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He had to admit, seeing her face, made all the violent images disappear from his mind. He didn’t hear the fighting from the bunkhouse, or John screaming for him to handle it. He hoped when he pulled up at the bar they’d frequented for two decades, that she would be there. When he didn’t see her car, his heart dropped. He almost didn’t get out of the truck. All he could think about, since leaving the ranch, was her. Since the ‘incident’ in her bedroom, they hadn’t spent much time together. He saw her sitting on the porch every morning and afternoon, but she never came down to the barn to talk to him. He knew from experience, to let her come to him. Let her be, until she was ready, so he left her alone for days. He knew, she’d seek him out eventually. When he saw the wanna be cowboy sitting a little too closer to her, he felt his blood boil all over again. He knew, she wasn’t his to claim, but she was. It was a strange feeling to have. But he told the guy to move nonetheless. The smile that immediately appeared on her face, the way her eyes lit up when she finally saw him, made him forget everything else. She wasn’t always so happy and excited to see him. Treating him like he didn’t belong. She said hurtful things, but it was because she wanted him to herself, she was just too afraid to say it yet. He didn’t see anything else, but her gorgeous face, as she moved her long legs for him to sit. “Kinda shit you get into tonight?” He finally asked, trying to adjust his chair, but had to pause, as her calf ran up the inside of his. The way she looked up at him, and batted her lashes, biting her bottom lip, almost caused his heart to stop.
Beth couldn’t help smile and brush her calf against his, as he tried to move his chair. Watching his jaw and shoulders tense and relax, as he tried to shake what he’d just done. His eyes would barely focus on hers, but she could tell they were so much darker than they usually were. “When you go to war with someone, Rip, you want 'em emotional,” she said without looking up. Feeling the aggravation radiating off his skin. The exhaustion. The need for affection, not more chaos. She figured where he was and what he was doing when she couldn’t find him before she left the ranch. And Lloyd avoided answering her when she asked. “You want 'em angry,” she continued, almost automatically. Playing with the label on her beer bottle. Twirling the cap between her fingers. That’s why she set up Dans wife with her assistant, made sure he caught them. Continued putting the idea of his wife fucking other men in his head. Going as far as making him think he had a chance with her. Calling him to meet her in a cowboy bar, that she knew he’d get his ass kicked in. She had no intention of exposing herself to him, or letting him touch her. She could fuck herself harder than he’d ever be able to dream of fucking her. Just like ninety nine percent of the men in the bar, except one. “The more they feel, the less they think,” she said, as if she were teaching a class on how to out manipulate, out fight, your enemy. Not like she was talking to the man that won her heart at fourteen, but he asked. The more pissed off and angry she could make them, the messier their decisions made. Making it impossible for them to think rationally. Unable to play her fast moving chess game. She played dirty, but who didn’t. If she had a penny for every time a man underestimated her power and intelligence, her father would never have to worry about losing the ranch. “But I guess you know that already, don't ya?” She asked, still trying to shake off the conversation with Dan. The threats to her families home. The strong wall that she built around herself. Wanting to let him in.
He didn’t always know exactly what she was saying, but he always knew what she meant. She could speak in metaphors all day long, he had twenty years of practice. “Yep,” was his only reply. What was he supposed to say? He wasn’t going to ask her who she planned to fight this time, he had a pretty good idea. And if she wanted to tell him, she would.
For a moment, she enjoyed the sound of the band playing. The feel of his warm body next to her. His familiar smell, presence. Even in a crowded room, all she heard, saw, was him. “This is almost like a music festival,” she mused, giving him a sideways smile. Moving her chair just a little closer. Taking his warm hand and placing it on her bare thigh. His fingers making random patterns along her sensitive skin. She could see the tension in his jaw, as he struggled with what to do. Instead of letting him squirm, like she would ten, twenty years ago, she leaned over and kissed his cheek. Nuzzled his ear. Making sure he and everyone around them knew, she was going home with him. “You want a beer?” She asked, handing him one, before he had a chance to reply. Sitting back in her seat, but she didn’t move away. She kept her hand on his knee.
