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Pain.
Lukas was no stranger to pain.
Not for lack of trying. If he had to fight, he preferred to keep his distance. The feel of a bow in his hands felt much more comfortable than the hilt of a sword.
No, pain would always follow him. For as long as his soulmate lived, he would feel their pain.
Sometimes, the pain comforted him. It was a reminder that the person destined to love him—no matter what—was still out there, somewhere. He hoped sharing in his soulmate’s pain would ease theirs.
Lukas knew none of his closest friends—the Ocelots—were his soulmate. Aiden’s ‘punch circle’ made certain of that. He felt a bit guilty that he was relieved none of them were his soulmate. They were his closest friends, sure, but… he could not see himself spending his life with any of them. They never quite ‘got’ him.
He always imagined his partner would be like someone from the stories he read. Not someone perfect, not someone who agreed with him all the time, but someone who complemented him. Made him better. Someone he enjoyed being around, someone who made him smile just to be around. Someone who liked him just for being himself.
Sometimes, Lukas hated his soulmate.
Seriously, how much danger could someone encounter and still be alive? Every day, it felt like Lukas experienced pain anew. The only people he could imagine getting hurt so often we're the heroes in the Order of the Stone themselves. But then… did they even get hurt anymore? They never went on adventures anymore, not since killing the ender dragon.
Even if his soulmate was Soren himself, Lukas wanted to meet them just to give them a piece of his mind. His soulmate was too reckless. Lukas almost could not remember what feeling normal was like, free of the ache in his arms, his legs, his chest, everywhere.
He has hoped at least, during the most important building competition of his life, that his soulmate could have mercy.
Instead, it felt as though his soulmate was bludgeoned by a piston trap before the building even started. Maybe that was why the ‘Order of the Pig’ had managed to beat the Ocelots that day. Lukas’ limbs felt like they were weighed by anvils as he and the other Ocelots built.
Maybe he was just making excuses.
The winning design was creative—a creeper with fireworks to mimic the hissing and explosion. Sure, it was no rainbow beacon, but Jesse’s team needed a win. They lacked confidence, no thanks to the other Ocelots. Lukas was nothing if not a sucker for a good underdog story.
But that did not explain why Lukas' eyes lingered on Jesse as he walked away, the man uncertain but determined. The man who Lukas never gave a second glance to before, fiercely protective of his friends. Willing to infiltrate and fight to protect those he cared about.
“You're more intense than I gave you credit for,” Lukas had said. And he meant it. Jesse's intense stare felt like it saw into Lukas' very soul.
Could he?
Part of Lukas hoped it was Jesse. His gaze sent chills down Lukas’ spine. His voice sounded like the harmony to Lukas’ own, that he never knew he needed.
When Lukas froze in the temple, part of him imagined the pain he felt as the monstrous wither hit him was too early, that he was feeling the pain Jesse felt a split second prior.
Even when Lukas did not deserve it, Jesse looked out for him.
Lukas had left Petra for dead, the Order of the Stone’s warrior for dead. But Jesse… he still defended Lukas, against his own team.
Why?
Axel hated him. Olivia put up with him at best. Yet Jesse still defended him, as though he had known Lukas his whole life.
Why?
Lukas appreciated the small mercy. He never felt so alone before. He was isolated from his team. The storm had taken his oldest friend, and it was his fault. He knew gathering apples was an empty gesture; it could never make up for the loss of a friend.
Yet Jesse was only grateful. He wanted to pick Lukas up. He saw Lukas as a friend.
Why?
Lukas turned a blind eye so many times. He knew Aiden tried to get into everyone's heads.
Lukas enabled the bullying, the years of abuse to the Order of the Pig.
Yet Jesse was willing to give him another chance.
Why?
Lukas knew it was his fault.
Petra was sick. She was getting worse. He feared she might succumb to the illness, if not endanger the team by keeping it secret.
Were they a team?
