Work Text:
Even if Rictor didn't already have his doubts about leaving Shatterstar alone in the city for an entire day, seeing him leaned suspiciously close to another figure in a dark alley would have set off the alarm bells. Shatterstar was the opposite of socialite, a literal alien from outer space who didn't understand Earth culture and had very little interest in doing so. It was a surprise to everyone in X-Force when he volunteered to go with Rictor on a supply run. It was even more of a surprise to Rictor when, on the long and mind-numbing drive in, Shatterstar insisted on having a day out in the town alone. Rictor didn't even try to convince him otherwise, despite his own doubts and confusion. Shatterstar was the most stubborn person he knew, nothing could make him change his mind.
Rictor also knew firsthand how averse Shatterstar was to someone else being in his personal space. Casual touches or accidental brushes caused him to flinch away, quickly evading to a safe distance where he couldn't be reached even if someone purposefully tried. So seeing Shatterstar in a shadowed alley, poised intimately into the space of another person, twisted Rictor's gut.
Leaning over the center console of the car, he peered out the passenger window to try and discern the scene better. Shatterstar's figure was unmistakable, all seven feet held high with a lick of flaming hair brushing down to his hips. His back was to the car, blocking most of the other figure. Even if he wasn't in the way, Rictor doubted he could see much of the stranger; the alley was too shadowed with dusk settling in. All he could make out was dark clothes and long, light hair.
Some intense conversation was being had, considering Shatterstar hadn't already spotted Rictor, his hair swooshing as he shook his head in disagreement. Shatterstar's head dipped down and leaned to the side, almost as if— Rictor's breath caught in his throat, his heart squeezing painfully. It could have been the shadows playing tricks, he could have seen it wrong, but to all appearances Shatterstar — the touch adverse socially inept alien gladiator from the future — was kissing someone.
It happened so quickly Rictor blinked and Shatterstar had already turned, still blocking the figure from Rictor's sight to his frustration. What the hell was that? Whenever they went out people always fawned over Shatterstar, but for Shatterstar to give into the attention? To kiss a stranger when he couldn't even stand to brush hands with his teammates? What could have possibly happened to Shatterstar the one single day he decided to spend by himself in town?
The flurry of emotions and confusion still whirled through Rictor as Shatterstar opened the passenger door. For a reason Rictor couldn't explain, he didn't want Shatterstar to know he saw what happened. He didn't want to think about it at all, didn't want to think about how his heart still thudded painfully.
"Perfect timing, I got all the supplies I needed." Rictor played casual as his eyes zeroed in on Shatterstar's appearance, looking for any kind of insight as to what the hell Shatterstar got up to in the few hours he was left alone. Was he wearing a different outfit than the one Rictor dropped him off in? What was he wearing shades for at night?
Despite how Shatterstar was trying to be subtle, it didn't escape Rictor's notice how gingerly the other ducked into the car and arranged himself in the seat.
"So, how was your day?" Rictor's eyes darted up to the dark sunglasses Shatterstar wore, but Shatterstar angled his head away.
"Uneventful," Shatterstar said. He buckled himself in carefully, slowly, avoiding looking anywhere in Rictor's direction.
Anger shot through Rictor like a bolt, quickly overtaking the other confusing emotions that had been fighting for his attention. Rictor tried to direct his anger at Shatterstar's choreographed and contrived movements, the way he moved when he was trying to hide something, ignoring his painful knot of feelings directed at the kiss.
Uneventful? Did Shatterstar think he was an idiot? What was he trying to hide from him? Why was he even trying to hide it? He was a terrible liar.
"Oh, lots to talk about, huh?" Rictor said through gritted teeth. He gripped the steering wheel tight while his other hand reached for the gear stick, focusing on not shaking the car apart rather than dwelling on that goddamn kiss. "Gonna be a long ride home, I take it?"
Shatterstar still refused to look anywhere close to Rictor's direction, and in turn, Rictor found himself too angry to look at Shatterstar. Why was this making him so keyed up? If it had been anyone else in that alley he would have been prying for details or teasing endlessly until he got them. Why wasn't he doing that with Shatterstar? Why was he so upset?
"Actually, Rictor…" Shatterstar trailed off and Rictor risked a glance just to see the other's gaze locked out his own window. Away from Rictor. "It was rather interesting…"
A long pause. Rictor tamped down the urge to yell at Shatterstar to get out with it already. His heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest.
