Chapter Text
In the Forbidden Library, a familiar, dusty silence reigned, broken only by the quiet rustle of pages. Natsuki Subaru, long since accustomed to the caprices of spatial magic, opened the door at random, expecting to find his small friend hard at work.
He was certain Beatrice was currently occupied with something incredibly important: perhaps restoring ancient grimoires damaged by time, or casting complex protective wards, her charming little brow furrowed in concentration.
— Hey, Beako, I was thinking maybe we should... — began Subaru, stepping inside, but the words stuck in his throat.
The scene that unfolded before him shattered every stereotype about the Great Spirit of the Library.
Beatrice was not working. She was sitting in her favorite armchair, legs tucked beneath her, staring at a book with incredible focus. But this was no ancient folio bound in leather. In her hands was... a screamingly pink volume, decorated with glitter and drawn hearts, which looked as appropriate in the gloomy gothic library as a clown at a funeral.
Subaru blinked. Then blinked again.
— Whoa, Beako! — his lips stretched into a snide grin of their own accord. He crept closer, peering over the spirit’s shoulder. — What is this saccharine trash? Has my smart-as-a-whip Beako, the Guardian of Knowledge, decided to change qualifications and is now studying treatises on flowers, little kisses, and the power of friendship?
Beatrice flinched as if struck by lightning. She tried to slam the book shut, but Subaru’s reflexes were faster. He deftly snatched the colorful misunderstanding from her hands.
— Give that back right now, I suppose! — she squealed, her cheeks instantly flooding with a color rivaling the book cover. — That is... that is an important artifact! A study of human psychology!
Subaru triumphantly held the book above his head, squinting at the cover. Two witch girls. One with ginger hair, the other blonde. Hats, brooms, hearts...
Sugar Sugar Rune?!
Subaru’s smile froze, morphing into a grimace of panic. Memory obligingly tossed up images from his past life. This was an anime for girls. The very one he used to watch secretly on TV when his parents weren't looking, because... well, because the plot was interesting! And Pierre seemed cool!
— Uh... — Subaru squeezed out, feeling his own ears beginning to burn.
Beatrice, noticing his confusion, narrowed her eyes. Her embarrassment gave way to suspicion.
— Betty sees a strange reaction, — she drawled, crossing her arms over her chest. — Are you familiar with this manuscript, Subaru? This book is one of the experimental tomes created by Mother. She was attempting to create a world where emotions possess the physical form of crystals. But how would an ignoramus like you know of this?
— Me?! Pfft, come on! — Subaru laughed nervously, averting his gaze. — It’s just... the design is too bright. It actually hurts my eyes. I have no idea who Chocola is or why Vanilla is so shy... oops.
A ringing silence hung in the library.
— You know their names, — Beatrice poked a finger at him accusingly.
— It’s... intuition! — blurted Subaru and, trying to change the subject, opened the book to a random page. — In any case, these are just fairy tales, right?
— Don’t you dare open it without preparation! — shrieked Beatrice, lunging at him.
But it was too late.
The pages of the book began to rustle on their own, as if caught by an invisible wind. A beam of light burst from the spread—not the ominous dark kind Subaru was used to, but a blinding lilac, accompanied by a whirlwind of sparks and the smell of cotton candy.
— Beako... — Subaru’s voice trembled. — Is this a normal glow? Or is this from the category of "this is going to hurt a lot"?
— This is from the category of "Betty doesn't know how to stop it"! — yelled the spirit, grabbing the hem of her dress, which was already being pulled toward the epicenter of the radiance.
The book hovered in the air, turning into a veritable black hole, only pink. The gravity in the room went mad.
And at that exact moment, the library door flew open with a crash.
— Natsuki-san! Beatrice-sama! Urgent news from Roswaal, we need to discuss the supply of magic stones and... — Otto Suwen, breathless and laden with a stack of documents, flew into the room.
He froze. The documents slipped from his hands, scattering across the floor.
A picture of the apocalypse was unfolding before him: Subaru, clinging to a bookshelf with one hand and holding Beatrice with the other, was slowly but surely sliding into a giant vortex shining with little hearts.
