Chapter Text
The spire of deceit was quiet except for the distant snoring of Shadow Milk.
Pure Vanilla Cookie had come to beast-yeast with the aims of defeating his counterpart, but had ultimately ended up with a much different outcome. He had found comfort in lies, in the beast of trickery, and in the form of Truthless Recluse. Even being able to be his normal self, Pure Vanilla preferred Truthless Recluse. It made him feel more at home in the castle, more… content. In all honesty, he liked his new residence. Shadow Milk never watched to make sure he ate, never made a fuss if he hid in his room all day, never forced him to be productive or happy.
“A bad day is a bad day.” Shadow milk had once said, “and a bad week is a bad week. Same with however long it is. Not like you chose to feel this way. And sometimes, what people call bad days and bad weeks are just who you are. No point in overcomplicating it.”
Pure Vanilla got out of bed. It was the dead of night, yet he couldn’t sleep again. His door silently opened into the dark hallway, Pure vanilla closing it and walking without a sound. As he moved through the spire, he remembered his friends, the ancients. Dark Cacao, always quiet yet undoubtedly brave and resolute. Hollyberry, loud and boisterous but always protecting the ones she cares about. Golden Cheese, greedy and proud yet bringing abundance and prosperity wherever she went. White Lily, shy but strong willed and smart. He missed them, Of course he did, but how could he go back?
How could he explain what he had chosen?
When all the others had so bravely fought against their beasts, through hardship, temptation, and devastation, he had stopped resisting.
His dough glided silently across the halls of the castle as he moved quickly towards the gardens, dark cloak blending into the shadows of the night. Soon, he reached his destination. Pure Vanilla grabbed a nearby watering can, and began silently tending to the blue blossoms. He liked plants. Plants never judged, never asked, never judged. He found comfort in Shadow Milk for the same reason.
He tried to keep his friends out of his mind. They could never understand what he had chosen.
“Truthless.”
Pure Vanilla Cookie flinched, startled by the voice, but he knew who it was.
“…Black Sapphire. Just got back from Crispia?”
Black Sapphire Cookie bowed, dark purple tailcoat swaying in the slight breeze, eyes glimmering with his usual mischief. “Observant as ever. Though there is some news concerning you.”
“Me?” Pure Vanilla Cookie said, confusion and worry in his voice, though he tried to hide it. “What is it?”
“The kingdoms have begun to notice your absence. The other beast's counterparts are starting to get word of such rumors. Your… old friends. I did my best to spread misinformation about this, but sooner or later, they will find out.”
“… I know.”
“May I tell master Shadow Milk Cookie? Or would you rather this stays between us?”
“……you…you may tell him.”
“As you command, Truthless. Have a pleasant night.”
Pure Vanilla Cookie waited until the footsteps of Black Sapphire faded into silence to react. He sank forward, tears falling across his dough for the first time since he came to the spire. He did not want the others to see him. Despite being content here, he still felt shame for submitting to deceit. He had failed in the mission that all the others had succeeded in. His hand instinctively went to his soul jam, a nervous habit, only to feel the empty impression of where it used to be. That just made him feel worse. He had willingly given Shadow Milk his half of the soul jam, the exact opposite of what he set out to do upon coming to beast-yeast. It had relieved him to have such responsibility lifted off his shoulders, yet now the decision that had made him feel content now felt horrible.
It took several long minutes before he could compose himself enough to think clearly.
The way Pure Vanilla saw it, there were two main choices. He could stay here, not returning to Crispia. That risks the other ancient cookies coming to beast-yeast, assuming the worst. Or… he could return to Crispia. If only for a brief moment, just to inform the other ancients that he does not wish to be found but is okay. But that means he would have to leave the spire, and have to go out into the world. No doubt that the ancients would be shocked at his appearance either way, his missing soul jam, thin dough, and sleepless eyes. He was well aware of how different he looked, it scared him at first, and no doubt the other ancients would be extremely confused and worried.
After much consideration, Pure Vanilla Cookie decided on making an appearance in Crispia. He returned to his room, still shaking slightly, and laid down on the bed, tears almost fully dried on his dough. He knew this was the best move. He knew addressing it face to face, cookie to cookie was the way to resolve difficult topics. Yet he still dreaded it. He knew his friends, knew that they would try to bring him away from Shadow Milk. Pure Vanilla drifted off to a restless sleep, not the kind you want to have before doing something difficult.
Pure Vanilla showed up for breakfast that next morning, though only nibbled at the jellies. Shadow Milk glanced towards him, having heard from Black Sapphire what rumors are spreading throughout the kingdoms, noticing how Pure Vanilla did not eat much that morning, but said nothing. His ARFID was already bad enough, but when he got worried or anxious he couldn’t eat,but he still tried.“…I’m going to Crispia. I will be back within a day or two.”
“Why?” Candy Apple Cookie asked, red eyes shining with curiosity. “You never leave.”
“Candy Apple.” Shadow milk said, not looking up from his meal, “Manners.”
“I’m just curious!”
