Work Text:
It always started as a friend of a friend. Nothing more than another body to fill the friendly space in Impulse's car that day, Mumbo tucked next to his left and this guy he hadn't met yet pressed against the door with a comment about how "Cub would meet them there." Grian hadn't acknowledged the man very much that first night, he hadn't expected to run into him very much. It took this long for them to meet after all.
They ran into each other again next semester, sharing the same technical drawing class every Monday and Wednesday. They went from friends of a friend to acquaintances.
Scar was… overwhelming at first. Cheery and full of unfiltered charisma that Grian could only fight with one liners and eye rolls. But then they went from acquaintances to friends and everything felt different. Coffee before class, working on presentations together, and studying together in Grian and Mumbo's shared apartment.
At first, there was unrestrained chatter about their partners. Grian would bring up Mumbo's newest idea and Scar would boast Cub's latest experiment gone right. When the talks turned into small hums and occasional glances, it didn't go unnoticed how they shushed the conversations. Not silent but they didn't tend to fill their conversations with affectionate boasts anymore. Grian avoided Scar's stares at first, desperate to be the sane one, to not fall in too deep.
He was far too late.
It changed. They were friends. Close friends. Enough that strangers assumed Grian and Scar were dating before they brushed off assumptions with reminders of their real boyfriends but the guilt still ebbed behind them. They hadn't acted on it, not even during summer break where they were filled with far too much free time and impulsion. Grian bragged about his barely held together self control. He didn't stare, didn't fidget, didn't draw any unnecessary attention to himself. Scar did the same that summer, dancing around trying to avoid the inevitable staring that brought them back together.
They matched up a couple more classes during the fall semester, staying close. Those classes were their solitude, where they were able to spend a few hours a week able to stare and be met with a fond gaze already looking. Where a hand could rest on a knee and not be noticed or questioned. Where whispers were accompanied by gentle lips brushing over an ear, they weren't visible to eyes able to report back.
It wasn't without its own guilt. They hadn't quite crossed the line of things labeled platonic but Grian knew the way his heart sped up when his eyes caught Scar's already focused on him wasn't platonic anyway. He'd felt it for Mumbo for years before Scar stepped into his life, accompanied by a shy smile and silver cane that had a small rusted ring where metal met the rubber grip at the bottom. There had been a small light blue ribbon tied to its flat handle, a small Minecraft vex keychain attached to the center. That vex was no longer attached to the handle. Grian hadn't seen it there since summer, where Scar had untied it from the cane and tucked it into his truck's glove compartment. He'd only brought it out in days he expected Cub to be able to see the inside of his truck, only then would he tie the ribbon to his mirror and allow the vex to hang free.
Grian knew its presence only felt like surveillance, especially when Scar rushed to tuck it into the glove compartment before Grian even had the chance to open the door. He'd done the same to the blue parrot plush that used to hang on his backpack. Now it only hung on the keyholder next to the door to the apartment where it couldn't see the loving stares. He would be lying if he said it didn't feel like an admission. Like taking off that silly blue parrot didn't make him feel like he'd chosen to betray Mumbo. He'd gotten this far.
There was no vex taunting them with every swing from the mirror and no blue parrot attached to the black bag on the truck's floor to remind them of who they were betraying. Only them and their breathing. Scar and Grian.
Their first kiss tasted like yearning and guilt.
Grian wished he could say that it didn't get easier. But it did. Every kiss grew hungrier around the guilt and every small passing touch stopped making them wince. The double date they had to the movies was easily the worst they'd ever done, holding their respective partner's hands but in the dark, Scar had placed a hand on Grian's lower back, tracing small hearts over and over. Mumbo and Cub were left unaware and the guilt made Grian nauseous. He still melted into the touch.
He hoped Mumbo hated him.
When they returned to the apartment Grian had a dramatic display of forgetting his wallet, accompanied by forceful faux anxiety and the anger that regularly accompanied the mistake— Only to drive back to the empty movie theater parking lot and be kissed senseless by Scar who'd done the same. Sitting in the back of that stupid new-used rusted green truck that Scar had gotten just because it was cheap brought only bliss and guilt. Too many kisses were shared that night knowing they'd have to go back to having their regular partners.
Grian didn't bring himself to bed that night. He stayed at his computer doing nothing in the living room. He couldn't bring himself to look at Mumbo again for the night, not after what he did. The guilt surfacing enough to take over and keep him awake, ignoring Mumbo's concerned glances when he made trips to the bathroom. Something knowing was in those head tilts and soft, "You can talk to me, G" whispered into the dark. He never responded, he might have thrown up if he did, the guilt churning in him with fury.
It had settled again before long, like it always did no matter how much he quietly wished it didn't. He fell back into his routine: be normal with Mumbo and melt into Scar's embrace whenever they were alone. It scarily worked out.
Maybe that's what led them to their current night. A bit over 2 years since they met. Grian had driven a few blocks away from Scar and Cub's apartment and Scar picked him up. It was how they ran things so smoothly. The guilt had ebbed away, at least mostly, but it was still horrifying how long they've gotten away with it without a single question or confrontation.
Tonight they goofed off, Grian sitting on the sliver of the driver's seat between Scar's legs, held in place by legs and strong arms on his waist. Scar had unhooked some of the crazy contraptions that made the truck drivable on his bad days, leaving only a regular automatic drive truck that Grian was able to use without having to relearn everything on the spot, even if he did already have an idea of the hand controls. The lever along the side swung a bit loose without the hooked bars that had connected it to the gas a break, the metal moved away to give Grian space.
