Chapter Text
Changing…
Changing is incredibly difficult, especially for someone like Riddle. A perfect person who had always lived by strict rules couldn’t just become “normal” in a single evening. No matter how much his friends tried to explain things to him or give him advice, he simply couldn’t stop worrying about every tiny thing that went out of order. The constant emptiness in his chest, sharp like knives, never seemed to let him go. Of course, he had made progress since his overblot, but that didn’t erase the fact that it wasn’t enough. He simply didn’t understand what it meant, to live without rules, without a destiny written for you, and just go with the flow. Every time others said they weren’t sure about their future, yet didn’t seem too worried about it, Riddle would shiver. Living without knowing what comes next, this thought terrified him no less than any curse.
Everything in his life was predetermined, planned down to the tiniest detail.
However… did he even like the future his mother had written for him?
He had understood long ago that he needed to do something about it, and he knew perfectly well that if he wanted to be happy, he would eventually have to go against his mother. But understanding that didn’t magically give him an answer. He didn’t know what he wanted. He had never tried anything, never understood his own desires.
With these thoughts swirling in his head, he couldn’t fall asleep and decided to sit in the garden instead. The evening was cool, calming his anxiety just a little. Riddle sat there, holding a hedgehog in his hands, his mind finally empty after so much exhausting overthinking.
“Riddle?”
Riddle frowned at the intruder interrupting his peace.
“Why aren’t you asleep, Trey? I currently have every right to take your head for breaking curfew.”
“Well, then we’ll both lose our heads, haha.”
Trey laughed awkwardly and sat beside him.
“You haven’t been yourself lately. Did something happen?”
Riddle hated looking pitiful in front of others. The desire to send Trey away,or simply leave himself, grew stronger with every second. But isn’t that what friends are for? To share your worries?
In the end, that thought won.
“I don’t understand what I want.”
“What do you mean? What do you want right now? I can make you a strawberry pie, I still have some…”
“I’m not talking about food! I mean my future.”
“You wanted to be a doctor, didn’t you?”
“My mother wants that. But do I want it? I’m not sure…”
“Riddle, you don’t have to follow your mother in everything. If you don’t want to be a doctor, then don’t.”
“That’s the problem, I don’t know who I want to be. I want to do everything right, but how am I supposed to do things right if I’m not following her orders anymore?”
“You don’t have to do everything right in life. We’re human. We make mistakes. That’s normal.”
“I feel sick just thinking about making a mistake.”
“You need to learn to stop being a perfectionist. You need to learn to make mistakes—and to make your own decisions, even if they aren’t perfect.”
“How? I still don’t understand how people live knowing they can mess up.”
Silence hung between them as Trey seemed to think about something.
“I get it! You need to learn how to make mistakes.”
“What!? I’m trying to figure out what to do with my life, not get expelled!”
“No, no, that’s not what I mean. You need to start making imperfect choices. Start small. Do something that doesn’t matter too much, something a little unpleasant, and see that nothing terrible happens. Then you’ll understand that making mistakes and trying things that aren’t ‘perfect’ is completely normal.”
Riddle blinked at him several times.
“It sounds like nonsense… but there’s something in it.”
“I told you, you’ll be fi…”
Riddle suddenly jumped up from the bench and declared loudly:
“You know what, Trey? I’ll try your advice! I’ll prove I can overcome my perfectionism and finally figure out what I want!”
“R-Riddle! I’m glad you’re enthusiastic, but still—it’s nighttime!”
Realizing what he’d just done, Riddle’s face turned bright red.
“W-well yes! What are you doing here this late? Go to bed before I take your head!”
And Riddle hurried back to his room to think over his friend’s advice.
During the next few days, Riddle started slowly following Trey’s suggestions. He stopped obeying some of the Queen’s rules, like: running to Octavinelle whenever it rained, eating hamburgers on Thursdays, grooming flamingos only in pink attire, and so on, no matter how difficult it was for him.
But still, something was missing. It felt like he needed something else, something he couldn’t quite name.
One lazy day, he decided to visit the library and read some professional psychology literature, hoping the advice he found there would help.