"… If I may tell you about it…" Shatterstar's hand moved to his hair, twisting a lock around his finger and tugging. "And also, tell you about… my wife."
While the words took a moment to sink into his mind, Rictor's anger instantly vanished. It was replaced with the sensation of his stomach dropping, leaving an empty, sinking pit behind. He could only stare out the windshield, completely oblivious to if he was running red lights, stop signs, crossing lanes.
Shatterstar had a wife?
He couldn't stop his hands from shaking while he tried wildly to clamp down on his powers. Fear clawed inside him, reason unnamed and undetermined. His mind blank, he couldn't comprehend what Shatterstar had just confided in him. Was that Shatterstar's wife back in the alley with him?
Rictor tried to swallow down his sudden nausea, choking out a laugh as the shaking in his hands increased, "You're left alone for a few hours and you get married?"
In his peripheral, Rictor could see Shatterstar turn to face him, but he couldn't look back. Not now, not yet, maybe not ever again. He didn't know what he might do, what he might say if he looked at Shatterstar now. He knew it would be something he would only regret.
"You are mistaken." The glare was practically visible from Shatterstar's voice alone, but another tone inflected in his voice Rictor had never heard from him before. "I have been married to her for quite some time."
Rictor ignored the pained twist in his gut at those words. "And in all that time you've been married you didn't think to tell anyone you have a wife?" He practically spat out the last word, wincing at the unintentional venom he had put in it.
Shatterstar was quiet for a moment. "In all truthfulness, it is not something I dwell on often."
Rictor couldn't hold back a laugh at that, frustrated though it was. "So why are you suddenly telling me now about the wife you never even think about?"
The ire that burned inside him was for how Shatterstar treated his wife, it had to be. He was angry she had such a horrible husband. Rictor tried to ignore how his gut twisted at thinking of Shatterstar as someone's husband.
"You misunderstand," Shatterstar sounded almost miserable. Rictor had never heard him like this before. "Marriage on Mojoworld is very different from marriage here."
"Right, but somehow that doesn't stop me from feeling horrible for your wife that you've failed to ever mention to X-Force. To me."
"If you would stop your grumbling I would explain it all to you!" Shatterstar whipped the stupid sunglasses off his face, throwing them with such force onto the dashboard the lenses shattered.
Rictor forced himself to look at Shatterstar, finding him intently watching in return. A passing streetlight illuminated his face and surprise overtook Rictor at how distressed he looked, like he was in pain. His left eye, normally a solid white with no visible iris or pupil, had turned a horrible looking pink with red crackling through it, as if a blood vessel had burst.
"If you would stay silent, I will explain to you what occurred today, and why I only now mention my wife."
Nodding dumbly, Rictor reigned his tongue and emotions in and looked back at the road. Shatterstar sank into his seat exhausted like a puppet with its strings cut.
"Major Domo, the Master Programmer of Mojoworld, conspired with the villain known as Arcade to put me through a set of trials." Shatterstar intoned as if reciting something that happened to someone else. "Among them, I was presented with an illusion of my wife, Windsong, to manipulate my mind and my actions. I saw through the lies as Arcade misunderstood the nature of our marriage, assuming it is like that of Earth marriages."
The silence in the car felt heavy. Shatterstar seemed to think that explanation was enough, but Rictor needed more. It was only curiosity, he told himself, ignoring the knot of emotions that still sat inside his gut.
"Okay, then how is marriage on Mojoworld different?" Rictor stared straight out the windshield, not daring to look at Shatterstar. Not willing to risk Shatterstar seeing on his face what he was feeling.
"Marriage on Mojoworld was for the purpose of continuation of quality warriors' bloodlines." Shatterstar continued on in the same bored tone, the way he often sounded when sharing things about his home world, his life before X-Force, "There is no need for romance, emotional qualities, or meeting your spouse. My union with Windsong was intended only for genetic reproduction. That time never came, as I fought with the Cadre Alliance then traveled here through time to enlist the help of the X-Men. Arcade's hologram of her asserted we had been together, that we loved each other."
Of all the things Rictor could have felt, it was relief that flooded through him. "This Windsong, your… wife. You've never even met?"
Shatterstar grunted an affirmative. Rictor glanced at him, but he appeared on edge, arms crossed and bristling.
