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“how did you expect life to turn out? Back when you were going into law.” Dean leans back, letting the warmth of the sun's rays wash over his face.
“I certainly didn't expect this: hunting and living our life again.” He shrugs, looking over at his brother. “Honestly, I'm not sure what I expected. Safe, easy. Almost any other person's life seems easier than ours. But, at least we can choose our own vacation days.” He leans forward, fixing the bun his hair is tied up in. “I'm glad it's turned out the way it has.”
"Sam. I’m glad it has too.” Dean turns his face so he can look at his younger brother. “I’m sorry you had to grow up so early. And I’m sorry we weren’t a good family to be raised around.” His face betrays his sadness, and his unnecessary guilt. He takes a deep breath, watching as Sam frowns.
“But you weren’t Dean. You were always there. You sacrificed a lot for me, just because I was your brother.” Sam sighs. “I couldn’t have asked for a family where I was needed more.”
“It wasn’t just because I was your brother.” Dean whispers, only loud enough for Sam to catch a few of the words. He didn’t really mean for them to fall out of his mouth, but when Sam asks what he said, it was too late to turn back. “I said that it wasn’t just because you were my brother.” He talks loud enough that there is no way Sam can miss it.
Sam’s face goes red, “Then why?-" He shifts in his chair "-And don’t say something like you’re in love with me. Even you, with your love for chick flicks, can’t pull that trope off.” He laughs, closing his eyes and leaning back in the chair again.
A few minutes later, after they’d both sat back and were quiet, Dean speaks out. “I won’t say it then. I guess I know how you feel about it.” He sighs, getting up. “I’m going to the bathroom.” Sam sits silently, processing what Dean has said and doesn’t realize until half an hour later that Dean hadn’t come back.
“Dean?” Sam asks, entering the bathrooms. He hears a quick sniff before Dean answers in a ragged voice.
“Go away. We came to enjoy the sunshine and get out, so get out.” Dean tells him, his voice funny.
“I’m not leaving until you tell me why this is the first time you’ve told me this.” Sam demands quietly, “You’ve never said anything about it before.” He sighs, sitting down against the bathroom wall to wait it out.
“It never really came up. And I know it’s wrong, but it isn’t something I can help.” Dean sighs, trying to stop his emotions from showing up.
"Who told you that it was wrong, Dean?" Sam asks, confused. He never had, he'd never really thought about Dean in a romantic light at all.
"It's common knowledge that people who want to be with their family are royally fucked up. Why should I be any different?" He spits out, all venom towards who he is.
“It’s okay Dean. Its actually not that uncommon for siblings to experience feelings like these. There’s a name for it, genetic attraction I think. The Egyptians tended to prefer sibling marriages, or relative marriages to keep the same blood in the family. This was the norm, and possibly preferred marriage. “ Sam answers, like he’s reading from a textbook. “But Dean. I’m sorry, I don’t feel the same way. I love you, and I would die for you. But I can’t feel this for you.”
Dean opens the stall and walks out, nodding. “I get it. I’m sorry.” He reaches for a paper towel and after running it under cool water wipes his face.
Sam smiles, sad and unsure of how to help. “I wish I could feel that way towards you, I wish I could do anything to make this easier, but I can’t.” He pulls Dean into a strong hug. Making sure Dean can know that it won’t change anything between them. “You don’t need to be sorry Dean. You haven’t done anything wrong.”
After a minute or so, Dean pulls back from the hug and wipes his face again. “Sorry I made things awkward.” He mutters, sniffling again. He feels so stupid, embarrassed. “I never should have opened my mouth.”
Sam laughs, wiping under Dean’s eyes with his thumbs. “Dean. I’m okay. We’re okay. Nothing has to change. It’s only awkward if you want it to be.” He smiles, watching as Dean’s cheeks turn bright red.
He awkwardly scratches the back of his neck, trying to laugh off the awkwardness. “Yeah. You’re right Sammy.” He shrugs, “wanna go hangout in front of the sunset or something. Seems like something you would want to do.”
Sam laughs, pushing him in the shoulder. “I don’t think I'm the one that wants to watch the sunset. But yeah, let's go watch the sunset Jerk.”
They push each other several more times as they get to their seats, and Dean chuckles. “Bitch.” He responds, plopping into Sam’s chair. He leans back putting his sunglasses on and he knows they'll be okay.