Rip couldn’t help staring at her, as he took the bottle. She was so beautiful. The brightness in her eyes, the way she smiled, her sudden calmness; she was perfect. Her bashfulness caused his heart to swell. It was difficult for her to show any vulnerability. For her to sit still and be admired. To except unconditional love, even from him. To let herself be open and willing to try. Even though she knew, he would always let her go, the moment she wanted to leave. “You look good in neon,” he couldn’t help complimenting, as her blonde curls almost glowed around her shoulders.
Beth felt the blush rise in her neck, fill her cheeks. The way he looked at her made her heart skip in her chest. Goosebumps to cover her skin. It made her heart warm. No one else could make her body react that way, that quickly. He made her feel so special, so seen. Not like a piece of property. A toy to be used and discarded. He looked at her, like nothing else mattered in the world. Typically, she didn’t like the compliments about her appearance, most men didn’t mean them, but she knew he did. He always meant them. “Who doesn’t?” She couldn’t help but try to avoid how comfortable she was becoming with the ideas circling in her head. She wanted to be with the man she fell in love with, before she knew what the words really meant. The man that was her first kiss; her first everything.
He couldn’t help but laugh a little at the smile on her face. The avoidance of his compliments, like always. She knew how gorgeous she was, but she didn’t like having attention brought to her face. She knew, every man in that bar, wanted to take her home, she wasn’t fazed. But he could see the beautiful blush rise in her cheeks. Her eyes turn a bright green. A spark, he hadn’t seen in a long time, ignite in her eyes. It didn’t matter how many times any other man told her how perfect she was, she didn’t look at them, like she was looking at him. “What’d you really get in to tonight?” He asked, knowing she hadn’t just been sitting there, drinking all night. She was up to something. She was planning something. There was a reason she was sitting in that bar.
She didn’t want to mention Dan or the fight she caused. Her goal, wasn’t to remind him of how she used to be with him. How she used to taunt and tease. How she never chose him. When it was actually the opposite. She was just too terrified to tell him. Fearful he would finally reject her. Telling her he didn’t trust her to actually commit. She didn’t want to tell him about the comments a few of the cowboys made in her direction. He’d only get frustrated. She’d rather pretend everything that happened before he arrived, didn’t. She was good at pretending. “Saving the land I have no intention of keeping,” she said, taking another slow drink. Wishing she was brave enough to talk about anything else. She didn’t want to talk about the ranch. She didn’t really care about the fued. She cared about him. She wanted to talk about THEM. On how much she missed him every night she was away. On how she craved him. How she wanted him to come with her every time she left. They didn’t have to live in the city, she’d rather not. They could live, anywhere he wanted, she didn’t care, as long as she was with him. But she was still too afraid to say the words out loud.
“Why save it?” He had to ask. He’d always wanted to. He always knew she had no intention of keeping the land her father fought so hard for. Why did she continue coming back? She spent more time with him, than with her family. She fought with Jamie, like she was still fourteen. She didn’t speak to Lee at all. In her defense, he rarely came down from the cabin. She rarely saw Kaycee, unless he happened to stop by on his way to town. Like her, he had little reason to come back home. They made lives for themselves that didn’t include raising cows or land fueds. In the back of his mind, he knew the reason she continued coming back. It was in her eyes every time she looked at him.
She had no personal stack in saving the ranch. She didn’t want or need the money. She didn’t want the property. Her father called, sounded upset, and she was in the car within a few hours. It wasn’t about what she wanted. It wasn’t her property. But her father wanted to save it. He wanted to keep his promise. She could at least, give the best advice she had. “Dad calls, the rattlesnake comes outta hiding,” she smiled, taking a long drink, before putting the empty bottle back on the bar top. The only gain she got out of coming home, was seeing Rip. She got his undivided attention. She got to feel feee with him. All her anxiety and constant worry dissipated the moment she saw him. She got to feel seventeen again.
