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I don’t like it. My house is full of strangers. It's too busy. I sit down on the bottom stair as close to the wall as possible and survey the small crowd of people in the living room who so rudely disturb my peace. They make the space smell foreign as they bring flowers and food from the outside. But they make it even worse by moving furniture around. They are doing it wrong, of course. They know nothing. The Master will be upset when he comes home.
I smell him before I see him. My nose picking up familiar notes of him. I hear his bike outside. I turn my ears and blink with one eye because the noise inside my house is distracting. I am sure it is him before he walks inside and into my view.
The master is home. I watch him greet the strange people and speak to someone.
Tell them off. Tell them to leave and please for God’s sake tell them to put more food in my bowl.
He walks across the living room towards me carrying his duffle bag. His leather jacket smells good. I am still upset that he doesn't let me get close to that thing.
His hair is messy, I will have to clean it up for him later. I swear he knows nothing about grooming. His ginger fur is much less impressive than mine. It’s not that hard. I lick a long fluffy strand of my ginger fur on my neck to show him what to do as he approaches.
“Hello there.”
I look up at him and stand up, turning around in a small circle to show him how well I am groomed in a hope he will get the hint. His strong rough fingers rub my forehead. I lean into that touch and close both of my eyes.
I open my mouth; QUACK
“Yes, I missed you too.” he says. His voice is rough and low.
He walks up the stairs, past me.
Where are you going?
I follow at his heels. Up up up and then down the hallway towards the bedroom. I swish my tail as I follow him and then jump on the bed before Master drops his bag on the floor.
“I hope you will behave yourself tonight.” he says as he starts taking his clothes off. I watch as he strips and judge the lack of ginger fur on the rest of his body. No surprise he covers up so much. It’s embarrassing.
QUACK
He turns to me and smiles. His blue eyes are full of sparks and joy.
“Glad we have an agreement,” he walks into the bathroom.
That's not an agreement. Come back. I am not done talking.
He doesn’t listen so I jump down from the bed and follow him to the bathroom. I stop at the door. Sitting right in the frame. I don’t like the bathroom. It's too wet most of the time. I barely tolerate the water in my bowl.
I watch him carefully.
“Are you coming in?”
Nope.
“Duck. You can’t just sit in the door.”
Yes I can.
“In or out.”
That’s the stupidest rule I have ever heard.
QUACK
He smiles again. Makes two steps towards me and gives me another of the affectionate head rubs I like so much. I purr.
“All right. You win.” he says quietly to me.
This was never a competition. I might call you The Master but you are here to serve me.
I blink at him with both of my eyes.
He walks away to have a shower. The sound of running water is not something I enjoy so I turn around and go back to bed pausing to inspect the duffle bag on the way.
I scratch the corner of the bed before I lay down on the soft surface and wait for the Master. I am sure he will join me here when he is done in the bathroom. This was not usually the case, but he now spends more time in bed on the phone and I get to enjoy his affection while he is talking to a young man. He let me speak to him once. His voice was nice on the phone.
I get to grooming the fur he disturbed with his fingers while I wait for him. I pause with my back paw up in the air when the water stops.
I watch Master as he emerges from the bathroom, white towel around his hips, another in his hands rubbing his hair dry. We have this in common. I also like dry fluffy towels. I bet he would love to lay in the laundry basket too if he was smaller and able to fit in.
To my surprise he walks to the wardrobe and starts pulling clothes out.
QUACK
What are you doing? It’s bed time. It’s time to get on the phone with that guy and rub my chin.
“Oh, I am sorry, Duck. There is a party tonight. Remember? We spoke about it yesterday. I have guests coming over. It will be a late night I am afraid.”
I also remember telling you what a horrible idea it was. But you never listen to me.
I jump off of the bed and walk out. Someone should supervise what is happening downstairs.
Unfortunately, it all just gets worse. The people who made all the unacceptable changes leave just to be replaced by a different group of people. The master is welcoming his guests at the door. At least he did something with his ginger hair so he won’t embarrass me in front of all these people. I sneak around the space to get closer to the Master and a woman I know well.
“Happy birthday, darling,” Satine smiles. “You really do look incredible, Ben.”
Now he does. You should have seen him two hours ago. Honestly since you are not living with us I have to remind him about grooming.
I sit down further away from them, just at the corner between the living room and corridor. I peer around the corner and watch them with one eye making sure they can’t see me.
“You sound surprised,” Master says as he runs a hand through his hair in a failed attempt to look as good as I do.
“And you sound needy.”
He leans in and presses his lips on hers. What a pathetic attempt at grooming each other.
The door opens and a new person stands there. I peek more from behind the corner. Nervously adjusting my sitting position at the corner. That is a new smell. I don’t know this man.
“Shit, sorry, I didn’t mean to—”
Oh, but I know this voice. From the long phone calls. Is this Anakin? I scan him carefully from the toe to his ears. He is taller than the Master, slender and with less hair, but he does a much better job at keeping it tidy.
“You made it,” Master replies.
I watch his whole demeanor change. This is very unusual. The master is never this nervous around people.
“Please, come in.”
