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I couldn't believe I'd let my crazy cousins talk me into this.
Was this even happening? It seemed super unlikely that my father would let the other gods talk him into doing something so…undignified. Interacting with mortals in such a way was surely beneath him. And yet…
This was what Mr D had said was going on. I'd arrived at camp with the rest of the Hunters and was catching up with Percy and Nico, and the three of us had overheard him telling Chiron over a game of Pinochle. I swear, crazy things always happen when I'm with those two.
'Surely not!' Nico had hissed.
'That's hilarious,' Percy had remarked, stifling his laughter.
'No way,' I'd said.
Next thing I knew, Percy had insisted that Nico shadow-travel us straight to the Empire State Building to see if it was really true. Snowflakes were swirling down through the air and landing on our heads, bright white against our dark hair. When Nico had chugged a quick mouthful of nectar to recover, we all pressed our noses up against the doors and peered inside.
'Oh my gods,' Percy exclaimed, his breath fogging up the glass in the cold winter air. 'I think that really is him.'
'It can't be,' I replied, pretending not to care, although my heart was starting to beat faster.
'It is,' confirmed Nico. 'I wonder how they convinced him to do it.'
'With lots of bribery, I expect,' said Percy. 'Go on in, Thalia. Go sit in his lap and tell him what you want for Christmas.'
They both burst out laughing. I rolled my eyes.
'In your dreams, Jackson,' I replied. 'You're lucky I don't zap you big-time.'
'Okay, maybe scratch the sitting-in-lap part,' said Nico, 'But you should go in and talk to him.'
'I can't,' I protested. 'That's probably the last thing he needs after dealing with all those bratty kids all day.'
'But it's you,' Percy argued. 'He'll be happy to see you after all that.'
'Will he, though? I'm just a forbidden child. A burden. He doesn't care about me.'
'Come on, you don't really believe that, do you?' said Nico. Their faces were suddenly very serious, no longer joking. If anyone understood how I felt about this, they did. 'Because I don't. And if I was presented with a golden opportunity like this, I'd take it.'
'He's right, Thalia.' Percy was staring me down with those bright sea-green eyes of his. 'I saw the way he praised you that one time. And you've had the worst luck when it comes to seeing your dad. You should get your behind in there before he vanishes back up to Olympus.'
I sighed, my breath billowing out in a wispy cloud.
'I'm going to regret it if I don't, aren't I?'
They both nodded.
'Gods dam it, I can't believe I'm doing this.' I allowed them to manoeuvre me towards the door. Nico held it open while Percy shoved me through. 'If I get blasted into a pile of ashes, I'm blaming you two!' I hissed over my shoulder.
'You won't. Have fun!' They closed the door, laughing.
'Boys,' I sighed, and walked over to where they'd set up a red and green tent with tinsel and string lights – a miniature 'Santa's Grotto' type thing. I think my mom may have brought me to one of these when I was young enough to appreciate it – and before she went off the rails.
The security guards gave me funny looks. I must have looked a right idiot – a fifteen-year-old going alone to see Santa, wearing punk-rock clothes and a tiara. I cursed Percy and Nico for making me look so stupid. When I got out of here, I was so going to kick their butts.
It was starting to get dark outside, and all the parents and little kids had gone home. I was the last. I just hoped I wasn't too late.
One of the tent flaps was pinned open, and I lingered in the doorway. My heart gave a strange yet familiar lurch as I drew closer to my father. He had his back to me, and was muttering something about annoying children and how this was beneath his dignity. Honestly, same, I thought. It looked like the other Olympians had forced him to wear a big red jacket over his usual pinstripe suit, as well as a matching hat. It looked ridiculous and I had to fight the urge to laugh despite my nerves.
This was my last chance to change my mind and run away. It would be the safer option – but like I said, I'd regret it. Too nervous to make words come out of my mouth, I cleared my throat.
'Ahem.'
'Absolutely not – no more!' he snapped. I could feel energy crackling in the room and hoped the cheap string lights wouldn't explode in our faces. 'We are done for today.'
'But…' I gulped. This whole situation was so absurd…so I figured I might as well say something absurd. 'I heard that Santa was here and…I wanted to ask him for something. I'm guessing that's…you?' I said, putting on an air of innocence, my heart pounding.
He froze at the sound of my voice. How well did he know my voice? It wasn't like he heard it often. After a split-second that seemed like an eternity, he slowly glanced over his shoulder at me. They'd made him wear a fake white beard too - despite the fact that he already had a beard – so I could only see the top half of his face. I was beginning to wonder if this was all some strange dream.
'Aren't you a little old to believe in Santa Claus, young lady?' he asked sternly, but I could have sworn his beard twitched a little as he turned to face me.
'Yes, yes I am. But the thing is…there's something I really want – a sort of wish, and I have a feeling you can grant it for me.'
'A Christmas wish, you say?' He sighed, and sat down in his large chair, which was also decked out with lights and tinsel, and gestured for me to sit in the much smaller chair opposite. 'Very well,' he grumbled. 'Let's hear it. As long as you're not going to ask me for a pony.'
