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“Alright, which one of you fuckers clogged the toilet?” It’s 8 in the morning at the training camp, and Hanamaki stands in the doorway of the third year’s room, looking ready to murder someone. There’s one bathroom attached to the room that the third year’s claim, so they don’t have to share with their underclassmen. It is, however, hard to use when it’s clogged.
The bottoms of Hanamaki’s trousers are soaked, and his eyes resonate with the promise of pain. Everybody else in the room looks away with a guilty expression, before rapidly looking between each other in shock and disbelief. Hanamaki watches it all unfold, jaw dropping.
“Are you telling me every single one of you dickheads is responsible for this?!” It’s Iwaizumi who recovers first, clearing his throat with the tips of his ears burning.
“Only one of us could have clogged it. I blame Oikawa.”
“Iwa-chan! Leaping to conclusions is bad! Besides, if it was any of us, it was probably you.” Matsukawa observes, highly amused, as the two start to bicker and argue. That is, before he feels murderous intent leaking from his best friend. He scrambles away with a sense of urgency as Hanamaki slowly storms over to the captain and his vice, grabs a pillow in each hand, and smacks the back of their heads with the pillows, strong enough to knock their foreheads together.
“I want to know. Who clogged. The toilet. So first things first, we’re going to find out what order we went. Then, I’m going to slaughter whoever committed this horrific crime.”
“Crime? Makki, it’s hardly a crime.”
“My pyjamas are ruined. It’s a crime. Vandalism.” Matsukawa sighs and shuffles closer once more.
“Well, I only went last night, before everyone was asleep. It worked perfectly fine then, so it must have been one of you two.” He gestures towards Oikawa and Iwaizumi, who abruptly look away with matching guilty pouts, although Iwaizumi’s shoulders are hunched and he looks down, whilst Oikawa redirects his gaze to the suddenly-very-interesting top corner of the room. Admittedly, Iwaizumi looks more guilty, but Hanamaki has known Oikawa long enough to know that he’s hiding something.
“Oikawa fuckin’ Tooru, you have five minutes to explain.” Oikawa makes a small ‘eep’ sound, before fumbling his hands together.
“Well... Uh... You know how someone has to take the biggest shit on earth every day?” Matsukawa already knows where this is heading and hides a chortle behind his hand as Iwaizumi frowns in confusion and Hanamaki waits with an unimpressed, deadpan stare. Oikawa full on blushes and wriggles uncomfortably.
“Yeah, that was me. It felt like giving birth, I’m not even exaggerating!”
“Shittykawa, that’s disgusting!” One of the pillows Hanamaki dropped is picked up and chucked at Oikawa, who defends himself with a squawk.
“Makki asked! Besides! That was 2 in the morning! Nobody else was awake and I knew the smell would be gone by the time we had to get up!” Hanamaki seems to accept the excuse and turns his sharp, intense eyes to Iwaizumi, who instantly goes rigid as a statue.
“... It was YOU.”
“What?! No! I- I didn’t do anything! The toilet flushed just fine!”
“Iwa-chan, did you take a monster shit too?” Iwaizumi scowls at Oikawa, but it’s highly defensive, shoulders hunched right up to his chin and legs drawn tightly up against his chest. Matsukawa frowns in concern, thick eyebrows drawn tightly together and lips tugged with thought. Yesterday, Iwaizumi had taken one of Kyoutani’s powerful spikes directly to the face, which had caused some worry, until he assured them he was fine, nothing was broken, and he wasn’t concussed. Matsukawa had his doubts then, and they’re resurfacing now.
“You had another nosebleed, didn’t you?”
“... Yeah. It didn’t stop for a while. Took lots of toilet roll to soak it up.”
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. Just a little dizzy.” There’s an uneasy pause and then Oikawa clears his throat, voice deep and serious when he speaks again.
