Work Text:
I open the heavy wooden door and fall into bed, probably looking as awful as I feel.
It's soft and warm here… That's what I need…
Quiet though…
Too quiet…
Lonely…
When am I not alone, though?
I'm left to stew in my depressive thoughts far too long before Odysseus walks into our room.
"What's wrong? You seem upset." He asks, concern evident in his tone.
"It's nothing." I don't even glance at him, my back turned to him.
He sighs as he looks at me. "I don't believe that for a second, Love."
I laugh with no joy. "See. I'm just some hopeless liar. Just abandon me like everyone else. Leave me like you will in the end. At least then I'm not just getting attached for nothing."
He stands there for a second, completely shocked. He then starts to approach, sitting beside me on the bed.
"Dearest, do you truly think I'd ever leave you?" he speaks softly, though there's evident disbelief in his tone.
I laugh again. Still a depressing sound, empty of joy or warmth. "I always sit there, wondering how I can make them happier, wondering how I can be better for them… But I'm never enough… They leave me there. They always leave. I always say that I won't do it again, that I won't let myself fall for the same 'I love you's and the soft promises of a love that won't die. It's always the same. I want to give them my best… But I'm never enough… My love isn't what they need… Maybe I just come on too strong… But I'm always abandoned when I leave distance… When I've been busy… Maybe I'm just meant to be like this… Alone… Unloved… Maybe I'm not meant for loving long term… Even if I want nothing more…" I trail off, tired of explaining. Tired of remembering.
Odysseus is silent for a moment. Taking in all he heard from me. "I… Love… Do you really think I'd do that to you?"
"Drop the act. Odysseus. Why would you want a mistake like me? You deserve someone better than a screw-up that can't hold a relationship." I curl in on myself.
"Do you really think I'd leave you? You think I'd drop our relationship like it's nothing? I could incur the wrath of gods, and I'd fight them with their own weapon just to come back to you." He gently touches my shoulder. I pull away from the touch, but he doesn't let go.
"If so many others can, then so can you." He's never heard me speak so coldly to him.
He pulls me close into a hug. "Who hurt you?"
I glare at him. "Get off of me." I try to shove him away.
He pulls me even closer against his chest. "I am not leaving you like this to suffer!"
I try to shove him off, harder this time, but he's far stronger than I am. "I don't want you here just to leave me in the end!"
He mutters something under his breath.
"Okay, imbecile, where are you getting the idea that I'd ever leave you?" He asks, almost offended.
"The place where people realise I'm an unlovable mistake that can't hold a relationship and doesn't deserve one to start." I pull my knees up to my chest as he pulls me into his lap.
"You're not unlovable, and you're not a mistake. After all, I'll always love you." He says softly.
I relax into his chest, too tired to be angry, resentful, and upset. My body goes from tense to exhausted and weary. "You promise?"
"Only if you promise to get some sleep. You look like you could use it." He soothingly runs his fingers through my hair.
"Yeah, I promise I'll sleep properly later." I press my face into his chest.
He gently scratches my scalp. "Good, you can't keep running on coffee and rage. Even those sources will eventually leave you tired and burned out," He smiles down at me.
"Shush. I'm comfy." I press my face further into his chest and slowly drift off into a peaceful sleep.