"I hate driving your truck."
"How could you say that about The Jellie! It's a majestic truck!"
Grian fought the urge to roll his eyes, instead allowing the smile to sneak onto his lips. He drove the truck in smooth circles around the empty parking lot. He'd be lying if he told Scar the rusted pickup truck with its stupid extended cab wasn't a special place for him either, especially while sitting between his legs and driving it in shapes to fill their time. He didn't hate the truck at all actually.
"Can't believe you named this dumb thing after your cat."
Scar leaned in, pressing a firm kiss to the back of Grian's head after he hit the gas just to turn annoyingly rough to the left. "Hey there, mister, you love her too." — Scar paused, just enough time for Grian to once again fling the truck in a rapid left turn into the start of a proper square — "Don't you dare flip this truck otherwise you're paying the damages."
Only then did Grian slow down, stopping in the middle of the lot without a care in the world. Parking properly wasn't a priority when the moon was perfectly above them. It was the middle of the night where they were free to be together. It was only them and the unreasonably loud truck. "I wasn't gonna flip it."
Scar hummed some sort of confirmation where the sarcasm was felt more than it was heard, head dipped to Grian's neck. The kisses left there were restrained, quick and restless and never giving Grian enough time to enjoy them. Maybe that was the goal. Maybe he was trying to get affection in before he lost his mind and left a mark that would ruin everything they'd done to keep everything around them normal.
They settled into silence then. Just soft silence when Grian shifted the truck into park and leaned back into Scar's hold, back pressed firmly to his chest and head being nestled under his chin. It was nice here. Safe. Maybe Grian chose this because he liked not always having to be the confident, well-spoken one— Though Scar fumbled just as much as Mumbo did. But it felt different, felt more appealing. He loved Mumbo, of course he did.
That was his spoon. His anxious twig of a genius. After Scar, he stopped seeing that love as anything but purely platonic or familial. It had hurt at first, but now, held so safely, he was sure Scar completed him better. In a different way.
"I love you."
Scar squeezed him tighter. Grian wasn't usually the one to say it which made the reaction from Scar all that more special, kiss pressed to the top of his head and arms wrapped completely around him.
"I love you too, birdie."
They revelled in each other. Constant contact and physical affection they knew they'd
have to restrain. Something still stirred in Grian, sitting uncomfortably in his chest. It itched next to his heart, begging. When Scar used his cheek to push against Grian's head to expose his neck and return to those fleeting, insufficient kisses, it clicked.
"No, Scar, I love you. As in love you. I want you."
"Okay?"
"I want to be your boyfriend. I'm going to break up with Mumbo before the end of the semester."
He could feel Scar tense behind him, hands still from where one had been tucked under Grian's sweater. His lips still hovered over sensitive skin, sending chills down the back of Grian's neck when his breath tickled him. "I want you too," Scar finally mumbled, pressing his forehead to warmed skin, "But… I don't know how to break up with Cub. I'm scared he'd completely leave– I don't want him to hate me."
Grian expected as such, even if he professed his goal with such conviction one wouldn't assume he'd fail— He was terrified. Just like Cub was to Scar, Mumbo was his best friend since childhood. Always too close for years, always expected to end up together before Grian even knew himself. Scar felt like freedom to him, to no longer be kept in the social expectations laid out for him.
No matter how much he loved Mumbo, now and in the past, Mumbo had been his future since the first dating joke Mumbo's parents had made when they were seven. When he was still forced to fit the molds laid out for him. When he was 14 and questioning why he and Mumbo were apparently made for one another when he wasn't sure if he was even made to be himself.
Scar wasn't there for that. Scar only knew the version of him he had already put years perfectly crafting to reflect who he really wanted to be. Glad to see where those morals got him, sitting in the truck of the man he was cheating on his supposed fated boyfriend with. He should hate you, Grian almost wanted to say it. To give Scar the reality of it. Every time they did something further he hoped Mumbo would despise him if he found out. Instead, he stayed quiet.
Scar had returned to kissing his neck once more, this time they were more focused, but still quick and never indulging more than he felt was appropriate. It felt like how Grian would watch Scar approach those street cats for the first time, enough generosity to pique their interest but never pushing lest he scare them off. Scar would never scare Grian off.
"You can leave one."
"Mm?" It was a startled sound that vibrated against the skin near his collarbone and brought goosebumps over his shoulders.
"You can leave a hickey. Just not visible so try the shoulder or back of the arm so I can cover it." Grian paused, just for a second before he let out the smallest, breathless, "Please."
There was no verbal response but the hand that wasn't tucked under his sweater made its way up to the collar, pulling enough to reveal the skin without stretching it too much. Scar first pressed a gentle kiss to the skin on the shoulder before he finally did as asked. It was finally enough to scratch that itch Grian needed, melting into Scar's hold enough to get a small laugh from the other.
"I'll try to break up with Cub," Scar whispered, so barely audible Grian didn't even take it as a promise. He knew Scar too well. He wasn't going to break up with Cub any time soon. The quiet voice and shaking was obvious, nervous circles being rubbed along his waist as Scar pressed a kiss to his hair.
"You're nervous."
"Couldn't tell?"
"Definitely not," Grian sighed, using a shoulder to nudge Scar into pausing the nervous habits and hoping to pull him out of the forming anxiety. "I'm going to break up with Mumbo," He promised, whether it was for himself or Scar wasn't for him to decipher, "And if he hates me I deserve it."