'Oh, no,' I replied, starting to enjoy myself a little now I knew I wasn't going to be smited and go meet my uncle Hades (or was it smote? Ah, whatever). 'At camp, we have horses with wings. They let us ride on their backs. Well, not me. I'm afraid of heights.'
My face flushed. Why had I admitted that? What was wrong with me?
Zeus raised an eyebrow.
'Afraid of heights? Surely not.'
'Yes, um…it's a little unusual, for someone like me…'
'Is that your wish? You want to overcome this fear? Because I cannot grant that. That would be up to you to work through it.'
'Oh no, that's not it. It's something else.'
'I see.' He narrowed his stormy grey eyes, as if contemplating turning me back into a pine tree. 'Are you going to tell me this wish or not?'
'Yes.' I took a deep breath. I didn't have to think about what I wanted to ask for. I didn't want anything material. I had a family in the Hunters of Artemis. There was nothing I needed. But the one thing I'd never had…
'So, the thing is,' I mumbled, fixing my gaze on his shiny polished shoes. 'It's about my dad.'
A pause.
'Oh? What about him?'
'You see…I hardly ever see my father, and he can be a little…well…'
'A little…what?' The edge to his voice was as sharp as a knife, telling me I should choose my next words very carefully.
'Distant?' I volunteered.
'Distant.'
'Yes. And it can often feel like…he doesn't care about me.'
'Hmm. I see.'
'Or even…that he doesn't love me.' I wasn't entirely sure where all this was coming from…or where it would lead.
He considered this for a few moments, not betraying any emotion.
'And…what makes you think that?'
'Well, there was this one time…he turned me into a tree.'
He frowned.
'That was to save your life, was it not?'
'I guess, but…it felt like he just wanted me out of the way.'
'On the contrary. To let you die would have left you at the mercy of Hades, who was…not best pleased about your birth. Your father did not want that for you.'
I bit back a laugh. Not best pleased was one way of saying it. Hades had sent a large number of monsters to destroy me and my friends.
'I never thought of that. There were a few times when…I really thought he wanted me dead.'
Wow, this conversation had taken a dark turn.
'And yet, here you are. He could have killed you on several occasions, and yet he did not.'
Way to go, I thought. Congrats on not murdering your daughter. You win dad of the year.
'There was this prophecy that said someone was going to die by a parent's hand.' I'd been so convinced that that was going to be me. When that lightning bolt had hit our car in San Francisco, my life had flashed before my eyes. 'And then there was the council of the gods, when I was about to turn sixteen.'
'Hmm, I am aware. If I remember correctly, your father vouched for you and even commended you.'
'I know, but…then he said that heroes aren't to be trusted.'
He sighed.
'You should not take that so personally. An important choice had to be made; the fate of Olympus and the entire world was at stake.'
'Yes, but sometimes I think…if my sister Artemis hadn't stepped in and asked me to join the hunt…'
I was really on a roll now. All these thoughts and worries that had been stewing in my brain for years were spilling out of my mouth.
'Is that the opinion you have of your father? You really think he would do that to you?' His brow was creased in a frown.
'That's the thing – I just don't know. I feel like I don't really know him very well.'
There was an awkward silence. Luckily, he didn't seem angry. Just deep in thought.
'So…these things have led you to believe that he doesn't love you? At all?' he asked slowly.
'Well…it can sometimes come across that way. Especially since I'm a…' I shook my head, deciding that calling myself a forbidden child would just make things worse. 'Umm, never mind.' I couldn't read the expression in his eyes, but I could have sworn I heard the tell-tale rumble of thunder outside, suggesting I might be taking things too far.
'And I know it isn't always his fault,' I said quickly, 'He's very busy, and like you said, he has lots of people counting on him to do the right thing. And he has this whole thing about how you can't show favouritism when you're in charge.' That was something I understood as leader of the Hunters. 'But I wish that, just once…'
'Ah yes, we've digressed. What is this oh-so-important wish, my child?'
I couldn't believe I was really going to say this. Was I mad? Probably.
'For…my father to tell me that he loves me.'
There was a deafening silence. I sat and waited, not daring to even breathe.
'Oh…really?'
'Y-yes. Just once in my lifetime. It would just make my dreams come true.'
Oh gods, since when did I say such cheesy things like that? Nobody must ever find out about this.
A few more moments passed. Had I said the wrong thing? Maybe I should get ready to run for my life…not that I'd get very far.
Instead, he just studied me thoughtfully. It looked suspiciously like he was smirking under that fake beard.
'Just once in your lifetime, you say?' he said, echoing my own words back to me. 'Is that all?'
'Yes. Just once. That would be enough for me.'
He considered me for a few moments. Then, to my surprise, he laughed - a deep booming belly laugh that really did make him sound like Father Christmas.
'In that case, my dear, that's by far the easiest request I've had all day.'