Shadow Milk opened his mouth to respond, but Pure vanilla cookie spoke up
“It’s fine, bluebird.” Pure Vanilla looked to Candy Apple, eyes tired but not upset. “My absence is being noticed. Given my importance, it was bound to happen.”
“Ohhh right. I forgot you were one of them. I’ve gotten used to you being here.”
Black Sapphire gave Candy Apple a hard stare, upset at her word choice.
“Do you want me to come with you, Nilly?” Shadow Milk asked, voice soft with concern.
Pure Vanilla Cookie shook his head “…no, I will be fine. You have quite a reputation among the cookies, and not one of the good kind. However…” he looked towards the three cookies at the table “if you are concerned for my well being, or if they want to, Black Sapphire or Candy Apple may accompany me, I would not mind.”
“Ooooh that sounds fun! Can I go with him? Please please pleaseeeeee!”
Shadow Milk Cookie looked relieved, clearly he had been worried about Pure Vanilla’s safety. “Sure. Don’t cause too much mayhem.”
Candy Apple Cookie nodded furiously at that, quickly finished her breakfast, excused herself, and went to her room to get ready.
It did not take long before the two set off, Candy Apple getting a goodbye pat from Black Sapphire, and Pure Vanilla giving Shadow Milk a hug. Candy Apple was dressed similar to Truthless Recluse, a darker blue dress taking the spot of her usual black and white one, while Pure Vanilla in his usual form of Truthless Recluse. He would not be trying to hide his choice, that much he decided, despite it making him look more unwell. Candy Apple slid her little hand into his, startling him with the physical contact, but he did not let go.
They arrived at Crispia quickly, and were met with a decision already.
“Who are you going to first?” Candy Apple Cookie asked, tilting her head slightly “aren't there 4 other ancients, like how there are 4 other beasts?”
Pure Vanilla Cookie nodded “Yes… though I think one of them is currently busy with their own beast, so that leaves three. Hollyberry, Dark Cacao, or Golden Cheese.”
“…and? Who are we going to see first?”
“Luckily, it’s the time of the year when we would all get together, share good stories over berry juice, things like that. So we’re headed towards the golden city.”
Candy Apple said nothing at that, but looked excited to be heading to such a busy kingdom.
It was not long before the two reached the cheese kingdom. Busy streets bustling with vendors and cookies made moving through almost impossible. If you were going through them. Golden Cheese Cookie had shown all the ancients the trick to getting to a nice secluded oasis. No other cookies could bother them there except Smoked Cheese Cookie and a few others. Pure Vanilla reached the oasis, and waited in the shadows nearby, Candy Apple close by. He had decided upon showing himself only when all of them had arrived.
At the moment, Golden Cheese Cookie was relaxing on a lounge chair in the shade, chatting with Hollyberry Cookie, who sat next to her. In the quiet of the oasis, Pure Vanilla could hear what the two were talking about, and decided to listen in.
“-and then he ripped my wings off! Can you believe it?!” Golden Cheese Cookie said, recounting her fight against Burning Spice Cookie. “But jokes on him, I’ve got these new, bigger, shiner wings! The radiant queen always wins!”
“Can you fly with them?” Hollyberry asked, awe evident as she looked at the brilliant golden wings behind her friend. “My beast gave a cookie these gorgeous yellow wings, yet the cookie could not fly with them, then had the audacity to coax that cookie into her garden of sloth.”
“Of course I can fly with them! What, do you think I’m some kind of sitting cheesebird now?”
Hollyberry cookie laughed, despite herself. “No- nothing like that!”
Golden Cheese cracked a smile, blonde icing flowing in the desert wind. “By the way… have you seen Pure Vanilla around at all?” The sovereign asked, her smile dimming slightly with concern. “I know he went to face his beast, but I have not seen nor heard from him.”
“Now that you mention it, no.” Hollyberry cookie said, worry edging into her voice. “Though I have heard troubling rumors that he has disappeared.”
The sound of footsteps came from the entrance to the oasis, Pure Vanilla moving more out of sight as the last cookie came.
“Dark Cacao!” The two ancients said in unison, rising to greet their old friend.
“Golden Cheese. How fares your kingdom? How was your fight against the beast of destruction?” Dark Cacao asked, happy to see his companions again. “And you too, Hollyberry. How was your fight?”
The ancients' voices overlapped as they traded stories of the past year, how different their beasts were, how they struggled, how they triumphed. Each proud remark at their victories only made Pure Vanilla’s souljam socket feel emptier, made him feel emptier. Once the initial conversations had died down, Pure Vanilla waited for a suitable spot to announce his presence.
“…where’s Pure Vanilla?” Dark Cacao asked, confusion evident “has he not arrived? It is unusual for him to be late.”
Golden Cheese Cookie was the one to speak. “Yes… we were wondering that as well. Apparently Hollyberry Cookie has heard rumors of Pure Vanilla Cookie not returning from beast-yeast. Troubling, is it not?”
“Should we go to beast-yeast ourselves? To make sure?” Hollyberry asked “Rumors usually have a seed of truth in them, good or bad.”