Making that promise was easier said than done. He had yet to break up with Mumbo and had been avoiding seeing Scar late at night because of it. He had tried to use the hickey as a source of motivation because Mumbo was bound to see it at some point. He had convinced himself he was on borrowed time — but Mumbo never said anything even if Grian swore he would've seen it. And Grian chickened out.
It was infuriating.
Especially when it was weeks past the healing of the hickey that he had meant to use as motivation. He hadn't seen Scar anywhere outside of classes either, furthering his own frustration and desperation to get this done.
He wasn't able to sit on it that day, well he didn't have the self control to. Not when his phone was buzzing from the kitchen counter next to Mumbo while he was already dying for his time with Scar.
He expected a reaction then, watching his boyfriend eye the device even if it was face down. He had every reason to pick it up and hand it to Grian. He didn't. He just returned to assembling his sad ham and cheese sandwich so he could actually focus on the apparent exam he had for the next day. Grian grabbed his phone without sparing Mumbo the awkward glance.
[you have a missed call from idiot.]
idiot.
G
idiot.
Gri
idiot.
birdie please
idiot.
i want to see you
idiot.
cmon pretty please
me
you're pretty desperate for someone who wont break up with his boyfriend first
idiot.
have you broken up with mumbo?
me
touché, pretty boy
idiot.
please?
idiot.
i need to see you so bad G im gonna go crazy :(
me
okay
idiot.
i love you
me
shush
Grian sucked in a breath. Okay. "Hey Mumbo?"
Mumbo had moved to the couch, awkwardly curling his limbs in to fit on only one cushion, his sandwich in one hand and a digital copy of his study guide on his phone held in the other. He barely turned his head, watching Grian from his peripherals. "Yeah?"
"Pearl wanted me to grab her food from that night cafe near the theater, do you want anything?"
He prayed his voice didn't tremble or that his hands shook. Lying to Mumbo was one of those things that never got easier. He hated it. He needed to fix it. Tomorrow.
He'd do it tomorrow, after Mumbo's exam, where they could actually talk.
"I'm alright. Thanks though."
Grian nodded, turning to grab his keys from the holder that carried the blue parrot. He took the final deep breath he needed, grabbing the keys and bidding the quick farewell before doing everything to prevent rushing out the door. He felt like he'd only blinked by the time he was parked in his regular spot, doomscrolling a random app to kill the time for Scar to give Cub a solid excuse for his absence. Scar always took so long to do so, too busy trying to find the right words to not give himself away.
idiot.
coming
me
can i drive your truck
idiot.
wherr do you wsnt to gp?
me
stop texting and driving. id like it if you got here safe
idiot.
imgfgurcs
Grian leaned back into the seat, already feeling the stupid lovesick smile sitting on his face like it had the right to be there. He didn't move until he heard the familiar rumble of the truck, turning to watch Scar pull up next to him, hazards on as he stayed in the middle of the quiet road.
Grian stepped out of his car and rounded to the driver's side, the window already down and Scar staring at him expectantly. "So where we going?"
"The cafe near the theater."
"That's like your favorite place ever, I swear, G."
Scar did move over, using the leverage of the dashboard and seat to hoist himself over and into the passenger's seat with only minimal struggle. Grian was quick to swing open the driver door, untwisting the handheld connectors to free up the pedals and laying the parts into the holder along the door. There was something so… intimate… with driving Scar's rusted green truck. He didn't even let Cub drive it most days but somehow, Grian made the cut. The drive was almost silent except for Scar's quiet hums that pushed the truck's loud rumbling away from their bubble, a gentle hand resting on Grian's thigh that only occasionally moved down to his knee and back.
"Can we go to the empty lot?"
Grian almost jumped at Scar's voice but obliged, definitely curious about the request but not enough to ask. He pulled into the lot, finding the darkest corner to park into and turn to Scar, watching him take a breath and reach into his pocket.
Grian hated the way his heart sped up instead of dropping. "I thought we agreed."
"We don't have to," Scar rushed, gulping down his nerves. Grian almost laughed, staring at his own shaking hands instead of Scar's, the tan fingers holding a condom like a request. "I just— I wanted to see you so bad— I know we said we wouldn't but I- I wasn't thinking."
"I don't mind," Grian whispered it like a confession. It was a confession. "If you still want to, that is?"
He wasn't looking but he knew Scar was nodding, especially when Scar's hand gently fell back onto his thigh. "Yeah. I want to."
He hated how, at that moment, he hadn't even been thinking about Mumbo. The guilt of him didn't even cross his mind until he was sitting alone in the passenger seat while Scar decided to be the one to grab the food he'd initially set out to get. Maybe the silence is what reminded him of the poor man he lied to, or maybe it was the fact there was a small tremor in his thighs from what they did that had him thinking about everything that led him here.
He tried to ignore it. He'd rather wallow in his guilt when he wasn't alone, wrapped in Scar's solid black sweater in the passenger seat of Scar's truck after having sex with Scar. He wanted to ignore it so badly and save it for when he could plead for Mumbo to just tell him how much he hated him already.
Scar didn't seem like he was faring any better than Grian, returning several minutes later with almost an empty stare along with the bag of food in the hand he wasn't using his cane to support his weight with. He handed over the bag to Grian with shaking hands, unease screaming from him when he shifted into the driver's seat.