Even Axel seemed to be warming up to Lukas. Either that, or he appreciated having Lukas as a cushion for his falls.
Lukas hated that Jesse hid the truth. Anyone could see that Petra was sick.
But Jesse did what Lukas never expected. He told Lukas the truth. Before even telling his own friends.
He trusted Lukas. Even when Lukas knew he did not deserve it. Even more, he helped Lukas back on his feet. Lukas had not even known he was struggling to stand.
Why?
It hit Lukas all at once; Jesse was everything he wanted his soulmate to be.
It was too bad Jesse was probably not. That was what Lukas thought, before he felt so much pain he blacked out.
“… Lukas? Come on, Jesse’s been attacked! He needs our help!”
Olivia’s urgent shouts woke Lukas. His head felt as though it split open. It was the worst pain he had ever felt. He wanted to throw up. The dim glowstone lights in the lab were far too bright.
He forced himself to his feet, regardless. Jesse was in trouble—he could not let the pain that overtook him get in the way.
Lukas rushed ahead with Olivia.
But Jesse was okay? He was dancing to music. And was that Soren with him, singing?
Lukas had enough crazy for a lifetime.
The storm left no life, no hope in its wake. Lukas tried not to hope that the pain he felt was Jesse’s pain.
When the Formidi-bomb blew up, Lukas knew.
He was too far from the blast, behind Axel and Olivia as the group reeled Jesse in. He felt as though he was right next to the explosion. Right where Jesse was.
Was Jesse really his soulmate? His soulmate defeated the storm!
Lukas was overjoyed, but there was no time to think. As quickly as everyone cheered, the storm was rising again—even more deadly than before. And no sooner had they got away with a moment of reprieve than Lukas learned the Ocelots were alive.
He wanted nothing more than to talk to Jesse. But he knew he could not rest while his friends were out there, in danger. Maybe if he left silently while Jesse talked to the others, it would be easier.
“Lukas? Wait!”
It was never that easy. Lukas found his feet rooted to the ground. He so desperately wanted to talk to Jesse, but he feared he would never leave if he did.
“Where are you going?” Jesse asked.
“My friends are out there,” Lukas said, not looking at Jesse. “I have to help them.”
“But… We're your friends too, aren't we?” Jesse's voice was like a breaking pane of glass.
Lukas gripped the reins of the horse tighter. He squeezed his eyes shut. “That's why I'll be back to help. I promise.”
As Lukas rode away, he wondered if emotional pain transferred through the bond.
When Reuben died, it felt as though it did. Lukas felt hollow in his chest after the witherstorm was destroyed, an emptiness that could not be filled.
Lukas visited Jesse in the treehouse. It was a modest but welcoming space. Whole and full of memories. It made Jesse seem all the more broken.
Lukas had no words of encouragement. He could not fathom how it felt to lose a best friend. He had nothing to offer but his presence. Jesse seemed to find it more than enough.
Jesse was nothing if not resilient. He saw the destruction the storm left in its wake and wanted to help. He built a new town, a new Order.
He held a hand out to Lukas; he offered Lukas a place on their team. Lukas wanted to say yes, but his own team had to come first.
Turning Jesse down made his heart hurt, stronger than he expected. He knew he was hurting Jesse; he could feel it. But Jesse did not deserve someone who made his heart hurt.
Lukas wondered if Jesse’s heart hurt when the Ocelots betrayed him. He hoped it did not, yet a selfish part of him wanted Jesse to share in his pain. A burden shared was a burden halved, or so Lukas hoped.
Lukas felt lost. His feet carried him to the Order Hall. Back to Jesse.
It was selfish. A lie by omission was still a lie. Why did Lukas not say anything? Jesse deserved to know. But like always, Lukas froze. Before he knew it, he was joining another adventure with Jesse.
Half-walking, half-pulled, Lukas went down the stairs of the Order Hall after Jesse. Then—he tripped. His knee collided painfully with the ground at the bottom of the staircase.
