Work Text:
It wasn't quite right to think about it, was it?
And yet, every night before bed, every morning after waking up, he suffered from the images that appeared before his eyes. Suffered from it or enjoying it heartfully – he himself wasn't entirely sure. Suffered because they were all just images, because there was no one to tell him about them... since it all wasn't quite right to think about. No one would understand him anyway. Su called him a pervert. It's just that, unlike Kevin, he reviewed his notes both before bed and in the morning. Which Kevin hadn't even properly written down. After all, he was very distracted... by these very images, which, on the other hand, he quite enjoyed. It was so intensely itchy all over his body, especially there — it was physically impossible to bear, it made his face burn and he wanted to cough. Cough, because the images appeared during lessons, too, and he needed to hide...
As fast as possible. Run out of the classroom, bound for the locker room on the second floor, jump out the window, jacket in hand, land heroically with the grace of Olympic athletes, and run home. Run as fast as he could, while the winter wind cools his burning cheeks and head ablaze with desire.
Alone he didn’t feel as ashamed as he did right next to her.
It seems he's only getting worse. After all, it was only today that he felt like jumping out the window. Today, Mei was called upon to explain a topic that clearly no one had prepared for. No one had any questions done; everyone just exchanged glances for the first five minutes. The usual collective confusion, when you're simultaneously looking for someone to stand up for the whole class and answer for you, while also fearing for yourself, because you're not prepared. They hadn't even covered this topic; wasn't it supposed to be prepared for next week? Kevin didn't know. He wouldn't have come prepared the week after, either.
But Mei, for some reason, was ready to answer. She explained the whole material without a notebook. It might have seemed as if someone was prompting her, reading from a textbook the way only she could hear, and she was repeating it word for word. So convenient! But there was no one to prompt her, and all this information wasn't in the textbook in the first place. Su had said so after classes. She simply spoke all those complex words fluently. So fluently that she could practically give a lecture to the whole class on the spot.
She was unique. That's the best word to describe her, the only difficult one in Kevin's vocabulary. Unique in the way she thinks, in the way she gestures, in the way she matches the bright pink bow with a strict school uniform... In the way she pauses, so emotional yet collected. And Kevin had learned how she sounds when she wants to ask a question, how she sounds when she's trying to restrain herself from making a comment. How she sounds when she wants to make a sarcastic and cruel joke, and then takes a careful breath, remains silent for two seconds, and returns to her calm state. She says something neutral, and Kevin was the only person who could hear the notes of swallowed mockery. Mei had an ideal upbringing. And yet, as a truly smart and unique girl she was, she couldn't help but giggle at her stupid classmates.
Kevin especially liked it when she stopped herself from making jokes at his expense. She'd look away with a peculiar playfulness and cluck her tongue, quietly and unnoticeably. She'd smile briefly. It was just that whenever she finally allowed herself to mock his feeble mind, Kevin's insides would freeze. For several more days, he'd tease his teammates with exactly same words. Same intonation. And every time, his insides would freeze. For some reason, he was proud that she'd mocked him like that. And every night, when he recalled her words before falling asleep, the itching would begin anew. Right down there...
“Um…”
Kevin inhales, squeezing his eyes shut. It works – it hurts so much that he starts to see stars, and no more images.
He was constantly distracted by her figure. He never really listened to what she said, simply absorbing the nuances of her voice and how captivatingly they combined with the movement of her hands, the slight raise of her eyebrows when she was lost in thought... But he began to be distracted more and more by her figure. Mei was tall, with beautiful legs, between which he even longed to...
And he sees it through the stars before his eyes.
He'd like to peel off her school tights and dig his nails into her thighs with all his might, and she'd look at him with that same irony she forbade herself to show others. She'd silently ask him to prove her that he was worthy of being so close, touching her so greedily, raising his hands just above her breasts and unhooking the beautiful lace bra on... Wait, he'd like to touch her breasts first in that very bra. Perhaps they seemed even firmer that way? And if she allowed him to go this far, Kevin swallowed, it meant she was ready to show him even more of her vulnerabilities...