"You too?"
Scar nodded, forehead pressed against his steering wheel. The hesitation felt heavy until he spoke, voice raspy with emotions he was trying and failing to swallow down, "I didn't feel bad about it until I couldn't see you anymore. Then it hit."
"I hope they hate us."
Scar let out a choked noise but didn't argue, even when Grian saw the hurt cross his expression clear as day. Scar was too far in denial, consistently praying if he played his cards right he'd keep Cub close. Grian knew too well he was being impossible.
He didn't push like he knew he should, just allowing Scar's sweater to rest off his shoulders as he settled the container of soup Scar had ordered himself onto the center console for him to grab when he stopped self reflecting into the steering wheel. Grian busied himself with his own soup, more broth than noodles, sipping carefully to keep it from mixing poorly with his own emotions.
Scar finally made a move for his own soup, sitting up and grabbing it. His hands weren't shaking as badly but he was still frowning, eyes glossy with contemplative tears. He didn't open the container yet, staring at it for far too long of silence before letting out a soft sigh. "Grian?"
Grian turned immediately, attention caught by Scar in the saddest of heartbeats. His lips were caught in a soft kiss before he could question. It was short and far too gentle for the war going on in Scar's brain but he relished in it anyway, opening his eyes only when he was sure Scar had stopped peppering him with any more.
"I love you, birdie."
"I love you too."
They returned to their silence and Grian expected this one to last but Scar must've made up his mind about the situation. It was too late to be fed up with the guilt. "How are you feeling?"
Grian let himself ponder the question. What was he even meant to say? Guilty? He stared down at his lap for a moment before processing the fact his legs were no longer shaking when he set the warm soup container on top of his thighs. "Good. Stopped shaking while you were grabbing the soup."
"Sensitive," Scar teased, quiet and under his breath like he wasn't sure if he should keep pushing the topic. It was too late to be guilty.
"Shut up."
A beat of silence. Too late to be guilty.
"Not my fault you're so fun to tease."
"Whatever you say, pretty boy"
"And you're too pretty to be arguing with me about it."
Grian smiled into his soup as he brought his back to his lips, something that didn't quite reach his eyes and held more grimace than actual smile. He loved the banter more than anything, really. How was he supposed to play the words back without making a blow at both of their realities? They were going to have to go home soon.
Scar didn't savor the soup like Grian had, rather he took gulps and spoonfuls from it like making it disappear would make him forget about the night. Grian had only just finished sipping on the soup, throwing the finished container back into the bag as trash. The words fell from his lips on impulse, thoughts quicker than his brain could interpret to be an inside thought.
"If you could forget about tonight, would you?"
Scar hesitated. "No. No I wouldn't."
Grian sat back, sweater curled tight around him. "I wouldn't want to either."
me
can we talk when you get home?
Spoon
Of course
Spoon
Everything okay?
me
yeah
Mumbo chose to sit on the opposite end of the couch from him, fidgeting with the cuffs of his sleeves like Grian knew him to do when he was nervous. He couldn't call him out. He couldn't chicken out again. Not when last night was so fresh in his mind.
"Mumbo, I— I don't think we should be together anymore."
Mumbo only stared and Grian was quick to avoid the eye contact.
"I don't feel for you romantically anymore and I haven't for a while but I didn't know how to tell you and I think you should hate me."
There was a couple more seconds of painful silence where Grian waited to be yelled at or questioned or anything. There was only a loud sigh of something that sounded like relief.
"Oh, thank God, Grian. I couldn't do this anymore either."
What?
Grian's gaze shot up to Mumbo in a heartbeat, his face buried in his hands with the most relaxed shoulders Grian's seen Mumbo hold himself with in months. Mumbo's voice was muffled by his hands but clear enough to interpret, "You pulled away so long ago, dude. I've just been waiting for one of us to get the courage to say something and it wasn't going to be me." Finally, Mumbo looked up and Grian saw nothing but relief on his face. "You're with Scar, right?"
"And you don't hate me?"
"Hate you? No. Am I still upset with you? Honestly, mate, a little. You could've told me so long ago, dude. This could've been over with so long ago!"
"But—"
"I don't think a bone in my body could hate you, Grian."
Grian, frankly, wanted to scream. You should hate me with every fiber of your being, Mumbo. But he didn't. He only melted in utter relief of not losing his best friend.
"I'm sorry."
Sorry didn't make up for anything but Mumbo didn't seem to care, giving Grian a pat on the knee and getting up from the couch.
"You can sleep out here though."
Grian laughed at that, something genuine. They had separate rooms, though Grian's had been forgotten when they were still being affectionate. It was fair for him to accept though, especially when his forgotten room needed a clean anyway.
"I'll sleep out here for as long as you want me to Mumbo, I'd sleep in my car if you made me. I'd give up my part of the lease if you'd want me to leave, I wouldn't blame you."
"The couch is good enough for me," Mumbo laughed, still giving Grian the affectionate run of his fingers through his hair when he walked past him. That comforting motion outlasted their relationship anyway. "I'm still okay with you being here."
You should hate me. "Thank you, Mumbo"
"Tell Scar I said to take care of you."
