Chapter Text
When Kaz Brekker woke up, the sun got just a little dimmer. Not that the sun was ever really bright, anyway. Ketterdam was too-often muggy, but Kaz liked it that way. Today had been a worse day, with a slight bit of rain and heavy dark clouds. Kaz’s leg throbbed as well, as was the case for weathered days like this. He hated days like these, where his heart ached to know if his Wraith was alright on the choppy waves.
No, not my Wraith, He reminded himself.
The Wraith.
She belonged to no one. Not anymore.
Kaz had to admit, it was a bit hard to remind himself of that these days. Partly because of his stupid teenage hormones–damn those–and partly because of…well, the way she acted nowadays.
Holding his hand for more than five seconds, sleeping in his bed–it all made his breath hitch each time.
Sometimes, Kaz would wake randomly in the middle of the night. He’d turn slowly with a quiet rustle of sheets, just to look at Inej. To look at the way her long raven hair was fanned out on the pillow, the way the nightshirt she wore–the shirt she’d stolen from him because it was ‘the closest thing she’d get to a hug from him’–was too big for her, the way she looked so…young. She was only a year younger than him–not to mention, possibly twice as dangerous–and it was stupid to think that, but Kaz couldn’t help it. She was the Wraith, and yet in those moments, she couldn’t look less like an angel.
The entirety of Ketterdam knew her as his Wraith.
Kaz Brekker wanted nothing more than for her to be his Wraith.
But, that wasn’t up for him to decide. Inej would tell him if she was ready for that—ready for him to put a ring on her finger and call her his. And until then, Kaz would wait.
But, that wouldn’t stop him from hoping, and praying, and thinking. He shivered slightly at the memory of Inej’s hand in his. It wasn’t even inherently romantic. But the warmth of her hand, the thought that she was alive and close to him, it made his heart beat just a little bit harder.
Ugh, he hated being in love.
He walked towards the Slat with his head held high, despite his limp. He didn’t usually tour the streets, but at this point, people stepped out of his way. Well, they had always done that, but something seemed to have changed since he’d turned nineteen. Almost as if people expected him to be even more dangerous with every passing year.
Were they wrong? Kaz honestly didn’t have much of a clue.
I’ll have to ask Inej when we get back-
Kaz shook his head. Saints, he had to stop getting so dependent on Inej. Inej this, Inej that. He was Kaz Brekker!
But…having a girl to love wasn’t quite a big issue, was it? It was…well, nice.
A corner of his mouth twitched up. The broken boy two years ago would have hated him now. He’d have called now-Kaz weak and emotional.
Kaz would have called him stupid.
Kaz could pretend it wasn’t as deep as it was. He could pretend Inej’s touch was simply a soft form of comfort, warmth in Ketterdam’s cold. He could pretend he wasn’t having thoughts of a ring on her finger.
Of course he could.
It wouldn’t erase the fact that he would both give himself and take himself back for her for eternity.