“Captain, what's the hell?! Stop sleeping already!”
Kevin takes a deep breath, horrified to realize he's on a basketball court. What time is it? When had he fallen asleep, when had he woken up?
He remembers the morning, though. He and Su had grabbed some soda on the way to school. Wasn't there supposed to be an exam today? Kevin looked confused, checking the watch on his wrist. Lunch was already over, too. Which meant he'd already written the history exam…
How was it possible though?! He doesn't remember a single question. Kevin nods confusedly to their team's center, catches the ball flying at him, and joins the game. Right, he was the one who planned this practice right after the exam... Everyone was against it, who plays sports during exam week? Has their captain gone crazy? But school competitions were just around the corner, and this same captain had reread the spoсons and so he was burning with anticipation for the upcoming athletic feats on behalf of the entire team, even the benchwarmers. Lately, however, it wasn't really sports that had been his passion...
Instead of recalling history lessons, he remembered how Mei, sitting at the front desk, had casually crossed her legs. It was her posture of concentration. He could easily recall who sat next to her, who she passed an eraser to, what time she left the class – but what he had for breakfast that morning? This one was not an easy thing to remember. It was nothing short of a miracle that he was even at practice, seemingly dressed for the part in new sneakers and his winter uniform… He hadn't forgotten to pack his gear. He’d somehow made it here. And he’d just scored a three-pointer. Mei called it muscle memory. It was probably all Kevin had left, the way he’d managed to drag himself here on autopilot, his brain completely disengaged.
He only thought with his muscles lately, it seems.
Practice today didn't go well. Fortunately, it wasn't because of him, it's just really hard to play after exams, and his teammates looked worried. Academic performance was important for them. And it seemed to mean nothing at all for Kevin. He rubs his shoulder, putting his school shoes in his locker with his free hand. He puts them on; they're so dirty... It would be nice to wash them. If he remembers to do so.
“How handsome…”
Girls' laughter in the distance. Kevin jerked his head toward the sound – it was girls from different class. They laughed nastily, tripped over their own feet, and ran toward their classrooms. Two months ago, he would have run after them. Or walked calmly and proudly at least, pretending he wasn't interested at all. But he loved the female attention. He loved that he was here with his reputation as a confident foreigner. He was sure... half the school wanted to confess their feelings for him. Well, or about half... A lot of girls, one way or another.
"You're such a fool sometimes, I can't stand it!" Kevin tenses, biting his lip. There he goes again. He sees, he hears, he thinks only of her. Constantly. It's driving him crazy – the unpleasant giggles of unfamiliar girls are immediately replaced by Mei's beautiful, rare laugh, which usually follows by looking him up and down, as if assessing him, and then leaving as if nothing happened.
Well. Kevin had always thought that girls who spent all their time buried in textbooks were boring and utterly dreary. Definitely not like her. She was clever, letting him get close only as much as she deemed necessary. Those other girls would have melted at the mere sight of him in their classroom doorway, but nothing could impress her. He had to work for her attention.
And it... excited him so much. If anything, he probably enjoyed it more than he suffered from it.
“How was the training?”
“Su?..” Kevin whispers in confusion, slamming the locker door loudly in surprise, “What are you doing here?”
"Stop daydreaming, you're already struggling with concentration. Fix it, don't make it worse. You're due for college soon."
“You lack male solidarity…”
“What does this have to do with…” a pause, “Actually. I don't want to know. You asked me to wait for you today. I made you a bracelet while I was waiting. Here, take it.”
Su hands his friend a wide white bracelet, apparently made of faux wool. Kevin once had a similar one, though he lost it back in middle school at home.
“Why did you start weaving bracelets?”
“I'm tired of just reading books. While I'm waiting for you, I have the time to find lots of new hobbies. That`s how much it takes you to spend some time with me.”
“Seriously?” Kevin scratched his head guiltily, fiddling with the ropes from the bag containing his sneakers, “Sorry…”
“No,” Su was clearly embarrassed by the gesture, “They were just giving some bracelet-weaving workshop at the library… Mei told me about it. Um... Kevin,”
“Mei?”