Mumbo retreated to his own room, not a single bit of contempt found in any of his motions. Even his words were somehow more relaxed than they'd been in months. It felt all wrong.
me
Scar
me
I did it
me
he doesn't hate me for some reason
me
if anything he was relieved about it, and he knew about us. told me to tell you to make sure you take care of me
idiot.
i can definitely take care of you ;)
me
shut up
[you changed idiot. to Goodtimes<3]
Goodtimes<3
Love you too, birdie
me
you just love me because now you're thinking about last night
Goodtimes<3
are you trying to make me hard?
me
wouldn't be the first time i do that with barely teasing texts
Goodtimes <3
now calm down mister i am HOME
Goodtimes<3
see that, g? HOME. you know, where i cant be acknowledging you!
me
you're doing an awful lot of acknowledging
Goodtimes<3
👎
me
emoji reply? sounds like you have a hand busy
Goodtimes<3
im blocking you
me
am i right or am i right
Goodtimes<3
let me enjoy myself
me
loser <33
Goodtimes<3
👎❤️
Goodtimes<3
you suck
me
oh scar, you have to get me in your truck for that <3
Goodtimes<3
you are the worst
me
i love you, scar
Goodtimes<3
yeah yeah
Goodtimes<3
i love you too
The next time Scar and Grian met up was for class, pulling their seats close enough to touch and letting their whispers be masked kisses to the ear. It was nice to feel free for once. Grian hardly had a single thought about Mumbo, nothing quite making him nauseous when Scar used a moment where the professor's back was turned in order to lean in and kiss Grian's neck.
Then during the lecture break, Scar had moved a hand to Grian's knee. Always touching or reaching no matter what. Grian had given up wondering how much the guilt ate at Scar during the day long ago, choosing to bask in the affection from his unsaid boyfriend. It was something they couldn't say. The affection meant the world to him though and he leaned into every touch, reciprocated every kiss, and went along with every gentle tease. How Scar wasn't dying inside to initiate every behavior was beyond him.
Class was over far too fast between focusing on notes and trying to keep Scar's affection from becoming a background feeling. Trying to keep himself in the present and appreciate every single touch from the man who refused to do anything to allow him to exhibit the same affection outside of their one on ones.
They didn't move from their seats right away, pretending to be busy packing everything into their bags and chatting aimlessly about that cafe Grian loves so much until they had no choice but to move on. Scar didn't let him go just yet, taking his hand and pulling him back in before he could step away.
"Cub wanted to go see the firework testing show going on tonight, told me it's okay to invite some of our friends to come along. Do you and Mumbo want to come?"
Grian hesitated. The last time Scar had extended an invitation from Cub, it'd been for another party and Mumbo hadn't tagged along. Between Scar bouncing between his two lovers and Grian seemingly idling without even interacting with Pearl much, Cub had practically stared into his soul the whole night with some calculating look that made him shiver. "So I can watch you pretend to be normal with Cub?"
"Please?"
Grian knew he wanted to go. Scar wanted him to go. He gave in. "I'll ask Mumbo what he thinks, he'll keep me busy for the night so don't worry about Cub watching me too hard again."
Scar released his hold on his hand, relief falling over his expression. "Thank you."
Grian only nudged him with his elbow so they could leave.
Mumbo didn't hesitate to agree, strange but he was pretty sure Mumbo was just pushing him and Scar closer together now that he had the chance to confirm what had been happening this whole time. Grian couldn't complain.
He had definitely underestimated how cold it was going to be though, having decided on only some long sleeve shirt that he swore would block out the soft breeze. Somehow his brain never caught up on fireworks typically being near water which meant the colder lake breeze would have it out for him. He tried not to draw attention to it but he did stand there with Mumbo furiously rubbing at his arms for a minute to help the circulation before giving up and finding their spot not too far from where Scar stood enthusiastically talking with Cub.
They tried not to hover, greeting the pair with a wave and promptly ignoring the way Scar's smile got even wider at the sight of Grian. He tried to not let his heart beat out of control— he failed. Waving to Cub almost felt like a crime then, especially when the other man seemed excited to see them there.
Grian faintly remembered the text he'd gotten from Cub a couple hours before about the event, how he'd totally had not been a part of the project of these test fireworks meant to have longer trails and better shaped displays. Grian would be lying if he said the idea wasn't cool, it made sense for Cub to be excited more people wanted to see the project. It made his double motive even more embarrassing and he was quick to stand even closer to Mumbo even if most of their friends already knew of the break up.
He stayed with Mumbo for the entire night really, never wandering out of line. His arms stayed tight around his upper body to prevent the shivering when the night got colder. Mumbo could only do so much but Grian appreciated the effort anyway, trying to zone out the fact Cub was wearing a zip up sweater with distinct orange and blue sleeves that couldn't belong to anyone but Scar. He hated how jealous he felt.
It wasn't until the actual first few fireworks went up that anything changed. With Cub's attention caught by the project, Scar had slipped away, first heading towards the cooler with sodas and the handful of alcoholic drinks Impulse and Skizz had brought. He didn't grab anything from a cooler though, actually reaching for the contents of a bag behind them before redirecting his path to Grian and Mumbo.
Grian wanted to pretend he wasn't staring but Scar had already seen him looking so he simply held eye contact, occasionally catching the reflected colors of the fireworks in the silver metal of Scar's cane. "Hi," Grian greeted, albeit pretty lamely.
Scar responded the same. "Hello there."
They stood with an air of silence for a bit too long, trying to find a proper way to interact with some of their friends surrounding them and Cub being not too far behind. Mumbo cleared his throat.