“Sorry, I’m late,” Anakin apologizes, nibbling his lip, wringing his hands nervously, looking around. I have to agree with him. I also don’t like what is happening in my house.
They continue talking while I examine them carefully. I haven’t seen the Master like this for a very long time. I smell excitement and hits of nervousness between them. Do I smell affection, arousal? I watch them stand close to each other. I watch them hug and I can smell the happiness. It has been very long since Master smelled like that. I like it. A happy Master is a good thing as I know from past experiences. A happy Master means more play, more snacks and more cuddles. Whoever this Anakin is, he needs to stay. I make sure of it as I am The Lord Duckleberry Phineas Kenobi.
I stand up, rub my cheek against the corner of the wall and walk around the busy living room swishing my fluffy tail and ignoring the two people who try to get my attention.
I am busy. Get back to your drinks.
The downstairs part of the house is upside down. I jump on the kitchen counter to inspect some new flowers. There is a long leaf which looks kinda tasty. I bite into it. More because I am annoyed than anything else.
‘Duck no.’ I hear a female voice. I look around. Satine walks to me, puts her glass on the kitchen island and picks me up.
Oh no. How dare you. Put me down.
QUACK
“Sorry little man.”
I am not a little man and you are not my mom anymore. Put me down right….oh ok ok, that doesn’t feel too bad. Not as good as when the Master does it. You are too gentle, your fingers too soft.
She holds me in her arms and scratches my chin. I allow it (this time) but I don’t purr. She smiles as she walks away from the flowers. I guess I will come back to chew on them when everyone is gone. She puts me down, all my paws hitting the surface of the stairs at the same time, and gives me one more forehead scratch.
“It’s too busy here for you. Go upstairs.”
Fair. I can also use a nap. I make it up three stairs up before I hear her annoyed voice;
“Ah, now I have all the cat hair on my clothes.”
QUACK
You are welcome.
I disappear into the bedroom to have a little nap. When I wake up and walk down I see the guests are still here. What a disappointment. I sit on the bottom stair and examine the space. The Master is busy talking to people, his familiar laughter and smell mixing with all the strangeness.
Then I noticed Anakin. He is walking towards me with his phone in his long fingers. Time for my masterplan. I spin around in the circle brushing the corner of the wall with my fluffy tail. I hear his steps pause. I take the stairs two at the time and sit on the top of the staircase. Looking down at the young man to show him who is the ruler in this kingdom.
This is my house and you will do as I say. Now. Follow.
“Hey bud! I’m Anakin. We’ve talked on the phone,” he says, holding out a hand, “Can I say, hi?”
QUACK
I know who you are. Come here.
Anakin squeals and slowly moves upstairs while talking in a high pitched voice.
“You are the cutest, fluffiest cat I have ever seen. Look at you! Oh goodness. How adorable are you?! I can’t handle it.”
Yes, yes. I know. Thank you for noticing.
Anakin stretches out a single hopeful finger in invitation, holding his breath while I lean forward to give him a thorough sniff. I make a small thrilling sound to let him know he is not bad himself and I rub my cheek against his knuckles.
Before I accept you into this family, how are your chin scratches?
I extend my neck and move my whiskers out of the way. He gets the hint and rubs my chin. It feels so good. His fingers are strong and hands are rough as Masters. He is bold and brave with his affection. This is acceptable.
Now, follow.
I stand up chirping as I spin in a small circle, swishing my fluffy ginger tail a few times before trotting down the hallway.
“Oh, okay,” Anakin says, I pick up disappointment in his tone as he leans up on the top step to watch me, “It was nice to meet you.”
I stop half way to the bedroom.
Wait what? No, I said follow.
QUACK
I spin in a circle and sit down waiting for this idiot. Maybe he needs some more training. I don’t think I can be more clear than this.
“What?” Anakin asks, moving towards me “You’re the one that walked away.”
I stare at him like he is stupid. I watch him crawl closer to me.
“I shouldn’t even be up here,” Anakin laughs, smiling so wide when I nuzzle back into his touch, even allowing a few full-body pets, “You’re going to get me in trouble.”
Trouble? Are you insane? This is my house. I decided you are staying to keep Master happy and make sure I have enough chin scratches. Now this way…
I move towards the bedroom.
“Dude, I have to go!”
Which part of follow don’t you understand!?
MEOW
“Are you arguing with me?”
DUDE! Just come here, to the bedroom.
MEOW
“I can’t—” Anakin insists, even as he inches closer so I move a couple more meters in the direction of the door. I slip through a small gap but I don’t hear him move so I peek back at him. He watches me with hesitation in his blue eyes. I call to him from between the door and doorframe again to urge him to follow me.
QUACK. QUACK
He looks at his wrist, then he looks at me. I blink. It seems to work because he stands up and walks towards the door.
Good boy.
I purr.
I turn around and walk deeper into the bedroom towards the bed. I hear the door open and than the steps. I smell Anakin’s fragrance disturbing a space that carries a scent of my Master. For some reason it works. The notes of them are not contrasting but complementing each other in my hyper sensitive nose.
I jump on the bed and watch wide eyed Anakin look around. He takes on the surroundings. The colours of the room. The huge windows where the view of the birds is the best.
