Chapter Text
Regulus was never one for hanging out with classmates outside of school. If they invited him, he’d reject the offer. If there was a project to be done, he’d do everything online. If they just wanted to tell him something, he’d tell them to email him.
He avoided people from school like the plague. He didn’t want to see them, and he certainly wasn’t giving up his time after school for them.
To most, this seemed mean — maybe even somewhat arrogant. But he truly did not care. It was how he chose to live his life, and that was it.
Most people around him grew used to it; they wouldn’t even bother asking him anymore. People either emailed him or talked to him in class for whatever they needed from him. He liked it.
However, despite the reputation he’d grown for himself, that seemed to go all out the window when it came to Mary Macdonald.
Seeing as he was currently standing in front of the front door of her home.
The two had been paired up for the end-of-the-semester group project, and since they hadn’t finished in class, Mary was quick to offer up her own home as a place to finish up what they needed to do to be prepared to present in the next class. Even though Regulus would immediately shut down the idea of it being anyone else, he agreed to come over.
As if he were in some sort of a trance, he watched as Mary grabbed his unlocked phone, went to his contacts, added herself, and messaged herself so she could reply with her address.
Additionally, he gawked at her like a weirdo as she packed up and exited the classroom.
Not one of his proudest moments.
But now, after thinking far too much on his outfit and what cologne to wear — while also trying to look casual and laid-back, of course — he was trying to muster up the courage to knock on the door, or even at least ring the doorbell.
If he stood outside her home any longer, he felt that a neighbor might contact the police for his “suspicious behavior”.
Before he could somehow convince himself to just go home, he knocked.
He waited.
No answer.
He knocked again.
He waited.
Maybe she just isn’t home-
The door swung open. Despite where he knew Mary’s eyes would be, he realized that the figure who’d opened the door was much shorter. He looked down. A little girl, probably around seven years old, stared at him.
“Um,” he began, unsure of who this was and if she was the one he should ask about where Mary was.
“Who are you?” she cut him off, raising an eyebrow as she slowly began closing the door.
“I’m..” he hesitated.
Who was this? Was she Mary’s sister? Does Mary even have a sister?
Was he at the wrong house? Going over to people’s houses is too frustrating.
Should he just… ask?
Should he just go home?
Before Regulus could settle the inner argument within himself, he suddenly watched as Mary bolted into view and began running down the stairs. For a second, he worried she might trip and bust her head open.
“Luna!” she shrieked as she got to the bottom, running up behind the little girl. “What have I told you about opening the door to strangers?!”
Despite Regulus finding the ordeal a bit funny, Mary quickly looked up at him with a worried expression. “Shit- Not to say you’re a stranger- I know who you are- It’s just- Um,” she stammered, grabbing the girl from her shoulders and shooing her away. “Oh my god, I need to shut up. Hi.”
Regulus held in the laugh that wanted to escape his lips. He felt that laughing at her would not make the situation better.
“Hi.”
“My room is upstairs, follow me,” she sighed as she turned and began up the stairs.
Regulus gave a quick nod before entering the house, closing and locking the door behind him. He wondered if he should take his shoes off for a second, but wasn’t sure if Mary’s family did that. He only thought about it for a split second before choosing to keep his shoes off, waiting to see if Mary told him anything about it.
Mary was quick to reach the top, making Regulus feel a bit pressured to hurry his pace.
As they made their way through a hallway, Regulus tried to subtly take a peek at the photos that were hanging everywhere. He was used to portraits covering the walls of his own home, but those were all serious and devoid of any family dynamic. They were more to show off rather than to display memories.
On the contrary, the photos in the hallway were of a nice family time. Most photos had everyone involved, and sometimes the picture was a bit blurry, but you could see they were having fun. There were photos of only adults, others of only children, and some of everyone. He could see kids smiling, playing at a playground. He could see adults all sitting together and talking, see them playing with the kids, see them baking or setting things up.
It was all.. so unfamiliar.
The photos in his home were self-portraits of his family members, as a means of remembering who he came from, remembering what his name meant.
His one family picture was devoid of smiling faces. It was taken when he was young; it was simply his mother sitting on a chair, holding Regulus in her arms, his father looming over them, and his older brother, Sirius, standing alongside them. It was, for lack of a better term, depressing. They practically looked like a stock image of a family.
Mary’s family was full of life, laughter, and genuine enjoyment of each other’s company.
His parents loved him; he knew that, but it would be a lie to say they were loving and all smiles.
Mary’s room was at the very end of the hallway. Stepping into Mary’s room gave him instant whiplash. Her room was… full.
It wasn’t messy, but it definitely had a lot of things.
Was this what people called maximalism?