“That will not be necessary” Pure Vanilla Cookie said, stepping into the oasis. “I have arrived.”
The three ancients turned around, expecting to see their old friend, only to be met with the sight of Truthless Recluse. He hardly looked like their friend anymore. The only similarities were his long blonde icing and two toned eyes, but even his eyes were darker, no longer pastel blue and yellow. His dark blue robes stood out in the desert, circles under his eyes from exhaustion quite visible in the sun. They all realized, with a shock, that his eyes were open for once. Pure Vanilla usually saw through his flower staff, not using his eyes due to being mostly blind, but even that flower staff was darkened blue-black. As he moved towards them, they could see how thin his dough was beneath the cloak. And worst of all? His souljam was gone.
“Oh my witches- Pure Vanilla, what happened?!” Hollyberry said, rushing to him “Who did this to you?!”
“Your souljam is gone-!” Golden Cheese Cookie said, frozen in shock, remembering how weak and terrible she felt when her souljam was taken. “What twisted cookie takes the souljam of a healer?!”
“The beast of deceit does.” Dark Cacao says, fists clenching in anger. “Do not fear, old friend. We will fix this. We will get your souljam back.”
“I do not want it back.”
Those six words shocked them even more than seeing what Pure Vanilla looked like now. He turned to Hollyberry, something like annoyance in his voice. “And I do not use that name anymore.”
“…that beast has you tricked. Mine tried to do the same to me, but it’s clear that yours is stronger.” Dark Cacao said, voice low with apprehension. “We can still help you. With our newfound strength, we can get your souljam back.”
“Y-yeah!” Hollyberry added, still startled from the sight of her friend. “My beast tricked me too, taking my souljam, convincing me that I did not need it, that I would be happier in her garden of sloth. If I can undo what she did to me, then the three of us working together can absolutely undo what he did to you.”
“None of you are listening. I am content living with my beast. I prefer deceit.” Pure Vanilla Cookie said, beginning to grow frustrated with the ancients.
“…how can you say that? How can you, of all cookies, say that?!” Golden Cheese Cookie said, wings twitching with unease and anger. “You are the voice of truth! The unfaltering healer of the mighty ancient cookies!“
“I was, until I found something better.” Pure Vanilla Cookie said. “The world is built upon lies. Hope is just a cheap trick of the mind. So I stopped trying to see everything like it was not.”
“Do you really believe this, Pure Vanilla?” Dark Cacao said, hoping that Pure Vanilla did not.
“Not my name, but yes.”
“You keep saying that you no longer go by ‘Pure Vanilla Cookie’” Hollyberry said, confusion and hurt swirling in her mind. “Is it because of what you are now? What do you go by?”
“…i go by ‘Truthless Recluse’. I chose to take a new name due to changing into who I am now.” Pure Vanilla said, carefully choosing his words. “But I have gotten sidetracked. I came here to inform you all that I will be living with my other half. I am not in danger, nor am I treated poorly. That is all.”
Pure Vanilla, or rather, Truthless Recluse turned to leave when Golden Cheese grabbed his hand. His breath caught, eyes widening, and time seemed to stop. She was saying something, but he could hardly focus on that over the feeling of fear gripping his very dough. One of the things that changed when he became Truthless was an aversion to touch. Only with a few select cookies did he feel comfortable enough to allow physical contact. The ancients were not those few cookies. He should have felt safe around them, but he did not for some reason. He knew that none of them would hurt him.
Within seconds of this happening, it was over. Candy Apple Cookie had been watching the whole time, staying hidden, and when she saw Golden Cheese grab Pure Vanilla’s hand and Pure Vanilla freeze, she rushed out and put herself between the two cookies. “Back off, bird lady.” She said, anger dancing dangerously in her ruby red eyes. “He doesn’t like being touched.”
All the ancients were startled and confused by Candy Apple’s sudden arrival, but looked at Pure Vanilla more closely. He was shaking, eyes wide with fear, hand wrapped tightly around his staff. He had never been afraid of physical contact before, so his reaction was shocking. Dark Cacao almost dropped his sword. Hollyberry froze.
“…oh Witches-“ Golden Cheese Cookie said, hand covering her mouth as she realized how badly she had scared her friend “I- I did not know- Pure Vanilla, I’m so sorry-“
“ ‘s fine…” Pure Vanilla Cookie mumbled, trying to compose himself, still shaking slightly.
“You wanna go home?” Candy Apple said, looking at Pure Vanilla, eyes softening.
Pure Vanilla nodded, clutching his dark flower staff so tight his knuckles turned white.
Candy Apple walked alongside Pure Vanilla, allowing him to set the pace. As they quickly left the oasis, she shot a glare towards the ancients. As they returned to the spire of deceit, neither of them noticed what the Ancients had. When Golden Cheese grabbed Pure Vanilla, she felt the scars on his dough underneath his sleeve. He used to heal it before anyone noticed, being a healer has its perks, but he no longer felt the need to, being with Shadow Milk made him feel safe in a way the Ancients could never have.