"Oh! Grian, here." A soft black material was practically shoved into his arms and it didn't take much unbundling to figure out it was a sweater— A solid black sweater that smelled like detergent and Scar. "You looked cold and— and I.. I"
"You brought an extra one to give to me because you knew Cub would take the first one," Grian finished, not bitterly, but definitely with a bit more complicated emotions than he wanted in his words.
"It's just a black one… No one will know it's mine except you and Mumbo."
"Figured," Grian breathed. Pulling the sweater on felt familiar and when he shifted, it slid off his shoulders even with the friction from his shirt underneath. "Scar. Is this the same—"
"Yeah. I wanted it to be this one but I had to wash it so it wouldn't… uh…" He trailed off and it wasn't hard to see the awkward tension hanging off of him. So it wouldn't smell like the truck and that night, Grian filled in himself. It was smart. Grian was known for stealing clothes from almost all of his friends but this was different— this wasn't something he came with, this was something deliberately gifted.
"I get it. Thank you, Scar."
Scar relaxed, the softest love filled smile being directed at Grian. It took everything in him to not kiss the man senseless right there, fortunately Grian had enough self control to hold back.
"You can give it back next time we're together, okay?"
Grian nodded and Scar reached out just enough to brush his fingers over his cheek before turning back towards the coolers. If Cub's attention had really just stayed on the fireworks, he definitely thought Scar had come from the little bathroom building behind the coolers, especially when he returned with a soda in hand that he passed to Cub.
Grian didn't let himself stare, pulling the sweater tight around himself and watching the stunning fireworks. The sweater itself wasn't the thickest thing meant to block out the cold breeze, but it was still an extra thicker layer from Scar that made him feel warm. He tucked a hand into a sleeve, bringing it to his nose to inhale the smell of comfort. His phone buzzed, just once.
Goodtimes<3
you look cute
Grian knew they never stayed away from each other for very long, too drawn by affection and adrenaline. Maybe the week of limited interactions after the firework show was some sort of test to see who'd be the first to step in, Grian who knew Cub was still in the picture, or Scar who was still dating Cub with no sign of anything wrong. It was almost unnerving how quick Scar was to praise him with affection while still looking at Cub like he was his everything. Even with the same love sick idiot, the stares between Grian and Cub felt so similar yet different, so loving yet so restrained between them.
That didn't stop him from feeling giddy at every text. Every request to meet up made his heart race more than he still felt was allowed.
Goodtimes<3
cafe tonight?
Goodtimes<3
no soup please
Goodtimes<3
hot chocolate and movies in the back of jellie truck
Goodtimes<3
on me
Goodtimes<3
ill let you drive my truck back
me
depends what movie
Goodtimes<3
you're going to say no
me
ill be there in an hour
Everything was like it usually was. Grian still had to wait in his car and Scar picked him up while they drove in their usual silence. There were a couple extra affectionate glances when Scar noticed the black sweater hanging off Grian's shoulders but they continued to stay quiet until they parked. Grian was the one to get out this time, taking Scar's debit card— he offered to pay, after all— and ordering the hot cocoas from the cafe Grian loved so much.
It was a small thing with just an order window in the front and another spot where their drinks were set out for them to grab. It felt strangely peaceful to get back to the truck, pushing the passenger seat forward to get into the back seat with Scar. It was strange to be here without his side of the guilt eating him alive. It was easy to breathe.
Scar nursed his hot chocolate, leaning forward to click through tabs on his laptop resting on the center console. "Okay, so, we have Disney movies and Star Wars of course but I know you like Pokemon cards but I didn't know if you liked the anime so I just downloaded the first movie too."
Grian couldn't help the giggle he let out into his hot chocolate, pulling it away from his lips to look at Scar's soft smile as he continued to bring up his files with all the downloaded movies. "That sounds good. We're not watching all of them though, I hope you know this."
"I know, I know! But options, Grian! There's a ton to choose from!"
Grian sat back, allowing Scar to scoot in closer to him so that their legs were touching. It was comforting. "You know what, put whatever you want for now. I just want to spend time with you."
Scar practically beamed at this, reaching forwards and rambling off lore and facts as he clicked through various movies before deciding on clicking on the first Star Wars movie and leaning back into the seat, wrapping an arm around Grian which earned him an amused glance. "Wow if I didn't know you any better I would've assumed this is an elaborate ploy to get in my pants."
Scar spluttered next to him, almost lurching forward in shock. "Wasn't my plan," He defended, pinching Grian's waist where he hadn't moved his other hand yet, "But can't say there wasn't the thought."
"Of course there was, don't tell me you really prepared for that?"
Scar seemed to still for a second before setting his hot chocolate between his feet on the floor and reaching into his pocket. Grian didn't let him get away with pulling out the condom he knew he had, grabbing his wrist and holding. "Alright, I don't need the proof. Not tonight, okay?"
Scar made some sort of embarrassed croak before managing to slither his hand out from Grian's grasp. "That's fine I just— Wanted to be prepared, you know?"
Grian let the laugh bubble up, sitting back into the seat properly once more. Despite the teasing and embarrassment on Scar's end, he felt warm with affection. Of knowing Scar felt that much for him every single time. "Sure, cause you totally weren't going to make a move on me tonight."
"Can I not just enjoy your presence without being judged for having other thoughts!"
Grian hummed teasingly, pushing his shoulder into Scar's chest and forcing him to fall silent when he leaned back into the seat. He grabbed Scar's hot chocolate from off the floor, handing it back to him before returning to their comfortable half cuddling position. "No judgement here."
