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“Hyung, if you keep staring like that, those stars in your eyes will burn bright enough to become a second sun,” Jimin whispered.
“Hm?” Yoongi asked, drawing his attention away from Hoseok, who sat on the opposite side of the teacher’s lounge talking to Taehyung. He looked at Jimin. “What did you say?”
Jimin snorted. “That’s what I thought. You should probably stop staring, unless you want Hoseok-ssi to notice.”
Yoongi’s cheeks warmed, yet he still found his gaze pulled back to Hoseok. Hoseok tipped back, laughing animatedly at something Taehyung said. His laughter was contagious enough that Yoongi realized he was smiling, too. When Jimin huffed a laugh beside him, he cleared his throat and forced his face into a frown.
“You were childhood best friends, right?” Jimin asked, his voice still a whisper.
“Mm,” Yoongi confirmed with a slight nod. He’d grown up with Hoseok. In fact, Hoseok was the first friend that Yoongi remembered. Yoongi had always been a quiet, aloof person, even when he was very young, which made him unlikeable to most children his age. Hoseok was the exception. He’d clung to Yoongi until Yoongi finally felt comfortable enough to be himself around Hoseok, and then they’d truly been inseparable. The brief few years that they were best friends were the most wonderful of Yoongi’s life.
Until Yoongi’s family moved them from Gwangju to Daegu when he was eleven years old. The drastic change caused Yoongi to practically shut down, retreating into himself until he hardly spoke even to his own parents. He knew, somewhere in the back of his mind, that Hoseok tried reaching out to him multiple times, but he felt both physically and mentally incapable of responding. The guilt ate at him, but he simply couldn’t make himself reach out to Hoseok, like a physical barrier was blocking him. It took years of specialized therapy before Yoongi felt comfortable enough to interact with the world again.
By the time that he entered college, he’d felt so sorry about cutting off Hoseok that he didn’t even bother trying to reach out. Besides, they had been very young–would Hoseok even remember him?
Yoongi’s experiences on the spectrum led him down the path of wanting to help children with similar neurotypes, which was how he ended up as a music and special education teacher at this high school. While he appreciated the therapy and guidance he received as a teenager, the people who helped him were neurotypical and didn’t truly understand what it was like to be on the spectrum. To always feel like the odd one out, to be judged for how strange you were and not let in close by any of his friends. He’d had other friends besides Hoseok, both in high school and in college, but they weren’t the deep, close-knit friendships that his friends seemed to share with each other. Always on the sidelines, always forgotten, always excluded.
His friendship with Hoseok was formative and meant everything to him, even to this day. Hoseok had been the one person who truly knew everything about Yoongi. His odd mannerisms, his stims, his way of viewing the world–Hoseok accepted them all, validated them, and Yoongi had been chasing that feeling ever since.
That was why, several years later, Yoongi found himself utterly shocked when he learned that Hoseok was a social studies teacher at the very same Seoul high school that he’d been hired at.
Yoongi had thought that it would be incredibly awkward to reintroduce himself to Hoseok. He was also afraid that the Hoseok he remembered would be different from the Hoseok of today. Oh, what a relief it was to be wrong.
After first asking Yoongi if it was okay for him to hug him, Hoseok had gripped onto Yoongi like he was afraid to let go. Yoongi had hugged him just as tightly. When they finally loosened their grips, Yoongi was both surprised and moved to find that Hoseok had tears in his eyes. How gratifying it felt to learn that Hoseok had missed him just as much as Yoongi had missed Hoseok.
“I was so worried about you,” Hoseok had admitted to Yoongi. They’d gone to Yoongi’s new apartment after work. Yoongi had made them cups of tea and they’d settled on his plush couch. “I knew the move had to be hard on you. I was so concerned. The fact that you never responded to me basically proved to me that my concern was warranted.”
“But…you were so young,” Yoongi had said, brows furrowed. “How could you have known?”
Hoseok had tilted his head to the side in contemplation and met Yoongi’s gaze, which wavered, but stayed on Hoseok. “How could I not know? I think I understood you better than I knew myself.”
“I missed you,” Yoongi had admitted, before bursting into tears. When Hoseok embraced him, he realized that he finally felt settled in his own skin.