— Otto! — bellowed Subaru, his feet already lifting off the floor. — Don’t just stand there!
— What have you done this time?! — howled Otto. His instinct for self-preservation screamed at him to run, but his cursed conscience (and, perhaps, the habit of cleaning up Subaru’s messes) reacted faster.
— I don’t want to know the details, but hold on!
The merchant lunged forward, grabbing Subaru by the ankle in a desperate attempt to pull his friends out. It was a noble, heroic, and absolutely stupid idea.
The magic vortex, as if delighted by the extra serving, roared and tripled its suction power.
— Why the hell is it so stro... — Subaru didn’t have time to finish.
They were ripped from their spot.
— Why?! — Otto’s voice broke into a falsetto as his body, defying all laws of physics, twisted into a spiral. — I just wanted to hand in the invoiceeees!..
A pink flash illuminated the library, momentarily blinding the empty shelves. And then, everything fell silent.
The book fell to the floor with a dull thud, closing shut. On the cover, where two girls had previously been drawn, three new silhouettes emerged for a second, but immediately vanished, leaving behind only the scent of sweets and an ominous silence.
____________
The world did not disappear. It simply exploded with color.
Instead of the familiar darkness and pain of Return by Death, Subaru’s senses were assaulted by gold. Blinding, screaming, omnipresent gold.
He was lying on a floor so polished one could see their own reflection in it (something Subaru was currently studiously avoiding). Above his head, where the familiar ceiling of the Roswaal mansion or the sky of Lugunica should have been, stretched infinite vaults adorned with giant stained-glass windows. Light poured through them, shattering into millions of rainbow glimmers dancing in the air.
A hum filled the surroundings. Not the screams of monsters, but polite, courtly whispers.
Subaru struggled to prop himself up on his elbows, feeling a strange lightness and... a draft around his legs?
— Oh, my head... — groaned a familiar voice nearby. — Natsuki-san, tell me we didn’t die. And tell me this ringing in my ears will stop.
— We are alive, Otto, — wheezed Subaru, shaking his head to disperse the colored spots before his eyes. — Although I would prefer hell to this disco ball...
He turned to his friend to help him up, and froze with his hand outstretched.
Next to him, sitting on the parquet, was something. It was Otto Suwen. Definitely him. The same ashen hair color, the same facial expression of "what did I do to deserve this."
But he was wearing a dress.
Voluminous. Lavender. With ruffles. And a huge bow on the chest. And atop his head sat a pointed hat, slid coquettishly to one side.
— O-Otto? — Subaru’s voice cracked. — You... you are in a frilly dress? With lace? Seriously?
Otto, still squinting, finally focused his gaze on Subaru. His eyes widened to the size of saucers.
— Natsuki-san? And you... — Otto choked on air. — You are in a ridiculous raspberry outfit? And why do you have... a corset?
— WHAT?!
Subaru abruptly looked down.
Catastrophe.
His beloved tracksuit was gone. In its place, he sported a short, provocatively bright crimson-raspberry dress with black lacing. On his feet were not sneakers, but high boots with heels.
— What the hell?! — shrieked Subaru, trying to jump to his feet.
That was a mistake. The heels betrayed him instantly. His legs slid apart, and Subaru, flailing his arms ridiculously (which were now clad in long gloves), nearly crashed back down, had Otto not reflexively caught him.
The scene would have been touching, were it not for the fact that Otto himself got tangled in his numerous skirts.
— This is a dream! — whispered Otto in panic, looking around. — A collective hallucination! Why am I wearing women's clothing?! I am a respected merchant! I have a reputation!
— And I am Emilia-tan’s knight! — hissed Subaru, trying to tug down the hem that was far too short. — If she sees me in this... I will commit seppuku right here with this magic wand! Wait, do I have a wand?!
They stared at each other—two guys trapped in magical girl dresses, in the middle of a hall full of creatures in extravagant costumes who were watching them with polite curiosity.
