the shit out of his father who walked in on him laying on the bathroom floor again and assumed the worst.
Adjusting to the fact that he now had a chance of turning into a child when he gets upset was a lot, especially on top of all his regular recovery shit he had to work through. He couldn't bring himself to tell his parents, not wanting to be coddled and babied anymore than he already was by them. He had somehow managed to let himself open up to Charlie about it, mostly because he felt bad hiding something so major from him. Besides, Charlie had been so supportive, going out of his way to educate himself about everything wrong with Alex before they had even met, so that he could try to make Alex a little less miserable. Alex never had any doubt that Charlie would understand this too, but it was still a scary conversation to have. What was even harder was trying not to drop in the middle of it.
It didn't work, and he ended up in tears by the end of it, but Charlie handled it well.
Call him.
The tiny, childish voice in the back of his mind begged him to pick up his phone. It was within arms reach, charging on his nightstand. He could do it so easily, but he was so tired. What if he wakes Charlie up and he gets mad and breaks up with him for being needy?
Alex let a quiet whine slip past his lips, pressing his hands into his eyelids and rubbing them aggressively until he saw stars, trying to pretend he didn't feel tears when he did so. He then reached over and grabbed his phone, yanking it off the charger and momentarily blinding himself as it illuminated his face in his otherwise dark room.
He squinted at the screen and scrolled through his contacts, hoping he didn't bother Charlie by calling him so late.
Charlie picked up on the first ring.
“Youre up late” Charlie said when he answered. “What's up?”
“Nothin’, couldn't sleep” Alex mumbled, giving his boyfriend half of the truth. He then nervously added “Did I wake you up?”
“No, no… nah i just finished my homework. You okay?”
Alex nodded dazedly, then realized Charlie couldn't see him. He hummed out a lazy ’yea’, lost in his own head.
“You don't sound okay” Charlie said, slight concern in his tone. Alex huffed, kicking the blankets off him in frustration that he couldn't determine the origin of.
“M’fine” he mumbled, then got an idea. “Just miss you…”
“I saw you at school today” Charlie responded, oblivious. Alex let out a shaky breath, hand that wasn't holding the phone slowly making its way downward. It just rested on his lower abdomen for now.
“Yeah, but I miss you” He replied, breath picking up a little as his thumb brushed his waistband. Charlie must've finally noticed, because the energy shifted.
“Yeah?” Charlie breathed, but got no response. This wasn't working. Alex was back in his own head again, a loud buzz taking over his senses. “Alex?” Charlie called out, confused. He repeated his name a few more times before it finally got through to him.
“M’sorry-” Alex whined, startled out of the haze he was in. Charlie caught the childish sound, and it immediately set off alarm bells in his head.
“It's okay, it's okay,” Charlie reassured him gently, “Hey, are you sure you're feeling okay?”
Alex teared up, letting a whimper slip. He quickly tried to cover his mouth and muffle himself, but it was too late. The foggy feeling took his moment of weakness and took over, rushing in and sending him crashing hard.
Charlie winced at the sound of Alex’s hiccuping sobs that he was failing to muffle. He could already tell what was happening. He glanced briefly at the time on his screen before shrugging it off, deciding that there was no time he wouldn't be there for his boyfriend.
“Im gonna come over, okay?” He said, already getting up from his desk and throwing a sweater on. He expected Alex to try and argue and insist that he was fine but he didn't, which only made Charlie more worried.
He stayed on the phone as he snuck out of his house, and then all the way to Alex's house. The walk was only 20 minutes and Alex spent most of it crying. Charlie just let him, rambling about random things in an attempt to distract him. He hung up when he got to Alex's window, sliding it open. Alex almost never locked it. He climbed in with little trouble, quietly shutting it behind him. The room was dark and he couldn't see. “Im gonna turn on the lamp, okay?” He announced, feeling it was safer to assume Alex had a migraine and give him time to cover his eyes or say something. He didn't, so Charlie flicked the desk lamp on.
Alex was curled up on the bed, fingers in his mouth as he sniffled and whimpered. At least he wasn't crying anymore. Charlie walked over to the edge of the bed and peered down at his boyfriend. “Hi angel…” He mumbled sweetly. Alex rolled onto his back to look up at him, tears in his eyes.
“Shhhhh…” Charlie soothed, sitting down on the bed beside him. “Its okay, shhh”
Charlie slid his arms under Alex's back and helped him sit up. Alex didn't stay upright for long, falling forward against Charlie’s chest and feeling his boyfriends arms drape gently around his shoulders.
Alex cried into Charlie's shoulder for close to ten minutes before he started calming down, his sobs reduced to hiccups and sniffles. His fingers had made their way back into his mouth at some point as he gnawed on them in an attempt to soothe himself. Charlie didn't need to ask if he was still feeling small, he could tell.
Charlie cradled Alex's head to his shoulder protectively as he leaned over to dig through the nightstand drawer, finding what he was looking for rather quickly. Alex wasn't very good at hiding it.
