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Wend had been back on Hawai'i for less than a month, and already the tourists were pissing them off.
They'd stomped all the way to what they still thought of as Matt's house without rinsing the salt from their hair, skin, rash guard, and board shorts. The side door opened to the key they'd been given, and Wend slipped out of their water shoes and wiped their feet.
Four weeks ago, they'd taught their first workshop at Reed's Bay Beach, been treated with respect by a class full of university students, and had a surprise reunion with the child of their heart, Avery. Today the beach had been ten times as crowded and their class was full of entitled, holier-than-thou environmental tourists and scuba enthusiasts. While practicing with sample bots in the water, people had brushed up against Wend in ways that made their skin crawl. They weren't sure if the knot in their stomach came from their touch sensitivity acting up or if a couple of men even older than Wend had been intentionally handsy.
They passed through the laundry room and opened the door to the one place they wanted to be, the safe space.
But there were people inside.
Matt was there in in a fuzzy gray body suit with extra fur covering the trunk portion and a long tail at the back. There were stirrups that looped beneath his feet and straps over his shoulders like a tank top, leaving his arms bare, aside from a light sprinkling of his own body hair. The mostly gray hair on his chest, head, and face were thicker and matched the fur on his obviously custom-designed cat costume. It could almost have passed as a costume from Cats, except the padding in the knees was clearly meant for practical comfort. His only headgear was a headband with ears that blended with his wavy gray hair so well, Wend hadn't noticed them at first. The supple black leather collar around Matt's neck didn't look particularly like a cat collar or costume at all.
He lay half curled on a shikibuton that had been partially unfolded along one wall of the safe space. His head rested on Verilyn's thigh. She sat beside him, supported with extra cushions, her usual chair pushed off to one side. Verilyn’s satiny soft loungewear could double as pajamas, which made Wend imagine she'd enjoyed a leisurely Saturday at home without ever needing to change clothes.
Gently, in the way some people spoke to actual felines, Verilyn said, "Matty-cat, it looks like Wend needs the safe space, too. I'm sure you'll leave them be unless they come to you. I wouldn't mind if they want to talk, but otherwise, we'll all be fine sharing."
The rules for the safe space, as Wend understood them, were not to approach or try to speak to anyone else you might encounter there. While Verilyn's work around seemed kind of silly, Wend appreciated it. They didn't know if they wanted to talk to anyone.
Instead, they crossed the springy floor to the length of silky emerald fabric that hung from the ceiling, the one that was tied in a knot to form a seat or cocoon. Climbing inside, they pulled the silk closed around them and settled into the soft fabric and filtered light.
But they couldn't relax. They were preternaturally aware of their skin. It was salty and not quite clean, which didn't usually bother Wend. Now it seemed to tighten as each near invisible hair stood on end. They wanted to be petted, but felt too sticky to be touched.
Letting the silk part in front of them, they saw Verilyn and Matt still relaxing on the shikibuton, exactly as they had been before.
Wend was spinning slowly, but the image fixed in their mind's eye as they rotated away. Matt had a giant cat bed that his person could fit on to pet him. Wend wanted that.
When their silk cocoon rotated to face the giant cat bed again, Wend put their feet on the ground. That halted their motion and opened the front of the silk so they could both see and be seen. "If I changed into my kigurumi could I join you?"
Verilyn hadn't looked at Wend while speaking before, offering a sort of privacy that went beyond the rules of the safe space. Now the dom's eyes traced up from Wend's feet to their face. "We haven't discussed what pet play means for you or negotiated limits. The last time it was mentioned, you said you might be comfortable with Matt but not me. But Matt can't negotiate that right now, and I won't leave him like this."
Wend didn't want Verilyn to leave Matt. They would understand if Verilyn said they couldn't join in pet play without a separate negotiation, safewords being exchanged, and possibly filling out a checklist. But that wasn't what Verilyn had said. Verilyn might be Matt's dom, but with Wend she would never presume and would only do what Wend asked. "I want you to stay. I don't think I really go into subspace. I may be nonverbal during pet play, but mostly I did this when Avery was a kid. I was used to watching out for them and staying conscious of their needs and signs of distress at all times."
"If we hadn't covered before that this was completely non-sexual for all parties, I wouldn't consider this without a completely separate discussion with Matt fully involved." Verilyn was petting Matt's hair and all the way down the fur on his back as she spoke. "But he's made it clear he'd welcome this with you, and he's not so far down he couldn't understand and object right now."