"Okay, okay," Rictor ran a hand through his hair, "I get what you mean about marriage being different—"
"The illusion of Windsong claimed we loved each other!" Shatterstar shouted, all the emotion his explanations lacked coming forward in a rush, "I have not loved anyone before, Rictor. I do not know what that is, no matter how many vids I watch, how I try to immerse myself in your culture. It is…" Shatterstar grasped the air as if he was looking for the words to describe his thoughts, "I do not know if I am capable of love. It is vitally important to your culture, to your marriages, and I do not get it."
Rictor didn't know what to say at Shatterstar's outburst. It wasn't like he could help Shatterstar in the love department, with the paltry amount of experience he had with girls and the thoughts in the corners of his mind he refused to examine.
"You help me understand your Earth culture, things like love," Shatterstar's accent had gone thick, like it sounded when they had first met. In his peripheral, Shatterstar was staring intently at him. "Explain this love to me, the love your Earth marriage entails."
"'Star, I— I don't think I—" Fear chilled Rictor's heart as he willed his hands to not shake.
Shatterstar seemed displeased with Rictor's inability to answer him. "Even Adam understands Earth marriages, your love, yet I do not," he hissed.
For a moment it felt like Rictor's heart stopped, his mind racing ahead. The figure in the alley, that long blonde hair. Shatterstar leaning down towards him to—
"X-Treme?" Rictor's hands tightened on the wheel, "What does he have to do with this?"
"I failed to recount the events of today properly, my apologies," Shatterstar grumbled, "Adam and I were posed to fight and kill each other. Windsong would have been killed if we refused. But I determined it was not Windsong, and so we dismantled the Murderworld facility Arcade had created for us."
Rictor's anger reignited at the thought of Adam and Shatterstar fighting together while he was off shopping, not a care in the world. He had been relieved when Adam didn't take up Cable's offer to join X-Force. Rictor didn't like him — he was all smiles and sharp teeth while holding a dagger behind his back. He ignored how his heart clenched at the memory of how Adam had clicked with Shatterstar, how innately they understood each other.
He didn't want to ask. He didn't want to know. It was going to hurt him. But was he ever one to refrain from doing something just because it would hurt him?
"Was it Adam you were talking to before I picked you up?"
'Did you kiss him?' he left unasked.
Shatterstar’s voice tilted in surprise when he answered. "Yes. He gives his apologies he did not have time to speak to you, or the rest of X-Force, but he sends his greetings."
Rictor kept his voice and hands from shaking, barely. "What was he sticking around to talk to you about then?"
"As Major Domo hired Arcade to test me, so another party had hired Arcade to test Adam. He wanted to immediately investigate that matter, and had spent more time than he should have helping me destroy the facility and contact the authorities."
"And is that all he wanted to help you with?"
Shatterstar didn't answer. After a moment of stony silence, Rictor glanced over to see Shatterstar glaring straight at him.
"I do not understand your foul mood tonight, Rictor, but by Arize's beard, must you insist on being unreasonable to all I say?" Shatterstar snapped, "I did not want his help despite his insistence. I was perfectly capable on my own. The body recovers quickly enough and I told him I did not come close to hitting anything vital."
"Did you—" Rictor's frustration quickly turned towards Shatterstar, "'Star, we've talked about you stabbing yourself. You're not supposed to do that."
Shatterstar grumbled, crossing his arms carefully and returning to staring out the window. "Do not speak to me of it. Adam has already exhausted me with opinions and his examination of my wound. Do not request to see it. As I said, the body heals."
Examining the wound? Rictor thought back to that strange movement in the shadows, Star leaning down like he was pulled, not for a kiss, but for the other person to look closely at an injury.
Rictor sighed. Now he felt like he was the one who had been in a fight. Shatterstar had a wife but had never met her, he didn't love her. He was a little fucked up about the love thing in general, it seemed, but Rictor really couldn't help him there. Not at any time, but especially not now with how his emotions still knotted together in his gut. And Adam-X had been there, with his vested interest in Shatterstar's safety and wounds and God knew what else. Definitely not kissing him. Rictor couldn't linger on the thought of Shatterstar being interested in a man any longer.
The silence stretched on for minutes, heavy with the weight of their mutual frustration.
"For the record," Rictor said, knowing he was about to say something he would regret, something that would undoubtedly keep him up at night, "I hope you'll figure out the deal with love, 'Star. That you'll understand it some day."
I hope I will too.
Shatterstar's eyes, gleaming in the dark, locked with Rictor's. His breath caught in his throat as the moment lingered on, broken finally as Shatterstar dipped his head low and rumbled, "Thank you, Rictor."