They had just taken a breath to laugh hysterically (or scream), when the hall plunged into a reverent silence.
The golden doors at the far end of the hall swung open.
The light became brighter, concentrating on a single point. On a high throne, as if woven from radiance and majesty, sat a woman.
She wasn’t just beautiful. She was perfect, like an illustration stepped right out of the pages of that cursed book. Her golden hair flowed like a waterfall, and her eyes looked out with wisdom and authority.
But Subaru noticed one detail that sent a chill down his spine, despite the warmth of the hall.
The crown. Its shine was frigid, sharp, almost predatory.
Queen Candy rose. Her voice sounded like music, filling every corner of the vast space, drowning out the panic of the otherworlders.
— I welcome you, young candidates, — she pronounced with a soft smile that, nevertheless, brooked no argument. — The long-awaited hour has arrived.
Subaru and Otto froze, clutching each other by the elbows like two terrified schoolgirls at prom.
— Two worthy witches! — the Queen’s voice gained power. — You have arrived here from distant lands to compete in the sacred contest for the throne of the Queen of the Magical World!
— Witches?.. — Otto repeated with just his lips, turning pale.
— Your task is simple and sacred, — continued Candy, spreading her arms. — You will travel to the Human World. There, you will collect their feelings, crystallized into hearts.
She paused, and her gaze seemed to pierce Subaru right through.
— The one among you who collects the most hearts shall ascend the throne. And the new Queen shall be granted the right to make absolutely any wish, which will be granted by the magic of the crown.
The world around Subaru stopped.
Any wish.
The words echoed in his head. Save everyone. Return home. Fix mistakes.
But before he could process this, the reality of the situation hit them both. Collecting hearts? Queens? They are... witches?!
Subaru and Otto exchanged glances. In Otto's eyes, one could read the horror of bankruptcy and disgrace. In Subaru's eyes—the realization of a new, incredibly stupid difficulty level for his life: "Hardcore."
They took a deep breath and, in perfect sync, exhaled across the entire golden hall:
— WHAAAAT?!
__________
As soon as Queen Candy finished her majestic speech, the two "candidates" were gently ushered towards separate doors leading to their personal apartments.
Subaru didn’t stay in his room (which was drowning in velvet and mirrors) for even five seconds. He shoved the door open, not bothering with the handle, and, clacking his heels, dashed down the corridor, searching for Otto.
— Otto! Are you alright?! What kind of insane crap is going on here?! — Subaru burst into the adjacent room.
Otto, who was desperately trying to wrap a curtain around himself as if it could save him from disgrace, nearly jumped out of his skin. He looked like he’d been caught naked in the town square. Which, given the length of his dress, wasn't far from the truth.
— Subaru! Shut the door immediately! — Despite his panic, Otto maintained his merchant’s pride. — I am a respected merchant! I have an impeccable reputation in the guild! If anyone finds out that I’m wearing... ruffles... and bows... my career is over! I'll be the laughingstock from Kararagi to Lugunica!
The merchant pressed himself against the windowsill, trying to cover himself with his hands. His pointed hat had slid down to his nose, and his face conveyed a deep desire to sink through the floor, even if hell was waiting there.
— I have no idea what is happening! — Otto continued hysterically. — Did you understand a single word of that... Queen's speech?
— I only caught "queen," "hearts," and the fact that my life has once again turned into a bad joke! — Subaru slammed the door shut, leaning his back against it and sliding down. — This is an Isekai inside an Isekai, Otto! I got Isekai'd again! But why into the Mahou Shoujo genre?! Why not Mecha?!
Otto emerged from behind the curtain, his eyes glistening with stress.
— What do you mean "again" and "Isekai"?! That’s irrelevant! My biggest problem right now is these skirts!
He tugged at the hem of his lavender dress, but obedient to some perverse magic, it immediately returned to its original "airy" position.
— And... why do you look more feminine than me? — added Otto with a note of genuine resentment in his voice. — You even have a waist!
Subaru flushed crimson.
