Chapter Text
"Jisung, you can't be serious about this, this doesn't work!" — The Producer complained impatiently as he pointed to the computer, he took off his headphones and sighed deeply. Jisung's breath shuddered as he coiled up on his seat, of course it doesn't work, nothing he does actually worked, did it? no it fucking didn't.
"I'm sorry, I will remake it in no time, I'll make sure to-"
"No Jisung, this is the fifth time you're remaking this track, you can go rest, I'll just see if Changbin can make it and actually fit the style we're going for" — Jisung's eyes widened, no, no, no, this was worse than being told to remake it again, fuck, he couldn't lose this track, he needed to produce at least one of the songs for the album, otherwise, how will he prove his worth?? how else will he feel like he deserves all this, the fans, the love, the members?? — "NO!"
silence
"I- I mean.. I can make it work! I know I can! p-please, this is the only song I'm producing for this album and I-" — Jisung stopped, what was he doing? he couldn't say it, he couldn't look fragile like this.
"Jisung, you wrote a lot of songs for the album, you can't be doing everything, this track doesn't fit with the style I asked for, just like the other four you made!"
No, no, no he couldn't, he couldn't do this, he couldn't listen to the voices in his head, he needed to breathe, but how? fuck he had forgotten how to breathe, breathe Han Jisung, breathe you-
"Jisung?" — A new voice broke him out of his trance, his head quickly turned towards the sound, his eyes meeting with Minho's — "I'm sorry to interrupt, but umm we have practice right now"
Jisung looked at the producer, silently asking if he could go, maybe practicing would distract him from all of this, and hell, he really needed a distraction. The producer dismissed him with a flick of his head and Jisung was quick to obey, he followed Minho to the practice room in silence, his head facing the floor.
"Oh, finally you're two are back! Now go to your positions, we'll be playing Chk Chk Boom until all of you stop Chk-Chicking and finally Boom" — The dance instructor laughed at his own joke, elbowing Bangchan, who gave an awkward chuckle. — "Okay, go!"
They started dancing, and obviously, Jisung made a mistake.
again
and again
and again
and again
Always making mistakes, always doing everything wrong, this is Han Jisung for you all.
"Okay, Han Jisung, what is happening to you? it's a simple choreography, everyone got it on their first try, this was just supposed to be a quick practice!" — Minho turns to him, and for the first time since he stepped out of the recording room Jisung looks around, everyone looks pissed, even Hyunjin, who loves dancing and even Bang Chan, who is always patient, they all looked tired too
It's all because of you. It's all your fault Jisung. They're tired because of you. They're pissed at you.
Why are you always such a nuisance? Always bothering everyone.
"Jisung..? Are you.. crying?"
"hm-hmm!" — Jisung shook his head and quickly faced the floor again as he dried the tears from his face, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck
"Jisung, go calm yourself." — Minho said sternly yet somehow gently and, again, Jisung quickly obeyed, his tiny foots stomping against the tile floor as he ran towards the living room, but not fast enough to miss Hyunjin yelling
"What the Hell?? He makes a hundred and one mistakes, makes us stay here for HOURS longer than we were supposed to, but then he cries like a fucking child so everything's fine??"
"Fuck, fuck, I am not supposed to feel like this.. not right now!.." — Jisung mutters to himself as he locks himself up in his dressing room, his body immediately sliding down to the floor, his nails involuntarily running through the skin of his arms. — "Jiji can't... can't be seen like this..."
After a while without Jisung's arrival, Minho decided to go look for him, simply cause everyone else was too tired or too mad at him to do it. "Hannie?”
He called as he looked around, he wasn't in the parking lot, wasn't in the bathroom and wasn't on the living room, at least that's what Minho thought until he started hearing a muffled crying.
“Hannie??”
Minho made his way quickly towards the sound, which led him to Jisung’s changing room
“Hannie? Are you there?? I'm coming in.” — Minho opened the door just to find Han Jisung, on the floor, with his thumb in his lips and a Hello Kitty stuffed animal in his arms, his eyebrows narrowed in confusion.
“M-Minmin!? n-no get away!” — Jisung meowed as he turned around, as if trying to hide himself, even though he was sitting in the middle of the room. Minho, still confused, closed the door behind him as approached slowly.
“Hannie, what.. What happened..? why are you.. like this?” — Jisung, who still couldn't stop crying, scurried away as Minho approached, Minho took a deep breath but didn't force proximity, he just sat down on the floor next to Jisung. — “Do you want to tell Minmin about it?”
Jisung shook his head incessantly and Minho nodded — “Minmin will think Jiji is weird…!”
“Okay, Minmin will try to guess then, Can I?” — Minho asked, as gently as his confusion allowed him to, when Jisung didn't answer he took it as a yes. — “Are you.. upset because of the dance practice?” — He nodded.
Okay, this was fucking obvious
“J-Jinnie said mean things… about Jiji” — Minho rolled his eyes, he was definitely not the best one to deal with whatever this shit was, he's an only child after all, he didn't had sibling shit to deal with.
“So you did heard it.. aish.. Minmin will talk to Jinnie about it, okay?” — Jisung nodded and pointed to his backpack, that Minho noticed just now that was laying on the floor, things scattered around. — “What do you want Jiji?”
“Binky.. I-I couldn't find it…”
“You carry a fucking pacifier with you all the time?? what the hell-” — Minho's voice faltered as he saw Jisung's eyes tearing up even more, so he took a deep breath and reached for the backpack, and after a few second he easily found a blue pacifier with little clouds on it, he couldn't help but smile at it.
oh this is cute
“Here, Jiji, now… You can go sleep on the couch a little bit while I call the rest, you look tired..” — Minho stood up and started walking towards the door but stopped as soon as he heard Jisung shouting.
“NO! … Jiji can't be seen, hyungs will think Jiji’s weird..!” — Minho looked back just in time to see Jisung hiding his face behind the stuffed Hello Kitty
“Hannie, can you please stop this?? I know you like to be babied and shit but this is getting weird, I'm gonna call the others” — Minho snapped, he officially couldn't handle this anymore, if he spent another second with Jisung acting like this, he would go ballistic, he turned to open the door just be greeted by Bang Chan’ face.
“Wait.. Is Jisung Regressing?”