He spotted the book he needed, but it was too high up. He went to get a ladder. Just as he almost grabbed it, someone tall snatched it faster.
“Goldfish, did you lose something~?”
Floyd. Out of all people. Why did he always run into this eel?
“Floyd, give the book back.”
“That’s no fun. Let’s play.”
“I’m not going to…”
Riddle sighed. Based on his experience, trying to argue was useless; it would only cost him nerves and time. He decided to just look for another book.
Floyd stared at him in confusion. Never before had he failed to provoke Riddle into a meltdown. He didn’t like this at all. Not only was he dying of boredom, but his favorite toy wasn’t reacting.
So he came up with a more twisted idea.
He blocked Riddle’s path with the book.
“Haha, fine. I’m not in the mood to play today either. Here, take it.”
Riddle looked at him with confusion but took the book anyway and walked toward a table.
Naturally, Floyd followed.
Riddle opened the book and began reading.
“Hey, Goldfish. You got anyone?”
Riddle ignored him.
“Haha, thought so. No one can handle such a cute little tyrant like you.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Oh, you know. Who would put up with someone as adorable and bossy as you?”
“That’s none of your business.”
They sat in silence for a moment.
“Has anyone ever told you how pretty your hair is?”
Riddle lifted the book just a bit, as if hiding his face.
Bingo. The fun begins.
“Oooh, Goldfish~ You blush at compliments. Since we started, your eyes are beautiful too. Like ocean waves.”
Riddle’s hands tensed. Observing that bootlicker Jade finally paid off, Floyd thought, amused.
“And your smile is adorable. You’re a total cutie. I’ve always admired your discipline and determination, too.”
Riddle tried to ignore him, thinking Floyd was just joking around.
“I’d be so happy if I had a partner like you,” Floyd said sadly.
“Though wait, maybe I can make my dream come true.”
He lowered Riddle’s book with his finger.
With a bright-red face and furrowed brows, Riddle stared at the eel.
“Goldfish, wanna date me?”
…
That day, the library was full of noise.
Floyd did manage to push Riddle into a meltdown—and was absolutely thrilled about it.
He had found a new way to tease his Goldfish. Wasn’t that wonderful? So much fun to be had.
Riddle was walking down the hallway after classes when Floyd suddenly appeared in front of him.
“Hey, Goldfish~ You look gorgeous today.”
Riddle almost got angry but managed to compose himself.
“Floyd, I’m not in the mood for your games. Stop joking around.”
He quickly walked away, and Floyd immediately followed.
“But I’m serious. I really like you, Goldfishie ~”
Riddle ignored him and sped up.
Floyd caught up again, leaning down playfully.
“You know, you looked even prettier in your queen’s outfit. You should wear it tomorrow, I’d be so happy. Maybe you’ll think about my offer? We’d make such a good couple~”
That was enough. Riddle exploded as usual, his face matching his hair.
Typical yelling, threats, and futile attempts to chase Floyd down and punch that stupid grin off his face.
And so it continued for weeks. Two or three times a week, Floyd would annoy him with his ridiculous “flirting,” and for some reason Riddle kept reacting to it. Maybe he really needed calming medication.
“Maybe he actually likes you, Riddle. Honestly, I can understand him,” Cater said with a smile.
“Don’t talk nonsense, Cater.”
“If he’s bothering you too much, I could talk to Jade abou…”
“Trey, I’m not a child. I don’t need someone to defend me. It’s not even a big problem. He’s always bothered me, he just found a new way to do it.”
He ended the topic with a sigh.
After that conversation, a fleeting thought flashed in Riddle’s mind.
Likes me…? What nonsense.
He immediately pushed it away and never returned to it.
It truly wasn’t a big problem. Riddle barely thought about these incidents.
He had more important things to worry about: classes, prefect duties, friends, his purpose, and… his mother.
That was the hardest subject in his entire life. He’d always had a difficult relationship with her. As a child, he craved love, real, warm, unconditional love. He often saw other families, where mothers loved their children just because they were their children. He never understood why he had to earn that love.
