Chapter Text
It was cold.
The type of inhospitable cold that could not be soothed; that could feel both relieving and suffocating.
Jax let it devour him without hesitation. His existence had become suffocating with brief moments of relief.
His eyes drifted up to the ceiling of his dim bedroom. His breath was steady as he traced the patterns over again. Every etched line, every small bump, and every crooked crack were now burned into his memory as if he was trying to overflow his mind with only this moment. But that wasn’t how it worked, even in this ungodly place.
A routine knock at his door startled him from his trance. He knew who it was, and the pile of papers piling near his door was proof of her stupid agenda. It usually would make him laugh, how desperate and delusional she could be, but this wasn’t amusing in the slightest.
His plan was simple: he wouldn’t acknowledge her or the root of his so-called problems. As far as he was concerned, she could do whatever she wanted. He tried to convince himself it wouldn’t do him any good anyway.
But this time, he glanced over, catching the moment the paper slipped through his barricade. The shadow that often crept up his wall lingered for a moment longer before slinking back down.
His eyes darted back up to the ceiling and then to the wall he had pushed his bed against the very first night he arrived. Neatly taped to the wall was a small, printed photo —a memory he cherished. It felt so long ago when he was hopeful. For what? He couldn’t remember.
Without knowing why, Jax pushed himself up, turning over so his long legs fell over the edge of the bed. He landed with a soft thud on the dull rug below. His steps were slow and deliberate as he dragged himself towards the door before sinking next to the pile of notes. Gently, he picked up the newest one.
It began with :
‘Your absence is difficult. I hope it’s not permanent.’
Jax clicked his tongue before dragging a gloved hand over his long, tired face. He skimmed through the other pages, his eyes narrowing in scrutiny. Each one filled with lies he guaranteed. She had left him one every day since his futile attempt to separate himself from the grasp of friendship—such a meaningless concept, at least in his eyes.
As he stood from where he had been crouched, another knock at the door startled him. It was harsher and more abrupt than he was used to. As usual, he gave no reply until a louder bang echoed through the room.
It annoyed him more than he already was. With a harsh glare, Jax pulled the door open, ready to chew out whoever was on the other side.
He paused for a second, finding a pair of eyes glaring back at him. Zooble was just as tall, if not taller, than Jax. Their eyes met at the same level. They were always on equal footing.
“What do you want?” His own voice sounded foreign and less harsh than he intended.
Zooble crossed their arms before replying, “Caine wants us all in the lounge area.”
He groaned, “I’m not going on another pointless adventure,” making sure to emphasize his irritation.
“Listen, can you drop this sad boy act? It’s really not impressive.”
“Why do you care?”
“I don’t, I’m just sick of hearing about it.”
“Oh, please.”
Zooble scoffed. “Come or don’t come, it really doesn’t matter to me, but if you don’t, Caine is going to be down here making all of this into a bigger deal. So I say get your sh*t together, put whatever issues you have aside, and go down there.”
“That’s a lot of words for someone who doesn’t care.” Jax tapped his fingers on the doorframe, daring Zooble to continue.
He played this game with everyone and always came out on top. Not because it was clever in any way, but because it was simply aggravating.
Zooble paused before raising their voice. “Oh, for the love of- just get out of your room!”
As Jax took a breath, preparing another useless retort, the door across the hall creaked open. The light jingle of bells grew louder, giving way to the small jester who walked out into the hall.
Jax’s eyes widened, becoming fixed on her. Those wide, glaring eyes of hers stared back until she turned away, finding refuge in Zooble.
His grip on the door tightened—Pomni’s presence, her stare, and those ridiculous notes. Jax knew what it all meant, but only now had it finally confirmed his suspicions. She was still looking. Despite everything, she still cared, and this infuriated him more than any of his past regrets ever could.
A deep, unsettling weight crept up to his throat, suffocating him. Without another word, he strode out of the doorway, slamming the door behind him. The noise rattled through the halls.
Zooble gave him a look. “Damn, would it kill you to be more careful?”
Jax turned to Zooble with a grin that spoke with complete trust and reliance. It was a kind of grin that never reached his eyes; only now did he look more foolish than he ever had.
Jax twisted his body towards the hall while keeping his head fixed towards Zooble.
“I’ll see you there, Zoobie.” He said lightly, and with a careless whistle as he went on his way.
There was a beat of silence before Pomni spoke up. “What was that about?”
“Caine’s asking for us,” Zooble replied.
Pomni nodded, understanding what hadn’t been said. Neither of them exchanged another word as they walked together.
______________
Caine had become desperate. It was the only way to put it.
They could all feel the shift in the atmosphere. The circus was never comforting; its vast hallways and wide ceilings were unsettling. But now, after the awards ceremony, an odd feeling of disdain was emanating from the ringmaster. Although no one could quite place who it was for.
Caine’s eyes felt focused on every movement, every breath they dared to breathe.
Ragatha was the first to speak up. Her red ringlets formed a half halo around her head.
“Is there an adventure planned today?” She spoke sweetly but sounded on the verge of emotional collapse.
“Is that what you want?” Caine asked.
“What?” The question escaped Gangle’s meek form. Gently, Zooble placed a hand upon what would be her shoulder.
“Is that what you want?” Caine repeated. “An adventure that is.” His voice was as loud as ever, but oddly uninterested.
The group exchanged uneasy glances. There was something static in the air. No one felt inclined to respond, fearing that their words might be the wrong ones.
Pomni opened her mouth first, trusting herself for once. “As long as it’s relaxing. Maybe something like the stargazing adventure we had a few days back.” She shrugged, hoping her suggestion would convince the others.
“You know I’ve always wanted to explore the grounds.” Ragatha piped up. “ I don’t think we’ve ever properly done that.”
With a sudden burst of energy, Caine shot up. “The grounds are…complicated! But if it’ll give you something to do,” He paused for a good while. “And I suppose it will give me time to fix some irritating problems.”
Caine once again fell quiet. Before anyone could comment on his obvious difference in character, he snapped his fingers. A trail of footsteps blinked on the floor leading out of the tent.
“Follow the footsteps to find today’s thrilling in-house adventure! This requires the participation of every, and I mean every, one of you!” He pointed a large finger down at them. “I trust in you all to have a good time!” With a crackly laugh and a snatch of his cane, Caine disappeared, leaving the circus members with not much of a choice.