The walls of Mary's room were covered in posters of movies and artists, photos of her family and friends, and what seemed like letters — she seemed to have a million little things on every surface, from her nightstand to her vanity to her shelves. It seemed that she wanted to leave no inch uncovered.
It definitely wasn't Regulus' style, but he still liked it. The room felt very Mary.
As he continued to look around, he could see things that showcased her hobbies and what she seemed to enjoy. He was quick to notice the abundance of shopping bags everywhere, he knew she liked shopping often, but even this surprised him. On top of that, there seemed to be fabric and sketchbooks everywhere. There were articles of clothing, scissors, thread, and so much more scattered in one corner of her room.
"You can just ignore that. I was working on something before you got here," she suddenly said, startling him out of his thoughts. "It's for one of my classes, and I sort of brushed it off to the side for too long, and it's kinda due tomorrow..."
"It looks nice."
Mary gave him a small smile as she cocked her head slightly to the side. "You're sweet, but it really doesn't..." she sighed, moving towards the mannequin torso. "I have no idea what I'm doing with it, and I'm completely winging it."
Regulus didn't respond, unsure of what to say due to how unfamiliar he was with any sort of fashion design. Instead, he chose to give a small nod before taking off his bag and searching through it.
"Oh, right- You can put your bag in that corner if you want," she offered, pointing at the only corner of her room that seemed to have an ounce of free space.
"It's fine, I need it anyway to get the stuff we're gonna need."
Mary smiled at him again, moving away from the mannequin torso and towards him. Confused, he stared as she slowly approached him. Everything seemed to go in slow motion as she watched her reach her arm up as she got closer. However, before he could react, she suddenly brushed past him and closed the door. Confused, he turned around and watched as she grabbed her backpack that'd been hooked behind the door. He felt embarrassed as he continued to stare as she opened it to take out her laptop and notebook.
Why in the world did he believe for a split second that she was trying to touch his face? Why would she even do that?
He seriously needed to get a grip.
Once Mary had what she needed, she made her way to her bed, getting on top of it and sitting with her legs crossed.
"Do you want to get in bed with me?"
"Sorry?"
Mary giggled as she began opening her laptop. "Do you want to be on my bed so we can work on this, or would you rather use my vanity?"
"Oh," he stated lamely. "Um. The vanity works."
Holy shit, he was losing his mind.
Regulus Arcturus Black II, pull yourself together.
Once he made himself comfortable on her chair, placing his notebook and laptop neatly down, he turned to look at her, shifting through the pages of notes.
"Did you just wanna continue the work we were doing in class?"
Mary nodded. "Yeah, I was pretty much close to done before the bell rang, anyway. I'll show you once I'm done, and then you can just give me feedback on whatever. How does that sound?"
"That works for me."
An hour or so passed, and the two were silently working on their portion of the project. The only time the two talked was when they'd ask each other quick questions about what needed to be emphasized for their slides. Besides those quick comments or questions, the room was silent, with only sound being the soft music emitting from Mary's TV.
Regulus had managed to complete his part of the assignment by the time 6 PM rolled around. However, the nervous feeling he got around Mary was still lingering in his chest.
And, instead of being normal about it, he decided to try to distract himself by switching from using his laptop to using his phone. Mary seemed too focused on her work to notice his odd behavior, which he was infinitely grateful for. Embarrassing himself in front of her in any way was a definitive ticket to walking into oncoming traffic.
After another 30 minutes of just mindless scrolling on his laptop, he finally caved and decided to text Sirius for some semblance of assistance.
Regulus
Hi.
Sirius
o hohoho wassap
r u texting to ask what you should talk abt w mary
Regulus
No, I'm texting to let you know that I got kidnapped and I'm never returning home
Sirius
ok
can i have ur room
Regulus
No
Sirius
wtf
Regulus
I don't know what to say to her.
Sirius
deadass idk how to help u i js wanted to make fun of you LMAOAOOAOAOAO
Regulus
Holy shit. Die.
Sirius
noooooooooooooooo my moony will be sssososososo sad
like
so sad
Regulus
I promise you he will not care after a day
Sirius
DONT?? say that
actually
wait
y would u say that
do u rly think that
be fr
Regulus
...
Sirius
bruh omg this is y mary dont FW you
Regulus
???
Sirius
Low blow my bad u didnt desreve that
n e ways
uuhhhh
uhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmm
Regulus
Aren't you guys friends?? Why is this so hard for you?
Sirius
Just ask her about her day. Or about what she likes.
It's not rocket science. Just get to know her.
Regulus
Wow I didn't expect genuine advice
Sirius
that was remus
he took my phone lmaoaaoaaooaaoaooa
Regulus
Makes more sense.
Sirius
WHAT?????
EVER?????
blocked
Regulus
God, finally.
Sirius
🖕🖕🖕
Starting a conversation with Mary of all people felt like a death sentence.