“Why am I so awful? I’m making Mom unhappy. I have to try harder.”
That was what his young mind decided: if he became perfect, she would love him.
And for a while… he even liked it. His mother finally accepted him, if you could call that love. But after everything that happened, after his overblot, all the gears fell into place.
He had been just a child. He didn’t deserve such treatment.
He hadn’t done anything wrong. He didn’t owe her perfection or blind obedience to her ridiculous rules.
And after that realization, a new and powerful emotion began to grow, an emotion that had been forming for years, waiting to break free.
Hatred.
All-consuming hatred.
He hated his mother with every fiber of his being. He could barely stand being near her or hearing her voice. He hated the way she treated him.
He hated her for taking away his childhood, for every scream and humiliation he had endured.
But at the same time, he hated himself for feeling this way.
How could he hate his dear mother, who had done so much for him? She had raised him alone, juggling work and the household. His father was always away on business trips , Riddle now understood why he ran from home so often, but still.
She had a difficult life. She tried her best.
But many mothers had difficult lives and didn’t tyrannize their children…
Ugh. Enough. Riddle hated all of these thoughts and feelings. None of it mattered right now.
He tried to distract himself with a book when his phone rang.
“Mother”
How ironic. He laughed bitterly.
“Riddle, how are your studies?”
“As perfect as always.”
He tried to keep a friendly tone, his mother despised even the slightest hint of dissatisfaction. But lately, it was getting harder and harder.
“Good. You’re still keeping your room clean? You look neat? Clothes not worn out?”
“Yes, Mom, everything’s fine.”
“Good. I have wonderful news for you.”
That’s new, Riddle thought nervously.
“Yes?”
“You’re finishing college soon. A position has already been prepared for you in my hospital. You can start working immediately after graduation.”
Yes, we’ve discussed this before, Riddle thought.
“And after you begin working, you’ll need to start a family. Good partners are rare these days, so I took care of that as well.”
“What?”
“I found you a suitable girl. From a respectable family, good grades, also a future doctor. Couldn’t be a better match.”
Riddle’s hands began to sweat. Keeping a calm tone was becoming impossible.
“Mom…”
Silence.
“Yes? Are you not happy?”
“Do you remember our conversation during winter break…?”
Riddle managed to say through a shaking voice.
“Remember!? Of course I remember when you hurt my feelings!”
“I didn’t want to hurt you, Mom, please… I was just trying to make our relationship better, so you’d underst…”
“Understand YOU!? What is there to understand!? Poor little you, couldn’t go to that green idiot and eat garbage, mommy is so awful, she humiliated you your whole childhood…”
“I never said you humiliated me!”
“Don’t raise your voice at me! Do you think you’re talking to your classmates!? I spent my whole life on you, never rested, taught you, cooked perfect meals for you, so you could grow into an ungrateful brat telling me what I did wrong! Should’ve left your education alone, should’ve let you be ‘free’! Should’ve abandoned you completely! Maybe then you’d appreciate…”
“Mom, please, I don’t mean that. I’m talking about the girl. I’m grateful for everything you’ve done for me, but don’t you think this is too much?”
“So you haven’t even seen her yet and you’re already complaining!? Sorry your mother is trying to secure your future so you don’t end up with some drug addict! Though I get it, it’s because I chose her. I always make bad decisions, don’t I…”
And it went on.
For a very long time.
As usual.
Riddle had stopped counting.
He listened quietly, there was no point in arguing. Interrupting would only make it worse.
He used his typical strategy: listen until she was done, then say:
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
And she immediately hung up.
Riddle clenched his phone and barely stopped himself from throwing it against the wall.
He grabbed a pillow and screamed into it as loudly as he could.
Then he sat on his bed, empty-minded, staring at the wall.
And then - eureka.
He finally understood what mistake he needed to make.
If his mother wanted him to have the perfect partner…
then he would find himself the perfectly wrong one.
Well, perfect in his own way.
The craziest idea came to him.
He would accept Floyd’s confession.
If only to spite his mother
it was the perfect solution.