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Everyone knew Nick was an alpha, one of the more protective and angry ones but that very well may have been from repressing his alpha status for years, trying to make sure that his father was the only alpha in the household.
But one day you came home and he was twitching, his whole body, but mostly his shoulders and he was angry, but not a burning anger. A cold anger, an anger born from fear.
He grasped you in a hug and buried his face in your neck, “Nicky, are you okay?” You whispered, hands curving around his hips to clasp at the small of his back, “Why are you shaking?”
“I thought you were hurt. You’re late.” You frowned and kissed his shoulder. Yes, you were late, but barely by five minutes.
“The train had to stop. Attempted suicide.” He pulled back and grasped your face, gently tracing the curve of your jaw.
“You didn’t see anything, did you? Do you need to talk about it? Oh, God,” He shuddered again, “I thought you were hurt.” You kissed him, slowly, and smiled.
“Oh, my alpha,” You cooed, “Always worried about little old beta me.” Finally Nick relaxed and smiled at you, kissing you once more.
That wasn’t the only time you saw Nick’s body twitch like that, shoulders jerking back as if he was being pushed, arms jumping like he was hung on strings. The second time was when you were slotted to bring him lunch at his work, but ended up being nearly a half hour late as you had witnessed an attempted rape at the cafe where you were buying his food.
When Nick saw you, sitting at the scene, being interviewed by a uniform you thought his eyes were going to roll back in his head as his body coiled tighter than you had ever seen it. He left Olivia’s side without so much as a word and when his hand latched onto the interviewer’s shoulder you swore you heard a pop.
He jerked the man back, leaning close enough to snarl something that you couldn’t hear. The uniform scurried away and then Nick rounded on you, something unreadable on his face. He kneeled in front of you, but didn’t touch you. You warily looked at him, wondering what was happening in his head. He looked like he was warring with himself, as if he couldn’t figure out what he was doing, but did it anyways.
“Are you okay?” You had to lean forward to hear the way his voice strained over the words and as you did so you cupped the back of his neck, “Please tell me you’re okay.” You could only nod.
“Nicky, what’s going on with you?” The longer you kept a hand on his neck, the more his body relaxed, the less he twitched. “You’re acting strange.” But strange was not the word you wanted to use. You had heard stories of alphas going feral before, but only when something was wrong with their mate. The fear had been coiling inside of you since the first incident, when you had been only five minutes late home, and every possibility ran through your head. You prayed, hoped, it was a one time thing but as you watched Nick calm down you realized it wasn’t.
He was going feral, becoming more animalistic in a subconscious attempt to protect you.
Something was wrong with you and that scared you.
“I don’t know,” He whispered, eyes searching yours frantically as he finally touched you: laying his hands on either of your thighs, “I’m just so scared all the time. So tense. Like if I’m not with you, something’s going to happen. I need to protect you.”
“You’re my alpha,” You gently reminded him, thankful nobody had interrupted you yet, “I would be worried some pretty little omega girl would have replaced me if you weren’t protective of me.” He sighed and you could see the familiar fire in his eyes of anger.
“I would never leave you,” He said, voice hard, hands squeezing your thighs, “I would rather die than leave you. I’ll do anything to protect you.” You leaned forward to kiss him, slowly, softly, lips slotting against his because if there was one thing you knew about Nick it was that he craved soft intimacy, nothing too hard, because everything between his mother and father had been hard intimacy. He needed soft kisses, gently touches, a big spoon to hold him when he had nightmares and you knew that if he was going feral, if there was something wrong with you, that he would need the same gentle touch.
“I would rather die than leave you,” You repeated when you finally stopped kissing him and his breathing calmed, arms stopped twitching, “I’m glad to be your beta,” You needed to reassure him, calm him down, “But I think we need to go to the doctor, Nick. For you. To see what’s up.” You both knew that he knew that you were talking about a specialist; you were talking about a doctor that spent decades looking at the behaviors of mated alphas, unmated alphas, alphas whose mate had died. There were so many to choose from, especially in New York and you knew at least one of them would know what was going on with Nick.
Maybe you’d visit a specialist, too. One for betas to figure out why Nick was going feral. He nodded slowly, even though the idea was terrifying to him.
“Will you go with me?” He asked, like the answer would be no. As if you would abandon him when he needed you, as if you would stay in the waiting room while the love of your life was poked and prodded.
You smiled at him, still gently stroking the back of his neck, “I would be the worst beta in the world if I didn’t go with you.” He smiled and kissed you once more, all the twitching gone.
But a different kind of twitching was back the next day as he sat in the fancy office of the best specialist in Manhattan. His knees were bouncing and you could feel the tension in Nick’s hand as you held it in your lap.
“If my father saw me here…” It was a dark chuckle and you kissed his knuckles.
“If your father saw you here that would mean something was going on with him as well. It would not mean what you are thinking?” He looked at you, open, scared, hurt.
“What, that I can’t even be an alpha correctly?” You scoffed and shook your head, “That’s what he would tell me. He thought I was a beta. Never stood up for myself.” His sentence broke off into mutters and you leaned over to kiss his shoulder.