Regulus has never been the most social person, but talking with someone wasn't difficult. He could make decent conversation when needed; maybe he’d struggle maintaining it for a long period of time, but that was simply because Regulus wasn't much of a talker. He much preferred listening to someone ramble away about whatever they pleased — he could even pretend to be engaged so as not to offend them.
Mary, on the other hand, was completely different. Talking to her made him sweat, it made him stutter, it made him nervous. Raw, genuine, nerves that he felt in the pit of his stomach, nerves that bubbled into his throat and threatened to be released in disgusting vomit. No matter what he did, who else was around, or what they talked about, Regulus couldn't stop the slight tremor in his hands or the way he seemed to forget every word in the English language. He struggled to form sentences in his head, to clearly focus on what was being said, and he particularly got frustrated with himself for his inability to be normal and not stare at the girl.
At some point, he wondered if he was simply dying from some mysterious illness that only took effect when Mary was around. However, to his dismay, Pandora informed him that what he felt around Mary was completely normal and something that would either only go away with time or after being rejected, but, apparently, even rejection may not stop those feelings.
Which was just a comforting thought. Truly.
Despite the universe seemingly trying to work against him, Regulus had managed to maintain a casual relationship with Mary. They were classmates who occasionally talked to each other if they were around one another.
Nothing more.
Which was fine with Regulus.
It was just great.
Regulus finally pried his eyes away from his phone, switching his gaze to Mary. However, to his surprise, she was already looking at him, her laptop closed beside her.
The two stared at each other for what felt like hours but was probably only seconds, before Mary cleared her throat.
“Uh- Are you hungry? Or thirsty?”
Regulus stayed silent for far too long before responding. “Oh, no. It’s fine. I wouldn’t want to-”
“No! I insist!” She quickly cut him off, getting off her bed so quickly that she stumbled a bit.
Before Regulus could say anything else, she quickly rushed out of the room.
A million thoughts rushed at him at once. All about his behavior, or if she knew that he liked her, or even considering just saying he’s needed at home and leaving to save himself the embarrassment of anything else happening.
As he silently panicked and began begging the ground would just swallow him, the door creaked open.
Expecting to see Mary with some food and drinks, he quickly perked up, trying to appear as if he was completely normal and not a total weirdo having a panic attack in his crush’s bedroom.
However, instead of the five-foot-three figure with a head full of curls and beautiful brown eyes that genuinely made Regulus lose any ability to form a thought, he was met with an eyeball peering at him from the crack in the door.
“Um,” he tried, unsure of who or what exactly he was looking at.
Before he could say anything else, the small figure quickly opened the door further, looked behind her as if she were on the lookout for something, and rushed inside, closing the door as quietly as she could.
Once she was inside, he managed to recognize her as the girl who had originally opened the door for him when he’d first arrived.
“Oh. Hi. Luna, right?”
The girl seemed startled at the mention of her name.
“Um. Yes,” she mumbled as she slowly turned around, keeping her back close to the door.
“Were you looking for Mary?”
“I know she’s downstairs.”
Now, Regulus was confused. If she knew where Mary was, why was she here? It’s not as if she was possibly looking for him.
“Are you..Reeg..you..lus?” She said his name as if it were foreign. Which, to some extent, it was, it’s not as if it was a regular name you saw daily. He never knew if he should be happy or annoyed that his parents gave him such a unique name.
“It’s pronounced Regulus, and yes, I am.”
“Are you dating Miri?”
“Sorry, who?”
“Miri.”
“I don’t…” He began before he suddenly remembered that Mary’s full name was Miriam.
“Mary?!” He shouted before he could think twice.
The girl quickly rushed over to him and flailed her arms around. “Shh! She’s gonna hear you, and I don’t want her to know I’m talking to you!”
Regulus’ mind was spinning. Who was this girl? How did she know his name? Did she know something? Could she have seriously found out about his crush on Mary from their two-second interaction?
Before Regulus could ask any of these questions, she suddenly moved to Mary’s drawer. He watched as she lay belly down on the floor and reached underneath the piece of furniture, moving her hand around searching for something. Once she was able to find what she seemed to be looking for, she drew her hand back, a book in her grasp. She made her way to Mary’s bed, getting on top of it before opening the mysterious notebook and looking through the pages.
“November 23,”
He flinched.
“Regulus seemed kind of sad today, sad face.”
What.
“I tried talking to him, but I kept getting interrupted by my friends. Not that I’m complaining about them obvi, but sometimes they don’t get the hint that I wanna talk to him, rolling eyes face, and it’s kinda annoying.”
Regulus stared at the girl on the bed.
Was she reading Mary’s diary?
“I don’t think- Is that Mary’s diary?”
Luna flipped to another page as she nodded, not looking up.