“Sit out training today. Drink lots, stay near Coach, and if it bleeds again, then for everyone’s sake, ask Mizoguchi to get you to the doctors.” Iwaizumi nods in agreement at the terms, and Hanamaki sighs in exasperation. He’s glad Iwaizumi is okay-ish, but...
“So if none of us clogged the toilet, who did?” The four look at each other in puzzlement at this mystery, before they’re interrupted by a grumble of a stomach. Matsukawa pats his belly and stands up.
“Well, we’ll find out at some point. For now, I want breakfast.” He trundles over to his small packed bag, picking out random clothes and getting changed right then and there. Hanamaki does the same, if only because his pyjama bottoms are ruined. He’s glad he brought a spare set.
“We’ll solve this mystery after food.” In agreement, the four descend to the kitchen area, where rice is already steaming on the cooking. One of the Coaches probably set it up first thing in the morning. Matsukawa checks it, turns off the fire stove, and dishes out four portions of the rice. It’s silent as they eat, which is extremely unusual, but Hanamaki is in a less than conversational mood, Oikawa is too tired and continuously yawning, and Iwaizumi eats like it’s the first thing he’s had in days, not stopping for even air.
As the early risers of the group, it’s their job to wake the underclassmen. Oikawa and Iwaizumi head to the room that holds the first years. Matsukawa and Hanamaki are condemned to the second years.
“Who do you think will try and kill us first?”
“... Yahaba. As far as I can tell, he’s not a morning person.” Matsukawa raises an eyebrow.
“Seriously? I would’ve picked Watari, to be honest. It’s always the ones you least expect.”
“Damn... That’s solid logic.” The duo shares a cheeky grin before slamming open the door as loud as possible and stomping in, clapping their hands.
“Hey! Time to get up! Wakey wakey! Get our butts out of bed and heads in the game!” Matsukawa chortles under his breath before something grips around his ankle and he shrieks, attempting to pull away, which only causes him to fall over. He wishes Hanamaki hadn’t been right when he stated about Yahaba not being a morning person. He’s met with a terrifying glare that is somehow burning with hatred and yet icy cold at the same time.
“Shut the fuck up before I pull out your vocal cords and castrate you with them.” With a shiver and fearful salute as he goes pale, Matsukawa manages to force out the words.
“Yes sir.” The hand retracts from his ankle and slithers back under the covers.
“Don’t worry, I’ll get him up.”
“Yeah... Thanks, Watari... And good luck.” Hanamaki has managed to kick Kyoutani awake – somehow not getting murdered in the process – and heads out the bedroom door with Matsukawa in tow. As soon as the door shuts behind them, they stare at each other in silence. Then, hysterical guffaws that leave them leaning against each other in support with tears of laughter cascading down their faces.
“That was-! That was the best thing I have ever seen!”
“Holy shit, it was terrifying!”
“For a moment there, I was writing a speech for your funeral in my head!”
“I was certain I was going to die!”
“Oi, keep it down.” They manage to muffle their laughter as Iwaizumi steps out the first year’s room with a finger over his lips to indicate silence.
“S’up, Iwaizumi?”
“I don’t think the first years are going to wake up until they’re ready. Oikawa’s still trying, but it’s probably best to leave them be.” Matsukawa nods and starts to head back to the kitchen just as Oikawa comes out of the first year room with a heavy pout, but eyes that glitter and sparkle. Hanamaki gestures with his palm out flat and hand raised in question.
“Kin-chan was still half asleep. He called me dad...”
“HA! He’s gonna be so embarrassed later. But seriously, you look elated with that.”
“I- I am not!” With a telltale blush, Oikawa superficially stormed away in the direction Matsukawa had disappeared. Pretty, devious eyes turn back to Iwaizumi, who is gently closing the door to the room in a way that reminds Hanamaki of his mother trying not to wake his tiny cousin when she visits overnight.
“So, what about you? Did you get called dad too?”
“No, but Kunimi did pass me his phone and say something about ‘video evidence’. I’m taking that as permission to check it out.”