Relief – and excitement – flooded though me.
'It is?'
'Yes indeed. Because it doesn't require anything at all.'
My heart stopped.
'W-what?'
'Because it's already been granted. A long time ago.'
I opened and closed my mouth, unable to speak.
'Have you ever considered, Thalia Grace, that your father may have told you he loved you when you were too young to remember?'
'Ummm…' I most certainly hadn't.
'Perhaps when you were just a baby, small enough to fit into his arms? You see, child, the sensible thing would have been to destroy you as soon as you were born, before you could become troublesome. That would have appeased Hera and ensured the safety of Olympus, not to mention saved him a lot of embarrassment. But when he held you, and you looked up at him with those beautiful blue eyes and smiled, he simply could not do it. And he has never been able to since.'
I was vaguely aware that my jaw had hit the floor at some point during that.
'You were his little girl. And you still are.'
'Wait…what?' I had no idea how to respond to that. 'Did that really…'
'So you see,' Zeus interrupted, 'You are wishing for something that you already have.'
Really? I was astounded. 'But…'
'Just once in your lifetime, that would be enough for you? That's what you said, is it not?'
'But that's not fair!' I cried, fully aware that I sounded like a spoilt brat, even though I was anything but. 'It doesn't count if I don't remember.'
'My, my. Demanding, aren't we?' I could tell that he was having a great time teasing me. 'You should learn to be grateful, little demigod. You are luckier than you know.'
I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry. Whatever I'd expected to happen, it hadn't been this. Was he telling me the truth – had that really happened?
'You think I would lie to you, child?'
Great, was he reading my thoughts now too?
'No, I just…'
'Then we are done here?'
No. I wasn't letting him get away with that.
'Absolutely not.' I locked eyes with him. His eyes were the colour of thunderclouds, and I could feel that a storm was brewing in them, and yet I refused to look away.
For a moment, his expression was unreadable. A shiver went down my spine that had nothing to do with the winter chill, but still I held his gaze. Then, his expression softened. His eyes seemed to become a few shades lighter, and they suddenly had a warm fatherly twinkle that I'd definitely never seen before. It was giving me butterflies. No, not butterflies. More like tiny lightning bolts sparking in my stomach.
'Very well. If your father was here…he would want you to know that although he cannot often show the affection he has for you, it doesn't mean it doesn't exist. He loves you very much, and always will. And he is so very proud of the strong, brave leader you've become.'
I totally wasn't about to cry. I never cry. It was just those silly flashing lights getting in my eyes.
'You may be a forbidden child,' he continued, 'But you are not a burden, and he does care about you.'
Now I was blushing too. He must have overheard the conversation I'd had with the guys outside.
'He also thinks you are a cheeky young lady with lots of nerve, coming here to speak to me like this.'
A smile fought its way onto my face. Wonder where I get that from? I thought, but knew better than to say that out loud. Pushing my luck even further might land me on the naughty list. I decided it was only fair for me to return the favour.
'Could you…perhaps, um…tell my dad I love him too?' I mumbled, and I meant it.
I could tell he was smiling warmly under that ludicrous fake beard.
'It would be my pleasure.'
Warmth flooded through me, and suddenly I was reminded of the happiest moments of my life. Holding baby Jason in my arms, hiding out with Luke and Annabeth, laughing around the campfire with my fellow Hunters. I was even reminded of my mom, and that thing she used to say that I always thought was nonsense: Never be afraid of a thunderstorm. That is your father, letting you know he loves you. And if I reached into the deepest, darkest corners of my memory, I could just about remember being held by a strong, powerful presence. Why had I never remembered that before?
'Now, you should head back to camp with your friends. They are waiting outside, anxious to hear everything.'
I grinned, shaking my head.
'Of course they are.' I got up out of the little chair. 'Thank you…Santa.'
'Thank you, my child. This day was completely unbearable until you showed up. That was a pleasant surprise.'
'Will I see you again next Christmas?' I teased.
'Absolutely not.'
I laughed.
'Fair enough. I know how annoying small children can be.'
He chuckled.
'For you, I might just make an exception. Merry Christmas, Thalia.'
'Merry Christmas...Dad.'
'Well, that…happened,' I said as I stepped out into the cold winter air once more.
'What happened?' exclaimed Percy. He and Nico were staring at me intently, dying to know all the details.
'Well…' I smiled. 'I'll tell you later.'
'Awww, come on.' They looked totally disappointed. Well, too bad. I'd keep it to myself just a while longer.
'I promise I'll fill you in when we get back to camp. But first…snowball fight!' I grabbed a handful of snow and lobbed it at Percy. A grin broke out on his face.
'Oh, it's on!' They both joined in. It was a daft idea, challenging a son of Poseidon to a snowball fight, because snow is technically made of water, but I was feeling particularly reckless today.
As we ran off into the night, laughing and pelting each other with snowballs, I realised just how wrong I'd been. We could never be a normal father and daughter, but my dad did love me in his own way. I knew that now.