Everything was going too well for too long. After the movie, it was only natural for them to turn to each other and give into affection. They didn't go as far as Scar probably had planned but that was okay with both of them, just kissing in the back seat until their lips were swollen and Grian had been left with enough bruises and bites to make up for all the ones Scar couldn't leave in the past. The sweater had been tugged off of him long ago, allowing him to properly give it back to Scar when he fixed his shirt when they decided it was time to go home.
Grian was allowed to drive Scar's truck back to his car just as promised, always sitting in loving silence between locations. Instead of Scar hopping over the center console, he got out for once, leaning on the truck to meet Grian at the driver's side.
Grian waited for him, carefully taking his hand once close enough, playful glint in his eyes. "Yes?"
"I'm going to talk to Cub this weekend."
Grian's smile fell, not out of anything negative, of course not, but stunned at the conviction. Scar hadn't once said it with so much confidence or clarity. This time it felt like a promise.
"Really?"
There wasn't a beat of silence to show any hesitance for once, only Scar leaning in enough they could share the air between them.
"Yeah."
And Scar kissed him. It was much gentler than any of the kisses they shared in the truck, soft and sweet against his lips. When Scar pulled away, another kiss was pressed to his forehead. "I love you."
Grian beamed back, "I love you too, Scar. Tell him. You got this. Get home safe okay?"
He was met with a wink, "Of course."
And if Grian sat in his car, head pressed against his steering wheel while kicking his feet like a giddy schoolgirl was for him to know. Smiling into the air like everything was going to be perfect. He wanted everything to work out again.
Goodtimes<3
Grnan
Goodtimes<3
I fuckdd up
me
what happened??
Goodtimes<3
Cub saaw us
Goodtimes<3
he knows
me
oh Scar
me
do you need me to pick you up?
Goodtimes<3
oleasee
me
ill be there in 15
Scar was silent the entire way to Grian's apartment, pinching at his wrist or occasionally pressing at the slowly darkening bruise along the bridge of his nose where Grian swatted him away from several times. He wasn't really reacting to anything and Grian avoided touching him too much in case it wasn't what he wanted, focusing on getting him to his apartment's parking lot and up to his apartment.
Grian was fortunate enough to have cleaned his room before this, even if he was still sleeping on the couch as some sort of too long apology to Mumbo. He settled Scar onto the edge of his bed, finding the man staring up at him with watery eyes. His heart jumped to his throat, his own vision going blurry as he fought down sympathetic tears for how absolutely crushed Scar looked.
"Oh, Scar."
Scar's sudden hiccup betrayed the lack of tears falling yet, lips wobbling as he spoke, "Grian… Grian, he hates me."
"I know. I told you he would, love."
Scar only sadly nodded, leaning forward to rest his forehead on Grian's stomach. Grian ran his fingers through his partner's hair, gentle and patient. There was a muffled voice, wobbly with tears, "Can you tell me how stupid I was? Honestly. Don't comfort me."
He inhaled sharply through his nose. "We were stupid. We were idiots, we wouldn't slow down our lives to acknowledge the people we were hurting. I think I decided I loved you more than I loved what I poured all my effort into. We were dumb and cruel. We are dumb and cruel. Cub should hate you. He should hate me too. Mumbo should hate us but he's too much of an idiot to think about what I did wrong. They should hate us and they have every right to hate us and we're never fixing it, okay? They have every single right to hate us more than anything, okay?"
Scar stayed silent, Grian carefully massaging his scalp as some sort of grounding motion while Scar collected his thoughts.
"I love him."
"I know."
Scar let out a shaky breath that tugged at Grian's heart. "But I love you as well."
Grian pulled Scar's face up to look at him, finding a dark bruise centered on the bridge of his nose among the tear tracks and wobbly lips. He leaned in, his forehead against Scar's, his skin was a bit too hot with the blood rushing to the probably sore injury. "I know you do."
Scar's hands found Grian's shirt, clinging tighter than he'd ever done before. His tears remained silent except for the sniffles and broken gasps in his attempt to breathe. They didn't move for hours.
By the time Scar's tears were up and he was leaning into Grian from exhaustion, Grian could catch the faint sunrise past his blinds. The soft light was not enough to brighten the room but there was just enough to convince Grian to move from his position, back and knees sore from where he'd locked himself into place. "Do you want me to leave you alone for a while?"
The defeated man only shook his head, fingers still tight on the fabric of Grian's shirt. There was a couple minutes where Grian tried to think, he had planned on showering before everything— That's what he'd do. Maybe Scar would want to share the space that way, never parting but allowing him to be at least somewhat productive.
"Do you want to shower with me then?"
Scar nodded, slow and almost hesitant. Grian's heart ached at the sight. Scar deserved it, Grian deserved it. Cub should hate them, it was the most reasonable reaction they could've gotten. That didn't make seeing Scar so shut down and destroyed any easier on his love stricken heart.
It was disorienting to deal with Scar in such a state, having to be the one to do everything without much of a response. Sometimes Grian had to check if Scar was even blinking with how zoned out his stare was. Even moving Scar into the shower stream didn't bring him back to the present and it was heart breaking. He didn't want comfort and Grian didn't think he could give any without lying straight to his face anyways.
It was all he could do to help Scar actually shower and take care of himself lest the dissociated state he found himself in stopped him from doing so. Grian's hands stayed gentle throughout but even an accidental bump to the ear gave no response.