“I don’t-”
“Regulus is so cute, oh my gosh-”
“Oh, my god. Wait-”
“I actually can’t handle it, I think I’m gonna die. How does he manage to look so perfect all the freaking time? It’s not real.”
“Stop-”
“I just want to kiss him all the time-”
Somehow, Regulus is pretty sure his heart has stopped beating. He was certain he had died, and this was some sick twisted hell.
“Luna!” A voice screeched from the doorway.
Regulus quickly whipped his head to watch as Mary’s face contorted from shock to fear to anger. The girl didn’t waste a second before stomping her way over to the little girl sitting on the bed, notebook still open in her hands. Mary quickly grabbed her diary and pointed to the door. “Leave. Now.”
Luna didn’t need convincing, rushing out the door and down the hallway.
Regulus watched the entire scene unfold in stunned silence. It wasn’t until Mary called his name that he remembered to breathe.
“Sorry?” he asked, turning his head to look at her.
“How much did she read?”
Regulus felt his face getting hot, and he knew it was probably evident against his pale skin.
“Um-” he mustered, the words not forming right in his mouth.
“Actually,” Mary cut him off before he could attempt a sentence. She threw the notebook down on her bed. “She read enough. To spare myself any further embarrassment and save the little dignity I somehow have, I think it’d be best if you just went home.”
Regulus thought about protesting, possibly even telling her he didn’t believe anything Luna had said. But they’d both know that was a lie. Why would she write any of that about him? Certainly not as a joke if she never planned on letting Regulus know about it. Even though he couldn’t fathom why Mary Macdonald of all people would feel that way about him, he knew her feelings were real.
Mary liked him.
Mary wanted to kiss him.
“Okay,” he finally responded after far too long a silence.
The girl only nodded in agreement as she turned around to grab her laptop.
Regulus quickly got up, grabbed his bag, and rushed out of the room. He couldn’t help the way the flush in his face seemed to slither its way down all over. He was consumed by a feeling he couldn’t describe.
Embarrassment? Embarrassed, that’s how the big moment ended up playing out, with him finding out Mary liked him through her diary being read out loud by a 7-year-old girl?
Happiness? Happy that Mary shared the feelings he’d been hiding for so long?
Shame? Shame that he allowed the girl to read so much of Mary’s private thoughts and feelings, only probably making Mary feel awful?
Regulus couldn’t put a name to it, but he knew he didn’t particularly enjoy it. He didn’t like the way that even after making his way outside, the winter air did nothing to combat the heat he felt in his face.
The feeling didn’t leave him as he made his way to the bus, boarded it, and sat silently staring out the window at the passing scenery. It didn’t fade as he got off and walked the rest of the way to his house. The feeling didn’t so much as waver as he made his way inside and rushed upstairs. If anything, the feeling seemed to multiply once he was in the comfort of his own room. He could feel it coursing through his veins as he plopped himself onto the bed.
Why didn’t he say anything?
Why did he admit that he liked her too?
Why did he let Luna read for so long?
What was wrong with him?
Why couldn’t he just be normal about his feelings?
Regulus couldn’t bear the thought of leaving his room. He wanted to stay in his bed and simply die. He wanted his body to rot and for nothing more than his bones to be left behind.
Okay, maybe he was just being dramatic.
But he wasn’t keen on leaving his room any time soon. He needed time to collect his thoughts.
A long time.
Forever, maybe.
But that was not possible.
He had class tomorrow.
He had to see Mary tomorrow.
There was no way he was going to be able to face her tomorrow. To look her in the eye after everything he now knows.
Regulus was also definitely not about to profess his love for her. Yesterday could’ve severely changed her opinion of him. She might see him negatively now; she probably isn’t happy at the thought of Regulus hearing her diary being read out to him like some sort of audiobook.
Regulus certainly wouldn’t be happy if the roles were reversed.
Just the mere thought of hiding his feelings so well, only for everything to be out in the open one random afternoon because someone couldn’t keep their mouth quiet sent a shiver down his spine.
Luna’s young; she probably didn’t understand how much this would impact Mary. She probably even thought she was doing her a favor by telling Regulus. She’s a kid; she had a simple mindset.
Everything aside, things weren’t looking good for tomorrow. Regulus wasn’t excited to see her, and Mary definitely wasn’t jumping for joy at the thought of seeing him either.
Maybe Regulus could just cut class. Maybe he could make up an excuse, lie about a fever, fake a cough, anything. His parents would believe him anyway, he wasn’t like Sirius who was constantly skipping class and faking sick so his parents could call him out. Regulus was a good kid who never missed a day; anything he said would immediately be believed without a shadow of a doubt.
All he needed to do was lie.
One lie and he wouldn’t have to face the humiliation of looking Mary in the eye.
That was it.