Welcome to my kingdom, Anakin.
I purr as loud as I can. Satisfied that my plan worked. Happy that Anakin read my instructions correctly and followed me all the way here. He is not a lost cause as it turns out. We can work with this. I watch him look around and patiently wait until he looks at me.
Join me on the bed. It’s soft.
I start making biscuits to demonstrate how comfortable the duvet and mattress are.
“Come on, man,” Anakin pleads pathetically but he comes closer “You’re going to get me in trouble,” he repeats as he sits down next to me. The mattress bends under his weight. It’s so familiar because the Master does this too. Anakin scratches my ear and I purr.
“So much trouble.”
I let him pet me. It feels nice. His long fingers are rough but gentle. He knows how to put good pressure on the right places. I like him more than Satine. She was always too gentle like she was scared to hurt me. Not Anakin. I scooch closer to him and let him pet my back and I purr loud. I get my front paws on his leg and I make more biscuits as he keeps his hand on my ginger fur.
“All right, all right.” He picks me up and puts me in his lap with a small laugh. I chirp in appreciation and approval. He cuddles me against his strong chest. I bounce my forehead against his chin and sharp jawline. He giggles and lays down on his back in the soft bed. I stand up on his chest and make biscuits.
“I don’t even mind that you are destroying my shirt.”
You are welcome.
QUACK
Anakin pets me as I make a small circle, a little bit wobbly on his chest. Digging my claws into the fabric of his shirt.
“Ah man. I don’t need your butt in my face.” he laughs.
QUACK
He takes me off of his chest and puts me next to him. I lick his eyebrow as he turns to the side and he giggles more, petting me right where my tail connects to my spine. I purr loud and continue grooming his eyebrow.
“All right, all right. I like you too, buddy.’’ he says quietly.
I settle down against his chest. Anakin stops petting me.
QUACK.
“My apologies.” His fingers are back at work, petting me under my chin again. I wriggle my whiskers forward and purr loud. Anakin closes his eyes but he continues to pet me.
I told you, you’d like it here. Just wait when the Master joins us. That will be a nice cuddle-puddle.
His fingers eventually still. His breathing slows down. He wraps his arms around me and I fold my paws into a cozy position. I close my eyes, still purring. Naps are the best.
A sound brings me back from my snooze. Was that a bird? I open my eyes to meet the familiar blue ones. The Master is leaning over the bed.
Finally,
I blink.
“Don’t—” he whispers,
Don’t what?
I blink again. Giving him one of my you don’t tell me what to do in my own house looks.
“Please, don’t—”
QUACK
Join us.
My voice cuts though the complete quietness of the bedroom and I can see Master’s face going completely still. His freckles are more prominent as his face bleaches of all colour. His blue eyes suddenly full of fear. Anakin stirs ruining this comfortable position completely. Idiot. That’s it. I wriggle out from between his arms. Maybe I grab a snack. They better refilled my bowl.
I jump off of the bed.
I will be back soon. You better get in there Master.
I trot out of the bedroom. Leaving them both in the bed. My mission here is complete. Anakin stayed.
The house is quiet. Everyone is gone. I walk the perimeter of the living room examining the changes. Things are still out of place. I find a glass of water which carries a leftover smell of the Master’s mouth. This means it’s safe to drink. I put my paw in it and lick some water off of my fluffy beans. I try to squeeze my face in the glass but the water level is too low for my tongue to reach so I stick my paw back in.
When I am done with the water I walk to the kitchen and jump on the kitchen island. The flowers are still here. Perfect. I get to chew on some of them. They don’t taste great but I am not doing this because I am hungry. I destroy the followers to let everyone know I don’t like the changes they made in my house.
I sit on the island for a while and examine my work.
Yup, this will do well.
I turn around and I push a spoon off of the kitchen counter. It falls down on the floor with a loud clank. I jump down and smell it. I don’t recognize the smell of a person who used it so I paw at it until it flies under the kitchen counter where I can't reach it. It was asking for it.
I walk slowly to my bowl to find it as it was before the party. Unacceptable. Outrageous. Is anyone paying attention to me in this house? Like my life is not hard enough as is. Do I have to do everything by myself?
“Hello? Hello!? Helloooo!?”
I scream about this emergency situation. My ears pick up steps. But these are not Master’s steps. I smell Anakin before I see him.
You are late.
QUACK
He smiles at me as he gets to refilling my bowl with dry food. “Right away, sir Duckleberry.”
At least you know your place.
I blink at him and rub my body against his leg.
He refreshes my water bowl from the tap. We will have to work on that. I only drink water from the fridge or from my master’s glass.
He gives me another full body pet. I purr.
“I might have messed up real bad tonight so not sure if I will see you again.”
Please,
I blink at him and roll my eyes.
“Anyway. Take good care of Obi-Wan for me, will you?”
QUACK.
You will be back in no time. I will scream at the Master about it tonight. Don’t worry.
I watch Anakin walk to the front door and leave. I nibble on some food. When I return to bed, the Master is sleeping. If Anakin is not back soon I will puke a hairball on the white carpet in the office as a sign of protest.