“Why do you blush every time I say her name? It's creepy.”
“Well, probably because I'm in love with her?”
Su snorted dismissively in response, glanced around, and walked forward toward the exit. Kevin didn't need to be explained such things; he'd simply forgotten, yet again, that he wasn't alone here. He hadn't even considered the possibility that someone in this school didn't already know he was seriously in love with Mei. She should know it herself, at least have a hunch! He was trying so hard… to do everything possible to get her to ask him this particular question directly.
The feeling of being in love is amazing. When you truly fall in love, it's a unique feeling; Kevin had never fallen in love like this before. It was followed by those very thoughts that were indecent to even talk about, to think about them... was shameful as well. Kevin stole a glance at his friend’s back and instantly realized the itch was starting again. His lungs began to ache, his legs went weak, it even became hard to swallow though his mouth was completely dry. How inconvenient. Even his stomach twisted into knots. The itch, it turned out, wasn’t the worst side effect of being in love. Kevin knew how to find relief from this one, at least…
“Su, I think I'm dying.”
“Why? Because youre… ” Su whispered, “in love with Mei?”
“Yes.”
“I see. You promised me to play tonight,”
“No! This is a serious matter! You complained that I haven't been myself lately! I don't even remember writing the history exam, it's…”
“Thats because you never really wrote it... Kevin, you fell asleep on your desk. You kept lying there, raised your hand at the end of the exam, said you felt unwell, and went to the nurse's office. To sleep. Don't you remember that?”
Kevin froze, deep in thought. Did that mean he'd have to come on a spare exam day? During winter break? That was a problem. His head started to ache, and he looked pitifully at his friend, who seemed oddly wary.
“You really are dying, huh.”
“So…”
“Yes, Mei did ask how you were feeling. That's why she recommended the workshop. Not because you fell asleep during the exam like a complete idiot, no, it's just... We just got chatting.”
“So…”
“Yes, she did look very worried. And disappointed. You've disappointed her, Captain Kevin.”
Su gritted his teeth, just used to playfully prodding his best friend's weak points with or without reason. But Kevin's eyes welled up with tears. Or so it seemed, just because of the lighting. Maybe he was allergic to snow? In any case, Su wasn't good at discussing such things and relied on his friend's ever-scary honesty, who would certainly not miss an opportunity to explain the reason behind his every emotion.
“I can’t do this anymore,” Kevin says quickly, “Su, this is a real nightmare, if you still have male solidarity, you have to understand how much I… I want her so much… I see it in every dream, in every fantasy, I’m even starting to doubt it… Maybe I don’t even deserve…”
“What?”
“I’m not worthy of a relationship with her… I like to follow her like this, as if I were her fan…”
“Ugh…” Su wrinkles his nose in confusion.
“But I want… I want her so much, I, aaargh,” The boy grabs his hair, “I want her so much. In every way. In every way possible!”
Kevin immediately grabbed his friend by the shoulders and began shaking them. One of his many ways to make those around him share his particularly strong emotions. Right now, it was pure despair. Su, however, was despairing for other reasons. So he shook off his friend's hands, placing his own on Kevin's shoulders instead and shaking him in the same way, but more aggressively and purposefully.
“So talk to her like a normal person! You're driving me crazy! Do you think she doesn't want to talk to you?! You described me…” A pause, Su trying to find the exact number of examples he'd once given, “Twelve different signs of attention from her! Wait, that's not it…”
“Twenty-four, to be precisely,"
“Don't drag me into your dirty fantasies!” Su snaps back. “That's what you call them! Smiling back and looking in a certain way aren't signs of attention! Talk to her. Directly. And can you already stop…”
“Oh.”
“Driving me nuts, Kevin!”
“That's it!... But what if she…”
“If she sends you away,” Su painfully tugs his friend’s tie, “Then go to hell!”
“You're rude…”
“You`re a pervert.”
