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Dear Callum,
The last time I wrote you a letter like this I left you. It seems funny now that you’re the one who’s gone and I’m writing a letter to you so that I can get my feelings out. Sarai asks everyday about her daddy. Where is he? Why do you get sad when you talk about him, Mummy? You joked when she was born that she was a little mini me, but I can see your stupid smile whenever she smiles. Ezran’s been a lot closer to her ever since you’ve been gone. I think part of him feels guilty that he was so upset at us when she was born, and another is that his niece is the only connection he has to you, Callum. It’s a good thing for her, to have her uncle, so that she can have someone to look forward to while I’m still here, wanting you back.
Why did you have to die?
You promised me that you wouldn’t.
When I had found out I was pregnant with Sarai, I made us both swear that we were both going to live for her. So that she could have both parents, unlike our childhoods.
Now all she has is her mother who can barely exist without thinking of her father.
Ezran told me that I’m always welcome to stay here with Sarai. Runaan and Ethari have even offered for Sarai and I to come live back in the Silvergrove, but I’m not ready yet. Your funeral was beautiful. Small, and I don’t think I have cried as much as I did then. I miss you, so so much. I don’t know how I’ll get through it, but I know I will somehow, because I’ll have you in my heart, and Sarai in my life. She falls asleep with your scarf every night. I show her your sketchbook from time to time, although I’m not sure if her little toddler brain fully understands it. I can see so much of you in her. The way she laughs, how she will make me stop whatever I’m doing so that I’ll listen to whatever story she has, even if half the time it doesn’t make sense. I miss you. I miss the way you’d wrap your arms around me, how you’d kiss my horns like they were made of gold. I’ll always keep you in my heart, I love you.
With all my love,
Rayla