Matt rubbed the side of his face against Verilyn's thigh and gave a small hum that might have been agreement or simple pleasure. His eyes were closed, and Wend had no idea how much he was tracking. But Wend trusted Verilyn to know.
With a scritch behind Matt's ears, Verilyn said, "If he hisses when he's like this, can you treat that as a safeword, even if you're a cat?"
"I would move away. It might take me awhile to figure out what to say or do." Wend added, "You know I'm not great with that anyway."
"You're better than you think, especially with Matt. I'm pretty sure you would do well by him or Avery no matter what frame of mind you were in." Verilyn's words affected Wend more than they wanted to admit, which made Wend's breath catch when Verilyn asked, "Are you sure you trust me enough for this?"
"Yes," Wend said immediately. Feeling compelled in some deeper way, they added, "I do trust you."
Verilyn blinked and smiled. She tilted her head side to side as if stretching her neck before saying, "Thank you. That means a lot to me. Can you tell me how I should treat you if you come back here as a cat?"
Heart racing and feet suddenly tapping on the floor, Wend said, "Try to only touch where I have fur. I probably won't freak out if you touch a hand or foot incidentally, but don't touch my face. I'll react fine if you say 'stop' or 'off.' I can't handle any sort of humiliation or shaming, even the word 'b-a-d.'" Wend spelled it out, unsure of Matt's limits during pet play. "I've never hissed at anyone, but if you know the basics of tone-based languages, any rising or falling sounds from me as a cat are fine. But a high keen is probably the equivalent of 'yellow' in stoplight covers. If I intentionally pull my hood off and walk away, I'm done and should be left alone."
After nodding through the whole list, Verilyn looked concerned at the last. "I appreciate your willingness and ability to share all that so clearly. However, I would worry if you left the room after even this minor of a scene without some sort of check in. I can respect your space and wait if that's what you want, but could you not leave the safe space until you're verbal and can tell me how you're doing or if there's any problem?"
Whether or not Wend was a sub, they could see how a dom might need that sort of reassurance. "Okay, anything else I need to know about your limits or touching you?"
With the barest hint of a smile, Verilyn said, "I suspect even as a cat you're unlikely to jump on me or knock me over. Neither Matt nor I are concerned about who touches where during pet play. We won't consider anything sexual if you end up cuddling or placing a paw someplace otherwise considered inappropriate. Are you okay with terms like 'paw' in this context?" At Wend's nod, Verilyn continued. "I do have my cell phone within reach." Verilyn gestured to her wheelchair. "It's mostly for emergencies, or if I need help. I would only call a member of this household, and the usual safe space rules would still apply, so no one else would touch you unless medically necessary. Is that all okay?"
"You could probably ask me to stop being a cat, if there's something I could help with. I might stop and pull my hood off when you start calling anyway."
"Thank you for offering, but I'd rather let you decide when you stop, and I will call for help if I need it." It was clear Verilyn's mind was made up.
Wend wondered if they were done with negotiations. The urge to be a cat had faded as they talked with Verilyn, as had most of their upset from the scene at the beach. Still, seeing Matt curled up and content to be petted through the whole conversation, made Wend want the same.
"Last thing," Verilyn said, and it was as if she'd read Wend's mind, "with the understanding that I will never say anything intentionally derogatory or humiliating to you, do you care whether I refer to you as Wend, cat, or kitty during play?"
Wend had never been called by anything but their own name when they did this before, but hearing Verilyn say the other words left Wend suddenly desperate for their fur. "Whatever you want. Those are all fine."
A moment later Wend was out of the hanging silk chair and running upstairs to their room. They only kept one change of clothes, penguin pajamas, and their leopard kigurumi there so far. But they had their own bathroom that had come stocked with nicer products than they were used to. Wend didn't take the time to fully appreciate those products, but they did shower and change into a clean rash guard and shorts before pulling their kigurumi on over the top.
Every time Wend put it on, they were amazed how soft the fur still was, inside and out, even after fifteen years. The fit was extremely loose, and the cream and orange-brown tones didn't match Wend's terracotta skin or slightly graying hair. The tail was so short as to be barely there, but they liked the way the hood with ears covered all their short bristly hair and an extra inch around their face when it was pulled up.
