Work Text:
The Ninjago City sidewalks are all but bare as I trudge through the wet mounds of slush towards the ramshackle apartment I’ve called home for the past month. Cold rain slips down the back of my neck and drips from my soaked bangs, but I don’t even blink. Rain doesn’t feel the same anymore.
A car whooshes past, throwing up a spray of mushy snow and water, and I scowl at the retreating taillights. My legs itch to run after it and give the driver a few choice words that would certainly get me a heated lecture from Mom, but the car is too far ahead now for me to catch it. Instead, I aggressively shove my hands further into my coat pockets and march on, the swirling heat in my chest warming me up a little.
After a bit of walking, my attention is captured by red and blue lights reflecting off the wet pavement, and I slow to a stop, peering up at the neon sign flickering above me. The image of a jousting knight astride a charging horse sits above the name of the establishment. Knight’s Club and Bar. Laughter and music echoes from inside, promising joy to those who are alone this Christmas Eve.
My throat burns and my knuckles throb at the memory of a young man, having recently lost a brother to Evil itself, trying to wash away his tears with the bottle and disguise his wounded heart with bloody fists. Those memories, once so far away, come back with a vengeance, and with them, the pain of loss. The pain of watching someone give themselves up, when you pledged your life to protect them.
I step closer to the entrance, backing up again when a group of young adults stagger out of the building. Arms over shoulders and flushed cheeks spread into wide smiles, the friends start down the sidewalk, laughing and squealing as the rain hits them.
“Hey! Where’s Ryan?” one of them shouts.
“He and Jessica were going to his place.”
A chorus of “ooh’s” and a “lucky” ring out, followed by giggles and more excited chatter as they slowly vanish down the street.
In the brief moment where the door had opened, a wave of warmth and laughter had spilled out and wrapped around me. Even from outside, the sharp tang of alcohol had stung my nose and tickled my dry throat.
I lick my lips and once again step up to the door, my feet numb from the bone cold despite my thick boots. My hand reaches out to take the handle and stops.
“Where’s your honor, Kai? Where’s your Fire?”
Lloyd’s voice echoes in my head, smaller but no less determined. He’d pulled me out of the lowest pit I’ve probably ever dug for myself and called me not to lose sight of who I am. Called me not to let my Fire die out but to let it flare stronger.
Setting my jaw, I let my hand fall back into my pocket and continue walking.
I clump into my apartment, wrinkling my nose as it adjusts to the musty smell after the fresh scent of rain. By habit, I leave my soaked boots and coat beside the door, even though I couldn’t care less if mud and water gets tracked through the place. It’d probably be an improvement, actually.
Fishing the microwave lasagna I bought yesterday out of the mini fridge in the corner, I slap it onto a plate and stick it in to heat up. I growl as I punch in the wrong number on the timer, resetting it so my dinner won’t come out as a burnt crisp. Stupid thing.
I watch the plate slowly spin, the hum of the microwave a decent distraction from the gaping hole in my heart. I kill any thoughts that try to gain a foothold, content to enjoy the numbness. It’s better than the alternative.
I pop the microwave open before the timer hits zero, grabbing the plate without even bothering with hand protection, and relocate to the folding table a few paces away. The heavy silence is again broken as I cut into the lasagna and bring it to my mouth. I grimace. Cold and bland. Perfect.
My dinner (if one could even call it that) is interrupted when my phone chirps, and I pull it out of my back pocket, tapping in my password to read the full text.
Patty Keys- Good news! The deal for your martial arts studio has been finalized! Will bring over the paperwork and keys after New Year’s!
I type out a quick, courteous thank you before backing out to the message menu. Right below Patty’s contact, the team group chat displays the latest text from two weeks ago, and my thumb numbly taps the message to read again.
cake 🍰- Just wanted to let you guys know that we’re having a little get-together Christmas Eve
GREMLIN 👹- Thanks Cole. I’ll think about it
wat do u want ⚡️- can’t
wat do u want ⚡️- got plans
cake 🍰- Ok
cake 🍰- Let me know if any of you guys are gonna make it
After that…nothing.
I shut off my phone and stare into my cold lasagna as though it holds the key to everything. After swallowing the lump in my throat, I shove my chair back and head for my bedroom, the only enclosed space in the apartment.
The smell of weeks old sweat hits my nose, but I simply flop face-first onto my bed. It’s dark, the glow from the streetlights outside barely trickling in through the crusty blinds, but there’s enough light to illuminate the photo stand sitting on the stack of cardboard boxes by my pillow. I gaze at it through the tears gathering behind my eyes, my head pounding.
Nya’s cheeky smirk shimmers in the dim light from the window and, if I stare at it for too long, seems to grow. Her hair moves in rhythmic waves around her face. Her eyes shine with the brains she loves to tease me for missing out on. She seems alive.
But she’s not. Or maybe she is. I don’t know anymore. I only know she’s gone. She’s gone…and she’s not coming back.
The first few tears slip down my nose, and I press my face into my pillow to stifle the painful sob that follows. The truth twists like a knife in my chest and fuels the wet cries I scream into the pillow.
I’ve never been without my little sister. Sure, she’s been kidnapped and separated from me, but there was always that hope that we’d see each other again. There was never the finality that I’d felt when she’d plunged into the water.
For as long as I can remember, she’s been my everything, the cornerstone of my world, but without her, my world is crumbling apart. And I can only stand to the side and watch it come crashing down.
Tears don’t feel the same anymore. Nothing does.
END