"Scar," Grian called, cradling the man's face in his palms. Scar's eyes moved to him slowly, like he was looking straight through him. He hated that distant stare in Scar. He needed him back. "I'm not asking you to not be sad but I am asking you to be present. It's going to hurt but I need you here right now. Please."
Scar nodded but it was clear he only partially understood what was asked. It was still better, finally allowing him some sort of movement and response to the touches and words directed at him. He even offered to wash Grian's hair which was already more than what he was expecting from the barely functioning state, somehow using it to keep him grounded enough to not resort to hiding back in his spiraling thoughts.
With the both of them properly cleaned up, Grian focused on his next task. Getting them dressed. He didn't mind lending Scar his things, it was more of a gamble of them actually fitting. Between him and Mumbo, Mumbo had the height but not the bulk and Grian was toned, not bulky. It was unnecessarily difficult to find anything clean to give Scar for the night on a whim.
Finding a stolen shirt was a life saver, able to give Scar's stolen shirt back to him and stretchy pajama pants that fortunately didn't fit him too awkwardly. They retired to Grian's bed where he tucked Scar's head to his chest, scratching his short nails along the back of his neck while the other wrapped his arms around his midsection. It was easier to fall asleep that way, buried against Grian where reality wouldn't get him. Grian fell asleep only once assured Scar was.
Pearlo
Hey Grian
Pearlo
What the fuck were you thinking
Pearlo
Door better be unlocked
Grian didn't like that threat one bit but what was he supposed to do? They'd stayed away from their friend group for the past 2 days and Mumbo attempted to damage control for them, not that Grian had much hope for Mumbo anyway. He didn't think they'd get very far but having Pearl be the first one confronting him was terrifying in every way and he found himself hiding from the door in Scar's embrace on the couch.
The man was drawing sad hearts and cat shapes onto Grian's back with his finger, whispering something about missing Jellie but being still too scared to go get her. He hoped Cub wouldn't do anything to hurt her— not as in harm her, Cub would never never do such a thing, more likely hand her to Impulse or Cleo or someone where she didn't remind Cub of Scar and disrupt the poor cat's daily routines to the point of possible distress — in an emotion driven state but he didn't seem to worry too much about that aspect as much as he was worried about his belongings that had yet to be grabbed. Jellie would be physically safe and he knew it but that didn't stop the endless lamenting over her whereabouts.
Mumbo had been perfectly fine with Scar's sudden presence, a bit confused at first, but it didn't take much figuring out when there were several of their friends texting him to talk assuming he didn't know about the situation. Somehow, letting them know that he and Grian had been broken up for a couple weeks already made the uproar worse. It was like everything Mumbo said seemed to reflect on him badly despite being the one that actually broke up with his partner for this.
He tried not to jump when Pearl did show up, breaking into the apartment with way too much force and way too loud of a call for him. When she must've seen the bundle of him and Scar on the couch, she didn't say any coherent words, only a loud scoff that had Grian burying his face into Scar's chest. Scar still wasn't talking much outside of quiet whispers so his silence and shaky breaths when Pearl approached was expected but still disorienting. It almost hurt for him to not have anything to say when Pearl had grabbed her brother's arm and pulled at him.
"Come on. You're not hiding out here forever, let's go."
He didn't know what he expected from the trip but it was quick that Pearl only had one goal in mind when driving to the cafe parking lot and just tearing at him for being so stupid to everyone around him. How it was so blatantly disrespectful for him to use her as his alibi, how she's lied for him thinking he was just pranking people or surprising them like normal. He knew he deserved it but it didn't make it hurt less, especially when she claimed the outing was supposed to be to scream at him for being a homewrecker but ended up being for herself too. She didn't do much more than what she thought he deserved from her and he decided to grab those stupid guilt soups from the cafe while they were there and did his best to ignore the staff blatantly trying to not look at him.
He didn't cry. Not yet at least. He waited until Pearl dropped him off and was actually gone, he waited until he was back up to his apartment, he waited until Scar saw him. Somehow his state broke Scar out of his depressive trance, watching him practically lurch up into a sitting position to watch Grian set those soups down on the counter.
"Hey," Scar greeted, having gotten up from his spot to set a hand on Grian's back.
"Hey." Grian didn't like how hollow his voice was, how it sounded like he was trying not to feel. He knew he deserved it.
"She was really mad, huh?"
"She beat me up both for herself and for Cub, so yeah, pretty mad."
Scar let a hand come up to Grian's face, gently turning him to look at him. It was embarrassing really, watching Scar's eyes look over every injury with concern. Part of Grian knew she could've done worse.
"She actually attacked you?"
"I kinda let her."
"That doesn't make it better."
"I think I deserved worse actually."
Scar frowned, head tilting just a little while he contemplated arguing against the sentiment. He didn't though, just ran his thumb over Grian's busted top lip gently. "I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry too."
Scar pressed a gentle kiss to every injury, aggravating some with the pressure but Grian sure wouldn't complain. Not when they've been reasonably shunned from their friend group and the love he gave everything for was right in front of him. He tried not to cry when Scar pressed his lips to his broken ones, kiss gentle and so light, he almost wasn't sure it was there at all. He tried to muster up any semblance of his typical playful humor but all it did was fall out broken and teary. "We can be proper boyfriends now, Scar."
Scar didn't laugh and Grian didn't expect him to, but he did give the saddest smile, thumb running over Grian's bruised cheek with a kind of reverence meant for someone worth it.
"Yeah. We can."