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Shen Ricky is going to die.
It’s no secret really, not when it's plainly written on his medical report for everyone to see, every doctor, nurse…
“Wow, you’re dying.”
…and his nosy next-bed neighbour.
“And you haven’t actually lived yet,” Gyuvin continues, pulling the curtain aside. “I can change that.”
Ricky always knew Gyuvin made him unable to think straight but he was still surprised when the words left his mouth.
“You know what, let’s fucking ditch this place.”
It takes Ricky the whole three hour drive to finally loosen up. This is what living is, he realised. Getting lost with a chatty yet unbearably cute Korean guy he couldn’t stop sneaking glances at.
“Come on, move!” Gyuvin groaned at the loading bar on his screen. Ricky forced himself to tear his eyes away from Gyuvin’s comical frustration.
“My Google Maps isn’t downloading either.”
Gyuvin peers at Ricky’s screen curiously. “HBO Max, Netflix, Viu…” Gyuvin reads off it. “Which actor are you secretly gooning to?” He laughs. Ricky quickly tilts his phone away. The answer was Song Kang, but that was pre-Gyuvin, before he became too distracted to care about some actor
“Block blast, seriously?” Ricky scoffs at Gyuvin’s screen. “Who even plays that anymore?”
“I do,” Gyuvin counters. “When you’re stuck in a hospital, Block Blast is a life-saver, not literally.”
Hospital sympathy card, Ricky couldn’t argue, he loved playing it too.
“I’m going for a walk,” Gyuvin declared. “Wanna come?” Ricky nodded, hung up on how endearingly hopeful Gyuvin’s invitation sounded.
They ended up at the only building in sight: clearly abandoned and overgrown with weeds.
“Here’s to no more hospital machines beeping and voices counting down the days you have left,” Gyuvin raised his hand up for a high-five. Ricky hesitated before going in, letting his hand linger a beat longer before pulling away. Gyuvin didn’t seem to mind though.
“It’s pretty peaceful here,” Ricky’s low voice echoed around the dark, empty building. Without the hospital clutter, it was easier to notice the little things, like how a smile seemed to light up Gyuvin’s face whenever Ricky spoke. This revelation floods Ricky with adrenaline.
It was moments like these where Ricky found it hard to believe he was dying, he felt like he could do anything: sky-dive, run marathons, … and kiss Gyuvin.
Shit, now the image was planted in his head.
“Hey, there’s an elevator,” Gyuvin called. “Let’s go up, it still works.”
Barely, Ricky noted as the mechanics rattled to life after Gyuvin jabbed a button.
The elevator was tight, leaving only a metre of distance between the two. Ricky could have sworn there was something in the musty air because where was he finding the courage to lean in closer? An inch more, he kept daring himself. Until Gyuvin leaned in too. He froze, his heart fluttering. It scared him, not knowing if it was because he was about to kiss the boy of his dreams, or because his heart was about to give out.
It was perfect. Almost. Ricky withdrew at the last second before his lips met Gyuvin’s perfectly heart-shaped ones, blood roaring in his ears so loudly he barely heard the elevator’s metallic “ding” as it reached its floor.
It would only end in heartbreak.
“What—” Gyuvin blinked in confusion, the hurt in his eyes causing a lump to form in Ricky’s throat. He looked away, quickly striding out the elevator. His foot had barely left the platform when the doors snapped shut with a loud clang.
Ricky turned instantly, facing the steel doors that were now tightly clamped shut. For a brief moment, there was nothing but the frantic clicking of buttons.
“It— it’s stuck,” Gyuvin’s panicky voice floated from inside. “I can’t get it to open, I don’t know…”
“I’ll call someone,” Ricky cuts in. The signal here was terrible, almost as terrible as him for backing out of the kiss and leaving Gyuvin stuck alone in a creaky, unmaintained elevator. He felt like an asshole.
“Wait! Don’t leave me alone, please.” Gyuvin begged when he heard Ricky’s footsteps receding as he moved to find a better signal.
“I’m still here,” Ricky called back, desperately trying to get through to emergency services. Then he heard the “snap”, the sound old rubber bands make when they get overstretched.
“Ricky? It’s swaying, I’m scared,” Gyuvin’s voice was shaky.
“Try to calm down,” Ricky instructed, his hands running through his perfectly-styled hair as panic seized him. He had to get his shit together, for Gyuvin. “So, who was your favourite nurse at the hospital?”
Gyuvin’s hyperventilating slowed as he thought about it. “The one who lets me pick my pudding first so I can steal the strawberry flavour before you even get a chance to choose.”
“Jerk, so you’re the reason I’m always left with that disgusting medicine-flavoured melon pudding,” Ricky smiled. It doesn’t last though.
Snap.
Gyuvin lets out a cry, something between a gasp and a sob. Ricky swears, gritting his teeth and trying to get his damn phone to work.
Snap.
Through the grimy elevator window, Ricky could make out Gyuvin’s lips quivering. The lips he should have kissed the moment he got the chance. “You know, I’m kissing you the moment you get out of that elevator.” He announces, his voice raised louder than needed. Heck, who cared if the whole world knew he was gay? He was, and he loved Kim Gyuvin with his whole, dying heart.
Gyuvin lets out a shaky laugh. “I would love that.”
Snap.
“... if I make it out alive,” Gyuvin choked out the last few words.
Ricky wished he was in that elevator instead. He had spent his life getting ready to die anyways, but Gyuvin…
He seemed to know what Ricky was thinking. “I have so much to live for, but so do you,” Gyuvin’s voice was thick with tears. “Go live it.”
Snap. Pause.
“I love you.”
Ricky doesn’t even have time to respond before he hears the sickeningly loud snap.