Jesse groaned too, he was on one knee. Did he suspect…? No. He was the one who landed wrong. Lukas was feeling Jesse’s pain, not the other way around.
“Sorry,” Jesse said, pulling Lukas to his feet. “Didn't mean to trip us up there.”
Lukas felt disappointed, yet relieved. He should not have been. He should have told Jesse right there. But he was a coward.
“Don't worry about it,” Lukas said instead, digging a deeper hole. Maybe if he reached bedrock, the truth would never reach daylight.
Jesse had to know. Aiden landed a hit on Lukas in the jungle temple. He heard Jesse cry out at the same time, when the sword connected with Lukas’ arm.
Why was Jesse not saying anything?
Lukas felt tense in Sky City. Was Jesse ashamed? Did he not feel the same? Did he even notice at all?
Of course Jesse would not say anything—they were trying to catch the Blaze Rods and return to their own world.
Besides, Lukas never said anything, and he knew for months. The guilt gnawed at him. As Ivor, Jesse, and himself stood in the prison cell, his heart pounded so quickly that he feared he might pass out on the spot. He nearly worked up the courage to open his mouth when Jesse freed them.
No time to dwell, they had to confront the Blaze Rods.
Lukas and Jesse fought side-by-side. Perfectly in sync, until Lukas was thrown off the edge of the world.
Lukas was falling into the void. He was going to die.
Why did he not tell Jesse? Now he would never have the chance. He would live the rest of his life in regret.
“Lukas!”
“Jesse?!” Lukas was horrified; Jesse had fallen, too?!
Jesse was diving through the air. Before Lukas knew it, they were falling together.
“Couldn't let you die alone, could I?” Jesse said. He looked panicked; Lukas wondered how he could even manage a smile.
“What? Did you—did you fall on purpose?”
“Hey, we’re in this together, aren't we?” Jesse took Lukas’ hand, interlocking their fingers. Lukas feared his heart would run out of energy and stop entirely. Was that even possible?
“I'd have probably accidentally fallen off at some point, anyways,” Jesse added.
Lukas was not sure whether to laugh or cry. “How can you even joke right now?!”
They fell through the cloud layer. Lukas closed his eyes. That was it, their time was up.
“Look!” Jesse shouted. “Land!”
Lukas looked and gasped. A lake was below them, surrounded by land. Impossible—they were going to live?
He hit the water hard. He was not sure until they swam to shore whether it was his pain or Jesse’s he felt; until he tried to stand. He hissed in pain and slumped against a nearby tree.
Jesse was in front of him, expression full of concern. He kissed Lukas on the forehead; it sent Lukas’ heart into a flurry, as though he had just fallen from the city again.
“I'll be back, okay?”
Lukas knew he would.
With all Sky City denizens safely on the ground and the Blaze Rods rounded up, Jesse helped Lukas limp to the portal home.
“How long did you know?” Lukas wondered. He felt Jesse tense for a moment.
“I, uh… I was watching you build at the competition. Gill bumped into you, and you hit your elbow on the stained glass.”
Jesse had known for that long? Lukas wanted to ask why Jesse never said anything. But Lukas never said anything either, had he? Maybe they were meant for each other after all.
“You're really clumsy, you know,” Lukas said instead.
Jesse chuckled at that. Lukas imagined—if he heard that sound every day—he would want for nothing.
“Well, I think you're too careful,” Jesse said, squeezing Lukas’ arm. “I almost didn't think you were even real.”
“Maybe you just like mortal peril too much,” Lukas said. He wondered how Jesse had the strength of will to even help Lukas along; Jesse felt all of the pain Lukas felt.
Jesse stopped; they had reached the portal. Ivor and Petra had already gone ahead. Jesse was not looking at the portal; he was looking at Lukas.
“I think I found something I like even more,” Jesse said. His eyes darted down to Lukas' lips, and the pair came together. Lukas’ pain was forgotten; he only knew bliss.