— Don't you dare start, Otto! — hissed Subaru, feeling himself blush. He tried to look outraged, but the internal monologue proceeded unimpeded: 'Damn it, I looked like the beautiful, refined Natsumi Schwarz when I needed to for the mission! That was art! But this... this is just a clown show!'
— Subaru, you don’t understand! — Otto started pacing the room, his heels clicking loudly. — No one, not a single person in that hall, found this strange! They all looked at me and thought, "Oh, what a cute and meek witch Vanilla!" A witch! Do you get it? I am Otto Suwen! I am a merchant, I can haggle for a sack of potatoes until I collapse, I am not a 'cute thing'!
— Oh, shut up, — groaned Subaru, finally deciding to examine himself more closely.
He walked up to the huge mirror in the golden frame.
Staring back at him was a sassy "girl" with angry eyes. The dress was... extreme.
— Oh my god... — Subaru whispered, trying to pull the fabric down. Useless. — Look at this length! It's absurdly short! Any fool can see... everything! Is this a magic skirt that gets shorter the more ashamed the owner is?!
He twirled, and the hem flew up, giving a view of his bloomers. Subaru yelped and clamped the skirt down with his hands.
But then his gaze fixed on the details.
The crimson hat. The heart-shaped pendant on his chest. The strange hairstyle he’d definitely seen somewhere. And then he looked at Otto: blonde, modest dress, purple eyes...
Subaru’s brain made a sound like a fuse blowing.
The gears of memory, lubricated by nostalgia and childhood secrets, turned with a screech.
— Oh no... — Subaru went pale, sinking against the mirror. — Everything makes sense now... Help me.
A flashback to an old living room in Japan. A TV tuned to a channel that boys "weren't supposed" to watch.
'Chocola... Meilleur...'
— Subaru? — Otto froze, noticing the change in his friend’s face. — What is it?
— They don't see us, Otto, — Subaru’s voice was muffled, as if from a grave. — They see Chocola and Vanilla.
— Who? What is a Chocola?! — demanded Otto. — Stop talking in riddles! You’re acting like you know what’s going on!
Subaru abruptly turned away, pretending to be deeply interested in the carpet pattern. His ears were burning. Explaining that he watched a girls' magical girl series was beyond his strength.
— Uhhh... well... — he chuckled nervously. — I... I was read a similar fairy tale as a child! Yes! My mom read it!
— A fairy tale?
— Well, yeah! It had these... colorful hearts, emotions that you could collect like coins... Two witches...
Otto crossed his arms over his chest (which, in a dress, looked unexpectedly authoritative).
— That sounds too specific to be just a "fairy tale," Natsuki-san. Names. Rules. Design.
— I was a kid! I have a rich imagination!! — shrieked Subaru, backing away. — Anyway! It looks like we've fallen into the world of this fairy tale. And they don't see us, Otto. They see Chocola and Vanilla.
A silence fell.
Heavy, thick, crushing.
They stared at each other, and suddenly a spark flashed in Subaru's eyes. A wish. The wish to get out of this circus as soon as possible.
— Wait. The wish! — Subaru grabbed Otto by the shoulders, forgetting about the heels and the skirt. — Did you hear what the Queen said? Any wish!
— I heard! But we have to become...
— Exactly! We have to win! — Subaru interrupted him, and the veteran of "Return by Death" woke up in him. — We don’t need the throne, we don’t need to be witches. We only need the wish! We’ll wish to go home, and all this will just be a bad dream!
Otto blinked, and his pragmatic merchant brain immediately began charting the path: Goal — The Wish, Means — Winning the Heart Contest.
— In short... — Otto sighed, adjusting his witch hat. — We must quickly gather these cursed emotion crystals, overtake all the competitors, and make a wish to return to Lugunica.
At that moment, the air between them trembled. The pendants on their chests heated up. Between them, a faint, pale purple glow flashed. It quickly took the form of a disgruntled, grumbling, transparent Beatrice. It was a tiny, holographic projection, no more than six inches tall.
— Idiots! You are still, at least, in relative safety, I suppose!
— Beatrice?! — the guys exclaimed in unison.