That didn’t tell him why. He wanted her reason for coming back. “That didn’t answer the question,” he said, more curious than he’d ever been. She hated the ranch. She hated the horses and the headaches they caused. She didn’t like the cattle or the messes they made. She didn’t like the smells, or waking up before the sun. She couldn’t stand to deal with most of her family. He honestly didn’t know what she continued trying to save something she hated. She could easily tell her father she wasn’t coming, she was busy. She could have called Jamie and yelled at him over the phone. She didn’t have to physically be back on the ranch.
She couldn’t help look at him with a little surprise in her face. She always came running when her father needed her. There wasn’t one time she ever told him she wasn’t coming. She would always help bail them out. It was her father. Just like Rip, there wasn’t anything they wouldn’t do. She would lay down her life for him. Figuring out finances was nothing. “His fights are mine, I don’t need a reason. You should understand that better than anyone,” she said, with little emotion in her voice. She was exhausted having to clean up everyone’s mess. She knew ten years ago this would happen. She told her father and Jamie over and over again, to start selling or find something more profitable. No one needed that much land. No one could maintain that much property, with the ranch hands he could afford. Especially right across from the national park. The cattle frequently wandered too far, fences came down miles from the house all the time. Leaving them vulnerable to the bears and wolves that wandered around. She voted to sell seventy percent, and electric fence the rest. It saved them money and problems later. Her father said no. All she could do was throw out suggestions, she couldn’t force him to do anything.
She wasn’t lying. She didn’t need to explain herself to him. She’d do anything for her father, just like him. There was no favor too big for them not to at least try to accomplish. “He’s gonna lose it, isn’t he?” He couldn’t help but ask, even if he knew the answer. He knew the financial challenges they were facing. He knew they didn’t bring in, anywhere near what was spent every month. The ranch had no profit at the moment.
Beth went over every piece of financial documents Jamie and her father had. Everything from the bank. Every check written. Every bill the ranch accumulated. If things didn’t improve; they had five years at best. She could keep them going for a few more, but they’d eventually have to start selling. If it were up to her, she’d start selling tomorrow, to get more per acre. If they waited for the bank to start taking it, they’d get Pennie’s for what it’s actually worth. “Eventually,” she said with a little regret, as she watched his expression change. She knew what he was afraid of, she was afraid of the same thing. Would they be permanently separated? Would that be how their partnership finally ended? She wouldn’t let that happen. She’d figure out something. She’d buy property for them to build something for themselves. She’d move them down to Texas, closer to Travis. She wouldn’t lose him. “But I always have a plan,” she replied with a half smile. Her hand falling to his on the bar top. Her fingers running lightly over his for a moment, before falling to his thigh. Moving closer on her bar stool. She could feel a few of the cowboys that tried approaching her before, watching them now. She didn’t try to touch them. She didn’t lean into them when they tried to touch her. She didn’t worry about them coming back for another round. Not after knowing where she belonged. And everyone in the bar knew Rip. None of them were gonna risk getting their ribs cracked, trying to cut between them.
She did always have a plan. It wasn’t always a good plan, but at least she gave it some thought. But he wouldn’t lie, he was afraid of what would happen when John lost the ranch. What would that mean for them? Would they just never see each other again? Would she finally ask him to go with her? He wasn’t afraid of losing his job. He could be a cowboy at any ranch. He was afraid of losing what little connection he had left with her. “Wanna dance?” He asked, a little cautious, even though he could see she really wanted to. She might not want to with him. But she had been different since she came home. She was softer. She stayed still longer. She listened when he spoke. She sought HIM out more and more.
