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Tanizaki Junichirou had barely sat down in his streaming chair—comfy, pristine white, lit from behind by soft coral LEDs—when a pair of hands landed dramatically on his shoulders from behind.
“Jun—Jun—Juni, check Twitter!” Tachihara whined, voice pitching up with that theatrical desperation he always used when he wanted sympathy. “They’re already onto me!!”
Tanizaki didn’t even look up from adjusting his camera focus.
His lips curled into the smallest, most irritatingly calm smile.
“Sounds like a you problem, dude.”
Tachihara gasped like he’d been stabbed.
“Juni, what do you mean ‘you problem’?! Did you not see what happened?!”
“I did,” Tanizaki said breezily. “And again—your problem.”
He flicked a glance at the second monitor. Tachihara’s panic-filled notifications were blowing up. Thousands of replies. Angry emojis. Memes. Accusations. Tachihara’s fanbase was… in full riot mode.
“Bro, they’re calling me a traitor!” Tachihara wailed, pacing behind Tanizaki’s chair as if the carpet were a battlefield. “They think I leaked my own spoiler. My own spoiler, Tanizaki. My chat is going to crucify me.”
“They crucify you every Tuesday,” Tanizaki replied, adjusting the angle of his mic. “You’ll live.”
“THAT’S NOT THE POINT!”
Tanizaki just let out a soft hum—the kind that said he absolutely didn’t care.
Tachihara leaned over him, pressing their heads together like a puppy begging for attention. “Juniiiiiii—”
“Don’t call me that on stream,” Tanizaki said, swatting him away. “And maybe don’t leak your collab announcement next time?”
Tachihara ran both hands down his face.
“BUT IT’S JUNIIII FAULT!” he cried.
Tanizaki finally gave him a look.
A long, deadpan, unimpressed look.
“You can’t blame a two-second gif of my model blinking for your inability to keep your mouth shut.”
Tachihara groaned. “They think the silhouette in the trailer was YOU!”
Tanizaki shrugged.
“They don’t know that.”
“Oh my god. Oh my god.” Tachihara paced faster. “Junichirou, listen. Chances are like—fifty percent they figure it out. Sixty. Seventy-five. Bro, they’re gonna turn into detectives.”
“They already think you’re dating half the streamerverse,” Tanizaki said dryly. “Let them add one more name.”
“But—BUT BRO!” Tachihara’s voice cracked. “Most of my chat hates you!”
That made Tanizaki pause.
He turned slowly, eyes narrowing.
“Oh, do they now?”
Tachihara wilted.
He knew that tone.
It was the soft-spoken menace one.
“I didn’t mean it like—okay, I did, but not like that. They don’t, like, hate you-hate you. They just think you’re… uh.” He twirled a hand helplessly. “A smug pretty boy who talks too much shit and doesn’t play enough shooters.”
Tanizaki laughed. Soft, airy.
A little dangerous.
“Your brats are just like you,” he said. “Annoying. Dramatic. Loud. Honestly? You did it to yourself, love.”
Tachihara froze.
A beat.
Then—
His eyes widened in horror.
Tanizaki’s eyebrow twitched.
Slowly, painfully, both of them realized what had just come out of his mouth.
“...Love?” Tachihara whispered.
“Shut up.”
“You said ‘love.’ On camera. With the mic unmuted.”
Tanizaki’s soul left his body.
He lunged for the mute button.
Tachihara lunged at the same time.
They collided, knocking into the desk, causing the ring light to wobble and the camera to tilt.
From the speakers, their chats erupted simultaneously:
TACHI CHAT:
DID HE JUST CALL HIM LOVE
LMAO WHAT
???
THEY KNOW EACH OTHER IRL??
WHAT IS THIS LORE
TANIZAKI CHAT:
WAIT WAIT WAIT
WHY IS TACHI THERE
EXPLAIN
HELLO???
IS THIS A FACE REVEAL LIVE???
LOVE????
Tachihara stared at the scrolling chaos.
Then at Tanizaki.
“Juni.”
“No.”
“Juni, they’re gonna figure it out.”
“No, they won’t.”
“You called me love on stream.”
“So?”
“You literally said you’re not single last week.”
Tanizaki froze again.
Another realization dawned.
Tachihara placed a hand on his shoulder.
“…Babe,” he said gently. “They’re going to connect the dots.”
“Don’t call me babe,” Tanizaki snapped.
“You married me,” Tachihara shot back.
“That was offline.”
“Well we’re very online right now!”
Tanizaki pressed his fingers into his temples.
“This is why we don’t stream in the same room.”
“So we should just tell them?”
Tanizaki stared at him like he’d lost his mind.
“You want to announce to the world that the two most hated streamer fandoms are—what? Married? Living together? Sharing one cat? You want a fandom apocalypse?”
Tachihara shrugged.
“…Would be kinda funny.”
“Absolutely not.”
They both sighed at the same time.
Then Tanizaki’s eyes narrowed.
“Tachihara.”
“Yeah?”
“You said they hate me.”
“Uh—well—”
Tanizaki smiled sweetly.
Fake sweetly.
“Well, love. Guess you get to go face them alone, then.”
“DON’T LEAVE ME—”
Too late.
Tanizaki was already sliding on his headphones, turning back to his camera, voice soft and slick and innocent as he said:
“Sorry, chat. Tachihara has to go. He has… consequences to face.”
“JUN—”
Door slam.
His chat exploded with “LMAO,” “WHAT CONSEQUENCES,” and “ARE YOU TWO DATING OR WHAT.”
Tanizaki just smiled, smug and serene.
Unbothered.
Beautiful.
Married.
And absolutely not telling anyone.