In the center of the room, in a whirl of sparks, a translucent projection appeared. Beatrice looked small, like a doll, and was sitting astride... a gigantic book.
— I... I'm stuck within the spell structure, I think! — she complained, her voice sounding as if she were speaking into an empty jar. — My powers are limited; I have to communicate through familiar magic! But you, Subaru! You clearly know what this place is! Stop playing dumb!
Otto slowly turned his head towards Subaru. His look promised a long and agonizing conversation about trust.
— Subaru?...
Under the crossfire of the merchant’s glare and the spirit’s voice, Subaru broke.
— FINE! Fine! — he threw his hands up. — I watched that anime! I read the manga! I know this world! Happy?!
— Anime? — Otto repeated.
— Focus! — snapped the Beatrice projection. — Since you know the plot, you are our insider! You will have to remember all the details, you idiots, because Beatrice cannot help you right now!
— Why?! — asked Otto.
— Because Beatrice only read the beginning, I suppose! — the spirit's voice sounded offended.
— Yes... — Subaru rubbed the bridge of his nose. — We have to collect the most hearts. The winner becomes Queen. The Queen can make a wish. Theoretically, if we win, we can wish to "Return everything back to normal."
— Excellent! — Otto clapped his hands, and his business enthusiasm was rekindled. — We have an insider! Subaru, do you remember where the most valuable hearts are? What is the winning strategy? What do we need to do?
Subaru opened his mouth... and closed it. His face took on an expression of deep contemplation transitioning into panic.
— Um...
— You said you knew the plot! — Otto pressed.
— I remember the atmosphere! — defended Subaru. — The emotions! Fragments! I watched this ten years ago!
He began frantically sorting through his memories, bending his gloved fingers:
— I think... there were candies... and hearts turned into crystals... and... lots of pink special effects?... The main character was brave, cheerful, and... a bit of a troublemaker? Just like me!
— That doesn't help! — groaned Otto. — Details, Subaru! Who is the villain? Who should we be wary of?
Subaru’s eyes grew misty with nostalgia.
— I remember... I remember I liked the antagonist boy... — he said dreamily.
Silence hung in the room. Even the Beatrice projection stopped flickering.
Otto slowly blinked.
— ...Subaru?
Subaru snapped out of it, realizing what he had just said aloud.
— He was aesthetically beautiful!! — he roared, blushing down to his collar. — I was a child!! He was a beautiful, mysterious prince! All the girls loved him! I just... appreciated the character design!
— Betty is beginning to think we are doomed, — Beatrice’s voice noted phlegmatically. — Subaru in a dress is fangirling over a prince, and Otto is afraid of his own skirt. A magnificent team.
But she needed to communicate hope:
— We are not entirely doomed. Unlike you, my connection to the book allows me to read it, even while inside. I will return to this room as soon as I have read enough to give you a detailed plan of action, including the villain's weaknesses! Until then: collect hearts and do not fall in love with any humans!
With those words, the Beatrice projection faded, leaving behind only the faint scent of vanilla and old books.
Subaru and Otto looked at each other again.
— So, it's up to us, — Otto concluded, clenching his fists. — I will become the most successful heart merchant to get out of this skirt!
Subaru, recalling that he would probably have to deal with the Ogre Prince, shivered, but then straightened up, reassuming the look of the Chocola troublemaker.
— Then, Otto, we will call our alliance "Team Isekai Witches!" And the first rule: ignore the local hotties, no matter how much they resemble Reinhard! Otherwise—we turn to stone, and that's not our style!
— Don't worry, Natsuki-san, — Otto drawled acidly, adjusting his purple bow. — That threat applies exclusively to you. You have already mentally signed yourself up to be the heroine of a romantic arc who will inevitably fall for the antagonist prince.
— WHAT?! — shrieked Subaru, blushing so fiercely that his crimson dress seemed dull. — Me?! I’m the hero! No romantic arcs with antagonists! It was just... character design!
— Of course, of course. And I am the modest witch Vanilla, — Otto finished with an inflection that left no room for doubt.