Well, the night is my companion
And the highway is my home
Got me seeking for one last beacon
Every single place I roam
Beth couldn’t help the smile that spread across her face. She’d been there for hours. Mostly sitting by herself, talking with the bartender. Dan was fun to poke at for a while, but he never asked her to dance. He asked her to leave, after he got punched in the face. But she wouldn’t never go anywhere with anyone like him. A few of the other cowboys tried to chat with her for a for minutes, until she realized who her father was. It was almost amusing, watching the shock appear on their faces and excuse themselves. Even the cowboy that Rip ran off, had no intention of dancing with her. He barely got two words out, before her rescuer appeared. “Only with you,” she said with a bashful smile. The spark she watched ignite in his eyes, caused her to chew her bottom lip, as she felt a flush rush to her cheeks.
They say Jesus was a poor man
I guess I wish I had a little more him in me
Make it easier going on living
Heartache and misery
She let him lead her onto the dance floor. Feeling everyone eyes on her, but she never looked away from Rip. Even as he spun her the first time, pulling her back to his chest, her eyes never left his. She didn’t see anyone else but him. “Still the best dancer I know,” she whispered, kissing his cheek, before he slowly spun her again. She couldn’t help the slight smile that crossed her lips, as the corner of his mouth twitched. He was always so soft with her. So protective. So open and loving. The way his hand rested lightly on the small of her back. The softness of his fingers around hers. His lips on her temple. Even the feel of his beard against her cheek, was the softest she’s ever felt.
Sweet, sweet heart of mine
I'm gonna break again a million times
Or is this too far gone?
Or have you turned to stone?
She watched his eyes leave hers and glance around the room. His face changing, as something caught his attention. Beth knew what it was. Someone was staring at her. Someone was contemplating asking her to dance, now that Rip was brave enough to prove it was possible. She could feel the muscles in his back tense under her fingers. She watched him grind his back temple. The pulse under her hand quickened. She didn’t want him feeling like he had to fight for her anymore. She didn’t want him flashing back to when they were sixteen. She was his. She always had been. “Rip, don’t worry about it,” she said low in his ear. Nuzzling his cheek. Kissing his neck. Showing him as much affection as she felt comfortable showing in public. She didn’t plan to leave with anyone else. She didn’t plan to tease him. She wanted HIM.
Well, I guess I got my bottle
I still hold it all the time
But it keeps me smiling and singing
Helps me fall asleep a little bit better at night
It wasn’t that he was worried. He wasn’t jealous. He was being protective. He was responsible for her, whether she saw it that way or not. Not every man in the bar was the type to back off if she got mouthy. Not every man around them had the respect he had for her, or would accept no for an answer. He would die, before he let something happen to her. “I’m not worried about anything,” he muttered, forcing her body to relax. They weren’t sixteen anymore. He wasn’t fighting for her attention. He was keeping her out of harms way. He hated that she came alone. That she had no problem taunting and teasing everyone in the building. That she thought she was invincible.
She felt his hand moving slowly up and down her back. Stopping to caress the bare skin around her shoulders. His fingers soft, almost protective on her neck. Moving over the sore muscles that no other men were allowed to touch. His lips on her shoulder, that caused a tremor to run down her spine. She couldn’t help stepping further into him. Letting his heat, soak into her cooling skin. “I’ve been here two hours, you’re the only one brave enough to ask John Dutton daughter to dance,” she whispered against his neck. Laying her head on his shoulder, relaxing into the safety and familiarity he offered. No one was brave enough to ask her anything once they knew where she came from. Most of the time, no one ever bothered her. Tonight was different because Dan made it different. He brought attention she didn’t necessarily want.
They say life is like a dagger
Backstage is full of parasites
They love you and drain of everything you own
Just to feel better about their life
Her head on his shoulder, the smell of her perfume invading his nose, the little sounds she made that no one bothered to notice; was how he hoped the night would end. He hoped she’d be in his arms. Knowing he wouldn’t have to sleep alone, at least for one night. “You wouldn’t have come here if you didn’t want to dance,” he whispered into her hair. His hand covering hers on his chest, as he felt her body relax into him. “Or want me to find you,” he muttered, kissing her forehead, as he watched a slow smile appear across her face. All the anxiety and fight melting from her body.