“Here, use this instead” Charlie said, pulling Alex back and holding the black plastic pacifier up to his mouth. He watched as the other boy’s face turned a dusty shade of pink, refusing to open his mouth. Alex was always hesitant to use it, no matter how many times Charlie reassured him that he didn't think he was weird for it. Charlie could tell how much it helped him.
Thankfully he didn't put up any more of a fight, letting his mouth fall open. He visibly relaxed as soon as he closed his mouth again, letting out a breath through his nose.
“Feel any better yet angel?” Charlie asked softly, pulling his sweater sleeve up to carefully wipe the tears off his boyfriend’s cheeks. Alex shrugged, shamelessly leaning into the touch. Charlie moved to running his hand through Alex's hair, something that he knew his boyfriend enjoyed.
They didn't move for a little while, Alex taking comfort in the safety that came with being near Charlie. It was nice knowing that no matter what happened or what stupidity his TBI caused him, Charlie would be there to fix it.
Speaking of his TBI, Alex still had a raging migraine. A soft whine slipped out as he squeezed his eyes shut. Charlie noticed and spoke up.
“Where’s your medication baby?” Charlie asked, almost in a whisper, to make sure he didn't make his boyfriend's headache any worse. He had tried to find the medication while looking for the pacifier but it wasn't in its usual spot. Alex let out a sharp breath from his nose, blinking slowly to try and get his eyes to adjust and not hurt so much. He then leaned to the side suddenly, and if Charlie didn't reflexively reach out and grab his hips to catch him, he would have fallen off the bed.
Charlie tried to calm his heartbeat as Alex reached over the edge of the bed to dig through his backpack, pulling out the bottle of medication. Charlie pulled him back upright slowly, making sure not to jostle him too much on the way up. He took the bottle from Alex's hand, opening it up and taking one out. Thankfully Alex had a glass of water on his nightstand, which Charlie grabbed after putting the cap back on the pill bottle.
Alex whined and jerked away when Charlie tried to pull the pacifier out of his mouth. “Come on, just for a second, I'll give it right back I promise.” He pleaded, hooking his finger through the handle and gently pulling on it. Alex responded by biting down on it and trying to pull against him.
The battle was short lived, as Alex got flustered and let go when Charlie started attacking his face with kisses. He gave a tired, raspy giggle, trying to squirm away. Charlie finally stopped, giving him a chance to breathe as he held his hand out, pill resting in his palm. Instead of taking it from him, Alex opened his mouth like a baby bird. Charlie smiled, dropping the pill in and helping him drink from the cup without spilling it.
“You wanna lay back down until it kicks in?” He asked quietly, and Alex nodded, rubbing his eye as he opened his mouth again. Charlie realized he was waiting for the pacifier and quickly gave it back, helping Alex lay down. He laid down beside him, letting Alex cling to him.
It thankfully didn't take too long for the medication to start working. They cuddled quietly while waiting, until Alex started to get restless, squirming and shifting around as he slowly started to feel better. He still felt small, which was pretty common. It usually stuck around until he slept it off or forced himself out of it (which took a huge toll on him, so he tried to avoid doing it).
Alex huffed and sat up, rubbing his eye and glancing around the room. Charlie's hand came to rest on his hip, a simple affectionate gesture. He rubbed his lower back gently. “You alright?” He asked. Alex shrugged.
“Still not tired?” Charlie asked. Alex shook his head. “Thats okay”
Alex slowly got up from the bed, walking over to his desk. He started digging through a drawer until he pulled out a pack of washable markers that was buried in the bottom. Charlie really wished Alex didn't feel so embarrassed about all of this. Alex came back to the bed, kneeling beside where Charlie was still laying. Charlie's arm went back around his waist, thumb brushing against his hip gently. Charlie knew that Alex thrived off affection, regardless of how much he tried to deny it.
Charlie also already knew exactly what Alex wanted from him. He sat up just enough to pull his sweater off, then laid back down in just his t-shirt. Alex smiled a little behind the pacifier, dumping the markers onto the mattress and grabbing the blue one. He uncapped it and started drawing on Charlie’s forearm, humming quietly.
This was something that happened often. It kept Alex occupied and Charlie didn't mind, it's not like the markers were permanent. Sure, sometimes he'd forget to shower and get some weird looks from the football team in the locker room, but it's not like he ever cared what any of them thought about him.
Alex worked hard, brows furrowed in concentration as he scribbled on his boyfriend with various different colours. He put his marker down for a moment, shifting around. He switched positions, choosing to lay on his stomach instead of sitting up. He then picked the marker back up and went back to work.
Charlie wasn't sure how long had passed, having zoned out from the gentle feeling of the marker on his arm and Alex's humming. When he came back to reality he realized he no longer felt or heard either of those things. He looked down, seeing Alex face down, forehead pressed against Charlie’s bicep as he snored lightly.
Charlie couldn't help but smile. He finally fell asleep. Charlie carefully took the marker from Alex's hand and put the cap back on, setting it with the others. He decided it wouldn’t be a good idea to try and move Alex at all, so he didn't. He settled into his boyfriend's bed, resting a hand on Alex's back as he decided he would wait for Alex to wake up on his own.