Now, he’d been teaching at the same school as Hoseok for two years, and they were closer than ever. Yoongi was also starting to understand that maybe, perhaps, he was in love with his best friend. Jimin certainly wasn’t letting him deny it.
He sighed, a bit forlornly, and looked in Jimin’s direction. “Would I ever have a chance?”
Jimin smiled brightly, his eyes turning into crescent moons. “Of course you do. Maybe you haven’t noticed, but I’ve seen Hoseok-ssi looking at you the same way you look at him when the other isn’t paying attention.”
Yoongi blinked in disbelief. “You’re not lying, are you? You’ve really seen that?”
Jimin reached his hand out and gently squeezed Yoongi’s wrist. “I really mean it, Yoongi-ssi. I wouldn’t lie to you or intentionally mislead you. I promise. I hoped you would understand that by now, but I get why you would be hesitant.”
His coworkers–his friends outside of work, since they all called him hyung with the exception of Seokjin, who Yoongi was grateful to call hyung–were some of the best, most understanding people that Yoongi had ever met. He knew that Jimin was serious, because Jimin made an effort not to accidentally lead Yoongi on with his words.
“It’s just hard to believe that someone could be in love with me because of the way I am,” he admitted. “Especially someone as wonderful as Hoseok.”
“Hey,” Jimin said, leaning closer and bumping Yoongi with his shoulder. “You know that Hoseok loves you just the way you are. He would never want you to be anyone other than yourself. Why does romantic love have to be any different than that of friendship?”
Yoongi pursed his lips and conceded the point. “You’re right. It shouldn’t be any different. I guess I’m more hesitant to believe that someone could want to share a home and life with me. It’s different living together and sharing a life that way, than sharing a life with friends. Does that make sense?”
Jimin nodded. “Yeah, it does. A romantic partner is supposed to be your best friend, but it is different from a platonic best friend. It carries more weight.”
“I don’t want to be a burden,” Yoongi admitted, looking down at his hands. He picked at a cuticle. “Being with me wouldn’t be like being with someone neurotypical.”
Jimin slid a piece of paper in front of Yoongi and then placed a pencil into Yoongi’s hands. He knew that Yoongi liked to doodle to keep his hands busy, rather than biting his nails or destroying his cuticles. “I’m going to be honest with you. No relationship is easy. We neurotypicals can be terrible at communication, which is key to any relationship, but especially for a healthy romantic relationship. You and Hoseok have an understanding about each other’s boundaries, don’t you? You know so much about how to be there for one another. And I don’t doubt for a second that either of you would be afraid to step up when you are at your worst.”
That realization made Yoongi feel a wave of emotions. It was true. Hoseok knew Yoongi through and through, even after being apart for more than a decade. He’d also learned that Hoseok had still been in touch with Yoongi’s eomma even into high school. Despite everything, Hoseok had still checked in on him from time to time. He wanted to know how Yoongi was doing and if there was anything he could do to help, even when Yoongi was at his worst. That meant more than anything that Yoongi could ever say.
“I’ll try to think of a way to confess,” Yoongi said. “But I’m scared.”
“I’m sure Hoseok is, too. It’s scary to realize that you’re in love with your best friend. Trust me, I know.” Jimin did know–he was now in a relationship with Taehyung, who had been his best friend since their early high school days.
If it worked out for them, maybe it could work out for him and Hoseok. Bolstered by this thought, Yoongi committed to finding a way to confess to Hoseok before the end of winter break.
The din of the crowded street faded into background noise when Hoseok gently took Yoongi’s hand in his. He gave him a questioning look that seemed to say, ‘Is this okay?’ Yoongi nodded once and gave him a small smile. Despite wearing cloves, his fingers were freezing in the December winter weather.
“Where is it we’re going?” Hoseok asked. Yoongi gestured ahead of them and tugged on Hoseok’s hand. He led them past street vendors, shops, and delicious smelling foods until they reached a very small shop that sold kimchi jjigae. It looked like it could seat a maximum of ten people, and instantly, Yoongi knew this place would be delicious.
“I thought we could have lunch here,” Yoongi said, briefly meeting Hoseok’s curious eyes. “If you’d like to.”
“Kimchi jjigae is my favorite!” Hoseok enthused, pulling Yoongi into the shop.