The longer they danced, the less they were stared at. Everyone quickly lost interest. Who would be brave enough to piss off John Duttons daughter, with his right hand man at her side? No one was that crazy, or drunk. She did want him to find her. She hoped he would stop at the bar on his way back from doing her father’s bidding. She hoped she didn’t have to call Jamie or a cab. “Bad night?” She asked, not needing to, she could always feel it. But if he needed to talk about it, she always gave him an opening. She’d rather hear about his night, than tell about her own.
Even though he didn’t have to physically take anyone to the train station himself, he hated knowing someone else was dead. He didn’t have to be. There was no way to know he would tell anything he saw while on the ranch. He was mouthy, not stupid. And there was no telling if the same thing wouldn’t happen tomorrow. Would someone else decide to buck the system? Start a fight they knew they couldn’t win? Threaten to tell what they saw? The thought was in the back of his mind every day. “One of many, sweetheart,” he mumbled, kissing her cheek, as she slowly leaned into his arms. He experienced a thousand bad nights. Hundreds that caused nightmares and regret. They were all made better just by seeing her beautiful face. Just by hearing her voice, or even the thought of her.
Beth really did dispise that his days were so full of drama and the unexpected. Who was gonna fuck up today? Who was gonna have to be disposed of? Who would start a fight with the wrong marked cowboy? He worked so hard. Was so dedicated and loyal. He deserved so much more than what he suffered on a day to day basis. He could be calm and let his guard down. But she felt it when she touched him. She felt the stress and constant thought lay melt away. “Kiss me,” she said, with a lot more emotion in her voice, than when they were fourteen. She wasn’t demanding. She hadn’t just found him crying. She was teasing him, but had every intention of following through. “It’ll make you feel better,” she said a little softer, biting her bottom lip, knowing it turned him on. She watched his eyes move from hers, to her lips, then back.
Sweet, sweet heart of mine
I'm gonna break again a million times
Or is this too far gone?
Or have you turned to stone?
Rip couldn’t help but give a sideways smile. He remembered, so vividly, the first time she said it. He couldn’t remember what he was so upset about. He couldn’t remember anything else about that day, but her coming into the tack room, looking just as upset as him. He could tell she’d been crying. Her nose and cheeks were light pink. Her eyes were still a little red. But he knew better than to ask. He did what she asked, and kissed her. She was right, it made all the shit stop spinning inside his head. “Just finding you, made my night better,” he replied, softly caressing her cheek. Tracing her bottom lip with his thumb, as she leaned into his touch. Turned and kissed his palm.
She couldn’t help leaning into his touch. He was so warm, so familiar, he was like a magnetic to her. She felt goosebumps spread across her skin, her breath catching in her throat, as he kissed her cheek. Always the gentleman. Never wanting to seem like he was using her for his own benefit. He was a giver. He needed her to make the first move, most of the time. He respected her space. “I sold my apartment” she confessed, unable to hold her secret anymore. Her eyes immediately finding his as he slowly pulled away enough to see her face. She actually sold it last week, but it was finalized this morning. She would have made the decision while she was still in the city, but she had to see him first. She had to know he still wanted her. That there was still something between them. That they could build something together. The first time she saw him again, she felt the familiar fire in her belly. Her heart skipping in her chest. Her skin flushing.
Sweet, sweet heart of mine
I'm gonna break again a million times
Or is this too far gone?
“What?” He thought he heard her wrong. The music was loud. People were hollering and singing along with the band. He thought he was hearing what he wanted to hear. But by the sweet smile on her face, the gentleness of her fingers running through his beard, he heard her right.