Wend left the hood down as they made their way downstairs. They missed the furry boot slippers they'd sometimes worn for pet play back in Monterey, but they'd never liked mitts on their hands and didn't want any sort of collar.
It wasn't until they were back in the safe place with the door closed that Wend pulled their furry hood over their hair and in close around their face. They sank to hands and knees on the plush carpet with so much cushioning underneath that Wend wanted to kneed it like a couch cushion. Some parts of being a cat came back surprising fast.
They were hyperaware of Verilyn and Matt on the shikibuton.
As a cat, Wend ignored them and explored the room. They'd only been here as a human before. The chairs and coloring area beneath the loft were less interesting now, but the pile of soft blankets had Wend poking their nose in and rubbing their face to experience each layer.
They crawled onto a beanbag but didn't like the way it shifted under their paws. Part of Wend wondered if they'd dislike the beach and ocean as a cat, but the thought flitted away as unimportant in the moment.
The hanging chair made from tied silks, where Wend had sat before, was now at nose height. They sniffed, but their sense of smell wasn't any better in this form. It didn't smell like them or others. If anything, the room smelled like toast. Wend had no idea why and went to explore the other occupants.
Matt's eyes were still closed, and the way he was curled on his right side meant his left knee was on top and farthest forward on the shikibuton. Wend crawled forward to sniff and then rub her face on that knee. It didn't move, which was good. It smelled like slightly sweaty Matt and something tangy, possibly a laundry smell. The padding at the knees creased into horizontal rows beneath the thin fur there. It was soft, but Wend wanted to know if Matt's longer chest fur was softer.
A glance up Matt's body showed his eyes were open now, half-lidded and drowsy. He smiled as Wend inspected his knee. Verilyn was petting long strokes down his shoulder and arm. That left his furry underside nicely exposed.
Wend slowly shifted along the front of the shikibuton until their face was inches away from a v-shaped patch of lighter grey fur that extended down from his shoulder straps to his waist. Here the fur was longer than any of Wend's, and it looked very soft. A breath stirred the patch in front of Wend's nose before they closed the final inch to nuzzle against that fur.
So soft! Fine strands brushed Wend’s face, both silky and dense, clean but not smelling like the chemical laundry scent. The smell of Matt's sweat was stronger here, more identifiably himself. No part of Wend had a name for that scent, but they remembered a much younger Matt had it too. It wasn't like a tree or a spice, but it wasn't animal like the sweat smell either. This was a skin or fur scent that was only Matt, beneath sweat or soap or growing up. Wend hummed in approval and Matt hummed back.
Wend closed their eyes and pressed one side of their face into that furry patch, letting the hum travel up their cheekbone. They weren't sure if their ear heard or felt Matt's heartbeat first. It came from above, conducted through his ribcage. Wend settled into a dip between Matt's pectoral and abdominal muscles. They could feel Matt's breathing and the lub-dub of his heart through all the layers that made up Matt.
For an unknown length of time, Wend-cat drifted, submerged in the sound, scent, and feel of Matt-cat.
When their knees and neck protested, Wend sat back on their haunches and surveyed the scene. There was plenty of room on the giant cat bed for another cat. Verilyn might have to adjust their petting, but that wasn't Wend's concern. They crawled to the end of the shikibuton, picking their way around Matt's bare feet as they easily crawled onto the very low cushion.
Wend wasn't big enough to curl fully around Matt the way they did with Avery. They didn't want that anyway.
Instead, Wend turned sideways until they were looking over Matt's arm to the soft patch of lighter gray fur they'd enjoying pressing their face into before.
Verilyn conveniently switched from petting Matt's arm to stroking his neck. She reached under Matt's hair to trace along his collar. He hummed and nuzzled into her leg. Verilyn's far hand started scritching the top of Matt's head.
Wend tried resting their head on Matt's upper arm, but either their neck was curved back too much for comfort or there was pressure on their throat that reminded them of choking.
In what seemed like two very big steps, Wend reached their arms over Matt, shifting his arm forward in the process. Now Wend was draped sideway around Matt's back and chest. The fur on their arms slid smoothly across the fur on Matt's torso. His bare arm only made contact with their fur, and Wend's hands could dig into the fur on his far side without touching any skin. After shifting back and forth a bit, Wend found a comfortable position. Matt hadn't made any move to repositions himself, and Wend wondered if he was comfortable.