“I know,” Yoongi murmured. He’d done meticulous research on the best spots for kimchi jjigae in this part of Seoul, wanting to impress Hoseok for his skills at finding good food. This shop was the most highly recommended; kimchi jjigae was the only food this restaurant sold. They placed their order and Yoongi paid before Hoseok even had a chance to pull out his wallet. “It’s Hyung’s treat,” he told Hoseok when he tried to protest.
“Wah, this is going to be amazing. Thank you, Hyung,” Hoseok said, his eyes alight with excitement.
“You’re welcome,” Yoongi said, shrugging nonchalantly. “Let’s find a place to sit.”
They ended up sitting across from each other at a small two-seat table. They could see the busy market street through the window. Hoseok hummed and asked, “Have any plans for Christmas?”
“Not so far,” Yoongi said. Nerves were beginning to eat at him. “You?”
Hoseok laughed and shook his head. “Nah. You know me, always single.”
Yoongi snorted. “Same,” he agreed. They both chuckled. He looked at his hands and had to make an effort not to pick at his cuticles. Yoongi wanted to get this over with before the nerves made him throw up in anxiety. Before any other distractions could get in the way, he cleared his throat and looked at Hoseok directly. “Actually, I…” he trailed off, swallowing thickly. “I was wondering if maybe you’d like to spend Christmas…with me?”
“With you?” Hoseok echoed. He looked confused for a moment, before realization seemed to dawn on him. “Like a date? Is that what you mean?”
Yoongi was suddenly terrified that he’d messed everything up. He felt the blood drain from his face. His nerves were too much. Why did he do this? This was stupid. Before he could open his mouth to sputter out excuses, Hoseok asked, “Yoongi, you meant as a date, right? Please don’t tell me I got this wrong and you just meant you wanted to spend it as friends.”
Oh.
Just as quickly as the color had drained from his face, he could now feel his cheeks turning bright red. He spluttered for a moment while his mouth tried to catch up to his brain, so he nodded rapidly. “Yes. I meant it as a date. Is that something you’d want?”
That bright, heart-shaped smile spread across Hoseok’s face, making Yoongi’s heart rate increase further. He was so beautiful. “More than you can ever know,” Hoseok said, clearly delighted. “Yoongi, I’ve had a crush on you since I was ten years old.”
Yoongi’s jaw slackened, truly surprised. “Really?”
Hoseok giggled and nodded. “I’ve been hopeless for so long. Why do you think I was so happy for our accidental reunion? It feels like fate that we found each other.”
Yoongi smiled back and nodded. “I’ve never believed in fate, but maybe I do now.”
They both jumped slightly when the ahjumma who owned the store placed two ttukbaegis filled with piping hot jjigae in front of them. “Please enjoy,” she told them. She glanced between the two of them and said, “You both have beautiful smiles. Make sure you keep smiling, that’s the secret to reaching my age with no regrets.”
“Thank you. We plan to,” Hoseok said, smiling to prove his point. She nodded approvingly before bustling off back to the kitchen.
They shared a look and chuckled, a little flustered, before diving into their food.
It rarely, if ever, snowed on Christmas in Seoul.
Yet, there it was, falling before Yoongi and Hoseok’s very eyes. “Wahhh. Hyung, can you believe it?” Hoseok said, his breath clouding above him as he spoke. His eyes were bright with wonder.
“No,” Yoongi said simply, looking up at the sky in disbelief. “I wouldn’t believe it if I didn’t see it with my own eyes.”
“It’s like we’re in a movie,” Hoseok said. He pressed against Yoongi’s side and wrapped an arm around his waist. Yoongi hummed in contentment and nuzzled his cheek against Hoseok’s shoulder.
Yoongi couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt so content. With Hoseok, he always felt seen, safe in his own skin. He could hang his mask at the proverbial door and not worry about being judged. This was the first Christmas that Yoongi spent with a partner, and he didn’t know if it was possible to be any happier than he was now.
“Let’s go get some hot cocoa,” Yoongi said, gently tugging Hoseok’s arm. The snow was beautiful, but his nose felt extremely cold.
“That sounds perfect,” Hoseok agreed. His nose looked as red as Yoongi’s probably was.
“I love you,” Yoongi said casually while they walked.
Hoseok almost seemed to stumble, but the look on his face left no room for doubt that he appreciated the words. “I love you, too, Min Yoongi. Merry Christmas.”
“Merry Christmas, Jung Hoseok.”