“You’re the best alpha, Nicky. The only one for me. You’re smart and strong and caring and handsome and you would never let anything happen to me. You’re everything I need and everything an alpha should be. Don’t let the man who was supposed to teach you these things make you think that you are not. He is the one who doesn’t know how an alpha should act. They’re supposed to protect their mates. Protect their offspring. Not abuse them.” He stiffened, like he always did when you used that word, but another kiss to the shoulder got him to relax.
“I love you,” Nick breathed, closing his eyes and tilting his head back to rest it against the wall, “I’m so glad you chose me instead of an omega.” You smiled at him, drinking in his profile.
“I think you chose me, Nicky,” You giggled, “I don’t think betas can choose alphas.” He turned toward you and scoffed.
“You chose to accept me. You didn’t have to do that.” But you shook your head and kissed him, trying to convey the love you held for him before the doctor call his name.
“Yes I did. My life wouldn’t be the same without you. I wouldn’t be happy if I knew my mate was out there and I rejected him.” He smiled at you, everything about his face soft. Then his eyes made contact with something behind you, widening, and he grinned.
“Holy shit,” Nick said, “You didn’t tell me the specialist looked so much like Barba.” You furrowed your brow and turned around- and then almost gasped. The specialist, Doctor Chilton, looked almost exactly like the ADA Nick worked with. Except he looked more uptight, more damaged, and he walked with a cane and a limp. You stood and pulled Nick up with you by the hand as you approached the doctor after he called Nick’s name. None of you said anything as he lead you to an examination room where Nick was asked to strip down to a white undershirt and his boxers, hopping on the table that was covered in sanitary paper that crinkled too much, too loud. Doctor Chilton pursed his lips as he looked down at Nick’s file and then back up at Nick. Then he looked to you, sitting in the corner, fidgeting.
“You are a beta, yes?” He asked without looking up. It caught you off guard but you nodded, confirming with a wobbly voice. “Have you found your True Mate in an omega, or in your alpha?”
You didn’t miss a beat, “Nick is my True Mate. I am his.” Chilton hummed and then nodded. The physical exam was quick and you were sure the doctor found nothing wrong. Nick was in peak physical condition, being a SVU detective. (And from other things, but you had been feeling sick as of late and that hadn’t happened in nearly six weeks. You were both getting antsy, but you were also not getting better.)
Then Doctor Chilton sat down across from Nick and began asking questions. Questions about Nick, his background, childhood, job. After he was done he finally asked, “Are you sure it couldn’t be from the work you do? Constantly worried about your beta?”
Nick shook his head, “I’ve been working at SVU for over a year now. This only started a few days ago.” The doctor hummed and nodded but then, faster than he had moved during the whole appointment, he whipped his cane at you, missing by barely a few inches. You jumped and cried out as it slammed the wall behind you, arms automatically coming up to cover your face.
Nick was up before the cane even hit the wall, hands bundled in the front of Doctor Chilton’s suit jacket. He pushed the man against the wall, arms and shoulders twitching again as he cocked his arm back and punched the doctor with all his might.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing, huh? Think this is a game? Think I won’t kill you right now? I don’t care if you’re doing me some sort of favor by seeing me, I’ll bust your face in. ¿Entiendes? I’ll fuck your shit up if you ever think about doing that again. I’ll put my foot so far up your ass you’ll be able to walk straight again, ¿me tienes?”You watched in horror as the doctor’s nose bled over his mouth and down his chin, and then you stood when he smirked. Nick saw it before you and punched him three more times before you rushed over to grab his shoulders and pulled him away.
The doctor sank back into his seat, wincing, and you forced Nick to look at you, “I’m fine, Nicky, calm down. I need to you to calm down for me.” He nodded but his jaw was still locked so you kissed it, tried to calm him down by rubbing small, soothing circles into his tummy. Nick grasped your hips and sighed, nodding even though no question had been asked.
Behind you, the doctor cleared his throat. “I would suggest going to see a doctor who specializes in betas, next. You’re on the brink of going completely feral, Mr. Amaro.” And your stomach dropped and your body ceased to move and you thought about crying.
Something was wrong with you.
It was Nick’s turn to comfort you as you both sat in a waiting room. You had been crying for hours and you cried during the exam and the blood drawing and you cried when the doctor told you to wait in the lobby until the result of the urine test and blood test came back. But Nick was your rock. Your twitching, scared rock that kept kissing your jaw and whispered how much he loved you in your ear.
When the doctor finally came back, a stack of papers in his hand, grinning. He sat down next to you and took your hand in his.
“I think we’ve discovered why your alpha has gone feral. And it’s not a bad reason.” You sighed and clutched Nick’s hand tighter, nodding for the doctor to go on.
“Please just tell me what’s wrong with me.”
He shrugged, “Depends on your definition of wrong. Your alpha is sensing the subtle shift in your scent from the pregnancy and his instincts are kicking in. Thought, it is oddly strong.”
Nick sat forward to look around you.
“I’m sorry, what?” The doctor grinned.
“Congratulations. You’re pregnant.”