It seemed like an extreme effort to look sideways to see Matt's face, but when they saw his satisfied smile and sleepy eyes gazing back, Wend felt even better about the position they'd chosen. Their eyes slid to Verilyn, whose eyes were fully open and a bit too attentive for Wend's comfort. Wend looked away.
"Good kitties," Verilyn said in the gentle tone she'd used with Matt before. "You're so sweet together. I think I should pet you both."
Wend noticed it wasn't a question, but also that Verilyn waited before reaching a hand out to pet Wend's shoulder. The soft rub through fur of that first touch, the first pleasant touch in a long time not directly initiated by Wend, made the breath catch in Wend's throat.
For a moment, Wend wasn't sure they could do this. They had never panicked during pet play before. Their eyes closed tight as their brain insisted in a very not-cat way that they should take a deep breath or catalog their senses.
The first sound they heard after that was Verilyn's soft talking-to-cats voice. "It's okay Wend-cat. I'm going to keep petting exactly the same, here on your shoulder, unless you pull away or use that high keen sound you told me about. So far you're a very quiet kitty, which is fine, but you need to calm down and breathe. Can you feel Matty-cat breathing beneath you? Can you breathe in when he does?"
Matt's whole body inflated as he breathed beneath Wend. They took a deep breath along with him.
Verilyn said, "Good cats. Breathe and relax. Sometimes a new touch takes a little getting used to, but nothing's going to happen here that you don't want. This is a safe space, and we're all going to keep each other safe."
The reminder that they were doing this together, whether two of them were dressed as cats and one was wearing a collar, or whether they were just Verilyn, Matt and Wend, allowed Wend to relax. They'd tightened their grasp on Matt, and as they eased off they rubbed their fisted hands against his lower ribs. He hummed in what might be his purr. Wend remembered how they'd sang meows together as kids, but they had never purred. Wend liked curling around a purring Matt.
The hand petting their shoulder felt better as they relaxed. Their skin had gone to high alert and become almost painfully oversensitive at first. But as the motion repeated, gliding with soft fur against their skin, the sensation became wholly pleasant. Almost unbearably pleasant. Wend couldn't help but wriggle.
The hand paused, and Wend let out an interrogative whine.
"That sounds like a rising tone to me," Verilyn's voice was soft, but different from her talking-to-cats tone before. "I think that's a good sound, so I'm going to keep petting. I'll try closer to the center of your back, and see how that goes."
The strokes further in on Wend's back were longer too. They electrified Wend's skin while relaxing their muscles. Wend settled like a blanket over Matt and gave a pleased mew.
This time Verilyn kept petting and said in their most comforting voice. "That's a good kitty. I see what you mean about rising and falling tones. You are a very expressive cat sometimes. I like that very much."
Wend squirmed a bit and made another mew sound at the praise and the way Verilyn kept petting all along without breaking her tempo.
As Matt relaxed beneath Wend, they knew he was pleased, too. They guessed Verilyn was still petting his hair, but as a cat, Wend didn't feel obliged to open their eyes and check. The steady breathing of warm sleepy cat beneath them and the attentive human hand stroking their back guided Wend-cat back to a timeless, contented place. They melted as if lying in a patch of sun. There was no need to keep track of the hand on their back, because Verilyn knew how to please Wend-cat in ways no part of their mind remembered from before. It was bliss. As a cat, Wend knew how to bask.
Sometime later, Wend's spine protested that they hadn't moved in too long. The feel of their fur was more a tactile buzz than the pleasure it had been before. Having had enough, Wend pulled back to stretch.
Verilyn's hand eased away to barely rest at Wend's waist.
Matt stretched like a wave pulsing through his body but ended in the same position as before.
Wend crawled to the very end of the shikibuton and sat there, hunched over their own knees for a bit. Finally, they pulled the furry hood down from their head and said, "I think that's all for me for now, but it was nice."
"Thank you for making the effort to tell me," Verilyn said in a mostly normal but quiet voice. "If you ever want to discuss more details of what works for you or doesn't, I'm eager to have that conversation. For now, it's good to see you looking so relaxed. Whatever you want to do next is fine."
Verilyn's words hinted at more than Wend cared to process in the moment. They saved them for later, along with a broader feeling of approval and permission. "Thank you, mahalo."