She took his hand in hers. Running her fingers along his. Kissing his knuckles, that were covered in fresh cuts and bruises. “I permanently transferred to Bozeman this morning,” she confirmed, seeing the hopefulness in his eyes, but still a glimpse of hesitation in his face. She wished she hadn’t allowed herself to torture him for so long, when she knew how she felt. she knew how much she loved him. She knew how empty she felt when they were apart. If she hadn’t played cat and mouse for so long, he wouldn’t have his walls up. He wouldn’t be keeping her at a distance. He wouldn’t be looking at her like she would change her mind tomorrow.
Her face was so sweet, so open, it almost took his breath. She looked so hopeful. Her eyes were so bright, with so much emotion. He’d never seen her look at him like that. “Why?” He didn’t know why he asked. Maybe he just finally wanted to hear her say it out loud. Maybe he just couldn’t believe she was willingly staying in a place she hated so much for him.
She would have moved back if her father asked. She could work anywhere, but he never did. Rip could have also asked her to stay, but he’d never put his happiness over what she wanted. Did she really want to live in her father’s ranch again, no. But she wanted Rip, and that’s where he wanted to be. She had been so selfish, so self absorbed with her own pain and regrets, she never really thought about what it was doing to him. How much he was suffering. She was willing to give up the life she didn’t like anyway, to be with him. Eventually, they’d have to find their place anyway. “Do you really have to ask?” She chewed her bottom lip, batted her lashes. Felt his fingers tighten on her hip. Before she could take her next breath, his lips covered hers, and everything else in the room disappeared. She felt a familiar jolt of electricity, causing her fingers and toes to tingle. She felt his tongue and teeth trace her bottom lip, begging to taste her. On her next breath, she let him. Moaning softly at the feel of his tongue possessing her. Feeling the deep groan leave his chest. “Can I stay with you?” She whispered against his lips. She had never ASKED to stay, it was always assumed she would. But she wasn’t talking about just tonight.
Sweet, sweet love of mine
I'm gonna break again a million times
Or is this too far gone?
Or have you turned to stone?
Rip couldn’t help kissing her cheek, her nose. They never showed that much affection in public. It was always in the back of their minds, her father would find out. Punish them, like they were still sixteen. Eventually though he knew that wasn’t true. He still wanted to be respectful. She was his daughter. He had every right to feel protective and want the best for her. He wanted to ask John the right way. Not that Beth needed his permission to do anything, he wanted to reassure him that she was safe with him. That he would always take care of her, love her, fight for her, until his last breath. “Baby, you can stay with me every night,” he muttered against her lips. Kissing her deeper than she allowed a few days ago. Her soft moans and whimpers, only made him hold her tighter. Caress her cheek, and ignore the wetness he felt. He wanted her to stay forever. “If it were up to me, you’d never leave,” he whispered, brushing the curl from her face. Running his fingers down her cheek.
She’d figure out how to tell her father in a few days, it wasn’t like he’d be surprised. He caught her staring at him on a daily basis. She knew, he already knew what she was doing with his best cowboy. He was just waiting for them to say something. He wasn’t a nosey man. If she was happy and safe, he didn’t care what she did. She’d never been happier than in the arms of the man that taught her what love was. “Then take me home,” she whispered, her nails making random patterns on the back of his neck. She couldn’t help nuzzling his cheek. Thankful he was still wearing his hat, as she hid her face in his neck.
Rip couldn’t help smiling against her temple. Feeling the soft kisses to his neck. The light whimper as he nuzzled her ear, nipping the spot that turned her on. “Done playing already?” He teased, feeling a content sigh against his neck. She was exhausted. She was done with what ever stress she’d dealt with all day long. She was done thinking about how to save the ranch, or how her father and brother would eventually run it into the ground. She wasnt worried about people seeing them. She was all his.
She was done with the exhausting crowd and loud music the moment she saw him. She was done with the other men in the bar staring at her. She wanted to be cuddled in bed with him. “I was waiting for you, remember?” She whispered, sighing against his neck, as his lips ghosted down her cheek. She’d never been happier than in that moment, in his arms, knowing she’d never have to walk away again.