Kevin looked down in shame and pulled away from his friend's strong grip.
“And, just in case…” Su added after a few moments of silence, “You do deserve... well, to be loved just as fanatically and sincerely. Whether that's healthy is another question, Kevin. I personally don't think this is normal at all.”
“Su…”
“And Mei's just an ordinary girl. Well, maybe not the most ordinary, just... get to know her better and stop believing in fantasies... Don't look at me like that. Come on,” Su takes his friend by the elbow and leads him toward his own house, “Have you had enough?”
“You're the best thing that ever happened to me, Su!”
It really was that simple! He needed to wait until evening, walk Su home, go back to his place, and call Mei... No, he could do that on the way back, otherwise he'd start seeing things again. And once again, he'd be distracted by fantasies when he should be thinking about what he could discuss with the girl of his dreams. What could he discuss with her? How could he impress her? In terms of science, he knew roughly... nothing. In terms of common interests, they had... also nothing.
But if he thinks about it, if they really do manage to communicate, become friends, then what does that mean, a date?.. Yes, a date with Mei. It would be the best day of Kevin's life. If she agrees to go with him to the art exhibition... Will she wear a dress? What kind, white or... Hell, he doesn't even know her favorite color. ... Will she do her hair in a special way, in a bun, maybe even braid it?.. Or will she come with her hair down, so Kevin can do it for her? And then she will gracefully unbraid it when they arrive at his house, and she will sit on him and look appraisingly, like a predator at its prey, and he, in turn, will be timid and...
“Oh no.”
Or, if she agreed to go to a restaurant with him, he'd cover their tab and treat her to dessert. Maybe they'd even have champagne – though if it really was a restaurant, somewhere downtown, they wouldn't be sold any alcohol. They were underage, after all, and they weren't allowed to drink... He wonders if such a proper and intelligent girl as Mei had ever tried alcohol. Did she obey the rules without question, or was she willing to break some of them? For Kevin's sake... What if she was a real rebel, and when she would ride him after the restaurant...
“Mhm-m…”
Kevin rolled over onto his stomach in his bed. In reality, they'd already finished playing with Su, and he'd been home for over an hour. He didn't notice how seamlessly he'd been whisked away from reality into the world of his head, back to images of silk bedding and beautiful lace lingerie. To the beautifully curly long purple hair falling onto the sheets, already loose...
He seriously doubted he should write, call, or communicate with her. Su was right, Kevin was a real pervert, and unless he could pretend he wasn't spending every night and every morning thinking about it… he'd lock himself in his room and never go out in public again. Mei was so stunning and distant that… besides, she'd probably be upset with him for seeing her as just an image. And she'd probably be angry that this image had appeared long before he'd actually communicated with her.
There were no worse guys than him. Su, on the other hand, wasn't interested in such things at all. One day, a very beautiful classmate of theirs gave him chocolates with a note inside: "To the sweetest hooligan." If someone had said something like that to Kevin, he would have melted on the spot... hooligan – that's romantic. Sweet bully – that's just... If Mei had called him that, he would have...
Su ate the chocolate without any interest and threw away the note. He said that teenagers just want to mess around with such nonsense, and there's nothing serious about it anyway. He also took offense at being called a hooligan, completely ignoring the romantic aura of the image.
"Hi, Kevin. This is your classmate, Mei. Su gave me your number in case anything happened to him.…"
Kevin rubbed his eyes, rereading the first lines of the message that had just arrived on his phone. Could this really be happening? She had written to him... He immediately jumped to his feet, starting to pace the room in circles. All the symptoms of falling in love immediately activated, turning him into a perpetual motion machine. Mei! Mei had written to him!
What does she mean, something happened to Su?!
He should read the message to the end first, probably...
"I don't know why, but he's not answering. But we agreed to meet tomorrow to check our answers for classical literature. Has he gone anywhere?"
Mei wrote to him! To ask about Su.