“Sounds fake, but okay.” Iwaizumi smacks him with the back of his hand before they too, descend into the kitchen. Matsukawa and Oikawa are working in tandem to create some additions to the rice breakfast. Whilst the four third years are happy with plain rice, the underclassmen prefer something with a richer flavour. Additionally, it’s the third years last training camp, so it’s entirely their own decision/fault if they spoil the kouhai, just a little.
“Oikawa... Oikawa, please stop cutting alien faces out of the tamago.”
“You’ll never stop me.” Unfortunately for Oikawa, he forgets that there is indeed an easy way to stop him. Matsukawa confiscates the knife and chucks it in the sink for washing up. Before Oikawa can complain, Iwaizumi holds up Kunimi’s phone.
“Hey, Kunimi said to check this out. Get over here if you want to watch it, I’m not playing it twice.” The phone incidentally has no passcode, and Iwaizumi goes straight to the camera roll whilst Hanamaki wanted to see what apps Kunimi had. The latest thumbnail is a video, which looks extremely dark for the most of it with light coming out from the side.
“Hey, isn’t that the kitchen corridor?”
“Yeah... But why is the kitchen light on?”
“Can you maybe shut up so we can watch?” At Iwaizumi’s scolding, lips were sealed and zipped. He huffed an exasperated thanks before pressing the play button on screen. The hallway shook a little as Kunimi – holding it, obviously – moved forwards into the kitchen doorway. The scene displayed some very familiar pyjamas on a body that was pretty much entirely in the fridge, pinkish hair hidden from view.
“Hanamaki-senpai, what are you doing? It’s four in the morning.” There was no verbal answer. Kunimi’s hand appeared on screen as he shook Hanamaki’s shoulder, before he stepped back again at a petulant whine.
“Oh my god, he’s sleepwalking” Hanamaki’s sleeping form must have responded to the voice, because he pulled his head out the fridge and stumbled around for a second until he pulled out a plate with a cake on it. A Victoria sponge cake, baked for after Saturday’s practice to celebrate their upcoming gradation, and final day of high school training camp. Cake in hands, Hanamaki turns and walks out the kitchen. Kunimi follows, tugging on the back of his shirt.
“Senpai... Hanamaki... Where are you going? Come on; put the cake back in the fridge. Wait, are you going to sleep-eat too?” Hanamaki enters the third year bedroom. Understandably, Kunimi hesitates before the camera captures Hanamaki not sitting down to eat, but heading into the adjoined bathroom.
“Oh no. Senpai, please stop. Come back.” It’s too late. The cake is in the toilet and the chain is pulled, making a horrific gurgling noise before it appears to settle down. Hanamaki trundles past the camera none the wiser as Kunimi holds the phone fixated on the toilet in pure disbelief.
“... If anyone asks what happened to the cake or the toilet, I don’t think I’ll be able to explain it in words.”
The video ends. There’s silence in the kitchen. Hanamaki is sweating. Matsukawa is on the verge of collapsing from holding his breath, trying not to laugh. Iwaizumi grips the phone a little tighter and shit, he’s pissed, which is reasonable considering he was looking forwards to the cake. Oikawa stares at Hanamaki judgementally, until one of them finally finds words.
“I’m sorry! Holy fuck, I didn’t even know I sleepwalked!” It breaks a barrier of tension and Matsukawa bursts out into the loudest, purest laugh they’ve heard since the beginning of camp. Hanamaki hides his face in his hands; missing Oikawa’s jaw opening and closing like a fish, and Iwaizumi putting the phone face down on the table to rub stressfully at the bridge of his nose.
They’re still in this state when the second years enter, but the three take it into stride with only a second hesitation. After all, this is Oikawa, Iwaizumi, Matsukawa, and Hanamaki. It’s quite common to see them doing the something stupid or seemingly without explanation.
Hours later, Hanamaki is bent over the toilet with a plunger trying to unclog the toilet that he initially blamed the others for.