Kevin frowned, abruptly quelling the itch within. In any other situation, he would have been offended – why was his best friend setting up dates with the girl Kevin liked? But this was Su… and the meeting was incredibly boring, clearly between two of the strongest students in their class. What else could they discuss besides school? He bit his lip. Ironically, they had far more to discuss than Kevin and Mei.
“HELLO MEI” Why the capital letters?
“Hey Mei well I could kind of run over to him now and ask him what you need me to ask and don't worry he didn't forget about it if he promised not to (￣︶￣)” That won't do. He needs to get creative here. He needs to somehow exploit this situation... Mei will never text him first again. And he... probably won't... dare to as well.
Is he a coward or a man?
“Hello, Mei.” Too formal, is it?
“Hi, Mei!! (⌒‿⌒) I can go to him now and ask…”
“At eleven o’clock in the evening?”
Was it eleven o'clock at night now?!
“Why did you text me at eleven o'clock at night? Su's probably already asleep, that's why he's not answering…”
On read. Kevin froze, his legs draped over the back of the chair. His lower back was stiff. He didn't understand how he'd gotten into this position, but now he wouldn't move until he got an answer. But there was still no answer. Wait a minute...
Could Mei have texted him simply to talk?! And now she was embarrassed because she had no plan beyond the first message?! Kevin smiled; it was sweet. Sure, she was book smart, but when it came to communication, she seemed inexperienced. His heart beat faster, imagining Mei flustered by such a simple thing. Was she blushing with embarrassment? How long had it taken her to decide to send that message? Could she really be into him…
“Sorry, I went to dry my hair. I just got held up writing a report. But you're right, maybe Su is just sleeping.”
“Sorry for bothering you. Good night.”
No. This requires a quick reaction. Kevin falls out of his chair, rolls over onto other side on the cold floor, and finally comes up with a solution:
“Listen, Mei!! You mind if I study some questions with you tomorrow? What time r u meeting there?”
Well, pretending to be a literate person won't work anymore.
“Ten in the morning, at the site near Su’s house. Did you go through any theme, Kevin?”
“Why you think I didn't? (￢‿￢ )”
“Su said that you only studied history this semester.”
And it was precisely during the history exam that he fell asleep – no jokes.
“And how often do you and Su discuss me?”
And again, on read without a response. What should he do now, prepare the questions for literature, or…
“Often.”
“Come, of course.”
“I’ll be glad to see you.”
“(￣▽￣)”
Kevin clutched the phone screen. She often asks Su about him! She even says outright that she'll be glad to see him! And she copied his emoji! He just couldn't help but break down and confess his love to her; it was probably too soon for that though. And now – was she embarrassed? Smiling? Blushing? Or smugly enjoying her victory? She knows, right? She knows how much he likes her?
“At least open a book or two before coming over.”
“Oh, come on?!”
In a surge of emotion, Kevin kisses the screen. She reads him as intently as one of her hundreds of boring books. The itch has only grown more obsessive, but Mei’s sweet, ringing voice in his ears will have to be forgotten for a whole night, replaced by the drone of countless facts about classical Japanese literature that hold no interest for him. He hasn't even read the classics of his own country, and now he is caught off guard by the Japanese one. He doesn’t even know what book to read! And there are barely over ten hours left…
What is he truly willing to do to get closer to the girl who's consumed his thoughts? Kevin sighs dreamily, falling face-first into his pillow. And if he sorts through some literature exam papers, that pillow might start to smell like her. Not right after the literature exam of course. Although...
He had a chance, right?
And at ten in the morning, he arrives at Su's house, exhausted, with a sore head and bags under his eyes. And one of his fantasies that morning actually came true: he saw what kind of teacher Mei could be.
“What a jerk,” Su rolls his eyes when Kevin once again shares a thousand and one emotions with him.
Mei is much more interesting than just an image. And Kevin couldn't wait to witness the full depth of her uniqueness from the front row. How many sides of herself would Mei allow him to explore? How close would she allow him to be? Would she allow him to change with her, alongside her, to grow – together?
It seems it was too early to think about this, and therefore it is not quite right either...
But what difference does it make anyway?